sanguine and depressive

At the end of the session, the rest of the people were already unable to walk steadily.I hail the car for Lao Bai, Chen Yu and Fan Jiale, and look back at the remaining two.

Yu Lin held Xiaolu in his arms and said to me, "Mr. Lino, I will be responsible for bringing the guide home."

"He has a car," I said. "Do you know where his family lives..."

Xiaolu opened his hazy drunken eyes: "Can you drive?"

"Yes." Yu Lin replied immediately.

"Okay." Xiaolu said boldly, "Brother trusts you! The key is in my right pocket, take it out, and drive me home, thank you."

"You didn't drink?" I reminded Yu Lin.

"I didn't drink it." He said, "I drank a non-alcoholic drink, don't worry, teacher." I said to myself that if I remember correctly, you just kissed Xiaolu who had drunk alcohol.

They walked towards the parking lot slowly, supporting each other, and finally I was left alone.

I let go of my strength, lit a cigarette under the tree at the entrance of the bar, took out my phone, flipped through the memo, and looked at the number Wang Dong gave me.

Wang Xiaobo said that when he was 21 years old, he had a lot of extravagant hopes. When I was 19 years old, I also had a lot of daydreams, and then like a balloon rising to a certain altitude, they all disappeared in an instant.

"Later I learned that life is a slow process of being hammered..."

Later I realized that growing up is also a kind of cicada sloughing off for me, shedding vitality and agility, leaving sophistication and exhaustion.

In the first two years when I went to study, I felt that every day was difficult. I couldn’t understand the English spoken by others as long as they had a little accent or a little faster. I was too timid to ask questions, and I could only understand them in class. Thirty percent of them have to do group assignments with people from different countries, and they have to do housework by themselves when they return to their residences.As soon as he was free, he couldn't help thinking about what he was doing, thinking about not being able to sleep at night, and waiting for the day with his eyes open.Later I met Yan Baoting, he liked watching movies, especially "This Killer Is Not So Cold".Every time he revisited, he waited for Matilda to finish: "Is life always this hard, oris it just when you'reakid?"

He will say with Leon: "Always like this."

If Fang Xichen was there, he would pat his thigh and ask in a low voice, "What kind of hardships have you suffered?"

I sat by the side without making a sound, knowing that I was redundant, but because I didn't want to be alone, I still had the cheek to play with Yan Baoting.In the eyes of others, I am still a kid from a rich family who has a gold-plated resume. I don’t have to worry about food and clothing, and I watch TV news.Compared with the two, my so-called suffering is not worth mentioning.

It’s just that today, I can no longer ask the stupid question of “Why is the Arctic wing called the Arctic wing”, and no one will give me such a confused answer as “It may be made by polar bears”.

Maybe what I can't forget is just the juvenile phantom in the sea of ​​my consciousness.

I stub out my cigarette and switch off my phone, deciding to save the urge for another drink.

The next morning, I was woken up by a phone call, "Hi!" I was so energetic, "Brother, Happy New Year's Day!"

"Happy New Year's Day." As soon as I opened my mouth, my voice was a little hoarse. I sat up and wiped my face, "Are you home?"

"Yes." Diandian replied, "Guess what I'm doing now?"

"What are you doing?" I thought about it patiently, and gave a simple answer, "I'm doing my homework."

"It's about the same." She sighed, "I'm practicing the violin. It's so difficult. It's still like sawing wood."

I said, "At least the sound is coming out. Every violinist starts by sawing wood."

She laughed twice: "Brother, there is a sister who studies with me in the place where I play the violin. She is in the second year of junior high school this year, and she looks so beautiful."

I took it as a compliment: "Very good, is she just learning?"

"No, she plays very well. I started too late, and everyone else can play the tune. The latest I go, now I can only saw wood." Diandian gushed, "But this teacher is very good, my mother said It took a lot of effort to stuff me in by myself, and I might be a close disciple.”

"There's no rush." ​​I comforted, "Slowly learn from the teacher, I don't even know the staff, you are already very good."

"Oh, brother." Diandian's original high-pitched voice sank, "...I'm asking you a question, you can answer it if you want to, and forget it if you don't want to."

"You ask."

"...Do you like boys?" she said.

I feel dizzy in my head: "...how did you come to this conclusion?"

"Aunt Jiang is getting old, she is going back to her hometown, and I accidentally heard it when she left early this morning." Cen Shu said, "She also quietly gave me 5000 yuan to let me Don't tell other people to give it to you directly, I will bring it to you when we come out to play next time."

I recalled the origin of the 5000 yuan, I was speechless for a while, and then asked tentatively: "If your brother likes boys, will you feel uncomfortable?"

"Ah? No." Diandian replied, "But why didn't you find a boyfriend, or did you tell me?"

"Why do you always worry about my emotional problems?" I couldn't help but laugh.

Dian Dian: "I'm really anxious. My volleyball teacher also said that I'm getting married. My deskmate told me."

"You students, don't keep asking about the teacher's marital status..." I persuaded, "The teacher may feel embarrassed."

She was confident: "What, we also hope that the teacher can reap happiness..."

After the phone call, I felt dizzy and even had a sore throat.I got out of bed to wash, drank a glass of water, felt chills all over, took out the thermometer to measure it, and sure enough, I had a fever.Thinking back carefully yesterday, Xiaolu seemed to have said that he had a cold, and I was sitting next to him while drinking, so I must have been infected.

At one o'clock in the afternoon, I entered the meeting room a quarter of an hour earlier and waited. Only Lucy and I arrived. She turned on the microphone and asked, "I don't need to turn on the camera, do I? I just woke up and I haven't washed my face..."

"No." I replied, "I also wear house clothes."

"Why does your voice sound a little strange?" Lucy asked, "You have a cold too?" I said yes.

Then Mr. Ma went online, and his avatar in this software was still that dog, so I locked the window on his account in boredom, so that this dog can always appear maximized on my computer screen superior.

The meeting began when the representatives of the director's photography studio arrived.

"Hello..." I am the host, "Can everyone hear me?"

First there were a few normal "I can hear" in succession, and then there was a long and quiet sentence mixed with electric sounds: "Listen—get—to—"

I:…………

"President Ma, is the signal not good there?" Lucy asked.

"No—excuse me—" the man said, "Can't you hear me—speak—speak? I just changed offices today, and it seems that the signal is not—very good—"

Me: "...It's okay, it doesn't hinder our understanding."

Mr. Ma: "Okay - yes - yes -"

The meeting started stumblingly. The first official filming is scheduled for the beginning of February. Except for the actors to be used, everything else has been confirmed. Xiao Shunzhi once again showed the plot and storyboard of his revised concept, and then it was my turn. Introduced several shooting locations in the plan, but the screen was accidentally cut, and the meeting screen was accidentally cut, and I shared Mr. Ma's profile picture with everyone, and then I switched back to the PPT introduction in a panic.

At the end of the meeting, Lucy said: "About casting..."

Mr. Ma suddenly interrupted: "If you want to cast a - role, don't you need three - people -?"

Lucy: "Yes." The storyline is about parents and a child.

"I——want to play the leading role myself." Mr. Ma said, "It's also to save—to save some money..."

No matter what Party A said, our first reaction as Party B is naturally: "Yes, yes, yes, as long as you are happy." But this is the first time I have heard of such a request.

Therefore, after the meeting, Lucy quickly called me: "Can I ask Mr. Ma to come over with a model card?" She said, "I don't know what he looks like, what if he is ugly and affects the advertising effect? "

I replied cautiously: "That is their own fault..."

"Does he think he's handsome so he wants to fight in person?" Lucy asked incredulously, "Is he so ordinary and confident?"

"...Maybe it's really just to save some money." I said, "Maybe it looks okay." But in fact, I didn't have much hope, and I can only rely on the later stage.

In the remaining month, we finalized the filming location, and the actors of mother and child were also selected, and a year passed in between.

Although Cen Shu made indirect calls several times to ask me if I would go home, I still politely refused her.Even though the incident has passed so many years, I no longer have much emotional complaints against my parents, but I can no longer get close.

Finally, the day before the shooting, I went to Jiefei to hold a preparatory meeting.It happened that there was a shooting task the day before, and Xiaolu and I spent the night on the set. A few people dozed off in the car after six o'clock. When I opened my eyes, I realized that it was already eight o'clock.There is a meeting at nine o'clock, and the set is in the suburbs. It used to take more than an hour.

I hurriedly called a taxi, sat down and loosened my scarf, and looked at the black screen of my mobile phone: my face was covered with powder, my hair was rubbed with hairspray, and my forehead was exposed—because the extras I invited were all temporary The client was not very satisfied with the scene where he was going to show his face. In the end, Xiaolu waved his hand: "Lino—come on!" The makeup artist simply applied it for me, scratched my hair, and I really dared to go into battle.Thankfully there are no lines.

The last section of the road in the city center was very congested. It was already [-]:[-], and Lucy sent me a message on WeChat: "I'm here, and Chen Yu is also here. Linda is receiving us, and I haven't seen Mr. Ma yet."

I sat in the co-pilot seat, looked at the continuous traffic ahead, and finally decided to get out of the car, and then swept a bicycle and rode it quickly.

Arrived at the destination in 15 minutes, still late.I parked my bike and trotted into the building.The lobby is very lively, there are FamilyMart, Starbucks, juice bar, and the elevator room is full of people waiting for the elevator.I stood in the queue for the even-numbered floors, anxiously watching the floor numbers for the three elevators.Two of them are gradually descending. One stopped on the 28th floor and the 8th floor, which delayed a little time, and the other arrived a few seconds earlier.I took it up and pressed "28" for the number of elevator floors.

During the time when I went up, I opened WeChat and found that Lucy sent a series of messages while I was riding:

"Damn it! I met Mr. Ma!"

"I apologize for my reckless words earlier!!!"

"[Shocked] [Shocked] [Shocked] Pretty young!!!"

"He is also very tall!! He has a good figure!! Playing the father's talent!!"

I slid all the way to the bottom perfunctorily, and found that the last two are:

"Ask us if we know what cen is small, I don't know how to write the two words"

I read the pronunciation and thought it was a bit like my own name.

She said: "I can only tell him, if you say Jack, Tom, I can help you find seven or eight. If you say a Chinese name, I don't know..."

But I know your Chinese name is Lu Shiyi.I was at a loss for words and stepped out of the elevator.

Unexpectedly, the entire floor on the 28th floor was occupied by Jiefei. The front desk led me to the conference room. I went in and saw all the familiar colleagues I had worked with, and I also saw Linda. I shook hands with her and greeted her, but I didn’t see Handsome Mr. Ma.

The room was well heated, I took off my coat, took off my scarf and sat down, Lucy looked at me sideways, and teased: "Hey, you look very good today."

"I was arrested as a group performer." I asked her in a low voice, "Where is he?"

"Oh, Mr. Ma has personally gone to get the Starbucks that he invited us to drink." Lucy said, "I've been there for a while, and it should be here soon. I'll order you a vanilla latte."

I nodded, bent down and took out the computer from the bag at my feet, just as someone opened the door and walked in.

I sat up straight first, and put the computer in order. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Starbucks paper bag on the table. Thank you, Mr. Ma.I looked up again, ready to stand up to say hello to him and apologize for being late.

There was still a little unfinished smile in his eyes, and we just looked at each other like this.

That face became increasingly blurred in my dreams, but I never really forgot it.

Now he is standing in front of me like this.

The author says:

"Being hammered" is taken from Wang Xiaobo's "Golden Age"