ambiguous

Here are bits and pieces from the notebook:

I don't know why I want to write this notebook, I just want to record something.Always feel the need to write something down, so write something down.

When I saw him for the first time, I was in an alley at the corner of the street. His thin body was wearing loose clothes, and his slightly dull eyes could not conceal his beautiful and delicate face.

How can a person's appearance be so good-looking!As if crafted by God.I lingered on his face for a long time.

But when I saw him, I found that he was not happy.I guess I don't want to see him unhappy.

How can there be such a unique person in this slightly poor area, except of course me who is handsome, unrestrained and suave.I was put in this slightly safe place by my family due to the extraordinary period...

After many days of investigation, today I finally know his name: Nan Ke.A child in foster care who doesn't know who his biological father is.

I was still on a familiar road today, so I stopped him: "Nanke!"

He looked at me with wide, dark eyes, as if asking how I knew his name.Facing his clear eyes, I didn't know what to say, so I stuffed all five lollipops in his hand...

He didn't stand still and was pushed to the ground by me all of a sudden!I did not mean it.At that point I didn't know how to explain it, and I ran away.

I didn't expect to be pushed like this by me, which is good.I had a reason to be near him—sorry for accidentally pushing him over the other day.

Then I started to "show favor" again and again, and he gradually began to accept me as a "stranger", and kindly called me brother Ayang...

I didn't tell him my real identity, I thought it would be good for me to be his brother Ayang.

I am 16 and he is 13.But the cognition between us is much different, I admit that I have a kind of hazy love for him.

A kind of unreasonable love for him, close to him, and protect him.Even if he is a man, I love it.

When I write this, I feel more familiar with him.He asked me what I was writing about...in fact, I wanted to tell him: I wanted to write down all the good things we realized that happened.

Today, he wore an off-white shirt, which looked even more radiant with his white skin.How would you describe his appearance?She is not as weak as a girl, but she looks delicate and wants to make people feel protective.He was carrying that huge schoolbag and was about to walk to school again.

This road is the only way he goes to school every day, so I usually stay here.

Since I stuffed him with a lot of lollipops, he will call me kindly "Brother Ayang" when he passes this road now.

Well, the sun is shining today too.

…………

I didn't go to school here, because the procedures are too troublesome, and I may have to leave at any time.

I never thought that the day I was going to leave would come so soon!I haven't had time to do much.I didn't even have time to say goodbye to him.

Maybe we will never meet again in this life, I thought in despair.But you have left a mark in my heart and left a place.

The first few days when I didn't see you, I felt a little depressed.

……

Why can't I get out of your world?Or...how about I go find you and walk into your world!

Unexpectedly, we could meet again.It's a pity that you don't know me anymore.Feeling a little depressed, but it's okay, I just remember our previous memories.

You can't recognize me, but you approach me step by step as if planned, I feel very disturbed and very happy.

In the end, the strong anxiety grew bigger and bigger. It turns out that I am not the only one you like!

It doesn't matter, as long as you still have my place, I will eventually spread this mat to your heart.

I don't know why, but I feel that you hate me and want to run away from me.Then why did you come near me in the first place?

My feelings for you are expanding.Very strong expansion, as if there is a strong sense of jealousy and selfishness, I know as long as it is bad, but I really can't control you.

.........