rumor

This is the third time he has used time as an excuse to procrastinate.

But he only needs 5 minutes this time, no matter how determined Jiang Ruo is, he has no reason not to give it.

It's just that I didn't expect that Xi Yufeng wanted these 5 minutes to tell a story.

However, he didn't bother to use "I have a friend" as a cover, but cut to the point at the beginning: "I told you, my birth was a joke... This is not an exaggeration, it is a fact."

After a short pause, Xi Yufeng continued in a voice deeper than the night, "Back then, my mother was the daughter of a wealthy businessman, and she married Xi Chengli, who came from a poor family, and it was worthy of the name."

The beginning of a standard love story.

Back then, Qiao Jiayue was full of joy, thinking that she had found someone worth entrusting her life to, even if she wanted to help her husband solicit investment everywhere, and use her contacts to help him enter the upper class, she didn't care.

With her help, Xi Chengli's career has become more and more successful, and he has become busy. The most intuitive change is that he goes home less and less frequently.

But gradually, Qiao Jiayue discovered that Xi Chengli was busy not only because of work.

Especially after giving birth to Xi Yufeng, Qiao Jiayue was extremely sensitive to postpartum depression. She called Xi Chengli for more than three times and failed to answer, and she would think wildly.

Suspicious for thousands of days and nights, finally three years later, that is, when Xi Yufeng was three years old, Qiao Jiayue found out an address that Xi Chengli often went to through private detectives. Yin, catch rape in bed.

Later, Qiao Jiayue knew that the two had been dating long before she and Xi Chengli were together.

It was clear at a glance why Xi Chengli married her.

At that time, Xiao Yin was already pregnant.

She could have chosen to divorce and take the children back to her mother's house to continue her life. At the age of [-], which is still considered a youth, Qiao Jiayue has a great chance of finding a real marriage.But she refused to admit defeat and refused to quit no matter what.

A protracted "war" kicked off.

The party who was originally justified, even if there was a divorce lawsuit, Qiao Jiayue would still be the winner.But she was arrogant and arrogant, losing to Xiao Yin had dampened her spirits, she disdained those tricks of crying, making trouble, and hanging herself, and couldn't think of any other way, so she could only work hard on some meaningless things.

For example, ask Aunt Fang to cook all kinds of dishes that Xi Chengli likes and ask him to come back.

For example, using old connections, put eyeliner on them, let them notify Xi Chengli when they see her, so that she can chase them and block them.

Another example is to be stricter with Xi Yufeng, requiring him to be among the best in all subjects and not inferior to his peers in everything, and then use him as an excuse to ask Xi Chengli to go home and give him a reward.

And as a father, as a husband who has been oppressed by his wife for a long time and ridiculed by outsiders, what is the reward that Xi Chengli gave Xi Yufeng?

He would take advantage of Qiao Jiayue taking antidepressant drugs and fall into a coma, take Xi and Feng to the empty storage room, close the curtains, turn off all the light sources, lock the doors and windows, and leave Xi and Feng in there alone .

Xi Chengli vented all the resentment and humiliation in his heart on a child who was under ten years old.

It also expressly forbids the servants at home to release Xi and Feng.

Therefore, Xi Yufeng was often locked up for as long as Qiao Jiayue slept.Sometimes Qiao Jiayue would sleep for more than ten hours, and Xi Yufeng would be locked up from day to night, or even another day.

In Xi Yufeng's impression, mother is always sleeping.

Occasionally sane and indifferent to him.Only at certain times, she would take him to find Xi Chengli.

Sometimes I go to the company, sometimes I go to Xiao Yin's residence.

Everywhere, Qiao Jiayue would say some unpleasant words, he could only listen by the side and couldn't walk away.

The mother and son were undoubtedly unwelcome wherever they went.

Once, Xi Yufeng was placed in the lobby on the first floor of the company by Qiao Jiayue. He was thirsty and wanted to find water to drink. When he walked near the tea room, he heard the employees talking and laughing together, saying that he was like an illegitimate child, that his birth It's a big joke.

This was the first time Xi Yufeng learned to hide his emotions. When Qiao Jiayue came back and saw his eyes were red, he asked him what was wrong, but he shook his head and said nothing.

Later, in the continuous training of "actual combat", Xi Yufeng summed up a set of survival rules of his own.

He seldom stayed at home at first, and after school he either lingered on the school playground or spent time in the library.

After becoming friends with Meng Chao, Xi Yufeng has another place to go, which is Meng's house.

The Meng family has many, many books. Even if he reads one book a week, he will never be able to finish it in his lifetime.

He grew up slowly, and no matter how difficult Qiao Jiayue was to control him, Xi Chengli couldn't shut him up anymore. Instead, he began to fear this son who always looked at him indifferently. homework situation.

Because Xi Yufeng is already taller than him, and because the illegitimate son who is not like the illegitimate son is a useless idiot, he is afraid that no one will inherit the country he has built so hard, and he is afraid that he will have no face to face his ancestors in a hundred years.

But in this long dark night that occupies the beginning of life, Xi and Feng have become accustomed to the darkness, and it is difficult to distinguish the change of day and night, and the flow of time.

He doesn't realize when to sleep and when to wake up.Even lying in bed, the brain and body could not relax, so they had to close their eyes and pretend to fall asleep.

He even developed a method of adjusting his breathing so that it was no different from falling asleep.

Over the years, this set of skills has been honed by him to perfection.He deceived his roommates in high school, and his friend Meng Chao. After studying abroad, there was a party in the dormitory on weekends. Some people worried that he would make noise when the door was closed. I can't even wake up."

He even deceived himself, thinking that he had already adapted to the darkness and didn't need light.

Speaking of this, Jiang Ruo heard himself exhale lightly.

The reason why it is light is because I don't want to miss every word Xi Yufeng said, every moment I have experienced.

The sound became a little distant through the compression of the phone.

I couldn't help but change the hands-free to the earpiece mode, and put the phone close to the ear.

Xi Yufeng said: "You are the first person to find out that I am pretending to sleep."

Hearing this sentence, Jiang Ruo couldn't help but think of the day when Xi Yufeng gave him a dance studio and told him: "You have light in your eyes."

It turns out that you don't care, but it doesn't mean you don't want it.

Jiang Ruo either heard about what happened later, or witnessed it with his own eyes.

What Xi Yufeng talked about was what he didn't know.

"My mother died when I was 19 years old." Xi Yufeng said, "When I drove home from abroad, she was already on her deathbed. She was sober during those two days. Pass it on to me so I don't miss her."

"I didn't protect her well, I had to become strong."

Jiang Ruo knew very well that what he heard at this moment was not something that a powerful man in everyone's eyes would say easily.

Xi Yufeng completely let go of his guard, and even spoke incoherently.

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

"After you left, I fell asleep several times, and I had the same dream every time. In the dream was your back. I stretched out my hand, but I couldn't catch it."

So that day when I was resting at Jiang Ruo's residence, when I opened my eyes and saw Jiang Ruo, my first reaction was to grab him.

"You are right. I am arrogant and conceited. I always think that everything is under control. But facing you, I will always lose control and do things that I regret."

"Whenever I look back on that day, I always feel that I was so hideous at that time."

Jiang Ruo knew which day he was talking about.

So he held his breath for a moment, lest he miss the next explanation.

"I'm sorry." Xi Yufeng spoke slowly, but his tone was sincere and firm, "Even though it's already late, I still want to tell you that I did that to keep you."

"The reason for the divorce is for you, and it is for you to get the wine back. The reason for changing the profile picture to your poster is because you like making movies. You said that you want everyone to watch your movies."

"If only you come back, I have ten thousand ways to force you to submit, so that you have to come back to me."

"But I don't want to make you sad, and I don't want to make you cry again."

At this time, the sun has risen, and Jiang Ruo seems to be still soaking in the cool lake water under the moonlight. Every time he breathes, he can smell the damp and sour breath.

It turns out that he will also expose his weaknesses. It turns out that he is not omnipotent.

His heart was so soft that he couldn't bear to interrupt the silence on the other side, so he waited until Xi Yufeng regained his thoughts and spoke again.

"You are not a plaything, and I am not a savior. Love is not self-righteous giving, let alone unilateral giving."

When that word was mentioned, there was a pause, and Xi Yufeng asked: "You said you like secret confession, did you see the wine you sent over?"

Jiang Ruo shook his head subconsciously, and it took a while to realize that the other party couldn't see him, so he couldn't help laughing.

Then, in a place where Xi Yufeng couldn't see, he nodded secretly.

Why don't you want to see it?

On the day he got the bottle of wine, Jiang Ruo suffered from insomnia until midnight, so he had to get up, hold the bottle under the light, and distinguish the verses engraved on the bottom of the bottle.

Fortunately, Jiang Ruo had read this Western poem before, and found it familiar, so I looked it up on the Internet according to my impression, and it turned out to be the one——

Tevoyadarmisoledad,

mioscuridad, micorazónestáconhambre;

I give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart;

Heintentadoutilizarlaconfusión,elpeligro,nolesorprenderá

I try to impress you with confusion, danger, failure.

However, Xi Yufeng on the other side really couldn't see it, so he tacitly agreed that Jiang Ruo still refused to touch the bottle of wine.

He simply said in person: "I knew a long time ago that all things that make people lose control are risk factors. According to the inertial thinking of businessmen, the first thing to do is to eliminate the risk factors. But I don't want to, if you are my risk factor, I will Willing to lose control for you."

"If my loss of control ever hurt you, it wasn't my intention."

"Jiang Ruo...don't hate me."

Turn back time and go back to this time a year ago, broken beginnings.

It seems that from a certain moment at that time, after Jiang Ruo asked him to call his name a few more times, Xi Yufeng would use his name at the beginning of almost every sentence.

It's hard to get through the phone, how can it be enough to call only once?

Immediately afterwards, Xi Yufeng said, "Jiang Ruo, I love you."

"I love you, so I will lose control again and again for you... This at least proves that I have no secrets in front of you."

"Jiang Ruo..."

"I love you."

The author says:

The poem is "What Can I Keep You" by Borges.The original version was written in English, but in order to correspond to Xiao Jiang's confession, I found a Spanish version.