Looking back and smiling

Chapter 36: Memories of the Past

Ever since the rainy day in the third year of high school, after the car accident, An Ziyu has discovered that she is very sensitive to rain.When my heart starts to ache, the rain will always come.

No matter what, I will never forget that day.The rain washes away the blood on the ground, but it cannot wash away the sin engraved on the heart.

There will never be redemption.

An Ziyu sat in front of the booth with her head down, holding the puppet of Mr. Cat in her arms, and gently patted the puppet of Mr. Cat on the head. After that, it became quiet.

He patted the puppet in his arms again and again, his face turned pale because of the foundation or something.

In December, even in this city where it never snows, it is cold.There were quite a few people in the exhibition center. With the central air conditioner turned on, An Ziyu was wearing that light white ancient costume, sitting quietly.

Sometimes, he wished that the person who died at that time was himself, not An Xin.

Thinking of this name, An Ziyu's heart began to ache again.

Peace of mind...

At this moment, An Ziyu suddenly felt warmth on the back of his hand, a warm hand gently covered the back of his hand, and held it gently.

He raised his head, and saw a pair of clear eyes looking at him gently.His eyes are very soft, with a constant smile on his face, a warm spring breeze.

"I will always be by your side." Heng Shen said with a smile. "It's okay if you don't want to tell what happened in the past, but you have to know that I will always be by your side, laughing with you and sorrowing with you."

An Ziyu looked at him, even though his hand was in the warm palm, it was still cold.He lowered his eyes halfway and said nothing.The held hand moved slightly, and he wanted to withdraw it, begging to be held even tighter by Heng Shen.

Sensing An Ziyu's small movements, Heng Shen clenched that cold hand tightly.The body of the person whose hand was clenched trembled suddenly, as if a little panicked and frightened, he hurriedly used all his strength to withdraw that hand.

After An Ziyu withdrew his hand, his body moved to the side, and he held the puppet of Mr. Cat tightly in his arms with his head down.

All this time, An Ziyu didn't say a word.

His actions just now made Heng Shen dare not approach him.Heng Shen could clearly see An Ziyu's expression of fear, why was he afraid?

In my memory, An Ziyu is a narcissistic nympho and shemale, who has a talent for opera that is different from ordinary people, and often commits crimes when there is nothing to do.

But just now...

An Ziyu became the same as before, that expression showed loneliness and sadness.

The two of them didn't speak, they just sat quietly, one of them hugged Teacher Kitty's puppet quietly, and the other looked at that person quietly.

Maybe it's because the atmosphere here has become a bit cold, and no one came to the booth to look at things.

"Shen Shen." Yang Zhou came with a boxed lunch.Yang Nisha found him just now, talked about the situation, and asked him to bring two boxes of lunch to An Ziyu and the others. "Ziyu, he..."

Heng Shen shook his head, and took the boxed lunch from Yang Zhou.

Hearing Yang Zhou's voice, An Ziyu raised his head slightly, and the corners of his mouth moved slightly, trying to show an expression that could be called a smile.

"Let's eat." Regarding An Ziyu's matter, Yangzhou is quite experienced. After all, he came here every rainy day during his freshman year. "Look, here is your favorite braised eggplant." Yangzhou opened the lunch box, and came to him with the lunch box and chopsticks, as if if you don't eat it, I'll feed it.

While eating, Heng Shen was concerned about An Ziyu's side, and when he saw that An Ziyu finally put down the cat teacher in his hand to eat, he felt a little relieved.

An Ziyu ate one grain of rice, chewing each grain slowly.

Heng Shen poked Yang Zhou who was planing rice with his chopsticks—is he all right?How many grains of rice are there?

Yang Zhou chewed the meat in his mouth - it was like this every time, when it was raining or it was going to rain, he would start counting while eating.

In this situation, An Ziyu will not be able to play in the afternoon game, but it does not affect the overall situation. Originally, An Ziyu's role is just a vase.It's OK to go on the field and just walk a few steps, and it's OK to make the girls scream.

Anyway, with such a demonic "appearance" that is so harmful to the country and the people, Yang Nisha finally made up her mind to let him make a vase.

But it really echoed an old saying - there are unpredictable things in the sky.

What a sad rainy day.

The sword dancer in Yangzhou didn't make any trouble, Yang Nisha was worried about An Ziyu's condition, so she asked the three of them to go back after the performance.

After leaving the venue, the sky was gloomy, as if a heavy rain was coming, and the clouds on the horizon were crumbling, waiting for an opportunity to pour down into this snow-free city.

Heng Shen also followed them back, and when he was about to hail a taxi, An Ziyu stopped him.

"I want to go for a while." An Ziyu said in a low voice, traces of eye shadow remained on her face after removing makeup, which made her pair of phoenix eyes look a little sad.It's like an actor who can't wash off the makeup on his face after leaving the stage. Maybe he has forgotten what he looks like.

The Convention and Exhibition Center is not close to C University, but Yangzhou and the others still agreed that it would be better to take more walks to relax.

An Ziyu just walked in front, Yangzhou and Hengshen walked behind.Walking slowly, the three of them didn't speak a word along the way, but the quiet atmosphere didn't seem awkward.

Yangzhou was walking, kicking the stones under his feet, he was a little worried, it seemed that a heavy rain was going to come down on this day, and there was no place to hide from the rain around here.

Hengshen crossed his arms and looked worriedly at the somewhat thin figure in front of him.An Ziyu was quite thin, and she didn't have much flesh on her body. Even wearing a coat, she looked thin from the back, which made her feel distressed.

They all only knew that An Ziyu's younger sister, An Xin, had a car accident on a rainy day, but no one knew what happened at that time, why he and An Xin were outside the school when they were in class.

No one knew what happened. Seeing An Ziyu's strange movements every rainy day, they didn't dare to ask him for fear of hurting him.

If he died with peace of mind, he would be the one who suffered the most.

During the Ching Ming Festival, they would also go to visit An Xin's grave, but An Ziyu just stood at a distance and did not go to the grave.From the time of her burial in peace to her visit to the grave during the Qingming Festival, An Ziyu never went to her tombstone.He seemed to be afraid, afraid of seeing the smiling innocent photo on the tombstone.

An Xin loves to laugh, she smiles anytime and anywhere.

The first impression she gives to everyone who knows her is that she is a girl who loves to laugh.

But that smile was always fixed on that rainy day.

Hengshen felt his mind was a little confused, he gently raised his hand and rubbed his temples, and while he was rubbing his temples, he suddenly saw a car speeding from a side fork.An Ziyu was still walking quietly, but when the car was about to hit him, it seemed like he didn't see anything.

"Be careful." Heng Shen exclaimed, stepped forward quickly, and pulled An Ziyu away in a daze.

An Ziyu was pulled violently from behind, the gravity was unstable, and she fell directly into Heng Shen's arms.When he fell into Hengshen's arms, he realized what had happened.

car.

car……

Yang Zhou had been kicking the stones under his feet just now, and he didn't notice the speeding car.When Hengshen pulled An Ziyu away, the car didn't slow down at all, but accelerated away, afraid that something might happen.

"Ziyu..." Yangzhou also hurried forward.

"You're such an adult, you should look at the road more when you walk." Heng Shen roared, and the constant smile on his face disappeared. "What if something happens?"

After being yelled at by Heng Shen, An Ziyu's dull eyes became a little bit expressiony, but he remained silent, with his head lowered and his mouth pursed, not daring to look at Heng Shen.

Yangzhou looked at the two of them, but didn't say anything knowingly.He tilted his head slightly to look in the direction that the car was leaving, and it was really gone.

Seeing the person in his arms like this, Heng Shen, who was already very angry, couldn't get angry.He lowered his voice, became soft, and asked, "Are you all right?"

An Ziyu shook his head, but did not speak.

"It's fine, let's take a taxi back." Heng Shen said softly. "I'm sorry for attacking you just now."

An Ziyu still didn't say a word, he got up and left Heng Shen's arms.The waist-length hair has become messy, and there are also black hairs on the cheeks.He walked a few steps, but felt that his eyes were a little sore, and tears flowed out inexplicably.He hurriedly wiped the tears on his face with the sleeve of his coat, afraid that they would see him crying.

An Ziyu frantically wiped away the tears on his face with his sleeve, and was held back by someone in a hurry.It was very warm to hold my hand, but my hand was too cold.

"Crying?" a soft voice asked.But for some reason, hearing that voice, tears flowed out continuously.

why cry...

An Ziyu didn't know why she was crying, maybe it was heartache.

He shook his head, indicating that he was fine.It's just that he just shook his head, but fell into an embrace, a warm embrace.

That smell is what I like, faint, like a warm spring breeze.

Yangzhou stood not far away and looked at the two people, suddenly felt a little coldness on his cheeks.With that bit of cold, a heavy rain poured down.

The winter rain is not like the spring rain, which is as thin as a cow's hair, and the bean-sized raindrops fall, which drenches the three people in the rain to a heart-to-heart chill.Heng Shen supported An Ziyu, and Yang Zhou hurriedly hailed a taxi.

Finally, hard work paid off, and Yangzhou stopped a taxi.

At the gate of C, Heng Shen wanted to send them back to the dormitory, but just opened the door and answered a phone call.Yang Zhou saw Heng Shen gradually frowning, said a few words and then hung up the phone.

"Zhouzhou Ziyu is sorry for me..."

"If you have something to do, go and do it first. You can't trust Ziyu to leave it to me." Yang Zhou patted his chest. "Do not worry."

"En." Heng Shen stayed in the taxi, and after Yangzhou and the others got off, he said to Master Che. "Go to the Luxen Group."

Lusen Group is the family business of the Heng family, and Yang Zhou also knew that it should be a matter of the company.Hengshen is the confirmed heir of the Heng family, and he started handling the company's affairs when he graduated from high school.

Yangzhou and An Ziyu returned to the dormitory, they were both drenched in the rain, if they didn't change their wet clothes quickly, they would catch a cold.Yangzhou asked An Ziyu to go to the toilet to take a hot shower first, and then took a hot shower himself.

He wiped the wet hair with a towel, and saw An Ziyu sitting at the desk in thin pajamas.He hurriedly shook off the towel in his hand, took a coat and put it on him.

"My dear student Ziyu, you are masochistic. Even if it doesn't snow in City C, the weather is only six or seven degrees. You want to be sick!"

An Ziyu was silent, grabbing the hem of the overcoat that was draped over her body.

Seeing him like that, Yangzhou felt cold, so he brought him another bed of cotton wool to cover it.Hmm... He looked up and down, so it shouldn't be cold.

Yang Zhou continued to brush his hair, and then took out the hair dryer to dry his hair. Just as he was plugging in/on the power, a weak voice came.

"Zhouzhou..."

Yang Zhou was taken aback, but when he turned around, An Ziyu called his name.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling sick? I'll get you medicine."

"I'm fine...I just..." An Ziyu's voice was very soft. "I want to talk to you, okay?"

Yang Zhou nodded, took a coat and put it on, sat opposite An Ziyu, and said, "Okay."

The two of them have nothing to do and always love to pinch each other. Except when they were children, the two of them rarely had such calm and chatting time.Yangzhou had a lot of worries when he was a child, and he often talked about it with An Ziyu in this way.

"There are some things I will never forget, but I try to bury them in my heart." An Ziyu said, her voice was helpless and lonely. "The deeper I buried, the more tired my heart was. I could force a smile on sunny days, but on rainy days, I couldn't laugh no matter what. You are my friend. I don't tell you these things because I don't believe it. You, but I don’t want you to be hurt by my affairs. I have always wanted to find someone who can tell, but I dare not, but now, I can’t bear it. "

Yangzhou listened quietly, not daring to interrupt.

"The speeding car today reminded me of that day again. It was also a rainy day, but after that rainy day, I went to bear an indelible sin." An Ziyu said after a pause. "I like Hengshen."

"Pa..." The hair dryer in Yang Zhou's hand fell to the ground, his eyes widened suddenly, and the towel in his hand also slipped to the ground.

"From the first moment I saw him, I knew that I liked him, I really liked him. But I also found out that An Xin also liked him very much. Just because An Xin liked him, I have always buried that love in my heart ..."

An Ziyu spoke softly, the sad voice made Yangzhou a little sad.

An Ziyu and An Xin fell in love with the same person.Regarding this liking, An Ziyu did not dare to say anything, and could not say anything.Although he and Heng Shen often joked about offense, they both knew that same-sex love was not protected in China.People around you may even say that you have an unethical love and a loss of morality.Moreover, An Ziyu has already taken away many things from An Xin, he can't take away the person she likes.

Because An Xin has no talent for singing, she had to switch identities with An Ziyu.The An family's unique glory should belong to An Xin, but now it is on her body, how can An Ziyu take away the one she loves.

But later he discovered that love is not something people can control.You don't need any reason to like someone.When you can't see him, you will feel distressed, and when you see him, you will be happy.

In the end, An Ziyu decided to be selfish again, and told An Xin that he liked Hengshen, really liked him, liked him uncontrollably, and hoped that An Xin could fulfill him.

It was a rainy day, An Ziyu skipped class and asked An Xin to come out.The two walked on the asphalt road with umbrellas. An Ziyu talked about his love for Hengshen. He wanted to tell Hengshen that if Hengshen also liked him, he hoped that Anxin could fulfill them.If Hengshen doesn't like him, he hopes that An Xin can help him.

He listened with peace of mind, with that innocent smile on his face.

She kept smiling, and there were two sweet dimples at the corners of her mouth.

Seeing An Xin's smile, An Ziyu couldn't help feeling distressed, she was really selfish.It's just...he was still talking, and he didn't notice the car driving behind him at all.

"Be careful..." An Xin suddenly stretched out her hand and pushed away An Ziyu who was still talking beside her.

It's just that she pushed him away, but she withered in that rainy day.

"Ah..." A scream pierced through the quiet rainy day, and when An Ziyu regained his composure, he saw a frozen smile in the rain.

He would never forgive himself, he had taken away so much from her, and now he took her life.

Such a bright smile, but also a dazzling smile. There is only one color in the smile - red.Even though the rain washed away the blood on the ground, it couldn't wash away the blood in her smile.

"I'm sorry An Xin." In the end, An Ziyu only said this sentence.

This incident really shocked Yangzhou. It turned out that this was what happened behind the car accident.

An Xin died, because of An Xin's death, An Ziyu has been living with guilt.Whenever it rains, he always thinks of that bloody smile.

It is also because of this that even if An Ziyu likes Heng Shen, it is impossible for him to be with Heng Shen.

But... An Xin hoped that this would happen in the future?

"Are the authorities obsessed?" Yang Zhou picked up the hair dryer and towel on the ground. "An Xin left with a smile in the end, right?"

An Ziyu nodded.

"An Xin is a good girl. She likes you as a brother very much. She always tells me 'my brother is so beautiful and can sing well. I like brother Tzuyu the most'. In her heart, you are more happy than me. She herself is much more important," Yang Zhou said. "She left with a smile because you don't have to take care of her anymore, and you can be with Shen Shen."

"Impossible." An Ziyu smiled wryly. "I can't pass my level anymore, not to mention that he is now the heir of the Luxen Group, how can he be with a man."

"Damn evildoer, you are a dead brain." Yang Zhou yelled. "If you want An Xin to rest in peace, then let yourself be happy. Don't be sad when it rains, and An Xin won't be happy like this. I was always afraid of exposing your scars. Since you said it yourself today, then I will Let your scars be exposed to the sun, and you must be healed!"

An Ziyu's smile was still bitter. Many things are easier said than done.

Yang Zhou simply put on his overcoat and spit and talked in front of him for more than half an hour. Finally, Yang Zhou said: "Then you will live for An Xin in rainy days from now on."

Hearing this, An Ziyu suddenly raised his head.Yang Zhou smiled at him, stopped talking about that matter, rubbed his hair and said to himself: "I'm exhausted, go to sleep..."

live for peace of mind...

An Ziyu silently recited these five words...

The author has something to say: The first half of the soy sauce daddy is really soy sauce~~~ Xiaoer is also making soy sauce~~ I believe Xiaoer, in the future, daddy will definitely not be soy sauce... In other words, there is an update in the last two days, it is really Simi Marseille~~ Xiao Er is not at home recently. During the work practice, he has not rested for almost half a month...Recently, there is no code word, and what is more is to save manuscripts...I just want to sleep when I go home...I will connect soon Half a month's class, I'm really tired~~ The most important thing is that the previous week was an unpaid internship... 囧...Okay, I'm chatting~~