night torrent

It was exactly seven o'clock in the evening when I came out of Lu Yao's apartment.Yan Chen was walking on the way to the subway station, looking at the night scene when the lights came on, he suddenly felt empty in his heart.Although he was the one who said it ended, Lu Yao's reaction was too cold, he didn't even have a word of convincing. Thinking about the past, it seemed like a dream.

The footsteps followed the inertia, and by the time Yan Chen realized it, he had already walked downstairs of his apartment.He remembered the agreement with Han Yi, and his footsteps stopped because of hesitation.

Is it up or back?

To be honest, he wanted to be alone tonight. So many things had happened during this time, and before he had time to think about it, he became alone again.Obviously everything around is changing, Han Yi has started a new relationship, Lu Yao has Danning, although he is a dangerous lunatic, in the end he is the only one who stays in place and goes round and round.

What does a person who is stuck in life hate most?It is to see someone living freely and actively in front of you.At least let him retreat into his shell tonight and feel sorry for himself.

Yan Chen went upstairs.As soon as he returned to the apartment, his lungs were filled with the quiet and familiar air, and Yan Chen felt miraculously calmed down.Relaxing the load-bearing shoulders, Yan Chen turned on the faucet and poured a pool of hot water for himself. The hot mist filled the small bathroom. Yan Chen dipped into the water little by little, resting his injured arm on the edge of the bathtub carefully to avoid getting water.

After taking a hot bath, Yan Chen felt his body and mood became refreshed, and his gastrointestinal function also returned to normal, sending out a signal of hunger.Yan Chen opened the refrigerator while wiping his hair with a towel.The inside is like a snow cave, and there are two fluffy vegetable leaves left in the fresh-keeping cabinet, which is a true portrayal of the life of a bachelor.

After being sad for a minute, Yan Chen turned on the fire and cooked himself a bowl of clear water noodles.After eating and clearing away the dishes, Yan Chen slumped on the sofa and sent Han Yi a WeChat message. After all, he missed the appointment first, so he should explain it both emotionally and rationally.He sent an apology with pictures and texts, but Han Yi on the other end of the network did not respond.

Yan Chen became a little worried. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. The pointer pointed to the position of [-]:[-]. It's so late, where is Han Yi?

After checking the phone several times, Han Yi still didn't respond.Yan Chen gave up waiting and put down the phone.Yan Chen lay motionless on his side on the sofa, his casual eyes fell on the floor, the light from the ceiling lamp shone on the beige floor tiles, and we could see the subtle traces of wear on the surface of the floor tiles.The clock was running unhurriedly, and the closed doors and windows cut off most of the noise from the outside world, Yan Chen could hear the tick-tick sound of time passing by.The more Yan Chen listened, the more flustered he became, his breathing rate accelerated, and the air in his lungs seemed to condense, making him feel suffocated.In order to breathe easier, Yan Chen got up and opened the window, and the building opposite was lit up with thousands of lights, and there were people living in every lit window, maybe couples, elderly people living alone, or singles like him youth.Yan Chen stood in front of the window and looked into the distance, the lights painted the night.

His shadow is reflected on the window glass, the real and the unreal look at each other, what should we do in the future?Yan Chen questioned himself.It took nearly 20 years of hard work to learn all kinds of knowledge, but in the end it was discovered that it was just a bunch of useless solid blocks in his mind, unable to guide him in a direction when he was confused.

The future—this theme that has been described countless times in novels and movies as a symbol of hope, in Yan Chen's subconscious is fear, anxiety, and shaking... an existence that tortures people so much that they wish they could die.The protagonists in fictional works always move forward firmly and firmly towards the future, as if they have been inspired by the goddess of fate in advance.But in reality, no one knows when and where the goddess of fate will set up roadblocks.Or maybe it is because of the uncertainty of the future that most people like the stable living conditions that can be foreseen, such as going to school, working, getting married, having children... step by step, and follow the road that their parents have walked to the end.

But is this really good?Is life really only like this?

Suddenly the phone on the coffee table behind him rang, and Yan Chen was startled.Prompted by the ringtone, he turned around and took two quick steps. When he saw that the caller ID was his mother, Yan Chen's face sank.Recently, my mother seems to be more eager and determined than ever to ask Yan Chen to get married as soon as possible.

"If you have someone who knows how to take care of you, I will feel at ease." The mother wished to tell her heart, but it was very harsh to Yan Chen's ears.Obviously his mother already knew about his sexual orientation, but the attitude of deliberately ignoring it made people angry.Therefore, every time she calls, she always breaks up unhappy. After a long time, Yan Chen is somewhat resistant to answering her mother's call.

"Ah Chen, your grandfather is hospitalized.

Caught off guard, Yan Chen was stunned as if struck by lightning.

"Don't worry, what did the doctor say?"

Yan Chen had a bad feeling, his heart was beating like a drum.Since last year, my grandfather's health seemed to have collapsed suddenly, and he went back and forth to the hospital several times, but there was no improvement. When I went home to visit with my mother during the Chinese New Year, Yan Chen was startled by his dying appearance.

"Still in the emergency room, I was fine after dinner, and suddenly I couldn't breathe..."

Speaking of the mother's emotions getting a little out of control in the end, the inner anxiety must have reached its peak.Yan Chen was worried about her mother, but she was thousands of miles away and helpless.

"Where's Dad? Are you alone?"

"I went to pay the money and haven't come back. Your aunt is here, so I'll hang up first."

"I'll book a ticket and come back tomorrow. Call if you need anything."

Yan Chen went back on the weekend three days later, because his mother called the next day to say that his grandfather's condition had stabilized, and the injury on his arm was not recovering, so Yan Chen postponed his return schedule.

Taking the high-speed train back early in the morning, and then another 10-minute bus ride, Yan Chen arrived at the People's Hospital in the county seat.Grandpa was in the intensive care unit of the ICU on the seventh floor of the inpatient department. When Yan Chen walked into the ward, his grandfather was pale and lying on the bed with his eyes closed. The electrocardiogram machine beside him showed weak fluctuations.

"coming."

Grandpa was so angry that he only rolled his eyes slightly.

Yan Chen put down the fruits and snacks in his hand, moved a square chair and sat down.

"Do you feel better physically?"

"I feel tight in my chest, and I feel uncomfortable in my stomach... but I have a little appetite in the past two days."

After saying a few words, grandpa began to pant, his thin chest heaving weakly.I heard from my mother that my grandfather had advanced complications of diabetes, kidney and heart failure, arteriosclerosis... his body had reached an extremely fragile level, but actually seeing Yan Chen with his own eyes was still shocking.Grandpa's body covered under the quilt is as thin as a piece of paper, as if it will be blown away by the wind.The original weight of more than 100 kilograms was rapidly reduced to [-] to [-] kilograms due to the torture of illness, and both sides of the cheeks were thin and sunken.

"Being able to eat means that the body is recovering."

Yan Chen said in relief.

"Your uncle doesn't come to see me either. I wonder if your mother has notified me?"

"I guess I'm too busy with work to take time off."

"Ah."

Grandpa looked distraught, his arms stretched out of the quilt were like dead branches, and the back of his veined hand was pierced with an infusion needle. Yan Chen watched silently as the transparent liquid in the drip bottle was slowly transported into his withered body through the infusion tube. The warm air in the ICU ward was mixed with a decaying smell, the drooping curtains blocked the outside skylight, and the incandescent lamp above his head was always on. After sitting for a while, Yan Chen felt a tightness in his chest.

Coming out of the hospital, Yan Chen felt as if he had just come out of a white cave, slowly walking down the stairs, Yan Chen followed the road he came to and walked to the bus stop at the entrance of the hospital.

The trees on both sides of the road are lush and lush, and their thick branches show vigorous vitality.This tree has grown for about seven or eight years. If everything remains the same in the future, it will continue to grow here. Speaking of which, the lifespan of a tree is several hundred years. For a tree with a life span of several hundred years, it is still a tree world young children.Every species in the world has its own timetable, mountains and rivers of a thousand years, trees of a hundred years, flowers that bloom in the morning and fall in the evening...Life is not infinite. The time of the grandfather lying in the hospital bed has entered the countdown. At the age of 30 He will also enter the countdown one day, and he can no longer live aimlessly like this, Yan Chen secretly said to himself.