Li Xunhuan and A Fei

Why is this happening?

Li Xunhuan didn't quite understand.

But does he really not understand?

Every time A Fei came back from hunting in the mountains, he saw his bright smile; A Fei saved money to redeem his cloak; A Fei cooked and washed Li Xunhuan, and took care of him in every detail; A Fei was extremely dependent on him and didn't care about it The matter of 100 taels of silver; A Fei grew up from a melancholy and awkward child to an optimistic teenager; A Fei personally said on his birthday that he hoped that he would enter customs with him and never be separated... What does all this mean? Do not understand?

He knew it a long time ago, he knew it a long time ago, he was pretending to be confused, and foolishly thought that as long as he didn't make it clear, he could treat it as non-existent.

There were early signs of things.

Why did Li Xunhuan use his hands to teach Ah Fei the first time?

Is it a joke, is it fun, is it because I think that A Fei is too young and I should teach him like a father, is it a joke between good friends, is it a tease on a whim, or something else?

That time when I saw Ah Fei blushing, shy, fearful and expectant, he felt happiness or pain in his hands, and his body was completely under his control, what was his mood at that time?Disgust or pleasure?If it was pleasure, why would he feel pleasure as a normal man?

That time I didn't let A Fei vent, was it because I didn't think it was necessary to go to the end, or was it because I was faintly afraid?Afraid of something going sour in the end?

This time Ah Fei was hit by the aphrodisiac, why did I help him again so obediently?Even if he doesn't want to go to a brothel, isn't there any other way?And why, when Ah Fei touched himself with his hand, he didn't resist?Saying that he was stunned for a while, saying that he didn't react, saying that he couldn't bear to hurt Ah Fei... these are all excuses.If Xiao Li Feidao really wanted to resist, who in the world could force him?

He didn't even take out the throwing knife!

Li Xunhuan, Li Xunhuan, how long are you going to deceive yourself?

Some things, God knows, Earth knows, you know, I—pretend not to know.

Li Xunhuan thought he would be born again, to meet his friends for a drink and to renew their friendship, but he didn't expect to have a different impression of his childhood friends, day after day, year after year. Quietly changed its quality.

Maybe it's because of years of abstinence that hasn't vented his body sensitivity, maybe it's because he doesn't see many women in the bitter cold outside the customs, maybe it's like this for all men as long as he is touched, in short, Li Xunhuan inevitably had a physiological reaction.

It's normal to have a physical reaction, but how will we face Ah Fei from now on?

How to say to A Fei, "I'm just showing the desire of a normal man, it doesn't mean anything else?"

How to say to Ah Fei, "It's no big deal if it happened tonight, don't waste your time on me?"

A Fei is a pure person, a simple person, and when he desires enlightenment, he meets a man like himself, not others, which makes him go astray, and he will become what he is today completely thanks to himself, then Can I still act irresponsibly as if nothing happened?

Li Xunhuan, you are a despicable person.

Unexpectedly, Shi Yin was harmed in the previous life, and Ah Fei was harmed again in this life.It turned out that God told me to live again, just to kill one more person.

It was a mistake to come to A Fei in this life. If A Fei becomes fond of men and dislikes women, how will he get married and have children in the future?He will never be able to obtain the simplest happiness in the world all his life, he will never be able to achieve the goal of owning a family, he will become a laughing stock in the martial arts world, and he will live a very hard life, all of which are caused by himself .

The more Li Xun Huan thought about it, the more frightened he became, and he couldn't help feeling cold all over.

A Fei took Li Xun Huan's hand, trying to pull him onto the kang, but Li Xun Huan followed him in a daze without any response.

Li Xun Huan is not in good health, he is afraid of the cold, the two of them tossed on the ground just now, their hands are as cold as ice.

A Fei stuffed him into the quilt, tucked the corners of the quilt tightly so that no wind could get in, pressed Li Xun Huan's right hand on his chest to warm him, then lay down next to him, quietly, gently, with Looking at him with a smile - he felt that looking at him like this was already the greatest happiness in his life.

Ah Fei is hard again.

After venting once, Ah Fei didn't feel so uncomfortable. He is a person who is extremely tolerant and self-controlling. don't care.

After warming one hand, Ah Fei stuffed Li Xun Huan's other hand into his bed and placed it on his stomach to warm it.

Li Xun Huan was immersed in his own thoughts and reacted very slowly to what happened outside. His hands and feet were cold, and his heart seemed to have fallen into an ice cellar. He looked very bad.

"what happened to you?"

Ah Fei asked.

Li Xun Huan's dry lips parted, and he found that he didn't know what to say, his mind was in a mess, and he couldn't figure out a single thought.It took a long time to squeeze out a word from the hoarse voice:

"cold."

A Fei also covered him with his own quilt.

"A Fei, I'm cold."

A Fei hugged Li Xunhuan across two quilts, buried his head in the thick quilt, and said softly: "It's not cold anymore, Xunhuan." His tone was unprecedentedly gentle and tender, like a spring breeze blowing over a budding flower. Willow branches are like the sun drying up tears on a face, like believers chanting sacrifices to their gods.He spoke to the most cherished person in his life, using the most gentle tone.

Hearing his tone, Li Xun Huan felt like being scratched by a feather, it was very itchy.

If it was before, he would definitely laugh and quarrel with Ah Fei, but this time he has no intention.

A Fei rubbed against the quilt, his face was a little hot, and he murmured: "Xunhuan, I have never been so happy, this is the best birthday gift for me, I really want to go out and show you the sword dance now, I really want to I want to take you on a horse and gallop, now I seem to have inexhaustible strength, and I am no longer afraid of anyone or anything."

Li Xunhuan's heart itched even more, and the itch tinged with pain.

The pain spread from the heart to the surroundings very slowly, and finally spread to the whole body.The pain made Li Xun Huan's lips tremble and he couldn't speak.No matter what Ah Fei said, he no longer felt anything except pain.

"If you really don't like the world, I won't enter the customs." Ah Fei embraced his beloved, pressed his face against the quilt, and continued without looking at Li Xun Huan's expression, "Whenever you are interested, Let's go to sea to find our father." He felt Li Xun Huan move, so he tightened his arms to make Li Xun Huan warmer, "We will live here in seclusion for the rest of our lives, or go to live in seclusion anywhere you like."

"Cough, cough, cough..." The pain became very severe, as if an invisible hand was grabbing the heart, and Li Xun Huan couldn't help coughing.

Ah Fei patted his back and frowned: "Hasn't he been sick for a long time? Why is he coughing again? I must have caught a cold. I'll go see a doctor tomorrow."

Li Xun Huan shook his head, coughing became more and more severe, until he couldn't speak a word, the blood in his chest was churning, as if he was about to vomit blood.Li Xun Huan was too familiar with this uncomfortable feeling. In his previous life, he would feel this way whenever he was stimulated. Since his rebirth, he had never experienced it again. He thought he was fine.

Ah Fei didn't know how to relieve Li Xun Huan's cough, and became anxious.

After a long time, Li Xun Huan stopped coughing, took a few breaths, calmed down, and slowly closed his eyes, his face was pale without a trace of blood.

A Fei felt a sense of fear, Li Xun Huan's face was as white as a piece of porcelain, as if it would break if he touched it, A Fei hugged Li Xun Huan in a panic, as if he was afraid that Li Xun Huan would disappear.

Li Xun Huan didn't respond any more, he closed his eyes and seemed to have fallen asleep.

Ah Fei wanted to talk to him again, but seeing that he was asleep and it was not easy to disturb him, he also closed his eyes, slowed down his breathing, and soon fell asleep.

After Ah Fei fell asleep, Li Xun Huan opened his eyes, stared at the beams in a daze, thought for a long time, and seemed to have made up his mind.

He turned his head and glanced at A Fei who was lying on his side beside him.

A Fei was tired from tossing around, and finally "got what he wanted", and slept very soundly.He opened his lips slightly, and his chest rose and fell slightly with his breathing. He didn't know what he dreamed of, and the corners of his lips turned up, revealing a warm smile.

The moonlight tonight is very bright, coming in through the window lattice, Ah Fei's sleeping face becomes softer and softer under the moonlight.

Bewitched by the moonlight, Li Xun Huan stretched out his hand from under the quilt, wanting to touch A Fei's hair.

When Li Xun Huan moved, A Fei, who was hugging Li Xun Huan through the quilt, felt it. He was really sleepy. Although he woke up, he was still in a daze. He closed his eyes and hugged Li Xun Huan, calling his name vaguely: "Xun Huan Huan...Xunhuan..." After calling twice, he muttered something, and continued to sleep.

A Fei's voice was soft, sweet, light and heavy, hitting Li Xun Huan's heart hard, making Li Xun Huan's heart tremble.

It is said that people’s behavior when they are asleep is the most real. Ah Fei’s subconscious actions and words during his half-dream and half-awake state represent his truest inner thoughts. He still hugs Li Xunhuan when he is sleepy, and now Li Xunhuan can’t even deceive himself. arrive.

Li Xun Huan broke free from the quilt, leaned over and covered A Fei with the quilt, seeing that A Fei had fallen asleep again, he put his hand on A Fei's hair, and stroked it lightly.

A Fei's hair is thick, jet black, soft and shiny, and feels very good in the hand. Li Xun Huan was afraid of waking him up, so he stroked it very lightly, cherishing it - this will be the last time he will touch A Fei's hair.

After stroking his hair, Li Xun Huan's hand came to A Fei's cheek, he wanted to touch his face very much, his hand stayed in the void for a long time, but it didn't come down, finally he just gently held A Fei's palm, and interlaced his fingers Hold - this is the last time he held Ah Fei's hand like this.

Then Li Xun Huan looked at A Fei quietly and did nothing.

The night was darker, and A Fei was sleeping more deeply. Li Xun Huan just looked at him without blinking.

He wanted to leave something for Ah Fei. He had nothing but a flying knife that never left his body. If A Fei had Xiao Li's flying knife, he might be able to frighten some young people when he entered the rivers and lakes.But I immediately wondered if someone would be disadvantageous to Ah Fei because of this?Just like in the previous life, someone wanted to harm Lin Shiyin, just because Li Xunhuan was protecting Lin Shiyin.For the fledgling A Fei, it would be easier without a throwing knife.So Li Xunhuan dismissed this idea.

Then it's better to make another wooden statue and present it to A Fei, but it's a pity that it may not be carved well in a hurry, and A Fei already has it, so it doesn't matter whether you give it or not.

Thinking about it this way, I felt that there was no need to leave anything behind.

He came to A Fei's place and walked around without leaving any traces. He was alone when he came, and he was still the same when he left.

Li Xunhuan looked at the sky from the window, it was the darkest time before dawn, if he didn't leave, it would be dawn.So Li Xun Huan got dressed, put on the camel cloak that A Fei had bought back, quietly picked up the wine bag on the table, walked to the door, and paused.

Wanting to look back at A Fei, but felt that there was nothing to see, why should a big man be so indecisive, Li Xun Huan lowered his head and hid the expression in his eyes, and when he looked up after a while, he was carefree, his eyes were as calm as a pool of stagnant water.

He opened the door and went out, the thick night enveloped him, his figure became lighter and lighter, gradually drifted away, and finally disappeared completely in the night, as if he had never appeared before.

From beginning to end, he never looked back.

Maybe this lonely road in life does not need to turn back, and there is no way to turn back.