perfect out of control

X month X day, X year. Sunny

It started, the see-saw between death and adolescence, death began to gain the upper hand, so uncomfortable, I will continue to play him tomorrow.

X, X, X, X. Overcast

The feeling of being trapped in a wheelchair probably means that I will not be able to participate in his emotions from now on. Unless he comes over to show me, otherwise I can only look at it from a distance like a cat or dog tied by a rope. looking at his back.

But there was no way he could come up to me and tell me that he was in pain because I was the source of his pain.I want to be his happiness, but it turns out that's not something I can decide.

***

At the end of October, Sheng Ye's scenes were about to wrap up. In one of the scenes, which was also the last time Tan Zhen hugged him, Kong Xinghe found that his hands were starting to feel bad. On his birthday, he drank a lot of alcohol for the first time. Yan Fei sent Xie Li back downstairs, saw that Kong Xinghe was still drinking, so he took the bottle away, and Kong Xinghe begged him to return it to him.

When Tan Zhen took the beer, Sheng Ye should have grabbed the bottle, but he failed. This was a mistake, but the director didn’t call CUT. Sheng Ye felt like he had been whipped, so he had to continue as if nothing had happened. play on.The atmosphere in the room was too dull, this scene was so simple, but it gave him an unbearable sense of oppression, like sinking in water, he even prayed that Tan Zhen would take the initiative to call CUT.

I don't know why he didn't grab the wine bottle. At that moment, his hand seemed to really lose strength, or maybe Tan Zhen was pumping too hard, and he forgot that it should be a meaningful pull.He didn't expect that I would miss, he only wanted Yan Fei to stop Kong Xinghe, he didn't expect that I couldn't catch it, he...

Sheng Ye looked up at Tan Zhen and Yan Fei, thinking in confusion, the lines he spoke were a bit out of shape, the original lines were: Brother, give it to me, today is my birthday, let me be self-willed once .

When he said it, he said, "Brother, give it to me. Today is my birthday. I haven't been self-willed for a long time."

Jie Pingan didn't realize that Sheng Ye had spoken the wrong lines, and neither did Tan Zhen.In the video of the monitor, Sheng Ye raised his head to face Tan Zhen, his eyes seemed to be begging at first, but after a long time, they seemed to be begging.

Tan Zhen was stunned for a moment, Shengye's eyes were showing weakness, but those weak eyes were forcing him again, as if he was acting like a baby, but it was so painful. Is there anyone in this world who acts like a baby? He thought to himself, those eyes There are so many thoughts in the book, it seems that I can't finish reading it if I stare at it for days and nights...

Jie Pingan looked at the monitor, ten seconds passed, Tan Zhen still did not move, and then Sheng Ye reached out to get the bottle of wine in Tan Zhen's hand.

He pinched the slender bottle mouth and pulled it out. Tan Zhen let go of his fingers, and the bottle was finally returned to Sheng Ye.

Only then did everyone realize that the play was connected again, without any trace of connection.Jie Pingan watched as Sheng Ye continued to pour the wine, and gulped it down. It wasn't real wine, it was just boiled water, but from the camera, he almost thought that someone had replaced a bottle of real wine, because Sheng Ye drank so much that his eyes All red.

Hearing CUT, Sheng Ye put the cup heavily on the table. Tan Zhen saw that he did not speak, knowing that he was still immersed in emotion.The manager asked the scene to prepare for the next scene, and the staff got busy. Tan Zhen sat down on the chair by the table, brought the wine bottle over silently, and lowered his head to smell it.

Not really wine.

Dazed? He obviously drank the wine himself.

When preparing for the next scene, Sheng Ye sat in the wheelchair with his eyes closed and his head bowed. He knew what to shoot next time. Yan Fei wanted to take the drunk Kong Xinghe to take a bath.After Kong Xinghe fell ill, Yan Fei used all the money he earned from selling food for the first month to buy an acrylic bathtub for one person. The one in the bathtub, but Yan Fei took a shower standing in the bathtub, the bathtub was too small for him, and he didn't like to take a bath either.

How can anyone not like to take a bath?Kong Xinghe once told Yan Fei that the bathtub is very comfortable to soak in, and you can take a bath even if you are tired. Call me in advance before you come back, and I will put hot water for you.Yan Fei said that the bathtub is smaller than the bed, how can I be comfortable in it?Kong Xinghe just laughed at him, you don't want to sleep in it, I just feel that you bought a bathtub with great difficulty, you should make the best use of it!Yan Fei said that I just like to take a shower, can you let your brother go?Kong Xinghe was relieved, and said with a smile, okay, the handsome guy just wants to stand proudly under the shower!Yan Fei threw the jacket he took off and put it on Kong Xinghe's forehead.

This action alone was taken three times. The first time Tan Zhen threw it over and failed to cover his head. The second time he threw it over his head and threw it directly on the bed. Even Gong Lu laughed: "Oh my god, it's really hard to be handsome. , handsome guys can't play well!"

Tan Zhen came over and picked up the jacket, patted it, shook his head, and suddenly said to Sheng Ye in a low voice, "Why don't you catch the hijab yourself?"

Sheng Ye said "ah", and Tan Zhen laughed, looking very happy.It turned out to be a joke, but Tan Zhen would also joke like this.

The last time the jacket finally bumped into his face head-on, covering him in it, Sheng Ye's eyes dimmed, and then he smelled the faint smell of smoke on the clothes, and he didn't know it was Yan Fei's smoke, It's still Tan Zhen's smoke.Does Tan Zhen smoke?To be honest, he has never seen it before, but if Tan Zhen didn't know how to smoke, he wouldn't be so comfortable taking shots of Yan Fei smoking.

But later Kong Xinghe and Yan Fei did use that bathtub together. In winter, the two of them sat by the bathtub and soaked their feet together. That should be the most extravagant thing Kong Xinghe and Yan Fei have ever done together.

It was faintly romantic. When filming that scene, Shengye secretly thought, if Tan Zhen didn't accidentally drop his phone into the pool while soaking his feet.

The mobile phone fell, and the splashed water wet their pants. Everyone at the scene laughed. Tan Zhen bent down to pick up the mobile phone, and smiled helplessly. He stood up and wanted to hand the mobile phone to the field manager to wipe it. When he stood up, he accidentally stepped on Sheng Ye's instep, Sheng Ye immediately felt the weight of Tan Zhen, and snorted, Tan Zhen turned around hurriedly, lowered his head and asked him if he was okay?And he was clearly gasping for breath in pain, yet he pretended to be a man and replied "It's okay, it's okay", when the manager shouted "Do you want to spray some Yunnan Baiyao", he immediately replied loudly "Yes! !"

When spraying the medicine, Jie Ping'an gloated: "He hugged you and didn't throw you, but he didn't expect to overturn here."

When applying the medicine, Tan Zhen sat next to him and looked down, with a helpless expression on his face, as if wondering, "Which one is the truth?"

At that time, he thought to himself, you don't understand Brother Tan Zhen, sometimes you need to lie in front of idols!

But these happy memories surrounding the bathtub pale in comparison to the heaviness of the last scene.

Yan Fei didn't know the condition of Kong Xinghe's hands. Although Kong Xinghe needed Yan Fei's help when he entered the bathtub, at least he took the bath by himself. He will ask Yan Fei to come in and carry him out.

The bathroom was ready soon, and Sheng Ye was sitting by the bathtub wearing only a pair of flesh-colored boxer trunks. After Jie Pingan called Action, Tan Zhen hugged him from behind, put his hands under his armpits, and slowly put him into the bathtub inside.

Tan Zhen played very slowly, and Sheng Ye could feel that the water was not coming up to his chest, and he could also feel Tan Zhen's slow breathing behind his head, and then the sound of breathing was replaced by Tan Zhen's voice: "Myself Can it work?"

He nodded towards the water, Yan Fei would ask him like this, probably because he thought he was drunk.

Tan Zhen stood up from behind him and left the bathroom. Out of the corner of Sheng Ye's eyes, he caught a glimpse of wet marks on the cuffs of his rolled up black shirt.

The water in the bathtub is not too hot, only slightly higher than the body temperature. It actually feels a little cold to soak in it, but they can't use too hot water. If the space is full of water vapor, the picture will be unreadable.

He picked up the soap on the shelf next to him, raised his arm to smear his back, and the soap slipped out of his palm at this moment.

The white soap fell on the floor outside the bathtub. Sheng Ye felt that it was not far away, and he could still reach it. He was a little hesitant, and Jie Pingan said at this time: "This distance is fine, you can try it."

So he leaned forward and stretched his arms to reach it. The mediator was right, it looked so close, but it was hard to reach.

This distance is really extreme, just in front of the finger, you can see and smell it, you can touch it with all your strength, but it is delusional to want to catch it.

Sheng Ye stared at the bar of soap in the bathtub, feeling Kong Xinghe's powerlessness.

"What's wrong?" Tan Zhen asked outside the door.

He raised his head in shock, and replied almost reflexively: "It's okay!"

It was quiet outside the door for a long time, Sheng Ye stared at the door, he hoped that his brother could come in, but he couldn't express that desire, he could only watch like this, Yan Fei had the initiative, he had nothing but extravagant hopes.

Then with a "click", the door opened.

Sheng Ye swallowed, looked at Tan Zhen standing in front of the door, Tan Zhen looked at the bar of soap on the ground, said nothing, walked in, rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, picked up the bar of soap, and told him Say, "I'll come."

Sheng Ye watched Tan Zhen walking towards him, like an unspeakable dream in Yuankong Xinghe. At that moment, his inner emotions broke through the threshold. No words are enough to describe what he felt, sad, painful, secretly happy, Fortunately, despair, it is too complicated, it is the moment of the darkest and brightest.

Tan Zhen swung the soap in the water, and the moment he put it on his shoulder, he rushed forward and hugged Tan Zhen as if he had broken free from restraint.

Tan Zhen felt the trembling of Sheng Ye's body, and heard his extremely low, suppressed sobs, so low, like the tide, surging up, and then being pulled down violently, the hands hugging his neck were like boiling water He was soaked in lava, and hot lava flowed from the hands that hugged him tightly, and flowed down his shirt to his back.

Jie Pingan looked at the camera and faithfully recorded this scene. The two people in front of the camera became more and more real and profound, while the two people behind the camera seemed to have their souls out of their bodies and became surrounding ghosts.

When reading the script for the first time, Sheng Ye just felt that this was a desperate embrace that he could not call for help in a desperate situation, begging for someone to save him, but when the bathroom door opened, he suddenly understood Well, Kong Xinghe wants to hug Yan Fei at this time, not because of anything else, but because he is afraid that if he does not complete this hug now, he will never be able to do it again.

This is not every time when Yan Fei picked him up, he put his hand on Yan Fei's back as if nothing had happened. , It seems to be the same, all love, so similar, yet so different.

This was the first time that Sheng Ye heard the sound of "CUT" soberly. He let go of the hand around Tan Zhen's neck first, and only then did he realize that the water under him was already cold.He has been waiting for this cut, waiting for this hug to end, just like Kong Xinghe in the camera.

Tan Zhen also let go of him.

This is also the first time. After the filming, they didn't exchange a word with each other. Sheng Ye came out of the bathtub with his head down, sat by the bathtub, took the towel from Xiao Ning and wrapped himself up. He was still immersed in his emotions. In the bathroom, coming out of the cool water, his body trembled unconsciously. There was a camera and radio equipment outside the bathroom, and the staff were busy transitioning. He lowered his head and dared not look at people, not wanting to expose himself Then he saw a shadow moving over from under his feet, the tall shadow quietly covered him, and the person standing in front of him was Tan Zhen.