don't ask about those years

It must not be that convenient to come back after studying abroad. Lin Fan wanted to go home and stay with his father for a while before he left. He just started packing his luggage when he heard a knock on the door.

Looking out through the cat's eyes, Lin Fan didn't expect it to be him. Although he hadn't seen him a few times before, he still remembered, and after hesitating for a while, he still opened the door.

"Lin Fan, long time no see!" Qi Sheng greeted him politely outside the door.

The love-hate entanglement with Qi Tian and his son has never been related to this person, let alone Qi Sheng helped him, so after saying hello to Brother Qi, Lin Fan introduced him to the door.

"I'm sorry I came here without saying hello," Qi Sheng said after taking Lin Fan's cup of tea, and when he turned his head and saw the suitcase on the ground, he asked again, "Are you going out?"

"Yes, go home and stay for a while." Lin Fan also sat down beside Qi Sheng.

Qi Sheng nodded and said in a low voice: "This way..." and didn't continue.

Seeing Qi Sheng turning the teacup around without opening his mouth, Lin Fan took the initiative to ask: "Brother Qi, just tell me if you have anything to say." Since he was able to find this place, it must have something to do with Qi Tian, ​​but he couldn't guess Qi Sheng. If their position is the same as their father's, then there is no need.

Qi Sheng lowered his head and paused for a while. He was thinking about how to speak. Even though he heard everything from Lao He who was feeling guilty and blaming himself, he still didn't understand Lin Fan. All he could feel from the beginning to the end was Xiaotian's feelings. What about Lin Fan?Even if the two had a good time before, but after so long, Xiao Tian didn't let go, what about this person?But you have to try anyway, because now you can only count on this person.

So Qi Sheng raised his head and turned to Lin Fan and said, "Lin Fan, help Xiaotian."

Lin Fan felt uneasy in his heart, and asked directly: "What's wrong with Qi Tian?"

"Do you still remember Wu Gang? You all call him Gangzi. He was injured by Xiaotian a few days ago, and he was blind in one eye..."

"What?!" Lin Fan frowned and looked at Qi Sheng in disbelief.

"If we hadn't used our connections, Qi Tian might have been arrested by now." Qi Sheng said.

"Is there a mistake? The two of them had a festival before, but it happened so many years ago. Qi Tian has only returned to China for a few months. How is it possible?" Although he didn't want to believe it, Lin Fan's hands were unconscious Since Qi Sheng has come to look for him, it means the matter is true.

"Because he blackmailed my dad a few years ago..." Qi Sheng paused and said, "The photo of you two was actually taken by Wu Gang. Xiao Tian found out about it a few days ago and went to him." Qi Sheng said with difficulty. Come out, from the moment they received the news, the Qi family used all their connections to suppress this matter. The family of the person involved gave a consolation fee, and the evidence of blackmailing the Qi family was still there at that time. Continue to report the case.

"Where is Qi Tian now?" Lin Fan asked anxiously. Apart from being shocked and worried, he was also angry at Qi Tian's impulsive recklessness. Is this person stupid? It has been so many years, and what should have happened has happened now. Is it worth putting yourself in just to settle accounts with Gangzi?

"I haven't answered our calls, and I haven't been able to contact you for a few days." Qi Sheng lowered his head and said helplessly.

"Isn't it possible to locate a mobile phone?"

Qi Sheng shook his head: "Lin Fan, Xiaotian can't just be pulled back now, I believe you know that too."

After hearing this, Lin Fan was silent, he probably guessed the purpose of Qi Sheng looking for him.

But Qi Sheng then said something that he didn't expect: "Lin Fan, I have to tell you something today..."

Then Lin Fan just listened to Qi Sheng talking about everything about Qi Tian after he went abroad, how he worked hard abroad, how he got into a car accident because he was too tired because he wanted to finish his studies early, and how he died because he couldn't contact him. Desperate, how could he persevere in the pain of over a year of rehabilitation after almost being paralyzed...

When the word "paralyzed" came to Lin Fan's ears, his thinking stopped for a long time. Was that person who always laughed at his slow running paralyzed?more than a year?How did Qi Tian live during that time? Just thinking about it makes Lin Fan's scalp tingle.

Finally, Qi Sheng said: "Lin Fan, our family is sorry for you, causing your mother to die unfortunately. I know that no matter what we do, we can't make up for it. But Lin Fan, Qi Tian never knew about this. He has been holding on to it painfully, just to have more capital to negotiate with my dad, so that he can return to you... Ever since you disappeared, his whole body has collapsed. He didn't go to the company or go home. I'm looking for you, and I haven't contacted anyone since a few days ago. Now that I have hurt someone, I don't know if he will do anything more terrible. If this continues, Xiaotian will be ruined It's..."

Qi Sheng lowered his head and paused for a moment, then looked at Lin Fan and said, "I know I have no right to ask you anything from our standpoint, but I can see that you are still worried about him, and now my dad has wavered, we won't Stop it again, can you give him a hand, help us, help Qi Tian, ​​he will only listen to you."

Lin Fan stopped there without saying a word for a long time. He didn't know the truth behind it was like this... He once thought that Qi Tian's feelings for him had been hidden by the years. Appeared, he originally thought that Qi Tian wanted to start again after seeing him when he returned to the country... But when everything in the past was truly revealed, Lin Fan thought again, what else?What can be changed?

Qi Sheng waited silently during Lin Fan's few minutes of thinking. He knew that he had no right to interfere with this person's decisions, and all the results should be borne by the Qi family.Even if his father knew that he came to Lin Fan, he didn't stop him. If he didn't love his son too much, he would never have given this kind of acquiescence. .

In the end, Qi Sheng finally waited for Lin Fan to speak, but it was not the answer he expected: "Brother Qi, I can't help Qi Tian with anything, he can only face this matter by himself, I'm sorry to make you waste your time."

Probably did not expect Lin Fan to give such a decisive and straightforward answer, Qi Sheng could not help showing disappointment on his face, and finally got up after silently nodding his head.

But when Lin Fan sent him to the door, Qi Sheng still couldn't help but turned around and asked, "Lin Fan, do you really have the heart?"

Seeing that Lin Fan was still looking at him like that, with emotion in his eyes but remained silent, in the end Qi Sheng could only turn around and leave in disappointment.

After closing the door, Lin Fan sat back on the sofa in a daze. After a while, he turned on the contact interface on his phone and stared at a title for a long time, his fingers almost slid to one side uncontrollably.

In fact, what Qi Sheng said just now touched him a lot. It is not an exaggeration to say that his whole body and mind were shaken, because although he had hoped for some things in the past, he never thought that besides himself, Qi Tian would stay where he was. , and persisted persistently for the promise he had made, so he almost blurted out for a moment just now, "I'll contact him first to see."

Can you find Empress Qi Tian?He knows what Qi Tian wants, so how can he give it?How can you easily agree if you can't make a promise?The last thing he can see is for Qi Tian to come back full of expectations but end up with endless disappointment, he can't bear it and can't bear it.

His father's phone call came in at the right time to help him dispel the flashing thoughts. Lin Fan picked up the phone and chatted for a few words before saying, "Yes, Dad, I have an afternoon flight and I'll be home before dinner."

……

……

That afternoon, Lin Fan returned to his hometown, and Father Lin started to work in the morning. He set up a table of food by himself, and in the evening, father and son ate and drank some wine. Such pleasant times were rarely seen in a year.

During this period, Lin Fan told his father about his plan to go abroad. Although he had mentioned it to his father on the phone after returning to Beijing, he did not elaborate on the reason. He also wanted to hear his father's opinion when he brought it up this time, but his father didn't ask him again after hearing it. Why did you suddenly go abroad, just nodded and said, "Just make up your own mind and make a decision."

Lin Fan stayed at home the same as when he came back in the past few days, chatting with his father about family affairs, playing chess with his father, but when Lin's father asked him about his previous trips abroad, Lin Fan always mentioned it.

In the past few days, he followed Lin's father to visit his relatives. Seeing Lin Fan, the relatives only asked him about his work in Beijing, chatted about Beijing's housing prices, and didn't mention anything about his marriage as if they had made an appointment.

It will be Chinese New Year in just over a month. Lin Fan went to visit his mother's grave with his father that day. As usual, Lin Fan brought a bouquet of flowers. His mother didn't have any hobbies when she was alive. She just liked to grow flowers and plants. They were all well taken care of by my father, just like the hostess has always been there.

As soon as they entered the cemetery and walked to the tomb, the father and son discovered that a large bouquet of white chrysanthemums had been placed on it.

"Who put this?" Father said, looking at the frozen flowers.

Lin Fan stepped forward to remove the flowers and replaced them with new ones, and said, "Did my aunt come here before?"

"Your sister-in-law said yesterday that she would only come over on the weekend." After Lin's father said something strange again, he shook his head slightly and said nothing more.

After the two of them took out the things they had brought, they started to get busy. Father Lin put the fruits and desserts in front of the tombstone, and Lin Fan stepped forward to clean and wipe the tombstone.

In the past few years, as long as Lin Fan came back, he would come to have a look. Sometimes he came alone, sometimes with his father. He didn’t say something from his heart when worshiping his relatives like other people. Most of the time, Lin Fan just stood in front of the tomb. Son, then take out the prepared brand new rag and wipe it carefully just like now.

His mother liked to be tidy when she was alive, so every time he wiped the marble tombstone very clean, and when he saw the beautiful smile in the photo, Lin Fan couldn't help but think, if his mother is still here, she should still be like this Be beautiful.

While the father and son were busy, someone walked over and called "Old Lin".

The father and son looked sideways, and then Father Lin greeted him with a smile and said, "Old Zhang, you are on duty today."

Lao Zhang was a colleague of his father's former work unit. After he was laid off, he came here to visit the cemetery. Later, Lin Fan's mother was buried here. Sometimes when the father and son came to visit the grave, they would say hello to him.

"Come to visit my sister-in-law's grave today?" Lao Zhang said with a smile.

"It won't be Chinese New Year, so my son is coming back, so I'll come and have a look." After Father Lin finished speaking, Lin Fan stepped forward and politely called "Hello, Uncle Zhang".

"Okay, okay, Lin Fan, the longer he grows, the more handsome he is." Lao Zhang smiled and said to Lin Fan, "I don't come back a few times a year, so I'll have a few drinks with your dad when I come back."

After chatting for a few words, Lao Zhang suddenly said, "By the way, a relative of your family came here a few days ago."

Lin Fan and Father Lin looked at Lao Zhang at the same time, guessing in their hearts that it was probably the person who sent the flowers.

"Because it just snowed that day and it was very cold, so I remembered only a few people came. There was a tall and handsome young man who came to the door and asked me, 'Is Ms. Fan Shujuan's tomb here?' , I told him as soon as I heard that she was not my sister-in-law, but I was actually wondering at the time, there were not many people who asked me this way before."

Lin Fan's expression froze just as he was waiting to hear what Lao Zhang said, because he knew there was only one possibility, and Lin Fan didn't want his father to hear anything related to that person anyway, so at this moment he I just want to let Lao Zhang's polite chat stop here.

But Lao Zhang rubbed his frozen hands and continued: "However, your relative is quite strange. He wore very little clothes in such a cold day, and when I went to Guanyuan to clear the scene, I found that he was still there. He has been here since noon. , If I stayed there, didn’t I stand for four hours? When I got to him, I felt frozen, and then I urged him to go home quickly before he left.”

Lao Zhang looked at Father Lin and asked, "He's a tall guy, he doesn't look like a local, is he a relative of yours?"

Lin Fan stood there motionless, he knew it was Qi Tian, ​​because he had told Qi Tian the names of his parents a long time ago, he never thought he could remember and find this place.

It's hard for Lin Fan to imagine, when the Qi family couldn't get in touch with Qi Tian, ​​he came to this small city alone, and found this cemetery. The whole afternoon... finally dragged this person into the water.

At this time, Father Lin stepped forward to chat with Lao Zhang casually, and then Lao Zhang left, and the father and son stayed for a while before coming out of the cemetery.

On the way home, Lin Fan was silent all the time. When he occasionally turned his head to look at his father, he felt a little apprehensive. He didn't know why his father lied just now and said that it might be a relative from his mother's hometown who came to visit the grave. Would his father know something?But Lin Fan didn't dare to ask, he could only let a bunch of questions and worries fill his heart.

The two of them were silent all the way to home, Father Lin finally said, "Let's go, let's go grocery shopping, and Dad will show you some tricks tonight."

……

When the father and son sat at the table in the evening, the table was already full of dishes, and then Father Lin turned around and took out two bottles of good wine from his collection and said, "Let's have a good drink today."

Although the capacity for alcohol is not good, seeing his father happy, Lin Fan of course laughed and accompanied him, but the bottle of baijiu was already empty after drinking three rounds. Father Lin's capacity for alcohol is not a problem after decades of working in the officialdom, but Lin Fan looked at him. The dishes on the table were a little shaken.

Seeing that Lin Fan was already half-drunk, Father Lin picked up the wine glass and took another big sip. He put down the glass after hearing Lin Fan persuade him that the wine would hurt him. After a pause, he suddenly said: " When you went abroad a few days ago, your college classmate came to our house, it was Qi Tian who came to our house a few years ago."

Hearing these words, Lin Fan woke up more than half of the wine, his eyes that were still blurred just now focused on his father's face, Qi Tian actually came here some time ago, what would he say?Why didn't his father tell him before?Lin Fan didn't know what his father meant by what he said at this moment, but the vague premonition made him a little nervous, because there was one thing in front of his father that he didn't want to mention no matter what, and he would never be able to raise his head and face it.

Father Lin continued: "Qi Tian said that he just came here on a business trip after returning to China. He said that the two of you have not been in touch for many years. He wants to find you when he returns to China. He asked when you will come back from a business trip."

After a pause, Father Lin lowered his head and smiled and said, "Before I left, I told him for a long time that I must find him when I need help."

Hearing this, Lin Fan lowered his head completely. He knew that his father had already guessed it. Although he was lucky just now, what Qi Tian explained was obviously not what an ordinary classmate who hadn't contacted him after six years of separation should say. Lin Fan thought Explain a few words to his father, but now he doesn't even have the courage to look up at his father.

"Xiaofan, with the help of Jiu Jiner, Dad has something to tell you today..." Father Lin took a deep breath before saying, "Actually, Dad has been sorry to you all these years. He deliberately didn't express his opinion even though he knew about your affairs. Maybe I was a little concerned before. On the one hand, I hoped that you could find someone to marry and have children normally. On the other hand, I was also a little afraid of people saying... In recent years, you have done a good job in all aspects of your work. You are a son that makes Dad proud, but Dad It can be seen that you have never been really happy. Now that my father is old and I have figured out a lot of things, how can a person live for others all his life, let others see his appearance, and smash his teeth and swallow it in his stomach What is the meaning of living. Now that I am retired, people can say whatever they like, Dad doesn't care, what I hope most now is that you can live happily in the future. "

"Dad..." When he lowered his head and uttered this word, Lin Fan could hear that his voice was not right anymore. He wondered if the alcohol had paralyzed his nerves, even though he gritted his back teeth and scratched his thigh tightly with his hands. , and still failed to control the lacrimal gland to force the tears back.

"Xiaofan, I know that you have been carrying burdens about your mother, and my father feels uncomfortable watching it..." Lin's father said that his eye circles were also red, and after a pause, he choked up and said, "All these years I didn't tell you, it's not your fault, I don't blame you..."

Finally, he couldn't restrain himself. Lin Fan saw many dark circles being fainted out one after another on his jeans. He never dared to tell his father about these these years, because no words could make up for his debt. The responsibility did not lessen with the passage of time, but became ingrained every time he went home and saw his dad smiling and welcoming him alone. Even if his father never accused him of anything, he never dared to expect to hear it in this life. His father told him "it's not your fault, don't blame you".

In the end, Lin Fan lowered his head and choked with sobs and said the words that had been hidden in his heart for many years, even then he didn't dare to say: "Dad, I'm sorry..."

Father Lin wiped away his tears and stood up slowly, walked in front of Lin Fan, and gently pulled Lin Fan who was trembling from crying towards him: "Xiao Fan, don't live like this anymore, your mother and I don't want to see you In this way, especially your mother, if she knows that you are doing so badly, she will not feel at ease, so don't trip yourself up because of the past..."

Lin's father stroked Lin Fan's hair and said comfortingly: "Xiao Fan, don't hide, some things have to be faced, both of us stand up, there is nothing shameful, it's okay, it's a big deal Dad will carry it with you."

Then Father Lin patted Lin Fan's back as if understanding and comforting, and said, "The person Lao Zhang mentioned today is Qi Tian, ​​but the person in the photo is actually him."

Lin Fan's shoulders shook violently, and even so he couldn't control the crying, and the sound came out intermittently. This name had been tormented in his heart for so many years, and he didn't even dare to say it in his dreams. At this moment, his father expressed his understanding Speaking out, Lin Fan knew that his father told him in this way that he forgave himself and Qi Tian.

In the end, Father Lin took a deep breath, calmed his voice as much as possible and said, "Okay, act like a man, there is nothing you can't overcome, you have always been a good son of Dad, be obedient, don't go abroad Hidden, return to Beijing in two days."

For Lin Fan, Father Lin's words were like a key that unlocked the shackles that had been imprisoned in his heart for many years, allowing him to finally release the painful feeling of guilt that had been suppressed deep in his heart for a long time.Lin Fan's head just kept leaning against Father Lin's body, and he stretched out his arms to hug his father as he did when he was a child, letting his father's clothes get wet with tears, but he didn't move for a long time.

……

The author has something to say: Happy New Year!