I have nothing to do

64.

"Weng Chi, when did you know you were gay?" Yan Yu asked indifferently, "Or are you bisexual?"

"Me? I'm pure." Weng Chi replied without hesitation, but he was a little surprised, surprised how Yan Yu would ask this question, it's not like what he would say.

Regarding sexual orientation, Weng Chi never hides it, and he doesn't mind others mentioning it, so he would generously tell Yan Yu that he was chasing Jian Ce. He believed that Yan Yu would not go out and talk nonsense, and even if he talked nonsense, he would Don't be afraid, just see a person clearly.

Of course Yan Yu didn't say anything, at least in the circle that Weng Chi shared with him, he didn't say anything, not only didn't say anything, he also deliberately avoided this topic, just like Weng Chi had never confessed his feelings to him.

But now Yan Yu just asked questions without beginning or end, with a very calm expression without revealing any emotion.

"I've known it since I was a child. When I was in school, others discussed which girl was beautiful, and I only looked at which boy was handsome." Weng Chi raised his eyebrows, "This problem has not changed until now. Not only do I like boys, I also like handsome ones."

"You also think this is a problem?" Yan Yu frowned slightly.

Weng Chi laughed twice, and said: "I didn't say that liking men is a problem, I said that liking handsome men is a problem, eh, actually, I don't think it's a problem, right? It's Cheng Xinyuan who always laughs at me, what do you say? Looking at the face is too superficial, you have to look at the heart. But everyone has a love for beauty. What do you think these two people looked at when they first met? Isn’t it just looking at the face? Can you still see the heart through the clothes? Who else? A good-looking person is not beautiful in heart, look at me, I am a beautiful person with a more beautiful heart, I can’t talk to myself, if I can fall in love with myself, they will have nothing to do with them.”

When Weng Chi said this, he was just catching up with the young clerk serving them barbecue. When he put the plate, Weng Chi was saying that he wanted to fall in love with himself. No matter how good the mental quality of the little clerk was, he couldn't help but "poof" Laugh out loud.

"What are you laughing at, am I not handsome?" Weng Chixiang said with his lips curled up pretending to be dissatisfied.

"Handsome, brother, you are so handsome, the chili powder on the table is not enough for me to add." The clerk walked away with an empty plate with a smile, and twisted his waist unconsciously when he turned around.

"Look, how attractive I am." Weng Chi said shyly, "Look at this kid's original shape."

Yan Yu looked back to see the children's backs exuding happiness, and he couldn't help laughing.

"When I was his age, I was still hazy about my sexuality." Yan Yu sighed softly and tried to speak in a relaxed tone, "I just thought I might not like girls."

"Huh?" Weng Chi was surprised again. He thought many times about what kind of girl Yan Yu likes, or to put it another way, what kind of girl is worthy of Yan Yu. Although he didn't know the answer, he Never thought that Yan Yu likes boys.

Because the color and language are not the same.

Although there is no way to specifically say what he is not like, there is a magnetic field between comrades. Basically, everyone will know each other when they meet and chat, but Yan Yu can't feel it at all. If you have to say it, Weng Chi thinks that Yan Yu is asexual, has no desires and needs, and has no worldly desires.

"When I was in high school and met someone I liked, I was sure that I should like boys. As for whether I like handsome guys or not, I don't know, but he is very handsome, and I only liked him."

Yan Yu raised his eyes and looked at Weng Chi: "But I'm a child who can't even cry freely. What can I do if I like him?" No one cared about me, I was still a boy, all I could do at the time was to watch him silently, and if I could say a word or two now and then, I would be happy for a long time."

When Yan Yu talked about these things, there was a slight light in his eyes. "But secretly liking is also a very tiring thing. I can't tell others, and I can't expose myself, so I bought a notebook, like those people in the TV series in the book, write a diary, and record this relationship in the notebook inside."

"...You are very persevering." Weng Chi has never had a crush on anyone, he has always chased after someone he likes, he is always straightforward in his relationship, and if he fails, he will be benevolent.

"Yes, I have been writing for three years, and I really racked my brains to hide this book." Yan Yu laughed at himself, "I locked the book, then hid it under the paper, and hung it on the drawer A lock, as if there is no silver 300 taels here."

"Didn't your mother find out? Isn't she very strict with you?"

"In normal times, she would have jumped up long ago. In her eyes, she was challenging her authority at home. But in those few years, she was busy arguing with my dad and getting divorced, so she didn't have the extra energy to take care of me. Fortunately, I She doesn't need to worry about her studies, so she will relax a little bit with me."

"Then did your secret love come to fruition?"

"No." Yan Yu shook his head, "How could a secret love come to fruition?"

"Is that right?"

"Yeah... when I graduated from high school I thought that's it, it's just a secret."

Yan Yu was silent for a moment when he said this, and then he lowered his head and adjusted his emotions before saying, "But secrets should not be recorded."

"During the summer vacation, my cousin came to play at home. He was a few years older than me. At that time, he was about to graduate from college. We didn't know each other well, but I forgot why. He was coming to live for a few days, and his home was not far away. I can't remember many things about him now, and my mind is automatically blurred."

Weng Chi suddenly couldn't bear to listen. He had a hunch that Yan Yu's words might make him feel uncomfortable, but he had no reason to stop Yan Yu. He couldn't do this. He will not speak anymore, he will be more sensitive, more careful, more silent, and more alienated from himself.

Weng Chi knew that Yan Yu was cutting open his chest to show him his heart.

He is grateful for Yan Yu's trust, but he is afraid of facing blood and wounds.

"When I came home one day, my cousin was sitting in my room. He was concentrating on flipping through my notebook. When he saw me coming in, he smiled at me and said you're back." Yan Yu's eyes began to change. Feeling empty, he looked straight ahead and spoke without any emotion in his tone.

"I was stupid at that time, I didn't know what to say and what to do."

"It's very well written. He told me that my writing was very good. He said he didn't get tired of reading it for a long time."

"Yan Yu..." Weng Chi couldn't take it anymore, he was even a little scared seeing Yan Yu like this.

"I said cousin, don't tell it, especially don't let my parents know."

"He said it was hard."

"He said he liked men too, and asked me if I wanted to try it."

"I said no."

"He said no, no, it's up to you.

--------------------

Will this kind of long monologue be boring (┯_┯) While writing today, I wonder why I am such a loser.The writing in this article is not funny, not sweet, not even abusive, the plot doesn’t go too far, the career is slow, and I can’t even talk about a relationship. What the hell am I doing?When I write, I always paranoidly think "the heat is not yet here", but sometimes I wonder if it will not be popular, so I find reasons for myself... Ah, entangled?