withered lover

Du Zhinian failed to keep Shen Guiwan.

After the bitter parting kiss, the cold wind poured into Du Zhinian's apartment, taking away the warmth and taking away Shen Guiwan.

He leaned on the balcony of the apartment, looking at Guiwan's back as the building sank and gradually receded against the sun.

Shen Guiwan walked quickly, the wind rolled up the hem of his coat, and the rolled hem drew curly arcs in the air, casting shadows closely following Shen Guiwan's footsteps.

He left in the afternoon morning light, seemingly heading for a warm place of belonging, but the final destination was the gloomy and cold prison, and the shadows that followed would eventually engulf him.

In less than half a minute, Shen Guiwan's figure disappeared behind the gate of the community.

The snow that had fallen all night stopped, and the sun was very warm. Du Zhinian raised his hand to touch the glass, only to feel the biting cold.

Shen Guiwan sat in the taxi, watching Du Zhinian's apartment slowly disappear into the rearview mirror.

The car ran over the speed bump and bumped a few times, Shen Guiwan's body swayed, his shoulders hit the handrail, and the dull crashing sound was drowned out between the heavy winter clothes.

He leaned his head against the window, and clenched the money Du Zhinian gave him with his hand hidden in his pocket.

Before sunset, Shen Guiwan returned to the Shen family's villa.

He pushed open the door, but did not see the furious Shen Lu, the villa was still dark, as quiet as if there was no living thing.

In fact, apart from Shen Guiwan, there was no other person in the villa.

He walked through the living room, stepped on the stairs to the second floor, and walked lightly as he passed the study, but he didn't hear any movement from behind the door.

In Shen Lu's absence, the expected beating and insulting did not happen, Shen Guiwan did not breathe a sigh of relief.

That man just lacked skills and had no time to take care of a person who would not run away. It wasn't because his conscience suddenly realized that he would let him go.

As long as he doesn't come back for a day, Shen Guiwan must always pay attention to any movement in the villa, his tired nerves are once again suspended.

This is not the first time Shen Guiwan has experienced these things, he relies on the pain given by Shen Lu to perceive the fact that he is alive, but after enduring it for three years, his body and spirit are finally tired of enduring the pain.

Shen Guiwan returned to his room, took out his mobile phone and sent Du Zhinian the news that he arrived home safely.

Du Zhinian seemed to have been waiting, and Shen Guiwan soon received a reply from the other party.

Du Zhinian: Okay, be careful.

"Pay attention to safety", this kind of entrustment did not mean before leaving, but after returning to "home". Shen Guiwan looked at the dazzling four words and laughed ironically.

He threw the phone on the table, took out the cash Du Zhinian gave him from his pocket, smoothed out the wrinkles on the corners one by one, and stuffed them into the dictionary one by one.

Shen Guiwan stroked the bright red banknotes in the dictionary, his fingertips trembling, and an indescribably dull and bitter feeling surged up from the depths of his body.

Shen Lu pushed him out to entertain Mr. Xu, and Mr. Xu asked him if he would like to be taken care of. Shen Guiwan felt that he could not be so cheap.

But now that he had just left Du Zhinian's apartment and took Du Zhinian's money, it was more like selling it.

There is no difference between him and the "scumbag" in Shen Lu's mouth.

The dictionary was stuffed back into the bookshelf, and the sun had completely set. Shen Guiwan sat by the bed, his back blending into the darkness.

He gently opened the drawer, and the broken glass on the medicine bottle and the photo frame made a slight and crisp sound of collision. The medicine bottle that lost its center of gravity fell on the photo frame, covering the faded smile on the photo.

Shen Guiwan stared blankly at the photo, the cheeks that were blown almost unconscious by the cold wind seemed to still have the touch of her mother's touch.

Even after seven years, his body still remembers the slight ache from those rough, cold hands.

The mother's hands were rough and her body was thin, but she protected Shen Guiwan throughout her childhood.

Shen Guiwan touched his cheeks, and reached out to lift up the medicine bottle that had fallen on the photo frame.

His fingers brushed against the rough edges of the photo frame, and the tiny wooden thorns pricked his fingertips. There was a faint tingling pain from his fingertips, but it was not as painful as when his flesh was cut by glass.

Shen Guiwan lifted the medicine bottle quilt that covered the photo, the mother's face in the photo was still covered with scratches.

From the broken glass, he pulled out the mottled photo.

Shen Guiwan's life began with uninterrupted violence and crying.

As far as he could remember, his mother's face and body were always covered with injuries, and large bruises stuck to her face like indelible paint, turning her gentle and beautiful face into an ugly one.

The bruises changed from purple to purple over time, and slowly faded to light green, blending with the skin color, and reappearing elsewhere on the mother's body.

The night before those bruises appeared, Shen Guiwan could always hear his mother crying, his father who rarely came home roaring, and the sound of ceramics or glass breaking.

He didn't know what was going on, and even naively asked her why she had these marks as she bowed her head in tears.

At that time, my mother had tears in her eyes, but she still told him with a smile that it was painted by his father, and it was a mark that symbolized love.

Shen Guiwan believed it to be true, until he reached the age of school, saw the mother of his classmate at the school gate, looked at the clean and bright faces, and realized that it was a lie of his mother.

But he didn't expose it. Young children learned to hide and keep silent from the environment of continuous low pressure, learned to protect themselves and stand by.

Regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter, my mother always wears a hat and sends Shen Guiwan to school day after day with her head down.

Shen Guiwan stood at the school gate and waved goodbye to his mother. The sun fell on his mother's hair and eyelashes, casting a warm color on them.

She pursed her lips and smiled slightly, the eyes with fine lines were faintly shining with water.

Shen Guiwan didn't understand why his mother was crying, the young child turned around in a daze, and followed the crowd into the school.

The mother never cried anything to Shen Guiwan, even when he was held in her arms at night, and her mother's tears splashed on his back, she remained silent all the time.

Shen Guiwan was also silent, quietly pretending to be asleep.

As she got older, Shen Guiwan had her own bedroom.

But through the thin door panel, he could still hear his mother's crying from downstairs.

Shen Guiwan, who is in the senior grade of elementary school, realizes that her mother's life is difficult, and tries her best to be a quiet and obedient child in front of her.

He was not noisy, and occasionally ran into Shen Lu after school, and his father's eyes never stayed on him.

Shen Guiwan was never abused at home when he was young, and his life was not difficult, but he was carefully cared for by his mother, but he felt undisguised malice from his classmates——

"My mother said that your mother must have cheated before she was beaten. Are you born to your father?"

"There are little bastards born by mothers but not raised by fathers."

During the break between classes, the male classmates who had nothing against Shen Guiwan surrounded him, blocked him in the corner, and grabbed his hair laughingly.

"Why don't you speak? Are you dumb?"

The leading boys pushed Shen Guiwan, pressing his head against the wall.

A child of this age doesn't understand what "cheating" means, and he will say vicious insults to Shen Guiwan, just imitating his parents' words and deeds in private.

The first time Shen Guiwan heard that word, he didn't understand what it meant, but he could feel the malice contained in these two words.

He swung his fist at the leading boy, and when the teacher rushed over to separate them, the boy broke one of his front teeth.

The boy was crying, and the teacher reprimanded Shen Guiwan angrily.

Shen Guiwan looked at the teacher indifferently, and repeated what the boy said.

The teacher, who was still filled with righteous indignation just now, stopped talking in an instant, and stood where he was with a livid face.

His lips twitched, and after a while, he said "please parents" and left with the injured boy.

That afternoon, Shen Guiwan stood outside the office window, watching his mother bow her head to apologize to the boy's mother.

The other party bossed her around, the mother hummed in a low voice, and the sore pain spread in Shen Guiwan's small body.

On the way home, the mother who always knew how to ask about homework was silent, and led Shen Guiwan through the cold street.

It wasn't until he entered the house that his mother squatted in front of him and held his hands.

"Wanwan, no matter what happens in the future, don't fight with others." She frowned slightly, the corners of her mouth trembled, and her purple bruise trembled.

Shen Guiwan was silent for a while, and whispered what the boy said to his mother.

His childish and cowardly voice echoed in the living room, the mother's eyes were wide open, the tears gushing from the eyes wet her cheeks, and big tears fell on Shen Guiwan's hands.

"Wanwan, I'm sorry...it's my mother who's sorry for you." She cried and hugged Shen Guiwan into her arms, repeating it over and over again.

Shen Guiwan didn't understand the reason for his mother's apology, and before he had time to think about it, Shen Lu, who learned that he had hurt his classmate, angrily pushed open the door.

Shen Lu picked up the black fishing rod and swung it viciously at Shen Guiwan's body.

Shen Guiwan recognized that it was the "paintbrush" that left a mark on his mother, and he didn't dodge it. The crying mother rushed towards him and hid him in her arms.

Mother cried and apologized to Shen Lu, the sound of the fishing rod falling on her body merged with the crying, piercing into Shen Guiwan's eardrum.

He curled up stiffly in his mother's arms until Shen Lu threw away the fishing rod and walked away.

Mother's back was full of tearing scars, which she couldn't see or touch. It was Shen Guiwan who helped her bandage bit by bit with the medicine powder and gauze.

The torn wound was very painful, and the mother's tears kept falling, but she smiled and said "it's okay" to Shen Guiwan.

Shen Guiwan's hands were shaking all the time, he overturned the iodine, and the medicine powder was scattered all over the ground, and the gauze was rewrapped many times before the hideous wounds were completely covered.

After Shen Lu showed his tyrannical face in front of Shen Guiwan, he stopped hiding and avoiding it completely.

When Shen Guiwan came home from school and opened the door, he would often see the same scene as that day.

He stood coldly in the shadow of the corner, watching Shen Lu's mother leave contentedly after beating him, and then walked towards his bruised mother stepping on broken glass.

Day after day, Shen Guiwan became an accomplice in helping Shen Lu deal with the aftermath.

The mother's body was injured in the repeated violence, and even a little cooling and rainy weather would make her so painful that she could not straighten her back and lift heavy objects.

Her reaction became dull, Shen Guiwan burned her hand when she was in junior high school, the skin on the back of her hand was covered with scars, and her body riddled with holes was completely unable to bear the strain.

Shen Guiwan took over all the housework, took care of everything at home, and cooked three meals a day for her like a mother took care of herself.

When he was young, he stood on a small bench and watched his mother cook, and she burst into tears while cutting onions. At that time, he only felt uncomfortable, but when he tried to cut onions himself, he realized that it was really sad.

Shen Guiwan's first meal was terrible, the dishes were burnt and the meat was raw, but his mother praised him for cooking well.

He knew he was doing poorly, and tried to improve his cooking skills, but at that time, his mother only tasted it once and could never eat it again.

In Shen Guiwan's third year of high school, he was sent home by his teacher because of a fever.

His mother went downstairs to pick him up, and when she saw the head teacher, she asked him about his studies.

Shen Guiwan was so feverish that he faintly heard the teacher talking about his grades and fell asleep.

When he woke up again, he heard his mother's hoarse wailing again.

Shen Guiwan rushed downstairs, and saw his mother shivering, curled up in the shards of glass, shouting incessantly, "I don't! I really don't!"

"He said no! I saw it on the surveillance! What is the relationship between that man and you!" Shen Lu questioned his wife while waving his fishing rod.

He wanted to hear his wife admit to cheating, but Shen Guiwan remembered clearly that there was nothing between his mother and the teacher, she politely asked about her grades, and the teacher just answered dutifully.

For the first time, Shen Guiwan clearly learned from Shen Lu the reason why he beat his mother. The bloody reality that he deliberately ignored in the past finally tore off the last layer of fig leaf, and it was completely laid out before his eyes.

When the mother talked to any strange man, she would be suspected of cheating by Shen Lu, and the injuries on her body were all evidence of Shen Lu's suspicion.

Shen Guiwan's reaction to feelings is always slower than others.

He can't understand love, but he has learned anger and hatred, as well as sadness and sympathy.

The sound of the fishing rod waving through the air was chilling, but it didn't land on the mother again.

"Shen Lu! How dare you touch her!"

Shen Guiwan's fever hadn't subsided yet, and he was trembling all over, but the sharp knife in his hand pointed straight at Shen Lu's chest.

Shen Lu did not expect that Shen Guiwan, who had always been on the sidelines, would threaten him with a knife. His face was distorted in shock and anger, and the reflected face on the broken glass was horrifying.

Shen Guiwan's eyes were red, his chest heaved violently, as if he was afraid, but his eyes were full of hatred.

His appearance of wanting to choose someone to devour is fierce and terrifying, it seems that as long as Shen Lu takes another step forward, the knife in his hand will be pierced into Shen Lu's chest.

Shen Lu thought the same way, so he backed down.

The second after Shen Lu threw away the fishing rod, Shen Guiwan put down the knife and wanted to send the collapsed mother to the hospital, but she pushed her away.

"Wanwan, you can't...you can't do this..." She sobbed, her body lying on the ground kept shaking.

Shen Guiwan wanted to touch his mother, but his hand was hanging in the air, but he withdrew his hand amidst her fragmented sobs.

For a period of time after that, Shen Lu did not come back.

The mother also remained silent and stopped communicating with Shen Guiwan.

Shen Guiwan didn't go to school at all, and stayed at home with his mother while preparing for the exam.

He couldn't see through the marriage between his mother and Shen Lu. That man might have loved his mother, or he might have been kind to her, which gave his mother the illusion that Shen Lu would love her for the rest of his life.

The mother seemed to have been holding unrealistic fantasies, but she didn't resist Shen Lu's suspicion, but woke up the moment Shen Guiwan picked up the knife.

Shen Guiwan recalled it after her death, when his mother saw him confronting Shen Lu with a knife, she probably felt sad and disappointed.

Fighting with classmates when she was a child, and threatening her father with a knife when she grew up, her son finally learned to control violence with violence, just like her husband.

That was not what she wanted to see, but Shen Guiwan still turned into that appearance.

Inheritance is engraved in the bones, even if Shen Guiwan doesn't want to, long-term violence and depression will eventually wake them up.

A bad environment breeds the worst kind of scum, and he lives in the shadow of violence.

But Shen Guiwan at that time didn't know.

Even though his mother stopped talking to him, he still stayed by her side, being that obedient and sensible child.

My mother's health was getting worse and worse, and she couldn't eat anything. In the end, she could only drink light soup and gruel to survive.

Shen Guiwan was worried, afraid that he would lose her if he was not careful.

He hastily took the college entrance examination, probably because he cared about his poor family. His final grades were not bad, and he was able to go to many good schools. Even his classmates who rarely interacted with him congratulated him.

But Shen Guiwan was afraid that if he left home, his mother would face Shen Lu alone and something would happen again.

He wanted to stay with his mother, changed the school he had carefully chosen, and filled in the nearby university at will.

Shen Guiwan didn't tell anyone about changing his choice, but the moment he got the admission notice, he looked at the name of the university on the notice, and his heart stopped for a few seconds.

What was printed on the acceptance letter was not the ordinary university in the suburbs, but the university he had scratched and crossed in his notebook, and it was also the best school he could go to at that time.

Shen Guiwan thought that his mother was a boudoir woman who didn't understand anything, but it turned out to be such a mother who read his notebook the day before the deadline for volunteering and secretly changed his volunteering.

The mother knows everything, and she made the best choice for her child at that time.

Shen Guiwan took the notice and went to his mother's bedroom, telling her that he didn't want to go to the distant capital to study and wanted to give up his volunteering and stay with her.

"I can't leave you." He said, holding his mother's hand.

After hearing this, the always gentle mother lost her temper with Shen Guiwan.

"Wanwan, don't stay here, and don't come back to me..."

She grabbed Shen Guiwan's shoulders, her old cloudy eyes were burning with anger, and her chapped lips made a hoarse voice.

"You have to run far away! Run to a place where Shen Lu can't find you!"

"Never come back!"

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