side edge

Hearing this, Ji Liao was stunned for a long time, then suddenly remembered something, and asked eagerly, "And then!"

As if he was afraid that people would notice the clues, he coughed lightly, and added as if trying to cover up: "Well... how was your condition after that? After being adopted by Fang Yushan... did you get a little better?"

As soon as the words fell, Ji Liao felt a little regretful - if it had been a little better, Yan Cun would not be what he is now, and still needs to rely on "desensitization" to overcome his own fear and psychological barriers.

"No." Captain Yan replied very face-saving.

"Well... let me think about it..." He yawned, his tone casual, as if he was talking about something unrelated to himself, "I have had a long time... well, nearly two years... nearly two years I couldn't speak, and then I just uttered a few words intermittently, and I could hardly communicate with people normally."

Ji Liao's voice was a bit bitter, and he repeated in a murmur, "Two years..."

"Well, two years," Yan Cun continued, "well... Later Fang Yushan asked me to go to school. People are willing to approach me, they say I am proud, say I am a 'little dumb' nobody wants, and say I have a weird personality-but I don't take it to heart, and I don't want to play with anyone in particular, just think about myself Stay alone."

Compared with more than ten years ago, his personality has undergone a huge change, and now he will no longer receive such an "evaluation", so the "initial conversation" with Ji Liao in the car really scared him enough—— — He didn't expect Ji Liao to detect these clues so easily.

Ji Liao, on the other hand, focused on the word 'strange', opened his mouth, and remained silent for a long time.

In fact, when the two first met, Ji Liao really felt that this person's hot outside and cold inside was a bit 'strange', but at that time his lack of imagination was not enough to support him to think of such a deep-seated reason.

Now he just feels a little distressed.

"You...have you always...or just after you saw..." He deliberately blurred this paragraph, and noticed that Captain Yan seemed to be trembling a little, and asked, "Is it cold?"

"It's okay," Yan Cun said, "a little bit."

Hearing this, Ji Liao lifted the part that covered him, rolled Yan Cun into the quilt and wrapped him up, and he quickly went to the next door to get the quilt again.

When the cold medicine took effect, Captain Yan couldn't help but yawned again, his voice became sleepy, and he picked up the topic just now: "Hmm... Let me think about it..."

"I can't remember exactly what I was like before I was five years old. Maybe I was born so indifferent, or maybe I became like this after experiencing these things-but it doesn't matter anymore, it's all in the past."

In the past 28 years, he has repeatedly jumped between the two states of "indifference" and "struggling". It is true that no one can hurt him, but no one can enter his world.

"Sometimes I feel...well... I don't have any 'human touch'...just, I feel that I am not as good as others say, and I feel that I am not worthy of being treated by anyone from the bottom of my heart."

Ji Liao answered in his heart: It's worth it.

Yan Cun seemed to be caught in the memory, his eyes were slightly closed, and he paused for a long time before he spoke softly: "But he is so kind."

Ji Liao was startled, and realized instantly that the "he" refers to Fang Yushan.

"He... took me home," Yan Cun said vaguely, "He didn't care about my 'morbid and social' personality, and he didn't care about people saying, 'This kid is a bit weird, why do you have to adopt him'... He also Tell me, everyone is different, everyone has their own unique growth trends, there is no need to feel 'weird', no one is weird... He... tried everything possible to give me care, respect and love, How can I……"

His voice stopped.

After waiting for a while, Ji Liao picked up his words in a hoarse voice, "So...you have learned to pretend."

So—in the eyes of others, Captain Yan, who is strong at work, gentle, and caring about other people's feelings, has actually been relying on desensitization to make himself gregarious, and has been trying to make himself look 'hot'.

Except for Ji Liao, who found the entrance by mistake, no one noticed that there was something wrong with him, no one knew the "cold" in his outer heat and inner coldness, and no one knew how this "cold" came about .

"..." Yan Cun felt that his eyelids were a little heavy, he grabbed Ji Liao's hand a little harder, and corrected him in a daze, "No, I learned to be cheerful and optimistic..."

He didn't want to let down Fang Yushan, the only adoptive father who cared about him, and didn't want Fang Yushan to think that he could not be saved no matter what, so he gradually learned to observe the crowd, learn to be cheerful and optimistic, and the skills of mobilizing other people's emotions are self-taught. Tong—but he felt like he was out of everyone's perspective, and he felt that he was too indifferent.

He couldn't explain why he said so much to Ji Liao on impulse.

Perhaps it was because of the low fever and the onset of cold medicine that made him unresponsive and let him lower his defenses a little bit, or maybe it was because he had seen Ji Liao's extremely keen insight and observation ability, and seeing Ji Liao's deep insight into him Hiding in the bottom of my heart, dig out the 'self' that is not easy to be noticed.

He fell asleep in a daze.

Ji Liao stared at him blankly for a long time, not knowing what he was thinking, and finally said softly after a long time: "Sleep, Yan Cun."

Let that deeply sane self sleep a little bit, let it go a little bit, relax a little bit.

Yan Cun was not fully asleep yet, when he heard Ji Liao's words, he unconsciously moved forward, and while half asleep and half awake, he stretched his hand forward, lightly grasping Ji Liao's hand.

He spoke incoherently as if in a dream: "Well...Thinking about it carefully...Actually, I might...not be a person without thoughts..."

Ji Liao's throat was a little dry, and he felt that the place where the skin of the two touched was hot, so he answered for a long time: "...I know."

"Hmm... If you don't care about anything... um... I think... there are still some..."

His consciousness was a little fuzzy, and he popped out a few words intermittently: "Responsibilities...work tasks...criminal police...adopted father...become mature and cheerful...maybe there are some..."

Maybe it's not a bad thing to be exposed by Ji Liao to such an unbearable 'self'.

Maybe he subconsciously needs to be exposed a little bit so that he feels alive and tells him that his true self is not completely separated from the crowd.

Ji Liao replied in a low voice, "I know", but then said "I don't know" - he didn't understand why he kept having these strange behaviors.

He felt a little distressed.

At first, he attributed his interest in this person to the fact that he met Yan Cun who seemed so warm and beautiful at the dividing point when he became "reticent" in the case of a huge family change—even though it didn't Not the real Yan Cun.

Now he attributes the reason to distress.

After thinking for a long time to no avail, he finally suppressed these thoughts first, and moved a little farther away, but he was not willing to turn his back on Yan Cun after all.

The minute and second hands move forward step by step, the sound of the rain gradually decreases, the breathing of the two people in the house gradually slows down, a ray of sunlight shines through the curtains like golden threads and sprinkles on the sheets, a new day is coming soon.

The author has something to say: I didn't find a place to break the chapter, a little bit less QwQ will be the next volume tomorrow.