a certain Zheng Kexin

When Zheng Kexin came back, the head of the house had already left. A month ago, there was an outsider just now, and she and Xu Niannian were still able to find something to talk about in circles. Now the two of them stared at each other, and suddenly there was a sign that they had nothing to say.

People who used to get along day and night were soaked by time, and there would be a day when they racked their brains to maintain the atmosphere, Zheng Kexin lowered his head and smiled bitterly, and sat down to find a question that was not wrong, and handed out the words: "What did you order. "

Xu Niannian didn't know what she was thinking, she was a little lost in thought, raised her hand and took out a piece of toilet paper and handed it to her, she lowered her eyes for a while and said, "It's all what you like to eat."

After a pause, he added, "You don't seem to be able to eat spicy food anymore. Has your taste changed? I didn't ask them to add chili when ordering."

Zheng Kexin let out a "hmm", feeling that Xu Niannian was in a bad mood, so she wiped her hands to get the cup, and was about to ask her what she wanted to drink, when she suddenly realized that the cup had already been filled with hot water.

There is a bowl of water on the side. Some habits have changed, but some habits remain the same.

Xu Niannian responded to her gaze in a timely manner: "Your stomach is not good, and the air conditioner in the store is strong, you should drink something warm first, so as not to feel uncomfortable."

Zheng Kexin was in an indescribable state of "doing actions according to instructions". He sent boiling hot water to his mouth when he heard the sound. I stabbed my hand at the glass outer wall, but I couldn't stop it.

The cup was relatively thick and it wasn't broken. The waiter heard the movement and came to clean up the mess. Xu Niannian silently refilled the cup and pushed it to her. Without warning, he raised his eyes and asked, "My mother visited you during the summer vacation of the third year of high school." right."

Hiding can't solve any problems. Zheng Kexin held the toilet paper soaked in water in her hand. For a moment, her heart seemed to be silent. Then she let out a breath very slowly. Following the rapid drop in temperature on the paper ball, she slowly Picked up the dropped five senses.

There was also a faint beating sound in the left chest.

Ever since the day they met, she knew that there would be such a day. She was avoiding it not because she was afraid of being harsh and complaining, but because she knew in her heart that there were no more ties between the two of them, and the only thing that could be counted as obsession Once the past is opened up and made clear, there will be no need for them to see each other again.

When I meet on the road later, I will nod and say hello and wave goodbye like other high school classmates who no longer meet.The lives that go further and further away from each other will erode the tenderness of the past sooner or later, and finally the reality connects the past and the distant future, cleaning up their afterimages on each other's trajectory little by little.

Zheng Kexin probably learned the nonsense "I'd rather you hate me than you forget me" in TV dramas without a teacher.The entanglements that once seemed hypocritical and illogical were probably due to the lack of a "heart direction" in the audience.

But now, when the matter reached this point, there was no need to be nervous or redeemed. She let go of the breath tightly held in her chest, and waited desperately for the direction of the conversation.

So with a look of kindness in his words, he nodded in relief: "Yes."

Zheng Kexin has done a lot of contradictory things in these years. Probably even the most carefree people will become unreasonable when they encounter feelings. She feels that the correct direction is for the two to never see each other again. At the same time, it is incomprehensible to imagine that the two will meet after the scene.

I have seen big TV dramas from a young age strictly follow the structure of beginning, development, climax, and ending. Before the big reunion, there will always be an irreparable quarrel, and then the relationship will fall apart naturally. A happy finale.

But her and Xu Niannian's "climax" seems to have no face-to-face quarrels, nor can they say heart-piercing words. Still unfinished.

After all, they couldn't have a big hysterical fight.

And rolling your eyes and spitting, or turning around and leaving without squinting, seemed too decisive and didn't fit each other's personality traits.

In fact, a more reasonable idea is what it is like now. The two of them sit down to have a meal calmly, understand what they didn't say, and put all the reluctance, understanding and reluctance into the glass of a smile .

Then they shook hands and made peace, and the grievances and grievances were settled from then on.

Looking forward, only the dead live in the past.

Xu Niannian looked at her seriously, not surprised by her calmness, nor continued to pursue what her mother had said, but turned to other issues a little tired: "Ningzhi said that she can't do it for me, let me do it myself." Ask you. Well, let me ask myself, why did you repeat your studies back then? Did something happen at home?

Zheng Kexin stared at the steam that was still steaming, thinking of her own decisions, whether it was revising her choice or choosing to repeat her studies, if time went back and she was put back at the fork where she was going, she seemed to make the same choice.

"It can't be considered a big deal." She smiled peacefully, "It's just that the family has no income, and my mother wants to open a shop to turn around, so I can't leave...Of course, I really don't want to go to a school that is so far away, so come back I have to take the plane and the train again, um... I don't like that major..."

Xu Niannian grasped the point precisely, and asked very gently: "Since you don't want to go, why did you choose a school so far away...you want to stay away from me, don't you?"

Zheng Kexin shook his head hastily, shook his head twice, and then nodded silently after a while.

"I want to leave you" and "help Qiao Yuan pick up the courier" are two judgments of similar nature.

"Okay, you did it, I can't find you, the two of us have become strangers." Xu Niannian looked at her, her talking eyes pressing down on the sadness she thought she had comforted, and she was indeed as someone said. May I be lonely for a long time, just like the faint trace in my palm now, time has washed away the pain, but I still think of the tormented state of mind when I look at it.

"Then why did you choose the school I was in later? Is it only our school that wants you?"

Zheng Kexin was silent.

Xu Niannian breathed a sigh of relief: "You are here, we are together again, but you have never looked for me, not once... If you didn't meet me by chance, you didn't intend to see me at all, did you?"

Zheng Kexin nodded with difficulty.

"Later, if it wasn't for Ning Zhi's arrangement, would you have continued to avoid me as if nothing happened, and didn't plan to meet?" Xu Niannian lowered her eyes and shook her head, "I really don't understand what you're thinking."

"I was wrong." Zheng Kexin had nothing to refute, and sincerely confessed, "I was wrong."

Xu Niannian was silent for a long time, then shook his head: "Where did you go wrong?"

"I..." Zheng Kexin began to talk, but was interrupted by the head of the house who came to deliver the things. The head of the house had already forgotten the nonsense of talking just now, and relied on the privilege of an internal employee to bring two for his own people. A piece of cake, when it was on the table, the food didn't move much, and he joked: "You two are so skinny, so you don't need to lose weight."

Zheng Kexin smiled casually, sent her away, then turned to ask Xu Niannian, "Where did I go?"

Xu Niannian: "Me."

"Oh, me." Zheng Kexin said "I" twice, and his brain connected to what he said when he saw others apologizing, and he put the blame on himself, "It's all my fault anyway, I shouldn't lie to you, I shouldn't have kept it from you, and I shouldn't have stayed in Hua'an..."

Xu Niannian pushed the cake forward to interrupt her meaningless confession, she kept extending her hand, hesitated for a moment and patted Zheng Kexin's hand.

Xu Niannian's hands were soft, not sweating at all, and with a very clean temperature that didn't match Xia Tian, ​​Zheng Kexin was flustered and shut up for a while.

"Let me tell you for you." Xu Niannian said, "You think being with me hurts me, delays me, and you think homosexuality is shameful, so you choose to separate from me, right?"

Even knowing that there was no one around, Zheng Kexin still looked around warily.

"I went back to Lincheng once on October [-]st of my freshman year. I was looking for you last year, but you moved away... I came home that night and pestered my mother to sleep with me. I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night and looked through her bookkeeping. Look in the notebook and find that your mobile phone number is written on it.”

Xu Niannian poked at the pineapple on the cake: "I didn't know until that day that my mother approached you privately and advised you to separate from me. It was probably then that I realized that it was really difficult for you back then. You came from family, parents, And my mother's pressure is something I didn't think about, I was too naive at that time, and I kept telling you 'what will happen to us in the future', it should be a burden to you."

Xu Niannian has never had the hatred or obsession that Zheng Kexin expected. She was anxious at first, but after she calmed down, she only felt worried. Later, she gradually understood the huge pressure Zheng Kexin was facing, and felt sorry for her once wishful thinking. sorry.

She didn't blame Zheng Kexin, on the contrary, she, like Zheng Kexin, believed that she was the biggest fault in this matter.

"It has nothing to do with you, I just don't want you to be looked down upon, don't want... don't want you because of me..."

Zheng Kexin said every sentence with difficulty, as if it was squeezed out from the gap between his teeth, and finally couldn't continue when he said this, he still shook his head.

In her freshman year, Xu Niannian often thought, maybe I could have understood Zheng Kexin’s powerlessness earlier, and the real united front stood side by side with her to resist the pressure, and the other party would have more hands to support me, so I wouldn’t have to fight alone, I wouldn’t be so isolated helpless.

Xu Niannian got on the plane to the south, and only when she landed did she learn that Zheng Kexin's major had gone to other places to collect music. She spent two days in a strange city by herself, ate strange food, took a strange bus, and then ran to the edge of the city , Watching the sea singing clattering in winter.

That night, Hua'an ushered in the first snow of the year. Zheng Kexin helped Su Yingyu prepare the ingredients for the next day, went to bed with a sore back, put on his shoes and ran out, reaching out to catch a piece of crystal clear snowflakes.

And Xu Niannian, who was thousands of miles away, looked at the layers of white waves and thought quietly, this city is warm and bright, and the sea that Zheng Kexin likes is fresh all the year round and never freezes.

She chose a good place, and she has a new life of her own.

As long as she is happy, it doesn't matter if the two of you are not together, as long as she is happy.

Xu Niannian can tolerate Zheng Kexin's choice, the premise is that the other party really let go, but now it seems that the two people took a step back at the beginning not only meaningless, but even childish and ridiculous.

Zheng Kexin did not inform her to join the battle "for her own good" at all, and made decisions without asking her attitude, pushing her on the so-called "right path".

But I was fooled by the other party's determination and couldn't find it. I easily believed in the so-called letting go and a new life, buried my reluctance in my heart, and gave way to Zheng Kexin's happiness.

As a result, of the two of them, one still hasn't changed her understanding of the "right way" and "wrong way" in the secular definition, and the other hasn't seen the ice-free sea.

It's wishful thinking and full of futility.

Xu Niannian asked in a low voice: "For the past two years, every year on my birthday, I have received a birthday cake. That person didn't leave his name, but just put it in the dormitory management office. That person is you."

Zheng Kexin: "...how do you know?"

"I taught you the recipe for making jam, and you can eat it as soon as you eat it. I have been skeptical before..." Xu Niannian murmured, "I think it was a mistake for us to separate."

Zheng Kexin looked at her with huge tinnitus, and felt that the two of them were separated from the outside world by a thick barrier. She opened her mouth, unable to speak, but her nose was the first to feel sore.

Still shaking his head: "It's right to separate, this is for you..."

Xu Niannian interrupted her: "Don't you like me now? You don't need to answer, the food is getting cold."

Zheng Kexin used all her life's concentration to end the meal, and drifted back to the studio like a wandering soul. Everyone else was working on the second floor, and there was only An Ji on the first floor who was holding a mobile phone to call her.

Seeing her coming in, An Ji walked over with a "thank you" face, picked up Zheng Kexin's silent cell phone and showed her the string of missed calls on it: "The leader of the supporting education team has been looking for you in the group for a day, and you always act as a Modern people, can you have a good habit of looking at your mobile phone, did you spend thousands of dollars to buy a brick... By the way, we are leaving the day after tomorrow—why haven’t you packed your luggage yet.”

An Ji was just busy with school work, stayed in the studio and helped Zheng Kexin pack things while listening to Ning Zhi's lecture on "Sun Tzu's Art of War", and when Zheng Kexin went to take a bath, he asked in a low voice, "You decided to push her out, why did you choose?" At this time, I just met now, and I am leaving again."

Qiao Yuan, who was editing the film at the side, explained to her: "This is called distance creates beauty. Learn from it. If you don't see each other for a day, it will be like three autumns. If you see it every day, then three autumns will be like one day."

Ning Zhi and the cat tilted their heads to look at him simultaneously: "Oh?"

Qiao Yuan suddenly felt a little gloomy wind, changed his words on the spot, and said righteously: "Of course, I think this is different from person to person. The two of them have been separated for so long. The common topic is the old account. The old relationship is unforgettable after talking. The bad thing is Saiyunara. But for the kind of people who have a stable relationship, it is natural to look forward to it for a long time, but also day and night."

An Ji: "Get lost."

The author has something to say: Xu Niannian got on the plane to the south, and only when she landed did she learn that Zheng Kexin’s major went to other places to collect music. She spent two days in a strange city by herself, ate strange food, and took a strange bus , and then ran to the edge of the city to see the sea singing in the winter.

That night, Hua'an ushered in the first snow of the year. Zheng Kexin helped Su Yingyu prepare the ingredients for the next day, went to bed with a sore back, put on his shoes and ran out, reaching out to catch a piece of crystal clear snowflakes.

And Xu Niannian, who was thousands of miles away, looked at the layers of white waves and thought quietly, this city is warm and bright, and the sea that Zheng Kexin likes is fresh all the year round and never freezes.

She chose a good place, and she has a new life of her own.

——If this scene can be photographed, it must be a very beautiful image.

Qiao Yuan suddenly felt a little gloomy wind, changed his words on the spot, and said righteously: "Of course, I think this is different from person to person. The two of them have been separated for so long. The common topic is the old account. The old relationship is unforgettable after talking. The bad thing is Saiyunara. But for the kind of people who have a stable relationship, it is natural to look forward to it for a long time, but also day and night."

——When the dog died, Qiao Yuan Ningzhi was not innocent anyway.

The time setting was wrong, and it was set to 2021. Fortunately, I took a look.