atypical romanticism

If we say that Zhou Yu was an awkward child who was docile on the surface and full of thorns in his heart when he was a child, Xiang Sheng was an out-and-out "bear child".

Of course, this is just the opinion of her seven aunts and eight aunts. Xiang Bei and Ke Qin do not admit it—in fact, Xiang Sheng is not the kind of spoiled child, but as a little girl, she Too "hyperactive".

When a little girl of the same age was wearing a small skirt and drinking at home, Xiang Sheng led a group of little boys up the wall to climb a tree and was chased by dogs. The painting style was very different, and he couldn't laugh or cry. He had rich experience in rabies vaccination since he was a child.

Xiang Bei and Ke Qin are not in a hurry. Children, it is not good to raise them too carefully. They have to do what they want at any age.

The two of them often feel headaches when they see a child who can't speak completely being taken to early childhood education by his parents. What is the meaning of asking him to recite three hundred Tang poems?

If the end of the poem is just "reciting and dictating", then I am too sorry for the romance and style in those lines.

Therefore, they never had any hard requirements on Xiang Sheng's grades. In the specialty class, Xiang Sheng asked her what she wanted to learn before taking her to the teacher.

Before the age of 15, Xiang Sheng lived freely and unrestrainedly, with above-average grades, and lived a leisurely life.

But maybe she was so wanton that God couldn't stand it anymore. When she was 15 years old, she was packed and thrown into the hospital.

On the day when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Xiang Sheng faced a room full of doctors in white coats in a daze. These people were all Ke Qin’s colleagues, and they were uncles and aunts who had watched Xiang Sheng grow up. Any one of them would be the “informer” This identity is too cruel.

Finally, it was Xiang Bei who arrived belatedly and broke the silence.

He smiled and patted Xiang Sheng on the shoulder, and said in a joking tone: "As expected of my daughter, she only gives birth to heavyweights when she is sick!"

Ke Qin also came back to his senses, wiped away his tears indiscriminately, and echoed with a smile: "Yes, she is indeed my daughter, she has a bit of ruthlessness."

This is the first time that the word "death" clearly appears in Xiang Sheng's world.

But Xiang Bei has nothing to do with Ke Qin's performance of the family members who broke down and cried in the film and television works, so that her first reaction was not fear, but a little nervous.

During the treatment, Xiang Bei and Ke Qin were not as tired as the "normal" patient's family members, and their eyes were always bright.

Xiang Sheng also didn't fit in with the painting style of the patients in the same ward. He was as lively as if he was on vacation in the ward. The biggest worry every day was chemotherapy.

Death is a frequent visitor in the tumor ward. Last night, I called the patient next door. When I opened my eyes the next day, the bed next to me was empty. For the first time, the abstract word "death" had a concrete image in Xiang Sheng's mind.

She was starting to get scared.

But she dared not let Xiang Bei and Ke Qin notice her fear.

At the age of 15, her mind is as active as a fluttering moth flying up and down in front of the street lights in summer nights. She has not figured out what "death" is, but she has arranged her "behind affairs" properly. Wrote a "suicide note" on two sheets of paper.

This suicide note was discovered by the nurse when she was changing the sheets for her and passed it on to Xiang Bei and Ke Qin.

The two of them opened Xiang Sheng's suicide note with apprehension, and finally they were laughing together -- this brat was only two or three sentences provocative, and he started to dig up old scores after he wrote it.

——"At a certain time of a certain day, a certain month, a certain time, I sneaked to the supermarket with my father to buy ice cream, and my father bit off half of my ball while I was not paying attention, which caused great harm to my young heart, but I have already Stop being angry."

——"Mom, do you still remember that broken lipstick? It wasn't my father who broke it, but me. I was afraid that my mother would be angry, so I put the blame on Dad, I hope Mom can forgive Dad, you can buy another lipstick if it breaks, and if Dad breaks it, it will be gone."

After the two laughed, they felt that it was time to talk to Xiang Sheng about the topic of "death".

The sunshine that day was very good, and it slanted into the ward through the glass, and even the pungent disinfectant smell seemed to smell much better.

Xiang Bei told her that death is a proposition that no one can escape.

Facing this proposition, escaping is the most useless way, being afraid is a courtesy to it, acknowledging and not being afraid from the bottom of your heart is the fulfillment of yourself.

"Most people think that the process of dying must be painful, but in fact, when life is about to end, your body will turn itself into an unconscious state. Your breathing will sometimes be deep and slow, sometimes shallow and fast, and finally will stop slowly. Also There's no sharp pain, you don't feel the life disappearing, and it looks like you're asleep to outsiders."

Xiang Sheng looked at the beam of light hitting the wall, the words of Ke Qin and Xiang Bei really comforted her.

But she still didn't understand what death was.

Until the age of 23, she was readmitted again for the same reason.

This time, Xiang Sheng was no longer the child who would huddle under the quilt and cry while writing a suicide note. She was very clear about the extent of her illness.

What is more frustrating than death itself is that she is obviously receiving treatment, but she has no way to tell herself to believe that her life can be continued.

The disease has developed to her situation, and all treatments are like "superficial efforts".Xiang Sheng really hated her hair this time.

When Xiang Bei and Ke Qin knew that she wanted to give up the idea of ​​hospitalization, the two people who were always optimistic were also stunned.

Ke Qin has worked in the hospital all her life, and she knows better than anyone that if the mind is damaged, life maintained by machines is an extremely disgraceful thing for the patient himself.

If she were Xiang Sheng, she would make the same decision as Xiang Sheng.

After they accompanied Xiang Sheng to drop out of school, Xiang Sheng locked himself at home for a whole summer.

The last sound of cicadas at the end of summer disappeared in a sudden autumn rain, and Xiang Sheng woke up unconsciously. There was a camera next to his pillow with a sticky note on it. The strong handwriting came from Xiang Bei.

—— "A Sheng, do what you want, my mother and I are always together."

The autumn rain wets the sycamore trees outside the window, and the prosperity of the whole city is also covered with a layer of gloom due to this rain-but the rain will stop, and the sky will eventually break through the clouds. At that time, the sun is just right and everything is lovely.

Xiang Sheng pushed open the door that had been missed for the whole summer, and in early autumn, he started his own fulfillment.

Perhaps it was because she wanted to open up. After she was discharged from the hospital, her condition did not deteriorate, but was stable, and the cancer cells did not show any tendency to spread.

Three years ago, when she returned to the imperial capital from Nepal for the Spring Festival, Lu Junhui found her.In March of the new year, the two established their current studio, starting with a bank card that Xiang Bei secretly put in her bag.

Both of them are not very rich, and they only choose college students who are cheap, easy to use and lack of money and not very knowledgeable when looking for assistants.

Gradually, two people became a "small workshop" of five people now.

But perhaps, people will have a special feeling about their own death, and Xiang Sheng has become more and more powerless this year.

At first it was just easy fatigue, then it was paroxysmal headaches, and after New Year's Day, her eyesight also began to decline.Glasses do little to correct vision loss in her condition, but she keeps a drawer full of them anyway.

Zhou Yu casually picked up a pair of gold-rimmed mirrors, and joked, "Teacher Xiang, are you going to change your career to open an optical shop?"

Xiang Sheng smiled and said, "Personally, I look pretty good with glasses."

——She didn't want to hide it from Zhou Yu, but it's almost New Year's Eve.

Their love is too hasty, but too strong.It's absurd like an incomprehensible literary film.

Zhou Yu sat by the bed and was busy packing his luggage, and finally finished tangling, and when he turned his head, he saw Xiang Sheng was nestling in the rocking chair beside him, with earphones plugged into his ears, listening to the song leisurely.

"Are you planning to stay alone in Shanghua for Chinese New Year this year?"

"Of course not," Xiang Sheng pulled off the earphones, and said unhurriedly, "Jun Lu happened to come to Shanghua the day after tomorrow to have something to do, I'm going to take his car back the day after tomorrow, and buy the air ticket money I saved for Mr. Zhou skirt."

Zhou Yu selectively ignored the second half of her sentence, and said, "I have the high-speed train at [-] o'clock tomorrow, so I still have to stay in the empty room alone?"

"That's right," Xiang Sheng stood up and hugged her from behind, "Why don't Teacher Zhou leave me the shirt I'm wearing, and I'll sleep in it tomorrow night, so I won't be alone in the empty room."

As soon as the words finished, Zhou Yu's face turned red, she patted Xiang Sheng's hand lightly, and said coquettishly, "Thank you for thinking of it."

"Do you want to stay~"

"Do not stay!"

"Really not?"

"Ah."

Xiang Sheng laughed, and started to do it: "Then I will do it myself, and I will have enough food and clothing!"

......

The next day.

Xiang Sheng nestled under the quilt, watching Zhou Yu counting his luggage, full of pampering.

"Is there anything left?"

Zhou Yu closed the suitcase and said, "Probably not."

"Motion sickness pills?"

"In the bag."

"Steam goggles?"

"Bring it~"

"Where's the medicine to take?" Xiang Sheng asked in a relaxed tone.

Zhou Yu nodded, and replied in a brisk tone: "I brought everything with me." She raised her hand and pinched Xiang Sheng's earlobe, "Get some rest, didn't you suffer from insomnia last night? Just fell asleep."

Xiang Sheng pinched her fingertips, and looked at her pitifully with a pair of deer eyes: "You really don't need me to see you?"

"No need," Zhou Yu said as he walked out with his hands away, "You can also let me, a bedridden player, enjoy the feeling of being an early champion, okay?"

Xiang Sheng chuckled, and said, "Then send me a message when you arrive."

"Good~"

The moment the door slammed, Xiang Sheng's hand that was tightly clutching the sheet was released—his head hurt again.

When she returned to the imperial capital for a follow-up examination, the doctor advised her to be hospitalized.

After thinking about it for a long time, Xiang Sheng decided to accept the doctor's advice.She is still fearless, but she has a little more nostalgia for this world. She knows that there is little hope, but she still wants to hold out until after the New Year and tell Zhou Yu herself.

Xiang Sheng fell into a drowsy sleep, when a knock on the door woke her up.

She struggled to get up to open the door—the moment she opened the door, she was awakened by Lu Junhui's resentful howl: "Grandma Xiang, if you don't open the door again, I will call the police."

"In my case, you should call 120." Xiang Sheng rolled his eyes, poured himself a glass of water, and remembered to ask after drinking, "Didn't you say you'll come tomorrow?"

"My beloved Aunt Ke asked me to come over and watch you." Lu Jun looked back at Xiang Sheng's face and said guiltily, "Aunt Ke pried open your doctor's mouth, so I don't feel at ease. Speaking of which, Zhou Yu Are you going to keep it a secret?"

"As a buddy, I really don't suggest you keep it from her," Lu Junhui sighed, "That would be too hurtful."

Xiang Sheng glanced at her, snorted, and said, "I use you to teach me how to be a man. Let's leave tonight?"

Lu Jun saw that she didn't want to continue talking about this topic, and she wasn't struggling.

Although Xiang Sheng has been a "bear child" since she was a child, but she is not a "bear", so she can't do such a detrimental thing.

"It's fine," Lu Jun stretched his waist back, and said, "Aunt Ke sent me to keep an eye on you because she was afraid that something might happen to you alone in Shanghua. After all, your old body is there."

"Then tomorrow, I'm tired today," Xiang Sheng waved his hand as he walked to the bedroom, "Xiao Luzi, you can order takeaway by yourself and sleep on the floor bunk."

Lu Jun smiled angrily: "Co-author, I don't even have the right to sleep on the sofa, do I?"

Xiang Sheng: "Yes."

"Wait." Lu Junhui hesitated for a moment, but still asked, "What are you trying to figure out?"

Xiang Sheng glanced at her, and almost blurted out: "Picture her."

In this world, there is always a person who is more meaningful than existence itself.

She is being, she is meaning.

--------------------

The author has something to say:

I just suddenly discovered that the points have been lowered again... (crying)

If you like it, please click to collect it~

I will write the full version of the "suicide note" written by Xiaoxiang when he was 15 years old!