[HP] Harry and the Platypus go to Gringotts

Shame spread all over his body, burrowing into his internal organs like a snake.This was certainly not the first time Sirius felt ashamed in his life. He must have felt ashamed when he was a child, during school, after graduation, and even during the period since he escaped from prison.However, there was never such a time that he fully understood the meaning of the word.This is shame.

sorry.He almost blurted out, knowing that this was not what the other party wanted to hear.Harry, I didn't mean to break your heart, he wanted to say.But Harry was not a child to be coaxed with sweets and soft words, and she had grown up long ago - years ago, out of his sight - and it would have broken her heart anyway.For the first time in memory, Sirius felt speechless.The knuckles of Harry's right index finger were pressed tightly against his lips, as if he were trying to endure it, but he didn't cry because there was no need.This young girl understood disappointment all too well compared to her peers, and Sirius felt that she understood disappointment more and more over the years.

The silence was long enough to drown one in.At this moment, Harry leaned back sharply, put his hands on the sofa cushions, smiled ruefully, and shook his head, as if trying to shake the discomfort off him. "It's so silly, I never thought of arguing with you over something so old that I have nothing to do with." She was showing him that she had decided to laugh about everything tonight. "It's late, it's time to go upstairs to rest, good night." She put her legs back on the ground and was about to stand up.

"Wait!" Sirius raised a hand to block her movement, and gently pressed Harry's shoulder until she sat back down.The hazel eyes widened, revealing the wonder she was having at the moment: Why haven't you grown up yet, Sirius?Why can't you be as considerate and considerate as most people and let me go?Have you lived in this world for 35 years, and you haven't learned a little bit about the world?

It was precisely because Sirius had grown up that he couldn't let Harry go.He is no longer a seven-year-old boy, as long as an adult says "forgive" him after he makes a mistake, he feels he is a good boy again.Yes, he knew that when Harry went back to his bedroom and sat quietly on the edge of the bed for a while, he would start to try to forget what he accidentally learned today, and by the next morning, she would definitely be able to do what she hoped to do The thing is, I like him as always.It doesn't look like anything will change in their relationship.If he tried to make amends one day, and carefully talked about the evening again, Harry would get a reassuring smile and a nod from Harry (“I know, I know, Sirius,” she would say, “It doesn’t matter, Totally unremarkable. Just let it go, okay?").Or perhaps, by then, there would be no need for an apology at all--the misfortune would never recover, but Harriet Potter had always been a perfect, understanding girl to him.This thought made Sirius shudder, and the last thing he wanted to see was to become any stupid man who was generously forgiven by the goddaughter and accidentally made mistakes.

"Harry, Harry," he whispered, pleadingly, "don't go, listen to me, will you? I'll never forgive myself for the life of me if I let you go."

Harry thought for a few seconds, then nodded without refusal.How could she refuse?She never said no to him. "I'm not trying to defend myself, it's just that I have to tell you something," Sirius said.

"I see." Harry looked tired, even a little bored, as if to say that she was listening, but she could let her mind wander, and Sirius had no valid reason to blame her for it.

"In the past few days, you must have discovered that this place—" he looked up at the ceiling, "this place can be said to be a den of dark wizards. After seeing the situation in this house, you must have understood my family What kind of wizards. I've always hated this place, hated most of the Blakes. If I hadn't had to, I'm afraid I'd never come back to a place where I'm not welcome and I'm ashamed..."

"When I was 16, my mother and I had a big fight, not the worst we've ever had, but it just made it impossible for me to take it anymore and I ran away from home. The problem is, the rush The moment I left the house, I didn’t think about where I was going next. It was the Christmas holiday at that time, and it should have been two or three days ago this year—I sat on a bench in the square in a daze, and finally thought of James. We each have a mirror. The mirrors are a pair. We use them to talk to each other when we are in separate confinement. In fact, I have no hope in my heart for a response. None, but James heard my voice, and soon he appeared in the mirror, in his pajamas, and asked me what was wrong. Can you imagine how messed up my head must have been to say, Can't come out, don't know how to explain my situation, just tell him that I left Black's house. James asked me where I was, told me to stay where I am, and said he will be there in a minute. I waited for at least half an hour It wasn't until he—this idiot actually Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron—James had lived in the West of England for a long time, and he had no idea of ​​the streets of London. He had no idea that King's Cross Station was actually closer to Grimmauld Place, but He finally found me. After James ran over from the other side of the square panting, he didn't ask a word, just pulled me up from the bench, "Okay, come home with me." He said to me, 'Go back and get a good night's sleep, I should be able to go to the Christmas market in town with my parents tomorrow.' And we set off together, and I was no longer confused about what leaving the Blakes meant, Because I know that no matter what happens, James will be by my side and face it with me." Having said that, Sirius smiled, "Do you remember the question you asked me at the Screaming Shack? You asked I love James or not. After going through this, how could I not love him? Of course, just because I love him does not mean that I appreciate and approve of everything he does. If James knows what he did in school If you get angry, he will be sad as hell. The damage done cannot be undone, and in the eyes of those classmates who he teased, maybe James will always be just a bully, but you know, Harry, growing older He gradually matured, and falling in love with a good girl like Lily also made him a kind and upright man. Everyone has many sides, and most of the time we can only see what we want to see."

"...Perhaps, that's what you said." Harry lowered his eyes, and slowly slid his fingers across the flannel sofa, leaving a reflective white mark on it, "If he is really that bad, why am I still here?" miss him?"

"As for me... I never took the initiative to talk to you about those past events. When you asked, I only said how about James, because talking about myself reminds me of who I was-a person who didn't treat you well. Someone else, a guy I didn't like, a selfish young man who didn't care who he was hurting by what he did. Prison was horrible, but it taught me humility. The old Sirius Blake He is not worthy to be your godfather. He can't even handle his own affairs well. How can he take on the responsibility of guardian? The man in front of you now, Harry, is worthy of this man. I have done many stupid things , wrong, disgraceful, maybe I've never done anything right in my life, but fuck - I managed to break out, I found you, I didn't let that fellow Wormtail rush after Voldemort's return betray you."

He expected Harry to respond again, but there was still silence in the living room.Sirius' hand hung down, put it in the pocket of his trousers and clenched it tightly. "Hey, I'm just talking nonsense. I think I just want you to know that James and I are not the best people in the world, but we have worked hard to correct it as we gradually understand. For what happened to you You have every reason to blame me, even hate me, for doing similar things to me, but if you can, Harry... please don't think too bad of me."

"You know what I think of Snape?" she said suddenly. "I'm afraid of him."

"is it?"

He was astonished.Sirius, he couldn't imagine Harry being afraid of anyone, he never thought she would.

"Yes. Snape saved me and helped me a few times, but he was - really, a terrible teacher. I'm not saying he's not good at potions, no one can deny him Achievements in Potions, but he's not teacher material. He's eccentric to the extreme, and Snape always gives the most nasty comments about the non-Slytherin students in the class and me. In fact, he didn't Needless to say, but he wanted to be cruel. Snape never pandered to difficult students - or, in his own words, idiots and fools. During my early days in magic at Hogwarts, I felt Very difficult, because I have no experience with these things. Many students and I faced the same situation at that time, other professors would encourage us when we encountered setbacks, tell us not to lose heart, only Snape never bothered to care about the feelings of students ...every Potions class got scolded, and most of these students ended up giving up altogether, I mean, giving up Potions. They became just trying to hang out, as long as they didn't get Snape's attention; I didn't do that because I really wanted to do well in each subject - and upon realizing this, Snape started targeting me even harder, I guess he wasn't happy to see me improve in his subjects. He Makes me feel worthless, no matter how hard I try, it's probably in vain, because I'm a complete and empty-headed idiot. All I can do is try not to cry in public, until I go back to the dormitory after class and get up Many times, when I look at him, I always think, why is this happening? Why him? Why me?"

Sirius had never seen Harry so depressed.Her face was buried low, into her open palms, as if crying.But when she raised her head again, her eyes were dry, and her expression was weaker than hatred.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't care about his cynicism anymore, I don't want him to torture me all the time. It's just that I'm still afraid of him, not because of him, but...I'm afraid that one day I will find those words Turns out it's all true, I can't do anything right, just like Snape said, I'm a hopeless piece of shit."

"You're not, I assure you." Sirius wanted to put his arms around her shoulders to comfort her, but he hesitated again when he realized that it was actually James and himself who caused this situation. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, really."

"I didn't think too bad of you." She lightly touched his arm with her fingertips. "I know, we make choices and then live with the consequences; if we hurt someone else in the process, we correct ourselves and seek forgiveness. Everyone does it. Dad has done a good job. And you are to me. The best godfather, Sirius, always has been, and that's enough for me."

"Yeah, after all you only have one godfather." He smiled wryly.

"Daddy can give all the men he knows the title of godfather to his daughter, but I know that only you will pay so much for me." She quickly hugged him to reassure him.

Winter nights are always cold.Harry went to the fireplace and gathered enough dry wood.Soon the first flames rose steadily among the hissing logs.

"Did you know that, Harry?"

"Well, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Every time I see you and talk to you like this, even at this moment, it still surprises me, and I always feel a little unbelievable—" Sirius said softly, "The world is willing to give me a second second chance."