I have nothing to do

40.

The weather forecast in the mobile phone said that the temperature in Huanshan today is minus ten degrees. Although there is no more snow, there is no ray of sunshine, and the whole sky is gloomy and heavy on the top of the head.

Yan Yu was sitting on the ferry battery car in the scenic area. Although transparent plastic curtains were hung on both sides of the car, the wind still got in through the gap, blowing on Yan Yu's bare skin and blowing into Yan Yu's thin coat. Except for the scarfed neck and half of his face, Yan Yu was cold everywhere, very cold and sad.

At the moment Weng Chi turned around, Yan Yu was extremely sad and hated himself extremely.

When he was young, Yan Yu was often sad. For example, he didn't get what he wanted to eat, didn't get what he wanted to play, and didn't get what he wanted to buy. He would feel sad when his thoughts were not satisfied.

But as he got older he started to feel less sad.

Because he gradually discovered that "being satisfied" is the most trivial thing.

Criticized by teachers, scolded by parents, and forgotten by classmates, these things have gradually become a daily routine in his life. He has thought of many ways, such as studying hard, following the rules, and taking the initiative to show kindness. Satisfy others" and feel sad.

Later, when Yan Yu grew up, he was no longer very sad, because he found that he couldn't do either "being satisfied" or "satisfying others".

He disappointed people, and people disappointed him.

So is it true that a person will be disappointed only if he has expectations, and if he does not have expectations in the first place, then he will never be hurt, and of course he will not hurt others?

Yan Yu has always thought so, until today.

What Weng Chi said is correct. The "sorry" in his mouth is translated as "I know, don't say it" most of the time.

Because Yan Yu doesn't want to quarrel, because Yan Yu doesn't want to explain, because Yan Yu has nothing to say, because Yan Yu is unable to deal with Weng Chi's questions, and because Yan Yu doesn't know the answers to many questions.

Every time this happens, Yan Yu is very anxious, he is afraid of looking at the other person's face, afraid of seeing that kind of scrutiny.

Weng Chi said he was sick.

Yes, he is sick, he is always cautious, he is always anxious, he is always afraid, afraid that one day he will lose important people because of his small mistakes.

Therefore, if you don't do it, you won't go wrong, so if you don't have important people, you won't lose.

He is such a cowardly person, a person who escapes, and a person who just muddle along, what can he do?

He also hates himself like this.

Yan Yu sat in the last row of the battery car, tears streaming into her scarf.

This scarf was given to him by Weng Chi, and it is the only warm thing on his body now, but now because of his tears, he is also cold.

Why do you let yourself mess up something that can be done as long as you follow Weng Chi's words...

But he really didn't know what kind of answer was the one Weng Chi wanted.

When the car stopped near the hotel, Yan Yu's eyes were already a little red. He went back to his room, took off his clothes, and fell on the bed.

When he went out in the morning, he took two pills of cold medicine and strenuously walked. Now he relaxes and feels pain all over his body, especially his head. The headache is splitting. Yan Yu took two more pills and drank a large cup of hot water. , and then went into bed.

He wants to fall asleep immediately, preferably in a faint, and then open his eyes, everything is over, but this wish will never come true.

More often than not, he closed his eyes, and then the scenes that happened in the morning began to replay in front of his eyes, and he was like an audience holding a remote control, constantly pausing.

Maybe this sentence shouldn't be said, maybe it's better to walk away here, maybe he should be tougher in this place, maybe, maybe, maybe, Yan Yu repeated it over and over again in his mind, but no matter which one it might be too late , a done deal.

Weng Chi must hate himself.

Yan Yu thought before falling asleep.

When he woke up again, Yan Yu was woken up by the doorbell, his cell phone was also ringing, Yan Yu picked it up in a daze, and Weng Chi said softly in the cell phone, "Open the door."

Yan Yu suddenly became sober, he threw off the quilt and quickly got out of bed to open the door. Weng Chi was standing at the door with a handbag in his hand. When he saw Yan Yu, he held the handbag in front of him:

"Porridge."

Yan Yu stretched out his hand to take it, but Weng Chi lifted the bag even higher, and he couldn't reach it even on tiptoe.

"Let me in."

Weng Chi's voice was muffled, and Yan Yu felt that he must still be angry.

Yan Yu made way for Weng Chi, and Weng Chi walked in with a cold face. He took out the porridge he brought from the bag, placed it on the table, and then pouted at Yan Yu, which meant "come on!" eat."

Yan Yu had no choice but to walk over, sit at the table, and eat with a spoon.

The porridge was still very hot, and Yan Yu didn't really like to eat it, but he still stuffed it into his mouth one by one. He was afraid that if he stopped, Weng Chi would talk to him.

"I said Xiaoyan..."

What should come is still here, Yan Yu stopped his movements and looked up at Weng Chi.

Weng Chi coughed and told Yan Yu to continue eating, and then just listen to him.

"It's about this morning, I've thought about it..."

Yan Yu stopped again, Weng Chi said you eat as you eat, don't stop.

"Well, my tone was too fierce, and I didn't really mean to blame you, do you understand? Don't stop, keep eating."

"And the last time you were sick, I was too anxious, so it was more fierce..."

"I'm not blaming you, nor do I want you to say sorry to me, I just care about you, because you are my friend."

Weng Chi added:

"good friend."

"I must pay attention to my words next time. I'm talking about my words...Look this time, can we just, pass it?"

Yan Yu lowered his head, and kept drinking porridge as Weng Chi said, he didn't dare to look at Weng Chi, he was afraid that Weng Chi's eyes would turn red again when he saw him.

"Say something, Comrade Xiaoyan, can you please?"

"I..." Yan Yu's hand holding the spoon trembled slightly, "It's my fault, I'm too hypocritical."

"Hey, what you say now is really hypocritical," Weng Chi frowned and kicked Yan Yu lightly under the table, and he let Yan Yu look at him, "At this time you should say, Weng Chi, you Don't do this again next time, or I won't forgive you."

Weng Chi moved the chair to Yan Yu's side, put his arm around Yan Yu's shoulder, and whispered, "Comrade Xiaoyan, I'll give you the ladder, you're going to go down it, that's the best way." Comrade."

"Okay." Yan Yu nodded obediently, in his heart at the moment, apart from warmth, he was also grateful.

I am grateful to Weng Chi for being willing to give me this ladder, and grateful to Weng Chi for not hating myself.

In other words, I am grateful to Weng Chi for letting me know that I may not be so annoying.

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When I showed this chapter to my friend today, my friend asked me a question: Will Yan Yu's character change for the better at the end of the story?

I thought about it, I think the color will change, but it doesn’t mean that it will become more cheerful and sunny, it’s just that he will know that he is also liked and loved by others, even if the world ignores him, there is still Weng Chi who cares he.

I hope that both he and Weng Chi will find someone who can "accept themselves" instead of someone who "changes themselves".

If one day they change, it should be because they want to change, not because someone changed them.

that's all.