my zepple

You really know how to make mecry

you know too well how to make me cry

When you give metose oceaneyes

When you look at me with those sea-like eyes

---

Tong Yu has many inexplicable old problems, such as whenever he feels sad, he will vomit and have a fever.

But that day he didn't know whether he had a fever because of sadness, or simply because he was exposed to the rain outside.

The three roommates are all sketching in other places, and he is the only one in the dormitory.He vomited in the toilet in a daze, then turned on the shower and took a shower.

He had a hunch that that night might be difficult, so he took two olanzapines in advance, but he still slept intermittently.

As long as you are awake, you have to suffer from headaches.

He broke another two olanzapine pills under the pillow and choked on them dryly.I don't know how long the two round pills got stuck in the throat before they slipped into the stomach.Very uncomfortable.

Later, he kept dreaming that he became a Populus euphratica that was about to die in the desert, with the familiar red sun hanging above his head.The sharp sunlight was cutting his withered limbs, and the blood flowed along the gullies that burst open in the tree trunk and onto his spiraling roots.

Then his roots suck their own blood like a baby.

He felt both cruel and happy.

The light and shadow in the dream and reality overlap repeatedly, and the scorching time inside the bed curtain is chaotic like being in a hot prehistoric civilization.

Until the incandescent tubes in the dormitory lit up, cutting through the bloody hot mist.

Then he saw Song Rou.

Song Rou opened the curtain and stood by the bed, the black down jacket had just been opened and she hadn't had time to take it off.

"Fever again?"

He hooked the bed rail with one hand, and easily got on the bed with his long legs.

Tong Yu just woke up now, and when he realized Song Rou had already frowned, leaning on top of him.

Song Rou looked a little angry.

He knew why Song Rou was angry, but it was too late to cover up something at this time.

He just used the aluminum foil that wrapped the pills under the pillow to pull a lot of fresh cuts on his body: on the face, on the hands, on the belly...

Blood flowed from the skin, and the white flocs hidden in the bedding were sucking insatiably like the spiraling roots of Populus euphratica.

He pulled out an ugly smile at Song Rou, and said in his heart that there is no starry night in Lao Tzu's world at all, and there are only these shameful dirty things.

And Song Rou acted like the first passer-by who arrived at the murder scene before calling the police.

He must have just come out of a show, thin crayon eyeliner and glossy makeup and some residue on his pretty eyes.

The passer-by wiped away the blood on Tong Yu's face with his clean hands, and then gently lifted his face.

A passer-by asked him in a low voice, "Why did this happen all of a sudden?"

Tong Yu's eyes suddenly surged with heat.

No, he thought Song Rou was not a passerby.

Passers-by would just hide away in fear, and let him expose his corpse in the wilderness.A passer-by would not be unreasonably gentle to a dead person.

He is the perpetrator, he is the murderer.

After killing someone, the murderer has to pretend to be a passer-by and return to the scene of the crime, admiring his perfect masterpiece from the sidelines.

Tong Yu closed his eyes and asked, "Mengxuan, where does he live now?"

"I had some conflicts with my family, so I'm temporarily staying with me for the past two days."

"You and him, are you together?"

"No."

Song Rou still supported Tong Yu's face with her hand, and rubbed his white ears.

Then Tong Yu heard Song Rou laugh softly, and he asked, "Is that why you're unhappy?"

Tong Yu felt the warm liquid in his eyes start to flow out uncontrollably, he wanted to bury his head on the pillow, Song Rou held his chin to prevent him from turning his head.

As a result, tears flowed more and more.

Tong Yu said with a trembling voice, "You know that, right?"

I thought I hid it well, but in fact everyone knows the love, you all know it, right?

Song Rou wiped his tears with her fingers, but didn't speak.

Tong Yu said again: "You heard it last time in Yokohama, right?"

The moment the question came out, the tears were like a flood breaking a bank, and he was crying out of breath like a broken bellows.

Because he never thought that Song Rou would come here.

He could have burned himself to death in the dormitory alone, waiting for the storm in his body to pass.Then he planned to stand in front of Song Rou again like he was recovering from a serious illness.

As a result, Song Rou not only came, but he also saw himself in a terrible state.Song Rou dared to ask him if it was because of Mengxuan that made him so sad.

Look at this cruel murderer, he clearly remembers everything, and he knows everything.

"Yes."

Then Song Rou bent down and hugged him.

"I'm sorry for making you sad."

It was the first time that Tong Yu was so close to Song Rou, he was so dazed that he forgot to think deeply about what that sorry meant.

He just felt that a long time had passed, as if they had spent the long deep winter and early spring together, and still smelled the long-lost scent of acacia on Song Rou's body.

Then he thought of those very slow years in C City, the titanium dioxide whose grids were shoveled off each other, the cherry blossom eraser that disappeared when it fell on the ground, and the dizzy Berryman's body drawn every night.

Tong Yu thought, the dusk at the Art Building and Xingxinghai is very beautiful, and it must not be worse than the Northern Lights in Norway.

So he tightened his arms and hugged Song Rou, and he heard himself say:

"Can you stay with me?"

He also said: "I will treat you well"

I'm not pretty or cute, and I've had a very, very bad life before I met you, but I like you more than anyone else in this world.

I will really be nice to you.

But it may be because of short-term emotional fluctuations and too many words in one breath, Tong Yu started coughing violently as soon as he said important things.

The two hugged each other, chest to chest, Song Rou could feel the violent vibration of Tong Yu's trachea.

At that time, he suddenly realized that the person under him was still burning.

He got up from Tong Yu and said, "Go to the hospital first."

Tong Yu hurriedly grabbed Song Rou's sweater and wanted to speak, but when he opened his mouth, his trachea convulsed violently.As a result, the tears had to flow more and more, washing away the wound and mixing with the blood on his face.

Song Rou sighed.

He leaned down again and picked Tong Yu up from the bed, and stretched his hands behind Tong Yu's back to help him breathe.

Tong Yu sat on the bed, with his head down, and he pressed weakly against Song Rou's chest.

Song Rou said, "Don't worry."

Tong Yu raised her head against his chest.

Song Rou raised his head with one hand.I thought to myself that although Tong Yu is fat, his head is really too small.

Then he touched the thin wound on Tong Yu's face, the tears should be very painful.

Song Rou said: "I don't like this very much."

Then he leaned down and kissed his face.

"Come and talk to me when the wound is healed."

"I'll tell you what you want to hear again, okay?"

When in Yokohama, Song Rou did hear Tong Yu's sudden confession.

At that time, Song Rou felt that it was very difficult, because he really didn't know how to respond to Tong Yu, so that when he returned from Yokohama, he was weighing the pros and cons.

Because the gap between Tong Yu and his ideal spouse is too great.

He really likes Tong Yu, and he also knows that he likes it.

That person would feed the stray dogs the bread he just bought and then be surrounded by a group of stray dogs. After going to the hospital for rabies vaccination, he would still be unable to walk when he met a puppy on the road. After it snowed in City C, he would put the snowman into the Stay in the refrigerator for a few more days, eat coconut-flavored ice cream to relieve pain after tooth extraction, and even use foam as a life jacket for a goldfish that has lost its swim bladder...

It's really cute.

He likes his amazing talent in art, likes his dark eyes, which are dull and cute, as innocent as the white spikes of acacia flowers in late spring.

It's just that Song Rou doesn't know how much she likes him.

But he knows better that Tong Yu is a different person.Once two people establish a relationship, he must face each other's life directly.

You have to face the blood on your partner's hands that seldom dries up, the repeated scars on the skin surface, and face his fragile nerves that can't resist even a cold air.

Song Rou has also seen him eating crazily, which is an extreme desire for high carbohydrates and high sugar that ordinary people can't understand.

The colorful carbohydrates are wrapped in syrup and cream, and the grains with sharp surfaces will definitely cut through the mouth because they are eaten too fast, and then such a large volume will be swallowed raw into the esophagus before they can be fully chewed.

At that time, Song Rou didn't know what longing and pain felt like, he just felt that Tong Yu was stuffing food into his mouth and weeping like a crumbling balloon that was about to burst.

Obviously, God didn't forget the price of taking him when he poured out his talent.There are too many such examples: Van Gogh, Munch, Rothko, Yayoi Kusama...

All the best people are crazy.

Such a person may be famous all over the world and reach the pinnacle in his own field, but he will never have a successful life in the universal sense.

Song Rou thinks that she is sensible enough to distinguish pure appreciation, pity and love.

He didn't think he was ready to walk into that person's brilliant but sad life.

But that day in the dormitory, Tong Yu lying on the bed with blood on his face was really sad.

So sad that Song Rou felt very distressed.

Then Song Rou thought, since he is so sad, let's be together.

As long as you tell Tong Yu, don't cut yourself again and don't do things he doesn't like.

Tong Yu likes him so much, and he will definitely do it.

The lyrics before the chapter are quoted from Billie Eilish's Oceaneyes