rhino in love

Huang Liang didn't know what kind of families other "bureau chiefs" in this country had, and what kind of children they had in each family, but since he could remember, his father had been very busy.

Maybe there are too many things in this world that the chief of public security needs to worry about. Bad guys can't help but want to do evil, and those who bear legal obligations can only dedicate themselves.

So a child's growth logically takes a backseat and becomes a trivial worry.

Very occasionally, when this muddy world quiets down, Huang Hai gets home from get off work on time, and after dinner, the family will go for a walk in a nearby small park.

The sky is under the moon, Huang Liang always feels like a dream in retrospect.

It turns out that all the people and things that are too beautiful to bear to be pierced are dreams that cannot be kept.

In fact, Huang Liang doesn't think of his mother very often, but his mother is really almost indescribable.

At that time in the third year of high school, one night Huang Liang kissed Yin Zheng on the street lamp at the corner of the alley. The young boy was full of anger and disapproval, thinking that there was only this corner of the world, and only him and his lover in this corner.

Little did he know that at the corner, his parents stood there dumbfounded and shared this light recklessness and madness with him.

She is an elementary school Chinese teacher, and she always has a smile on her face, which always makes people feel gentle and graceful like a spring breeze.

But that night, she forcefully dragged her husband who had a strange expression back home, and walked quietly, not wanting to break the fragile self-esteem of a young man.When Huang Liang returned home with unsteady steps, he saw his father staring at him silently, his eyes were rather creepy, but he did not expect that it was not a storm that was waiting for him.

Mom invited him to sit on the sofa in the living room as if she were an adult.

"A very sweet boy," she said.

The water glass my father had just got in his hand fell to the ground with a bang, and the ground was covered with broken glass.

Huang Liang's back suddenly broke out in cold sweat.

"You're a little different, but that doesn't mean you're wrong!" She raised her voice, as if warning her husband, or actually warning herself.

Huang Liang didn't know what to say or do, because no one seemed to be asking him to accuse him of anything, and he didn't need to ask them to forgive him.

"You are my child, but you are not only my child, you are yourself.

"You couldn't choose your parents when you came into this world, how can we ask you to be who we imagined you to be?

"What I can give you is my love, but not my thoughts, because you have your own thoughts. What I can shelter is your body, but never your soul."

Huang Hai reluctantly turned his head to the side, looking at his only son who had grown up year after year without noticing it, and was gradually aging like him: "The deceased is dead, and some things... can't be helped."

At the age of 20, Huang Liang and Yin Zheng broke up after three years of dating. He didn't want to stay in college, so he asked for leave to go home.

During that time, my mother was always coughing and was in poor spirits, and she happened to be on vacation at home to recuperate.Afterwards, Huang Liang knew that it was just an expedient measure that his father made to hide it from her for her safety.

At eight o'clock that night, she knocked on the door and entered his room, and said to him who was lying on the bed, go for a walk with mother, don't always be bored at home.

It was really dark, but the street lights were bright.

In that park, he was pressed to the ground with his face covered and beaten with a stick. His mother, who was troubled by migraines at home and couldn't sleep, threw herself on him and hugged him tightly. The gangster stabbed 23 knives in the delicate back.

At that time, Huang Liang didn't dare to take off the black cloth covering his face. He could only feel a lot of sticky liquid on his face, hands, and body.

What color should the white dress that mother is wearing be...

"Huang Liang, your mother really likes to smile... When I saw her for the first time, she blinked and smiled at me."

But it turned out that the most painful moment was not the moment when things happened, but the next morning, every day, every day, the morning of waking up.

She always smiled at him, and Huang Xing wanted to make her proud.

She likes her father, likes him wearing a police uniform, and likes him going out with a police cap on his back. She thinks that every time he gets off work on time is a surprise, but not being able to is a kind of excellence.

She admired the responsibility on this man's shoulders. At that time, Huang Liang really wanted to have the opportunity to take on this responsibility, and wanted to make this woman who accepted everything about him smile.

"If I hadn't come home then, my mother was not in good health, so I wouldn't have gone out at night. The community has good security, maybe..."

"Life, where does life come from?"

Because of these "perhaps", he was still unable to face his father, the world, and himself.

Why go to the army again?

I am a coward.

His internal organs were clamoring wildly and silently without stopping.

There is no need, a person who puts his mother in front of him is not worthy of this honor.

Huang Hai looked at the tall and straight young man in front of the hospital bed, and suspected that his anesthesia hadn't passed.

In his memory, the boy who trembled in the park that year and couldn't even look at his wife was obviously not that tall, and he was obviously just a child who couldn't do anything.

In the blink of an eye, so many years have passed by.

"I am not a competent father, I have not fulfilled my responsibilities as a father."

"But you are a qualified policeman."

Huang Liang reached out and turned off the TV.

"It is difficult to have both in the world, and it is difficult to do one thing well, so many times, we can only do one thing well."

"So are you ready?"

"......what?"

Huang Xing looked directly into his father's eyes.

For some reason, through these weather-beaten men's eyes, he always felt that he saw his mother's expression, a kind of tenderness that made people feel sad.

He was in a trance for a moment, like an alcoholic who wakes up from a long hangover and realizes that he is really no longer the kid with four broken ribs and blood all over his body.

"It's time to grow up."

Once the bitter water of many years was released, the bruises at the bottom of my heart were finally exposed, and finally they were no longer shady things.

Huang Liang woke up very quietly, such a sudden sobriety is really inexplicable, he picked up his phone and checked the time, it was 02:30 in the morning.

Huang Hai was lying on the bed without any movement.

He felt bored after staying for a while, some images of the day flashed through his mind, and finally smoothed his hair irritably, and went out lightly.

He walked to the end of the corridor and opened the window to face the wind and smoked a cigarette. In winter, he was wrapped in a leather jacket without a coat. He was a burning man and rubbed his hands after 10 minutes.

The street lamp outside the window engulfed a small halo of light, and on the small piece of ground illuminated, the north wind silently rolled the dead leaves.

He stubbed out his cigarette, looked for a trash can along the corridor, and finally realized that he had lost himself.

like an idiot.

Huang Liang commented on himself, hesitated for a while at the door of the two connected wards, and pushed open the door ruthlessly.

It was late at night, and the curtains were not closed in this ward, and a little light came in from the outside. Due to the angle of the window, it could only shine on a corner of the ground. Hallucinating.

Instruments that detect vital signs emit a machine-specific buzzing hum that can be captured at specific angles.

Am I dreaming?

Huang Liang put his fingers to the tip of his nose, trying to smell the smoke.

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①Adapted from Gibran's poem