overly fond of gl

My name is even, the only one, Lin asked.

The first time I saw her, it was on TV.

There is a screen between us, but it is not just a screen.

To be honest, I didn't really notice her at first, not even the TV that was on.

Or mother suddenly said: "This girl is so beautiful"

I didn't know if my mother was talking to me or talking to herself, but I took a look at it anyway.

It's really pretty, but I didn't pay much attention to it. After all, there are so many good-looking people in the entertainment industry, and there is no shortage of her.

Even if I ask myself, I feel that I am no worse than her.

But because of my mother's next sentence, I had a little impression of this "good-looking" person in front of me.

Mama said "I wish you could be like her"

My mother has been ill for many years, and just a few days ago, the doctor issued the final notice that her time is running out, and she may leave someday.

I have suffered from insomnia for the past few days because of this, but my mother continued to watch TV as before, maintaining her usual style, taking it easy and taking it easy.

Mom loves movies, and extra loves only her movies.

I haven't asked my mother before, because there are too many bad things, and I don't have time to care about these messes.

Until one day I was really bored watching it, so I asked her: "Why do you always watch her movies alone?"

Mom was silent for a while, and then slowly said: "Because she is very beautiful"

But there are so many good-looking people, why is it her?

I wanted to ask again, but Mom was clearly not in the mood, so I stopped in time.

I watched TV again, and she just swayed around in front of my eyes.

Compared with the first time I thought she was pretty, the second time I found it a bit annoying.

I am introverted, easily shy, do things slowly, and cannot express or vent my negative emotions.

Even when I was angry, I didn't know I was angry.

The result of this is that I have received very little attention since I was a child, so little that in the eyes of my mother, I am not as good as a person who only appears on TV.

I couldn't figure it out until later when I was sorting out my mother's belongings, I found this answer.

My mother likes acting, but she had to give up because she faced various external pressures when she was young, so she always hoped that I could fulfill her unfulfilled dream for her.

Unfortunately, I declined because I don't like acting.

Although my mother was very disappointed, she didn't say much.

Until by chance, my mother met her from a certain movie and discovered the striking similarity between the two of them.

For example, they were born on the same day, or they graduated from the same film school.

There are so many such coincidences that my mother has already had an illusion that she is sent by heaven to complete her unfinished regrets.

And she is definitely more suitable for my mother to entrust her dreams than me, so it is no surprise that my mother's dedication to me has begun to shift.

In a diary left by her mother, there is a detailed route that her mother planned for her future, as well as analysis reports written for her various videos.

It's like leaving no room for it, pouring all of yourself.

It seems that she should be the child that mother loves most.

But I always feel that it should be mine.

Why do I just reject what I don't like, and what should belong to me becomes someone else's?

Suddenly, I really wanted to meet her, to meet this thief.

So I got in the loop and dropped the name "even".

I still don't like acting, and I don't have enough talent, so I found another way to participate in a variety show, and I was lucky to become an idol based on my face.

But the things in the circle are often much more complicated than I imagined. The intrigue among members, the bullying and trampling among fans and so on made me feel exhausted and collapsed.

The only thing that kept me going down was faith, the longing to see her.

Then I finally saw her, at a commercial shoot.

At that time, I was squeezed out by the members of the group and squeezed by the company, and I didn't even have the right to drink water freely.

And she was surrounded in front of a group of advertisers, bright and generous, yet reserved and decent.

It can be seen that when I saw her, I was not happy or resentful, but only—disappointed.

She's no different from anyone I've met in the circle.

I was suddenly very anxious, and the thirst in my mouth exacerbated this anxiety in my heart.

Later, the filming of the ad became very bad, the director started yelling at me, and the staff next to me also started to make trouble.

I silently take all the foul language and the sheer malice from everyone.

Until then, she stood up and smoothed things over for me.

I didn't feel very grateful, because I thought she might just feel that the movement here disturbed her.

Until she handed me a bottle of water and said, "moisturize your lips"

The water is the kind of mineral water that is so common on the street that costs 2 yuan a bottle.

But this is the first and only goodwill I have received since I have been in this circle for so long.

Water entered from the mouth, and the thirst that lasted for several hours finally disappeared completely, and the anxiety in my heart also disappeared.

I said thank you to her.

Although this is the last thing she needs, it is the only thing I can give so far.

She responded to me seriously: "It's okay"

It's just that as soon as she left, the staff took the bottle of water away.

I can't resist, I can only accept it all in silence.

It's just that after the shooting of the commercial, at my strong request, the staff finally returned the bottle of water.

That was the first time I wanted to own a thing, a bottle of water.

It's cheap, I admit, but precious enough to me.

Later, I saw her again, at an awards ceremony.

Because our group's cafe was too small and it was airborne, the organizer didn't prepare chairs for us, so we all had to huddle in a corner.

At that time, a member of the regiment fell ill with a persistent high fever and couldn't even stand upright.

The rest of the group chose to turn a blind eye, and even if I wanted to help her, there was nothing I could do.

At this time, I suddenly saw her from the corner of my eye, and then I had an idea that was too bold, but I immediately overturned it.

how is this possible?What are you kidding?

But the facts always break my perception of her time and time again.

Even though she stood with us later, compared to our embarrassment, she was as fresh as ever.

I stared blankly at the stool she gave up, and became absent-minded again.

I know that stool wasn't given to me, but what does it matter?

She really let it go.

I've seen her slick with advertisers, and her indifferent appearance being admired by the stars, but at this time, I began to be a little confused.

What kind of person is she?For the first time I was curious.

We didn't see each other for a long time afterwards, but I began to inquire about her from various channels uncontrollably.

I even started to love watching her movies, just like my mother.

Later, when I accidentally learned that she had become a resident guest of a variety show, I went to recommend myself to the show for three rounds on my own initiative, and finally got a chance to fly.

But she forgot about me.

That's right, compared to the light around her, I am so dim.

But fortunately, my gloom will be washed away by her light because I stand beside her.

On the first night of the recording of the variety show, everyone was chatting about their influence on each other.

When it was my turn, the words my mother told me at the beginning suddenly appeared in my mind: I hope you can be like her.

So I said to her, "I want to be like her"

She looked surprised, but only I knew it was true.

During the recording of the variety show, I don't know why, but I started to observe her every move.

But also because of this, I found her contradiction again.

She is gentle with others, but seems casual with herself.

The dishes she doesn't like will always be caught unconsciously, and then she will frown and rinse her mouth with water.

She is not as gentle and easy to get along with as she looks, and she always has her own little temper.

For example, she likes picky eaters and gets angry when she gets up.

I observed her quietly and understood her, but I didn't expect that this feeling would become more and more addictive, and I couldn't stop it.

Maybe I don't want to stop

It's a pity that the flight time was too short, so short that I had to leave before I had time to say a few words to her.

For the first time in my life, I was annoyed by my lack of language, and even before I left, I just said to her: "I will come again"

I continued to fight with the program team for the next time, but before I could get complacent about being a resident guest, something happened to her suddenly.

There are a lot of indecent videos about her on the Internet, but I don't believe it at all. I have made this mistake before and I don't want to make it again.

But the rest of the people were different, and even her most trusted fans began to get confused because she didn't release a statement in time as usual.

But even so, I think she has something to hide.

I find myself wondering why I trust her so much.

But it turned out that I was right, she did have something to hide.

Because, she is sick.

I was annoyed, at a loss, and regretted, but I didn't even have the qualifications to see her, so I had to hold back all my emotions and wait for her.

Even after she retired from the circle, I was still waiting.

Even though the waiting time was too long, fortunately, I still waited.

She promised to come back and participate in the recording of the new season of the variety show.

On the first day of recording, I met her. I had so many things I wanted to say to her, but I couldn’t say anything. But for the first time, I mustered up the courage to invite her to ride in the same car.

It's just a pity that it didn't work out in the end.

At the same time, I sensed that someone else found her as good as I did, and started to like her.

I suddenly became very flustered, and this was the first time I knew that my thoughts towards her seemed no longer pure.

I crossed the line.

I began to learn to restrain myself.

Because the person who likes her is as good as she is, everything about her looks much better than me.

I also noticed that she seemed to have different feelings for that person.

I tried my best to restrain myself, but I didn't expect her simple move to make all my defenses collapse in an instant.

When I was drowning in the sea, she gave me a hand like every time before.

Listening to my pounding heartbeat, I clearly realized that I was really, really finished.

Obviously when I first started, I never thought of liking her...

I clearly know that she doesn't have any other thoughts about me, so I can only carefully hide my likes.

Unfortunately, in the end, she was still noticed.

She quietly began to distance herself, giving me a signal.

I should retreat, but I am not reconciled, I am not reconciled to having such a dazzling person in my life, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t have her

On impulse, I had a showdown with her.

is the expected result.

But I'm still not reconciled, I don't like to fight, I don't like to rob, but I only want her.

But what's the use of not being reconciled?I am not the only one suffering in the world.

It's just that if I had to choose again, I would turn off the TV that was on when I was in the ward.

Or, I will never choose to step into this circle again.

But unfortunately, I couldn't refuse to meet her.

Because, I like her.

The author has something to say: I will update the last chapter tomorrow, I am so reluctant...