sanguine and depressive

The next day I went downstairs to breakfast and Dad was on the phone at the kitchen table while Mom sat by, spreading jam on bread and putting it on Dad's plate.Seeing me coming, she waved and made me a slice of bread with jam.

The way my mother paints with a knife is very elegant, and she moves very slowly. While painting, she said to me: "Xiaoxiao, Dad will go to Shenzhen for the next two years to develop new businesses for their group."

I smelled the sweet aroma of strawberry jam and didn't know what to say, so I just nodded to show that I was listening.

"Your father will definitely be very busy at work in the past two years, so I plan to accompany your father, and I can take more care of him when we are together." Mom said, putting the slice of bread on my plate, "you alone I am in Shanghai, and I have told Aunt Jiang to take good care of myself."

I said, ok.

But even if I was as dull as I was, I felt something was wrong, and after thinking a lot, it was all bad.Did Dad have a flower head outside?The two of them have their own careers, so why is Mom now talking about taking care of Dad?

But there is no real evidence to prove that my father has tricks, so I can't slander people out of thin air, and I don't want it to be true, so I can only restrain my wild thoughts.

A week later, when my mother left, she told me that I can use whatever I like in her storage room.But there are some luxuries in it that I don't know, and it's useless for me to take them.

She asked again, how much pocket money my father's secretary gives me every month, and I replied, "Ten thousand." She stroked my hair and said softly, "That's not much, is it enough? you."

Ten thousand a month is not enough, how is it possible.I said no, it was enough.Mom just smiled again.

When the Porsche came out of the garage, it hit a little bit. I saw my father get out of the car and touch the scar, but he didn't do anything more, so he got into the car again.

Then the car went away, and then I couldn't see the car.There was a strong moisture in the wind, and the sky was very yellow, as if it was getting late, and it should be raining soon.But this yellow is more like turbid water, without the romance of sunset.I feel sad because of it.

Mom and Dad went to Shenzhen, and I ushered in a real summer vacation.There are very few homework assignments, and they are basically assigned by the Chinese, Mathematics, and English teachers.Being smart, I made a guide for all the homework according to the 30-day quota, and I only wrote two or three hours a day on average.In the rest of the time, I am entertaining myself, and I watched the movie "Love Letter" by the way.

It was raining when plums were falling outside, but I was in the dry and refreshing air-conditioned room as if spring had arrived.There is my computer on the bed. On the screen, the curtains are flying with the wind, so the light is on and off, and Fujii is reading a book with his head down.

Damn, this is too handsome.

I sat on the carpet and watched it several times without taking my eyes off it, wishing I could appreciate it very slowly frame by frame.

Kashiwahara Takashi's appearance is completely my ideal type.

Then I naturally thought of some things in junior high school.

Because I found out that my deskmate in junior high school looks a bit like Takashi Kashiwahara.

But my story is simple, the story of my own woe and physical suffering.

I still remember that my deskmate was named Bian Liang, who wore a pair of glasses, was very bookish, and seemed to have good grades.

At that time, I was about [-] to [-]% more cheerful than I am now. If I had any questions that I didn’t understand, I would ask Bian Liang, and he would give me simple answers.

I think the side face of him speaking for me is very nice.In April, people are more restless due to the influence of warmer climate.As if attracted by the tide, I wrote a love letter to him.

I just thought - my deskmate is really nice, I like him, let him know.

This was a hasty decision. At that time, I had just awakened to a different sexual orientation than others, and I didn’t fully understand what it meant. The vague goodwill of my peers and my first attempt at love would not work for me.

But I'm not a hooligan, I just expressed my affection in the letter with restraint, and I also bought a pink envelope, which is more solemn and romantic.

When school was over, I threw the pink love letter into Bian Liang's schoolbag.

I regretted a little that night, oops, I just liked it a little, and I gave him the love letter on impulse, what if he wants to fall in love with me?Is it too early, and it will affect learning.Speaking of which, what is it like to be in love?

Looking back, the term self-confessed love has run through my life.

I tossed and turned all night with complicated emotions.The next day, Bian Liang handed me the pink love letter. His tone was always gentle in the past, but today was completely different, as if it was snowing: "Please don't write me any more love letters, and don't harass me anymore. If there is another time, I'll tell the head teacher."

He used "please" and was very polite.

This matter, I was indeed abrupt.After that, I also tried to put myself in my shoes. If I was a straight man, one day, I suddenly received a love letter from my deskmate, and this deskmate had been looking at me stupidly before, it might be disgusting.

At that time, I hurriedly threw the love letter into the desk and apologized to him in a panic: "I'm sorry, I won't do it next time."

I haven't had time to feel the first lovelorn in my life - loss precedes possession, and things are developing in a more uncontrollable direction.

At noon, I am used to basking in the sun on the steps next to the playground after eating.The weather was not very good today, the sun was very dim, and it was covered by clouds after a while, and it became cloudy, so I patted my butt and went back to class.

This weather seems to imply the appearance of my career in the second half of junior high school.

I was walking in the corridor when I heard loud laughter from our class.What fun thing did you miss?I hurried to the door of the class. When I walked in through the back door, I saw a male student in the class—I remember what he looked like, but I forgot his name. I just remember that everyone would call him "Brother Mian" ", maybe Mian, maybe Mian, but I don't know how to write it.

He is standing on the podium, holding something familiar, pink in color.

It's a masterpiece I've been writing for a week, myloveletter.

Surprise!

I knew it, so I panicked and didn't know what to do.This is my stuff, my stuff was stolen and read in public.

And because I am cowardly by nature, what I think in my mind is who will save me, help me.Unfortunately, no god appeared.

He was still reading, with a raised tone, with a strange tone: "I like this little poem by Adonis very much, and I will share it with you~"

Everyone held the venue and roared with laughter, as if they were talking about something funny on stage.But obviously that poem is beautiful.

"When I sink my eyes into yours..." he began.

I stood at the end of the classroom pinching my fingers, with the blackboard poster "Study hard and make progress every day" pasted on my back.Some students in the back row spotted me, but they still didn't stop Brother Mian who was beaming on the podium.

I saw Bian Liang sitting on the seat, doing homework.Not a bystander, nor a player in the play, his expression is a complete outsider.

Then he heard the uproar in the back and he glanced back at me.

My fingernails dug into the flesh but didn't feel pain. That look made me sad and helpless.

Yukio Mishima wrote in "The Temple of the Golden Pavilion": "The cruel jokes unique to adolescents of the same grade boys are as dazzling as a shining forest."

One side is dazzling, and the other side is me with a damp smell on the earth, but light and shadow live in the same jungle, and it started like that.

The author says:

It was too early to say yesterday, and I was supposed to take a three-day break and one break, but I felt that it would be inhumane to stop here, so I would just wait for two days after this week's list update task is completed. . .