power over

The old people in the hospital bed are almost all similar.Dying, old, weak.

Although Yang Zhongyun slept in the top floor suite of his own hospital, and Yu Zhinian's grandfather often had to sleep in the corridor of the hospital, Yu Zhinian felt that they looked alike and smelled alike around them.

Disinfectant alcohol, hospital gowns, and some sick smells.Because Yang Zhongyun was sick, he stopped wearing perfume.

In the first few days after he came out of the operating room, Yang Zhongyun often woke up with a start, waking Yu Zhinian out of breath.

His eyes were wide open, he clutched the armrest beside the hospital bed, and blocked the two nurses who came over, and only let Yu Zhinian help him to sit up.

When he calmed down, Yu Zhinian could sit down and read a book to him.

When Yang Zhongyun ate, checked, and even cleaned up, Yu Zhinian had to be by his side, as if he was worried that the nurse would abuse the patient.

Yu Zhinian's sleep has become fragmented, and his mental state is not very good. He always looks like a wandering spirit during the day. Whenever he sees a book, he subconsciously wants to pick it up and read a few words to Yang Zhongyun.

Only when Yang Ke came to visit every night, he could feel more relaxed.

One day, when Yang Ke came, Yang Zhongyun was sleeping.The sun was out during the day, but the temperature was cold.

Yu Zhinian remembered that the night sky was dark blue that night, like a frozen lake.

He and Yang Ke took a walk in the corridor of the hospital, sat in the glass room for a while, and fell asleep leaning on Yang Ke.Yang Ke's body was very warm, and he had the same laundry smell as him, but it was not the same. It always gave him a reliable feeling, and he had a very beautiful dream.

Dreaming about Yang Ke and their future life.

When they woke up, there were only the two of them, which made Yu Zhinian think that such a life would really come true.

Yu Zhinian felt that he could hide his feelings and just stay by Yang Ke's side. After all, feelings don't seem to be a necessity for Yang Ke for the time being.

The accident should have happened after Yang Ke left that day, although Yu Zhinian didn't realize it at that time.

When Yang Ke left that day, Yu Zhinian sat next to Yang Zhongyun as usual.

Yang Zhongyun asked the two nurses to leave the ward first. When Yu Zhinian was about to study for him, Yang Zhongyun suddenly asked him: "Zhi Nian, how do you feel about Yang Ke?"

Yu Zhinian held the book "La Traviata" that Yang Zhongyun loved most. Hearing this, he raised his head and looked at Yang Zhongyun.

Yang Zhongyun looked directly at him, his eyes were cloudy, perhaps because of his sitting posture, the folds of his jaw and neck hung loosely.

Yu Zhinian has lived in this house for several years, and he has learned some ways to deal with Yang Zhongyun. He and Yang Zhongyun looked at each other for a moment, and said softly, "Grandpa, I didn't understand."

Yang Zhongyun suddenly smiled and said, "Zhi Nian, you don't have to pretend to be with Grandpa."

"You send so many messages to Yang Ke every day, and sometimes your face turns red when you talk to him," he said, "Zhi Nian, there are so many traces that only children can't see. You like Yang Ke, don't you. "

Yu Zhinian didn't know what Yang Zhongyun meant, he just felt a rush of heat rushing to his face, and stayed for a while without saying a word.

"I'm from here," Yang Zhongyun said, "I've had someone I liked before, and I know what it's like to love someone."

He smiled again, turned his eyes to the window, as if remembering, and was silent for a while, and said: "At that time, I was just in college, and I was the poorest student in the school. I could only play three or two games in the cafeteria every day." Plain rice, but she has never looked down on me, and will quietly add food to me.

"The best thing in this world for me is her. When I was in my senior year, I didn't have money for exams, and she didn't have much money, but she always tried her best and gave it to me.

"On the day I left, she came to see me off and stuffed me with a thick wad of money to let me go there, so don't suffer yourself.

"We agreed to write letters frequently, but when I went to school, I couldn't contact her anymore. I finally asked the people at the school and said that she had gone back to her hometown."

There was slight pain in Yang Zhongyun's eyes, as if he was seeing through the air that he had loved a girl, and then he suddenly turned his head, looked at Yu Zhinian, and said, "Zhi Nian, love is very precious, you should speak it out loud, do not miss it."

Yu Zhinian had never heard Yang Zhongyun tell his story so openly to himself, and he was a little moved, but his reason was still there, so he didn't say anything.

"Zhi Nian," Yang Zhongyun looked at him again, and asked him seriously, "Tell me, I won't interfere with Yang Ke. Grandpa just cares about you and wants to know your feelings."

He looked down at his old hand, touched the retained needle on the back of his hand, and said to Yu Zhinian: "Grandpa's time is running out, Zhinian. I know it. Even if this operation is successful, I don't have much time left." Happy New Year. You can safely tell me that this old man treats me as a dead thing that can only listen but not speak. "

Yang Zhongyun seldom said such dejected and weak words. Seeing him like this, Yu Zhinian felt very uncomfortable, and couldn't help but said: "Grandpa, you will live a long life. As long as you recuperate—"

"—I know my own body," Yang Zhongyun interrupted him in a low voice, "don't comfort me, Zhinian."

Yang Zhongyun is lying on a smart hospital bed, the quilt covers most of his body, and the blue hospital gown wraps him up. He looks older and thinner than when I first saw him a few years ago. Dry, cloudy eyes, indeed a look of dying years.

Yu Zhinian looked at him and didn't say any more.

After half a minute, he asked Yu Zhinian again: "You like Yang Ke, don't you, Zhinian."

Yu Zhinian thought for a long time before finally admitting: "Yes."

"But I don't want to tell him." Yu Zhinian added.

Yang Zhongyun immediately said: "I understand." He told Yu Zhinian: "But there is nothing wrong with loving someone, and there is no need to have too high demands on one's inner morality."

Yu Zhinian gave an obedient "um" and said, "Okay, Grandpa."

The two were quiet for a while, and Yang Zhongyun said again: "Zhi Nian, you can continue to read "La Traviata"."

Yu Zhinian opened the book, found the bookmarked page, and read to him.

That night, Yu Zhinian went back to his companion bed to sleep around twelve o'clock.

When he lay down, he felt very uneasy. For some reason, he was uneasy. He glanced at Yang Zhongyun's hospital bed. The night light in the ward was weak, and he only saw Yang Zhongyun's quilt move.

A few days later, Yang Zhongyun was discharged from the hospital.Yu Zhinian was also allowed to go back to school.

Lawyer Li Luli frequently haunts his home.At that time, Yang Zhongyun told him that he was discussing the separation of powers of the company, and Yu Zhinian didn't think much about it.

He and Yang Ke received several admission notices, and they chose the same school.

The day before Yu Zhinian was going to accompany Yang Zhongyun to the mountains to recuperate, Yang Ke taught Yu Zhinian to swim backstroke.

Yu Zhinian didn't know how to move his limbs, so he could only clumsily float on his back on the surface of the swimming pool, with Yang Ke standing beside him.

The swimming pool is empty, the water is azure blue, and the ceiling is like a white pyramid, reflecting soft ripples of light.Outside the curved narrow floor-to-ceiling windows on the top, the green plants are growing vigorously, as if they are about to pierce the glass and grow into the swimming pool to absorb the air-conditioning.

"Move, hand," Yang Ke whispered, stroking Yu Zhinian's wrist in the water, and imitating moving up and down, "Why are you so stupid."

Yu Zhinian imitated what Yang Ke said, moved his hand, and Yang Ke laughed.

"Yu Zhinian," he said, "you should stop learning."

"No," Yu Zhinian said vaguely, "I can learn it."

Yang Ke had no choice but to say to him, "Okay."

This is Yu Zhinian's last memory of Yang Ke opening his heart to him from this year until he was 24 years old.

He treasured that day.

Yu Zhinian sometimes felt that to him, Yang Ke, who was happy that day, was more precious than his own love.

——Observation and Analysis Diary ([-])

Subject: Note Preface

(Recorder: Yu Zhinian Time: 2016.3.1)

In the afternoon class, the professor used his observation and analysis notes on his daughter's growth as an example.

Inspired, I decided to also record the occasional encounters, make a note of observation and analysis, and chat for masturbation.