rumor

We didn't chat a few words on WeChat.

Asked what was left behind, Xi Yufeng talked about the script, and Jiang Ruo remembered that he had printed two more copies of the script of "Skins", one of which was placed on the partition under the coffee table, so that he could take it out and study it while sitting on the sofa .

I didn't want to forget about it when I moved out, so Jiang Ruo had no choice but to ask: Can I trouble you to send it to me?

After a few minutes, Xi Yufeng replied: It's not convenient.

Thinking about it, the place where he lives is heavily guarded, and even the takeaway boys can't get in. It's not easy for people to go to the express delivery point for the things they left behind.

Jiang Ruo then said: "Then I'll get it, and I'll contact you in advance and give me a temporary password to open the door."

Xi Yufeng's residence uses a smart lock, and Jiang Ruo's fingerprint was entered before, but it should have been deleted by now.

But in fact, what Jiang Ruo wants to express when he said this is that I will go to get it quietly by myself, hoping not to touch you.

Xi Yufeng obviously understood what he meant: Your message was not deleted.I'm away during the day.

The latter sentence undoubtedly gave Jiang Ruo a shot in the arm, but the former sentence was even harder to ignore.

But if Jiang Ruo didn't think about it, maybe he was just too busy to delete it.

With this in mind, Jiang Ruo picked the Monday morning when he resumed work a year later, and went to the city center alone.

As expected, the place was unimpeded, the information registered at the doorman was still there, the elevator could be used smoothly, and the door was opened by entering fingerprints. Even his pair of slippers were placed in the original position of the entrance, as if they hadn't moved since he left.

Unexpectedly, there were people in the room.

Aunt Fang heard the voice coming out of the kitchen and saw Jiang Ruo putting shoe covers on her feet, she hurriedly said, "Come in directly, I will clean up in the afternoon."

Seeing Aunt Fang, Jiang Ruo was surprised at first, and then glanced in the direction of the study.

The study room is only used by Xi and Feng, and the door is always closed regardless of whether there is anyone inside, and it is also tightly closed at this moment.

"Xiaofeng is not at home." Aunt Fang seemed to know what he was looking at, "He told me earlier that you would come over."

Jiang Ruo heaved a sigh of relief, and then put on the shoe covers: "That's good, I'm afraid that my sudden appearance will scare you."

Now that we have met, it is inevitable to chat a few words.

As soon as he entered the house, Aunt Fang took him to the restaurant: "It's just in time, help me try the new lotus root ribs soup."

Jiang Ruo wanted to refuse, but Aunt Fang was very interested and quickly brought the soup to the table.Thinking that the old man treated him well before, and he really couldn't find anyone to talk to, Jiang Ruo sat down anyway.

Picking up the spoon and taking a sip, Jiang Ruo nodded under the expectant gaze and said, "It's delicious."

Aunt Fang smiled until her eyes were narrowed: "Really? That's good. Xiaofeng has been busy with work recently and doesn't sleep well. I heard that this soup has the effect of calming the nerves and strengthening the brain."

The hand holding the spoon paused slightly, Jiang Ruo lowered his eyes and did not speak.

Then Aunt Fang asked about his job, she said that she saw him on TV during the Chinese New Year, playing a fairy flying around in the sky.

I must be watching "Sun Moon Jingshan", this drama just happens to be stuck at the end of the new year.

When asked if the ones on TV were really flying, Jiang Ruo said, "That's right, tie a steel wire and hang people up."

I heard Aunt Fang shouting to God: "How can a good person be so obsessed, does it hurt?"

"It's okay, just a little bit."

"Don't take pictures of this kind of flying around next time, it's so dangerous."

"It's work, and it's protected, it's not dangerous."

"It's not the only one that can be acted. It's easy and decent to play the one that is well-dressed and filmed in high-rise buildings."

Jiang Ruo laughed: "With my current coffee position, I still pick on me, not me."

"Let Xiaofeng choose for you." Aunt Fang said, "He has connections and knows a lot of people. Let him find you a relaxing and likable TV series to shoot. Why bother with those troubles?"

Jiang Ruo couldn't answer these words again, he pursed his lips for a while, and said, "I've separated from him, and I'm here to get things today."

"Oh, I know. I just feel that it's a pity, and I want to try to make peace." After a pause, Aunt Fang still couldn't hold back, "Is there really no room for negotiation? He is in such a family, he always has some last resort. I I heard that he has reached an agreement with that Miss Meng, that they will only be in name and not be a real husband and wife."

"I know." Jiang Ruo answered, "But I'm small-minded and timid, and I can't afford such an abnormal and unstable relationship."

Aunt Fang sighed deeply.

"That's all, I made up my own mind and talked nonsense." Aunt Fang said, "But I can see that Xiaofeng really cares about you. He is just too withdrawn and not good at expressing. If he did something wrong before Xiao Jiang, you must not be angry with him."

Jiang Ruo smiled: "Why would I be angry with him?"

Later, the topic returned to cooking, and Jiang Ruo told Aunt Fang about killing chickens during the Chinese New Year.

Aunt Fang listened to him explain the steps in detail, pointed out several wrong operations, and reorganized the method of handling live poultry for him. Jiang Ruo was afraid that he would not be able to remember, so he even took out his mobile phone and recorded it in the memo.

Chatting and chatting, the bottom of a bowl of soup, Jiang Ruo got up to leave.

Picking up the script on the coffee table, Jiang Ruo went to the dance room and took off the dancing doll hanging behind the curtain.

I forgot about this thing last time, but luckily Xi Yufeng didn't see it, and took it away without anyone noticing.

When he put the doll into his pocket, he seemed to catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. Jiang Ruo didn't allow himself to stop and take a closer look, then turned his head and left the room quickly.

Aunt Fang sent him to the door, Xu sighed regretfully thinking that he would not have a chance to meet in the future: "No one will talk to this old woman like me in the future."

Jiang Ruo felt weak: "If you want, I will call you later when I am free."

"Really?"

"Of course, you haven't taught me how to kill fish yet, I can also tell you about interesting things in the crew."

Aunt Fang smiled: "Then it's settled."

When the people left, the door closed, and the study door suddenly opened from the inside.

Counting the time, Jiang Ruo was almost downstairs at this moment. After coming out of the study, Xi Yufeng walked to the balcony facing the main entrance of the community and looked down.

Aunt Fang followed after clearing the table, holding a coat in her hand: "It's still cold, don't catch a cold."

Xi Yufeng didn't say anything, took the clothes and casually draped them in the crook of his arms, staring at the downstairs without blinking.

He saw Jiang Ruo coming out of the corridor and walking towards the gate of the community.From too far away, he can only be seen wearing a beige short down jacket, with a yellow sweater hood buttoned on his head, his hands in his pockets, and he is walking quickly.

It seemed like he was afraid of the cold, more like he was in a hurry to leave.

Aunt Fang also asked, "Where is this kid rushing to?"

Thinking of the news from Xiao Shen in the morning, Xi Yufeng said, "He's going to film a movie and set off in the afternoon."

Aunt Fang nodded, and turned to see Xi Yufeng still staring intently at the person who was so far away that she could barely see her, she couldn't help feeling sour.

"I want to see him so much, why don't you go see him off and say a few words to him?"

Xi Yufeng just stood there motionless, expressionless and extremely quiet.

After a long time, until the sesame-sized figure disappeared from sight, Xi Yufeng spoke in a low and slow voice: "He doesn't want to see me."

Before Aunt Fang left, she told Xi Yufeng to remember to drink soup, and Xi Yufeng agreed, she said with a little relief: "I should be able to sleep well tonight."

Unfortunately, things backfired. Xi Yufeng drank soup and took sleeping pills, fell into a light sleep for a while, but woke up in the middle of the night, unable to fall asleep again.

On weekdays, he could lie down until dawn even with his eyes open, but today, for some reason, he had a mass of unresolved depression in his heart, which swelled up instead of lying down, so he simply got up from the bed, casually put on a bathrobe, and walked to the living room .

Turn on the floor lamp, touch the remote control of the TV, the variety show where Jiang Ruo went to be a flying guest hangs on the home page, click on the latest episode, and cheerful music plays in the empty room.

Xi Yufeng sat on the sofa, his body leaned back, the ever-changing images on the screen were reflected in his pupils, and there was also a layer of silence like stagnant water.

In this issue, Jiang Ruo happened to appear on the stage, but there were not many scenes, so I fast-forwarded a few times before he appeared in the center of the screen and answered the MC's question.

It should be the intermission after the game. Looking at the background in a park with dense greenery, Jiang Ruo sat in a corner of the gazebo, holding a bottle of drink and drinking vigorously. When he was caught by the MC, he looked confused: "Non-resident guest Do you want to be interviewed too?"

The answer is yes.

The question is simple - how would you confess your love to your sweetheart?

This episode was filmed before Xi Yufeng's birthday, and Jiang Ruo obviously didn't expect that he would reveal his heart in such a situation a few days later, when he heard this question, his first reaction was hesitation: "Ah... this is not It's too convenient to say, if the person I like sees this episode, won't there be no surprises?"

A male voice was inserted next to it, it was the actor named Chen Muxin: "Generally, the interview clips of the flying guests have no chance to be broadcast."

The MC also smiled: "So don't be afraid, speak out boldly!"

And Jiang Ruo didn't know it was a routine at all, and hesitated for a moment before saying, "If you want to confess, you will use a poem."

"It turns out that Mr. Jiang still has the habit of reading poetry."

"No. When I was learning to dance, in order to assist the emotional expression of the body, I read some under the recommendation of the teacher."

"Which poem will be used then?"

Jiang Ruo smiled shyly: "I really can't say that."

The MC yelled to whet his appetite and pestered him to talk, while an elderly guest next to him laughed and said, "I never thought Xiao Jiang would express his love with sour poems like our older generation at such a young age. "

Some people even began to boldly guess whether he would use "a couple for a lifetime" or "hold your hand and grow old together".

Jiang Ruo blushed from being teased by them, and held back for a long time before saying, "It won't be so direct."

If the poem was too explicit, he said, he would cut out the line with the word "love."

"Aren't you afraid that the other party won't understand?" Someone asked.

Jiang Ruo smiled and said, "He wants to understand, so he can understand it. If he doesn't want to understand, it's useless to shout the words 'I love you' into his ear."

The show ended amidst laughter, and when the noise subsided, Xi Yufeng saw himself in darkness on the pitch-black screen.

After sitting for a while, he got up and walked to the dance room, went to the window, raised his hand and lifted the curtains—there was nothing, and the doll hanging by the window had disappeared.

He knew who made that doll, but he wasn't sure about it before. Just now, the camera flickered in the show, and Chen Muxin's backpack was photographed, with the exact same thing hanging on the side.

And the wine bottle that he put on the windowsill below was still there.

As if being strangled by the throat, Xi Yufeng raised his brows in a breathless suffocation.

The slender fingers caressed the body of the bottle, and when he picked it up, the fine bulge under the thumb made the strange discomfort infinitely magnified, as if what he was holding was not a wine bottle, but a sharp knife. Be careful, you will be stabbed bloody.

In fact, in order to get this bottle of wine back, Xi Yufeng paid some price.

But it's not worth mentioning, since he saw the line of letters at the bottom of the bottle.

Most likely it was intentional, the engraving of this line of characters is extremely small, if you don't rub it carefully, you won't be able to find it at all.And most of them hide incomprehensible thoughts. This poem uses the original Spanish version.

However, Jiang Ruo probably didn't know that when Xi Yufeng was studying business abroad, his minor was Spanish.

And at that time, in order to quickly master a language, he happened to read this famous collection of poems.

The first half of the sentence is engraved on the bottle——

Lalunahacegirarsurodajedesue?o.

Memiran contuso joslasestrellas grandes.

The moon turns its disc of dreams.

The biggest stars look at me through your eyes.

The unspoken second half of the sentence is——

Ycomoyoteamo,lospinosenelviento,

quierencantartu ombreconsushojasdealambre.

And because I love you, pine in the wind,

with their needles shall sing your name.

It turned out that before that, Jiang Ruo had already confessed his feelings and said "I love you".

I love you.

But I love you.

Until now, Xi Yufeng faced the voice directly with the regret welling up in his heart, grasped the last cluster of flames that could save him from the darkness, and added more firewood to it without hesitation, turning the dull pain into burning No pain, no hesitation.

Then who asked - is this your love?

Thinking of Jiang Ruo's ashes-like and desperate expression when he was pressed on the bed, Xi Yufeng's movements of touching the cigarette from his pocket became sluggish, and finally lit the cigarette, brought it to his lips, took a deep breath, and then exhaled hard , let the white smoke drift, disperse, and formless.

And "love" gradually took on a concrete shape and became clearer and clearer.

Love is an entanglement that you can't ask for, and it's also a disheartened escape.

It is the loneliness of being abandoned, the despicable jealousy, and the selfish and greedy possessiveness.

It is a unique and rare thing in Jiang Ruo's mouth. Those who want to understand will always understand, and those who don't want to understand can't wake up even if they shout into their ears.

It was also at this moment, as memories piled up to the top, Xi and Fengdong understood the meaning of "No Name" to Jiang Ruo.

It was his painstaking effort, and it also symbolized his dazzling but fragile vitality.

But what did I do—Xi Yufeng asked himself.

I trapped him in a cage, let him carry a heavy past, keep in this shady relationship, let him dance for me wearing anklets.

When he was about to leave, I refused to admit that I was afraid of losing, and even used cruel means to force him to stay in order to cover up the fear, which almost pushed him to the brink of death again.

Back on the balcony, Xi Yufeng closed his eyes at the place where he had stood during the day, and Jiang Ruo's lonely but proud back was still in his mind.

The bitter cold wind of winter night blows, and he feels the pain of wildfire extending to every pore, burning deep enough for him to wake up completely.

Love is watching his back when he leaves, wanting to touch but withdrawing his hand.

As he wished, return him to freedom.

The author says:

1, is Neruda's poem, "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair", No. 18. "Love is the hand that wants to touch and then withdraws" from Salinger's poem

2. "Unique and rare things" corresponds to Chapter 24. Xiao Xi thought that Xiao Jiang wanted to eat a big meal, and said, "If I like to take you there tomorrow", Xiao Jiang said no, and said, "It's not something unique, so I don't care about it."