"My eternal soul, I watch your heart, though the night is lonely and the day is burning."

—— Rimbaud "A Season in Hell"

The lights in the ward flicked on.

The lamp was facing the top of Chi Yang's head, bright and dazzling.

Chi Yang's sleep was very light, almost at the same time as the lights were on, he sat up from the bed like a frightened hedgehog, and slowly lay down back to his original position after seeing the person coming.

The nurse pushed the trolley to his bed, "No. 48?"

Chi Yang nodded.

"name?"

This is no nonsense. "Chi Yang."

"Okay," the nurse picked up a cotton swab from the trolley, "Chi Yang, bed 48, take a blood test."

Chi Yang cooperatively rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, exposing his arm. The nurse skillfully tied the latex tube, and looked for blood vessels on his arm with his fingers.His blood vessels are very thin and difficult to find, and every time he goes to draw blood, it makes it difficult for the nurses.However, the nurse in front of him looked more powerful than the nurses he had seen before, and within a few seconds, he successfully found his blood vessels.

After sterilizing with a cotton swab, he quickly pricked the needle into the skin, and the blood flowed out of his body smoothly and entered the vacuum tube.

Chi Yang looked straight at the place where the blood was drawn on his arm without blinking.

A vacuum tube was more than half drawn, and the nurse pulled it out, and quickly connected the next one.Going back and forth like this, six or seven tubes of blood were drawn, which was the most that Chi Yang had done since he was a child.

Those who didn't know thought he was donating blood.

When the needle tube was pulled out from the skin, the area around the needle hole was slightly blue.

The nurse raised her head to reassure him: "You just entered the hospital, and there are many inspection items, so you smoke more."

Chi Yang let out a "hmm".

The nurse continued: "It's only six o'clock now, I'll turn off the lights, and you can go to sleep." So she pushed the cart out and turned off the lights in the room.

The moment the light was turned off, Chi Yang saw the person wrapped in the quilt on the next bed turn over, and seemed a little impatient.

Chi Yang lay down, threw the quilt over his head, and simply fell asleep.

Although City S has won the title of "National Livable City" every year, Chi Yang believes that the facts are contrary to this.This is a gloomy city. No matter what the season is, there are always very few sunny days. If the sun rises one day, it will even be a hot search.The sky is tightly covered by thick clouds, and it is always pressed down very low, giving people the illusion that they can be touched by reaching out, and it is so stuffy that water can drip.

Chi Yang didn't sleep peacefully for a long time after returning home. The hospital has a set of rules.He was called at eight o'clock.

There were two rounds in the morning, first by the nurse and then by the attending doctor.The nurse surnamed Wang whom I met yesterday told Chi Yang to fold up the quilt when she came to make the rounds.

Chi Yang was so overwhelmed by the theory that "mental patients actually have to make quilts", he was speechless.

Grandpa and grandma rented a house near the hospital. They came early in the morning and brought him a few big steaming steamed buns. Regardless of whether he could eat them or not, they always stuffed them for him.

I heard that he had six or seven tubes of blood drawn in the morning, and my grandmother was so distressed that her face was a little distorted, and she kept saying that she would go back and make soup for him.

After eating, he walked to the window and looked at the big hospital sign hanging downstairs, which read "Price No. [-] Hospital" sternly.Although it sounds like a foreign import, in fact, Price Hospital is a real private hospital.It is the most famous psychiatric hospital in the country.

Countless people come here for medical treatment every day, so it is hard to find the number one hospitalized place.

For this reason, his mother, Ms. Lu Lan, added the WeChat accounts of several scalpers at the door. It can be said that it was not so legitimate and spent a lot of money to successfully get him into the hospital.Because it was eight o'clock last night that the scalper suddenly sent a notice to Lu Lan, so Chi Yang spent the night in the hospital in a hurry before he could prepare anything.

Nurse Wang came over and handed several forms to grandpa and grandma, and said, "He just came in today, and he will have a lot of examinations in the morning." She pointed to one of the forms, "This MRI, in area B on the first floor, this EEG In Area C on the second floor..."

As Chi Yang listened, a sense of irritability gradually surged in his heart, and he couldn't suppress it no matter how much he suppressed it.

Fortunately, Nurse Wang just finished speaking at this time, smiled at Chi Yang friendly, and went out.

Grandpa was in a hurry, "Let's go, let's do it now, in the morning when there are few people."

Chi Yang had no objection, and followed them to the first floor.

In October, Chi Yang came to see a doctor.

At that time, a lot of tests were done, and when the test results came out, the doctor looked very serious and said to Lu Lan: "At present, I suggest that he be hospitalized immediately."

Lu Lan couldn't accept this result, "But the child is in the second year of high school, and his studies are very stressful. If he is hospitalized, he will have to suspend classes..."

The doctor was very impatient, "Since you brought your child here for an examination, you should accept any results. In this state, even if he continues to study in school, do you think he has the ability?"

Lu Lan is also a holder of the national second-level psychological counselor certificate. She thinks she is not a blank slate. She retorted: "But your result is just a reference."

"A child who is self-harming or suicidal tends to show that he is very unsafe outside and needs to be hospitalized for monitoring and adjustment."

Lu Lan hated people mentioning these two words very much, her face flushed instantly, "Children just like to exaggerate their own situation and talk nonsense, and you will draw such conclusions for him when he says it casually..."

The doctor interrupted her: "In addition to the questionnaire, he has many other examinations, which are not fully controlled by him subjectively. Many of his hormone levels are abnormal now!" The doctor said helplessly, "You are his guardian, many things You measure it yourself and bear the result yourself, I am just giving a suggestion." After speaking, he immediately called the next patient in.

Lu Lan angrily led Chi Yang out of the hospital, "Are you going to be hospitalized?"

Chi Yang knew that Lu Lan definitely wanted to answer "No", but he couldn't say it, and the words swirled a few times in his mouth, "I don't know."

"Then stop." Lu Lan made a decision with a big wave of his hand.

As a result, a month later, Lu Lan brought him to the hospital in despair.

"Is Chi Yang here?" A nurse poked her head out of the consultation room, interrupting Chi Yang's memory.

"It's here, it's here." Grandpa said hurriedly, pushing Chi Yang into the consulting room as he spoke.

Chi Yang was pushed almost to the ground by him, so he immediately took a few steps to escape from his grandfather's clutches.

The nurse arranged for him to lie on the table.

It was Chi Yang's first time to have an MRI. He had only seen it in TV dramas before.But it seems that people in the TV series are in that kind of unconscious state, so he also closed his eyes and imagined himself as a corpse.

At this time, he heard Ah Sui say: You are funny.

: You are the one laughing.He retorted silently.

He slowly followed the table into the machine. Suddenly, the machine made a loud noise in his ears, which made him tremble and his back arched. Ah Sui immediately comforted him, probably singing a nursery rhyme, and he Only then did I gradually get used to the sound of the machine, relaxed a little, and slowly lay back on the table.

After coming out, he did a few more checkups. Chi Yang felt tired. He was just sitting on a chair beside him to catch his breath when nurse Wang came to him again and said that he was going to the nurse's station to go through the relevant admission procedures.

There were two nurses in the nurse's station, one of them was sitting in front of the computer, he smiled when he saw Chi Yang, and half-jokingly said to the other nurse, "He's a handsome guy."

The voice was not small, and it reached Chi Yang's ears without any omission. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he sat lazily on a nearby wooden chair, leaning against the back of the chair as if boneless.

The nurse sitting in front of the computer made room for Nurse Wang. Nurse Wang sat down, clicked a few times on the computer with the mouse, and smiled at him gently.

I don’t know if this is a characteristic of the psychiatry department—even the appearance of the nurses has a kind of "kindness", not a weak and deceitful "kindness", but a look that seems to be clear, with a faint "indifferent" feeling "good".Chi Yang has always been uncomfortable with this kind of "goodness".He nodded slightly and quickly looked away.

"Then I'll start asking related questions."

"Have you ever had self-harm, suicidal behavior or thoughts?"

"What is the specific behavior?"

"Were you conscious at the time of the onset?"

"Have you received systemic treatment before? Have you ever taken any medicine?"

……

Chi Yang has answered this and that question countless times, but even though he has answered it many times, every time he says it, every word is still like a knife, and the tip of the blade scrapes carefully on his heart.

Finally, Nurse Wang clicked the mouse, "Okay." She quickly typed something on the keyboard and pressed the Enter key.

"I'll take you to your ward."

Chi Yang stood up and heard his own bones crack.

Nurse Wang smiled as she walked and said, "Generally, the process of hospitalization is to go through the relevant admission procedures before going to the ward. You reversed it a bit, and I'm not used to it."

Chi Yang didn't answer her, he turned his head to look at the situation in each ward - he just moved in late last night, so he didn't look carefully at the surroundings.

The hospitalization fee in Price Hospital is very expensive, but there is a reason why it is expensive. Each ward is a double room with a separate sofa and refrigerator in the ward, and the area is also very spacious.

Nurse Wang still tried to talk to him: "In order to ensure safety, the hospital requires parents to come to accompany the room at night. You have to tell your grandparents."

This is the first time I've heard of it, so Chi Yang thought about it.

Walking to the door of his ward, he glanced at the room number, which said "4036".

The door was slightly closed, and Nurse Wang knocked on the door carefully, but when no one responded, she pushed the door open and entered.

It was a very clean ward, the walls were so white that they glistened, and even the sheets were neat and tidy.If the railings on the two hospital beds hadn't been lowered, I really wouldn't be able to see that this room had been lived in.

He walked between the two beds. There was a green plastic board on the wall at the head of the bed. Inside the plastic board was a piece of paper with the name, gender, hospital number, risk level, etc. of the resident on the bed written on it.

Nurse Wang went around to the other side to change Chi Yang's information. Chi Yang walked to another bed and looked up at another person's information.

The handwriting on the paper was scrawled, and it took Chi Yang a long time to decipher these two words before he could faintly see them.

Jiang Xuan.

For the first time, a funny thought popped into his mind,

"girl?"

On second thought, the hospital probably wouldn't make such a low-level mistake.

This name, if it is a girl, is quite unique.If it's a boy... that's really unimaginable, I don't know what kind of person can hold down such a name.

He looked down again, and the age was written below. 15, as big as yourself.They are all the ages that start with a word. According to what Ms. Lu Lan said before, they are all good ages for studying.

Seeing him staring at the patient's information column over there thoughtfully, nurse Wang stepped forward and said, "This patient is quite easy to get along with." Nurse Wang pointed to the item under age on the patient information column, risk level , sss, "However, he is also one of the patients with the highest risk level here, so if you think there is any problem, you can talk to me directly."

Chi Yang nodded slightly.

Nurse Wang took out a wristband for him to wear, and then hung his patient information on the wall beside the bed.He saw his risk level clearly written, sss

Chi Yang: "..."

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