eat, dance, love

Gu Yu knew from an early age that he was burdened with moral crimes.From the first time his lunch box was hidden by his classmates in the dance team, which resulted in him not being able to eat school breakfast, he knew that his teammates hated him.

They are all students of Pei Yanya, and they use direct malice and simple means to express their hatred for those who destroy Pei Yanya's family.

But they didn't know that Gu Yu himself hated it.He thought that his teammates were much luckier than himself.They hate, can bully him, revenge him.He hated, but he couldn't take revenge on himself, and he couldn't fight against the two at home.

He could only twist in a clumsy way, not eating, refusing to dance, refusing to communicate with his mother... He tried everything a child could come up with.

Until Huaxi appeared.

The Hua family and the Gu family have been in contact for generations, and they were neighbors in Suzhou.Hua Xi was younger than Gu Jia, and was introverted when he was a child, he didn't smile or speak, the adults and children around thought he was too gloomy and didn't want to play with him, only Gu Jia was willing to take him with him.

This year, Gu Jia went north to marry Guan Yan.Marriage is unglamorous, immoral, and even my child who has just become sensible does not accept it.When Huaxi returned from studying abroad, he took the child with him.

The childhood Gu Yu is very similar to the childhood Hua Xi.Talk less, don't laugh, don't fit in.Huaxi took him with him, and he was not gentle and considerate in everything like many tender stories. On the contrary, he often revealed a kind of torture.

At the age of nine, Gu Yu wanted to transfer schools.He summoned up the courage to tell Hua Xi, but Hua Xi flatly refused.

He was condescending, with a cold face, and said to him: "You are not wrong, why do you want to hide? Starting tomorrow, raise your head and chest, whoever dares to talk to you or touch your things, Just hit him."

A few weeks later, Gu Yu really came back with a bruised nose and a swollen face.

Hua Xi rubbed and applied medicine to him, and asked, "Is it good?"

It was only then that Gu Yu came to his senses, cool.

Resisting and hitting back is much better than self-punishment.

He had bowed his head and crouched in pain for two or three years. From this day on, he finally found another way to face himself and others.My faith in and dependence on Huaxi also started from that day.

At the age of 12, he went to boarding school.From time to time, Gu Jia lobbied him to go home on weekends. As he got older, he already understood that his mother had a difficult time in those years, and his attitude towards her and stepfather improved, so he agreed.

When the weekend came, he still went back to Huaxi's place habitually.

Just like that, Huaxi's secret was broken——Huaxi likes men.The scene that day was too direct, he saw everything he should see and what he shouldn't see.

Puberty has just come, the sinus has just opened, and the sexual desire is about to move, and the situation of that day is repeatedly rendered.He could never forget the picture of Hua Xi's hands that hugged him, wiped away his tears, and applied medicine, pinching someone's waist, leaving deep purple scars.

He began to dream of Huaxi, dreaming of becoming a person occupied by Huaxi.

So he never once fulfilled his promise to Gu Jia, and couldn't wait to go back to He Huaxi's little home every weekend.At first, he carefully checked the house for traces of other people, but gradually, he explored openly.

Later, things became logical, and he finally became the person in the dream.

Whether it was love, or something more complicated, he didn't know.For a long time, he just liked to have sex with Huaxi, secretly hoping to be discovered by Gu Jia every time.When he thought of Gu Jia's expression when he knew about it, he felt happy.

He felt that after many years, he finally found a way to avenge and punish Gu Jia for his moral guilt.

He knew very well that Huaxi was not a good person.

At that time, he was still a helpless young man, Huaxi had already advanced step by step by virtue of his outstanding business talent, and became independent.The business is getting bigger and bigger, the social status is getting higher and higher, and the people around are getting more and more dazzling.

Everything happened under Gu Yu's eyelids.When he lived in a small house, he could still break it.Later, Huaxi moved to a bigger house, and he didn't even know which room that person was working in.

, he took the initiative to propose marriage and came out to Gu Jia.

This is the bravest confession he made to Huaxi, and also the boldest request, almost a threat—Gu Jia was furious, and wanted to sever the mother-child relationship with him and Huaxi.

He thought that Huaxi would agree after being constrained like this.However, Hua Xi just thought he was having a child's temper, patted him like giving candy, said "don't make trouble", and gave him a card for him to play, "you can play with anyone".

He really started looking for other people to play with and met a lot of people.

He also started to flee, once or twice, he thought he could get rid of Huaxi.But those are all illusions, Hua Xi's methods of dealing with people are reckless, some are gentle to persuade them to quit, some are bought with money, and some are violent.

"The most disgusting thing is taking people as your own." Gu Yu had a sneer on his face, "That's humiliating me, laughing at me. No one can hold my hand in front of him. He Become like a devil, every time I will be caught back by this devil."

It can be said that their relationship fell into a vicious circle in the future.

Love, hate and grievances are entangled layer by layer, and then they are smashed into pieces, viscous and struggling with all their strength, and finally melted so that the original appearance cannot be seen, and the components cannot be distinguished.

Over the years, he has been diagnosed with various diseases, anorexia is just one of them.

"As long as I think of him, I feel nauseous. Staying away from him, I am terrified. I worry all day long that I will be caught by him, and then the people around me will betray me. On the contrary, when I get close to him, I would like to die. Later, I even danced. I can’t dance anymore, the mistakes on the stage are far more than what was exposed, I think I’m done.”

Gu Yu is now in the corner of the sofa, raised his eyelids, and looked at me: "Brother Xu, is there ever a time when you don't want to live?"

I don't.I suddenly hated that I didn't have it, and I couldn't understand his feelings without it.My heart was throbbing with pain, full of self-blame and heartache for no reason.

With a long sigh, he changed his posture and looked less pitiful.

He shrugged, skipped the topic, and said to me: "Later, Xu Ran took me out to play and met you in Haibao. You will know what happened after that."

At this point in the story, he brought it to an end.

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, the thing in my chest was beating so fast, and the blood in my body seemed to warm up from the cold.I want to hug him.

So, I walked over and sat on the edge of the sofa, put my arms around his waist and shoulders, put my palms on the back of his head, and carefully and gently pressed him to myself.

"I'm sorry." I shouldn't have fled, and I shouldn't have retreated in an orderly manner.

"I will hold your hand and never let go. He can never take you back again."

"I know." He said, with a rustling sound in his voice, which was choked up, "Although I said it, you may not understand it, but I still want to tell you. I have never seen you since the first time I saw you. From the very beginning, I knew that as long as I got your love, I would not lose it, so I will go to you for the second time."

"um. Thank you.

"I still have a selfish heart."

"You said."

"Later, I found out that you are Teacher Pei's child, and I kept thinking, can you..." This sentence seemed to be difficult for him to say. He buried his face in my neck and smiled embarrassedly.

"Can you tell me something, I am not wrong, and I don't have to bear that guilt."

A hole burst open in my heart.

This humble, embarrassing request made me sadder than his telling about being bullied by his classmates in his childhood.

I cupped his face, stared into his eyes, and said: "Gu Yu, you are not wrong at all, you are the best and best child in the world, the kindest and cleanest person."

His face turned red quickly, like a primary school student being praised for the first time.The corner of his mouth twitched, and he immediately squeezed it.Blinking his eyelashes, there was moisture in his eyes. "Ah, Brother Xu, you are so nasty." He put his arms around me and buried his face in my chest.

The thin home clothes will become damp after a while.

Gu Yu's vacation this time is very long, half a month.

We stayed at home as usual, and only went out to buy food and watch the dance drama he had scheduled.A few days later, he was finally urged to go out by Xu Ran.She was afraid that her artist would be turned into a fat man, so she urged her to go out more often.

"Are you going abroad? The countries that are suitable for this season are Japan, South Korea, Western Europe, and North America are also good. Going for a walk is good for your physical and mental health." Xu Ran put the phone screen on the table facing us, "Choose one."

Gu Yu let out a sigh of relief: "Can't we just stay in Beijing?"

"Then you have to go out!" Xu Ran was so angry that his voice changed.

"Then go out, let's go boating in Houhai, let's go!" Gu Yu pulled me.

I quickly agreed: "Yes, I have never had time to play. I was born here, and I have never even rowed a boat in Houhai."

Xu Ran's complexion improved a bit, and without giving Gu Yu time to be clever, he called Liang Mengmeng on the spot to arrange a car and play.Gu Yu dragged me back to the room, took out two sets of identical sweaters from the closet, and stuffed one for me.

"Is this appropriate? It's a public place outside." I hesitated.

He didn't care about it: "What are you afraid of? If I get photographed, I will acquiesce. If they want public relations, they can always find an excuse. I really can't help it. I just got out of the entertainment industry and went back to dancing."

After a pause, he muttered again: "Anyway, I go out to play and work. I don't know how many people they have prepared to be used as material in the future."

I laughed, all according to him.

After changing clothes and going out, Xu Ran glanced at him, but said nothing.

There seems to be no off-season in Houhai, tourists are always in an endless stream, and the cruise ships lined up for a while before arriving at us.After putting on the life jacket, we were ready to board the boat. Gu Yu took off the sunglasses and handed them to me.

At that moment, we all saw Huaxi standing on the shore.

I can't say why, but my first reaction when I saw that man was "he didn't dye his hair".As he said, without dyeing his hair, the variegation on his head is obvious.Just like wind and frost, strands of strands, competing to mourn.

I noticed it, and Gu Yu naturally noticed it too.

I looked towards Gu Yu, at a loss as to what I wanted to see in Gu Yu's eyes.Then, I saw nothing.

He looked back a long time ago, just met my gaze, with a childlike smile in his face, his face was full of excitement, and he said something irrelevant: "The time to test the true appearance has come, my sister is waiting over there Let's take a photo!"

I was suddenly a little confused, whether he saw Huaxi just now, or the station sisters.

But whoever it is, I think, doesn't matter.

I made up my mind, took his sunglasses, held his five fingers, and clasped them tightly: "Be careful, go up and sit down."

We got on the boat, one after the other, the sound of the shooting shutter came faintly.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Hua Xi had already turned and left.In the distance, there are people and cars waiting for him in full gear—that is his life.

"Brother Xu, let's go!" Gu Yu shouted loudly.

"it is good."

lets go.

END.

postscript

The last time I wrote a postscript, I regretted that I wrote it too badly.

Writing the postscript this time is to regret that I have been off for too long.

From the end of November to the Chinese New Year, it took more than two months, which I did not expect.

In the past two months, many things have happened in my life, and I feel deeply powerless.But it's okay, I'm trying to live and work hard, and I hope everything gets better.Maybe because my life has changed and I am busier, writing essays has become a more precious thing for me.

2019 may not be able to write one after another like last year.

But writing this matter, no matter what, I will never give up.

I don't know when the next one will be, but I hope I can make progress by then.

This article has been broken for so long, and many favorites have been lost.

People are always like this, when they see people coming and going, they always tend to cherish what they leave behind.

Thank you for not leaving and not giving up on me.

I'm so hypocritical, it's not cool.

Anyway, thank you for staying.

After I finished writing, I feel quite satisfied with the ending arrangement.

I always like endings that aren't so clear and look like they could write a bunch more at any time.

Because I don't think life will end, right? I just choose a relatively suitable place.

Hope you guys like it too.

See you in the next article.

Love you guys.

pod sheet

2019.2.1217:21