wind menstrual year record

A small town in England.

"Dr. Jeffrey, here comes the patient."

"come in."

A Chinese girl came in, thin and pale, really, a little too thin, with prominent cheekbones.Her eyes are beautiful and deep, and they seem to be filled with stories.

I have been a psychiatrist for many years, and there are all kinds of patients. Generally speaking, I would ask a few questions as usual at the beginning, but this patient did not give me a chance to speak.

She said, "Doctor, would you like to hear my story?"

"Of course." I made a "please" gesture.

Although there are very few patients who ask to tell stories when they come up, I have seen them, and I don't reject such patients.

After all, it is necessary to listen to patients, and those who are willing to speak are much better than those who are silent.

She told me about her life so far.

Next, let’s call her what to call her, her name is written in the medical record——He Su.

I think it's a very nice name.

He was born in an ordinary Chinese family. When he was young, he lived in the countryside and had a happy family.When she really realized that she was not happy, it was at the age of 16.

In the fourth grade of elementary school, He moved from the countryside to the town, and the family business has grown bigger and bigger. On the surface, it seems that the better the better.Things changed for the first time when He was 13 years old.

One night, He went out for a walk with his mother. The street lamps on the side of the street stretched the shadows of the two of them. Songs were playing in He's earphones. Some cool autumn wind blew over, until his mother opened his mouth and broke everything.

"He, I know these words may be too early for you, but I don't want you to be kept secret. Your grandfather may have an illegitimate child."

He didn't show any expression on the surface, he just responded dryly: "Ah."

But in fact, her heart has long been turned upside down.

In He's heart, grandpa has always been a very great image, equivalent to the leader and leader of the family.At the beginning, he started from scratch and expanded his business bit by bit, buying cars and houses for everyone.But mother's words caused a crack in the image of grandpa in He's heart.

Mom didn't seem to notice He's strangeness, and continued: "About when you were ten years old, your grandpa suddenly asked me and your dad if we wanted to have another child, even if... it wasn't my own. I think it's very strange , and your father naturally refused, even if we really want to, we can also consider having one, why do we say, even if it is not our own? And..."

He couldn't hear what her mother continued to say anymore, she bit her lip hard to keep her tears from falling.

She suddenly remembered that many, many times in the past, she attended various banquets with her family, some with grandpa's friends, some with some business partners.But without exception, they are all persuading their mothers to have another one, another one, and another son.

He suddenly remembered that she was the only girl among the children of all her relatives.

He was still young at that time and didn't understand much, so she asked stupidly: "Why don't you let auntie have another one?"

The grown-ups smiled and said, "Oh, my aunt already has a son, so why regenerate?"

He asked again: "Then why don't you give birth to a son after you have a son, and insist on letting my mother have one?"

The grown-ups were stunned for a moment, and then laughed again: "You're a girl! Besides, there's nothing wrong with having more lives."

The next second, He cried. She was very wronged. She felt that having an extra child would definitely take away the love of her parents.The adults laughed even more happily.

He's mother coaxed her, slipped a ten-yuan bill to her quietly, and said with a smile that it would not be born, with a bitter smile in her smile.

Mom said one last sentence, interrupting He's memories: "You must not tell others these words, and don't ask your grandpa, I'm afraid he will break the pot and go crazy, it will be terrible."

So He kept all these things in his heart and never told anyone.

When He was 16 years old, he was in the third year of middle school.

In the third year of junior high school, the tiny gap between the parents was extremely widened, and my mother had already run away from home several times.

The family forced He to send sensational text messages to his mother again and again, hoping that she would come back, so He had no choice but to do so.But after posting, she would secretly explain to her mother that she didn't want to post those things in private.

Speaking of this, He stopped and explained to me: "I don't remember some things very clearly, and what I said may be a little confusing. I hope you don't mind."

I nodded, indicating that she could continue.

Later, when his mother came back, He fell ill.

Because of a small incident, He burst out all his emotions, and these emotions materialized in He's body.

He locked herself in the study, and she sat slumped on the ground, scratching her arm numbly.

First cut.

"Your grandfather may have an illegitimate child..."

Second knife.

"Hahahaha because you are a girl!"

The third knife.

"Your mother doesn't want you anymore."

Fourth cut.

"I'd rather have a dog than you! What you owe me will never be repaid!"

Fifth cut.

"I will never leave her any property until I die."

The sixth knife.

"How could the teacher do such a thing, it must be your fault!"

Seventh knife, eighth knife, ninth knife, tenth knife...

Every time a knife is cut, there is a voice reminding He of his painful memories.

The next day, He put gauze on his wound and went to school.

For the first time, she felt that she was much happier at school than at home.

Then, she was sent to see a therapist, the same one her mother had seen.

"And then?" I wonder why He didn't continue talking.

He was expressionless: "Then? Day after day of painful memories and life, the psychiatrist did not cure me."

I am very surprised that since He thinks that a psychiatrist is useless, why does he still come to me.

He: "I just suppressed it for too long, and I need a mouth to confide in."

Me: "Haven't you ever tried to say this to a friend?"

He shook his head: "No, these memories are painful and unspeakable to me. In their view, I am proud and don't care about many things. I am a happy person. A teacher once said that I am like a peacock. I am always arrogant. But if I don’t deliberately express myself in this way, I will be exposed, and they will find that I am actually timid, crying, cowardly, and self-harming. This society does not allow people with excessive negative emotions to exist.”

"So in the eyes of outsiders, you should be the kind who is living well?"

He nodded slightly: "Doctor, don't you find it strange that in this world, normal people are pretending to be sick, while real patients try to pretend to be normal. For example, those in mental hospitals."

I was amused by what He said: "This is not the same as a mental patient."

"Perhaps. Doctor, can I leave your contact information?"

I readily agreed.

There are many suffering patients, but He is just one of the most common ones. After that, I have more patients to treat.So it didn't take long before I forgot about her.

I saw He again three years later when she was 28 years old.

At that time, I was sitting outside a cafe on the corner of the street, drinking coffee and flipping through the newspaper, very comfortable.

As soon as the newspaper turned a page, someone stopped in front of me, it was He.

He looked thinner and paler. The autumn wind seemed to be able to blow away not only the fallen leaves, but also her.

He was wearing a light beige seahorse wool sweater, a brown trench coat, a pair of black wide-leg pants, and short black boots.

She pulled out a smile: "Doctor, long time no see."

He said that he was going to travel.

I said that's a good thing, go out to relax when you are unhappy, maybe your mood will improve.

He blinked, a little choked up: "Maybe."

It was a short meeting, He and I had a casual chat and then left.

But I didn't expect that this was also the last time we met.

A year later, while I was sitting in the clinic sorting out the papers, I was told that there was a letter that had come to me from France.I thought about it carefully, and I didn't know anyone in France.And my friends in the United States have not been to France recently.

I opened the envelope, and a photo fell out, it was He.

In the photo, He only showed a pair of eyes, and he seemed to be smiling, with a beautiful starry sky in the background.

There is also a piece of paper inside, which is written by He.

"doctor:

When you receive this letter, if nothing else, I should be dead.I thought of many ways to die, and before that, I carefully thought about whether I had any regrets.My parents lived and worked in peace and contentment in their hometown, and the money I left after my death was enough for their retirement. Anyway, I don’t go back very often, so I just ask someone to send some money back every once in a while, and just say I’m fine. I don’t know how to hide it. How long, but it's a day if you can hide it for a day.My best friend also got married a few months ago. To be honest, I think that guy is unreliable, but she likes it enough.I also gave my contact information to someone else, saying that it would be fine to reply to her message once in a while. She also knows my temper, and it is normal for me to reply once every ten days and a half months.And my kitten, Lulu, I found a good home for her, I hope she can also be happy in her future life, and can eat her favorite canned food every day.

After settling these things, I did what I had always wanted to do, go to Corsica to see the stars.There is a passage in my favorite movie that mentions the starry sky in Corsica. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone to kiss under the starry sky. This is probably the only regret.

The Bible says that God chose his people at the beginning of creation. I think I am the one who was not chosen and destined to go to hell.After understanding all this, I was relieved.I know that if you commit suicide, you will go to hell, where you will suffer thousands of pains, where there will be unquenchable fire and immortal worms.But which one is more painful, hell or the world?I can't tell the difference.

I was happy to die under the stars in Corsica.

It's the only thing I've done in my life that's purely for my own pleasure.

Doctor, I hope you can also come and see the starry sky of Corsica.

何诉

That was the last news I got about Ho.