desolate

Just like in the TV series, it rained heavily the day we left Pingjiang.

At that time, Zhou Ze stayed in the detention center for more than a week until he was picked up by Ma Wenjing. They were silent when they met. The other party didn't say what price he had paid for this incident, and he didn't ask.

It was probably the first time that the mother and son had such a tacit understanding, which made Zhou Ze rarely realize the "difficulty" of his mother.

Later, he often dreamed about the rain that day, and when he woke up, he often cried—because he felt that he had become a burden.

"... Mr. Pei, I heard that you are his boyfriend?"

The psychiatrist opposite was blond and blue-eyed, but he spoke fluent Mandarin—it was Northeast-flavored, which made Pei Ye feel like he was watching a movie with out-of-sync sound and picture.

"Yes... what can I do?"

"Let's talk about something else first." William pushed his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and changed his sitting position inadvertently, "I think you need to understand that in the treatment of mental illness, it is not only the patients who suffer, but also the patient. With his family and even anyone who has been in close contact with him, Zhou's illness...is not optimistic, like a seed that may stay with him throughout his life, and in the process, his condition will always stabilize and relapse The two states swing, and you have to face a moody lover at any time."

... There will be no peace in life.

William's voice paused for a moment, and he took off his glasses suddenly. His blue eyes were like a lake in the sun, fully reflecting the person opposite him.

"I have treated many patients, and they are usually taken care of by their family members. Among them, there are partners, parents and children. These people are often patient enough in the early stages of treatment, but as the later stages of treatment, their patience becomes less and less , compared with patients cared for by their parents, the success rate of those patients cared for by their partners is relatively low, and the recurrence rate is relatively high. Of course, this data is not rigorous, but a lover without enough patience and love will often have The patient does secondary harm."

Speaking of this, Pei finally understood.

"So...According to what you mean, now I need to promise that I will take care of him for the rest of my life and never leave him, otherwise I will never be able to see him again?"

"of course not……"

"Doctor, I can't promise you anything, and even if I promise, I can't prove it, but—" Pei Ye stroked the wood grain on the table, "There is always someone who wants to love him, so why not me?"

Will the people we loved when we were young really stay together for the rest of our lives?During the long and long journey, there were always many unsatisfactory times, but he always felt that there should be two people at the end of the road.

So this question may wait until their twilight years to answer.

After meeting William, Pei also bought a bouquet of extremely gorgeous red roses on the way back.The doctor once told him that the environment has a great influence on the patient, so he would bring some flowers to decorate the ward every day, although not long ago he thought this kind of thing was a useless formalistic consumer product.

While waiting for the elevator on the first floor, Pei also met Ma Wenjing face to face.

Several days had passed since the last time I saw her. During Zhou Ze's hospitalization, Ma Wenjing didn't come often, only Zhou Xuan and him came more frequently.

I don't know whether it was a deliberate avoidance or a pure coincidence. Ma Wenjing always came when Zhou Xuan was around, so that Pei Ye almost didn't recognize her when he saw her today.

The two walked into the elevator one after the other, each occupying a corner, like strangers.

Pei Ye pretended to focus on a certain point on the wall, but his peripheral vision glanced at Ma Wenjing's face from time to time—she probably didn't like him, right?

If it was someone else, he wouldn't care at all, but Ma Wenjing is different, she is Zhou Ze's mother, a relative by blood, so he wants to be recognized by the other party...

But on the other hand, Pei did not forget that this "relative" was also one of the sources of harm to Zhou Ze. If he stood in line with his position, he was a proper Zhou party, so even if he saw the other party, he would still Maintain a silent attitude.

"Xiao Pei."

When walking out of the elevator, Ma Wenjing suddenly stopped Pei Ye.

"...What's wrong, Auntie." Pei Ye suddenly became uncoordinated, and turned around stiffly.

"Do you have time to chat with me?" Ma Wenjing said kindly.

"..."

For some reason, Pei also suddenly remembered a certain romantic drama that a female employee in the company was watching, in which the hero's mother threw millions of checks on the heroine's face, and the line she said seemed to be like this One sentence.

But Ma Wenjing probably wouldn't throw millions in his face.

According to her style a few years ago, it should be to throw Pei Ye's company's financial statements at his face and say "you don't deserve it".

"Thank you."

Just after they sat down, the weird silence was suddenly easily broken by three words. Pei also held his knees cautiously, sitting up straighter than when he was in elementary school.

"You don't need to be too nervous, I just want to thank you." Ma Wenjing was amused by his expression, slightly pursed her lips, and her eyes stayed on the rose in his hand for a few seconds.

Pei Ye grasped the bouquet unnaturally: "There is nothing to thank, Zhou Ze is also... a very important person to me."

Ma Wenjing was silent for a while, then suddenly changed the topic: "The flowers are blooming pretty well, but it's not suitable for a hospital."

"I just bought it..."

"It's okay, I just feel that I don't know that my son likes these flowers and plants." Ma Wenjing brought the rose in front of her, twisted the end of the petals, feeling a little sad, "You probably don't like an unqualified parent like me. "

Pei Ye lowered his head slightly, looked at his toes, and planned to tell the truth: "...As a mother, you are really not very competent."

Ma Wenjing was not surprised that he would accuse herself, but because of this accusation, she was relieved.

"Thought you might understand me..."

After all, they are all people who have tried their best to climb out of the trough.

"But I can say without regret that if I did it all over again, I would still choose this way." She said, "I know it's selfish, but I really don't want to give up my life for my children."

Pei Ye suddenly frowned: "...but the child is not a victim."

Ma Wenjing didn't answer his question directly. Perhaps she was guilty, but her love for herself surpassed many others, so she chose "freedom" without hesitation.

"Actually, when there are different choices in front of you, no matter which one you choose, you will regret it in the end. If you regret it, what will happen if you choose another one at that time? I can only say...it was my fault that I became a mother when I was not ready. .”

She handed him back the sunflower together with the thermos bucket containing the chicken soup, and then, she suddenly remembered something and asked:

"By the way, was that call from your father that day?"

The handover action was stagnant for a second, but soon, Pei Ye's expression returned to normal.

He said ambiguously: "... used to be."

Ma Wenjing nodded without thinking too much, "Thank him for me."

……

Pei also placed the roses on the corner of the window sill, and the thick and colorful flowers immediately decorated the windows like paintings.

"Have you met my mother? What did you say?" Zhou Ze sat on the bed and ate an apple from the plate.

"Your mother threw me a check and told me to leave you." Pei Ye pretended to be deep and said, "...But I'm still thinking about it, if she adds more money."

Of course Zhou Ze didn't believe it, and even pointed out a more likely solution to him.

"I don't think my mother would be able to throw a check, but throwing your company's financial statements is about the same."

He clasped his arms around his chest, raised his head slightly, and smiled so faintly that he was like Ma Wenjing whom he met for the first time a few years ago. He didn't even realize that his few words had easily shattered a young man's self-esteem .

It's not really a good memory.

Pei also laughed angrily, and pinched his face severely: "You are really good."

Zhou Ze laughed loudly, and fell on the bed. When he was finally tired from laughing, he suddenly stood up from the bed, wrapped his arms around his neck, and pulled him towards him.

It seemed that the actors had rehearsed countless movements, and Pei Ye understood him in the next second.

Pei also smiled and asked, "What are you doing?"

Zhou Ze buried his face in his neck, and said in a muffled voice, "What should I do, I love you so much, I don't want to leave you."

Pei also lifted him up: "Then don't leave."

The 1.8-meter-three big man only weighs about a hundred catties. He is as light as a feather in his hand... No, it is more like a handful of sand than a feather. No matter how tightly you hold it, it will be futile.

"Then do you love me?"

"Love……"

Zhou Ze kissed his eyelashes: "I don't want to live here anymore, can you take me back?"

Pei also sighed, and gently put him on the edge of the bed, then reached for the medicine on the bedside table: "Okay, you take the medicine first, and I'll take you back right away."

Zhou Ze took the medicine slowly, and suddenly pointed to the water dispenser next to him: "...water."

"it is good."

Pei also naturally agreed.

But just as he turned around, Zhou Ze quickly opened the capsule in his hand and poured all the powder inside into his pocket. When Pei Ye came back, he only had a few empty capsule coats in his hand.

It looks like nothing happened.

Pei also passed the water over: "Here, drink slowly."

The medicine was taken smoothly, which reminded him of what the nurse said not long ago.

They said that Zhou Ze had a problem with Tibetan medicine—the patient was as cunning as a fox, and he had succeeded several times—if the doctor hadn’t found that his condition was not improving.

Zhou Ze took the medicine obediently. During the period, he caught a glimpse of the treetops outside the window, which were emerald green and echoed beautifully with the red roses, but his heart was pounding and he didn't have time to take a few more glances.

He can deceive doctors and nurses without burden, but he is afraid that the people in front of him will notice the slightest.

Suddenly, the ankle was gently grabbed by someone.

Zhou Ze put away his guilty conscience immediately, and looked down, Pei Ye was putting on socks for him.

Seeing him move uncomfortably, Pei also stopped immediately: "What? Don't want to leave?"

The expression on Zhou Ze's face changed from surprise to surprise: "What did you say?"

As if he didn't believe it, he asked several times.

And Pei Ye's answer is always yes.

"By the way, shall we go on a trip?" He asked while packing his things.

Before coming here, Pei had already made up his mind to let Zhou Ze be discharged from the hospital. After all, he didn't want him to be trapped here more than anyone else.

Holding the clothes to be changed, Zhou Ze stood blankly at the toilet door.

"travel?"

"Well, just you and me."

"But...but..."

Zhou Ze said a few nos in a row, but finally he looked at Pei Ye and nodded happily.

"Okay."

The author says:

I originally wanted to get to the ending in one breath, but the last part of the plot couldn’t be written well, so it took a long time, let’s put a chapter first, and the ending makes me think about it