beyond the horizon

The distance from them to Badagaerzhao is very long, and it takes a day and a night to drive.

This bumpy road made Luo Yunxi sleep uneasy, and when he closed his eyes, he could still hear Sai Yin's mother crying.It was hardly crying, it was howling and screaming, the wailing of heart and lung cracking, and Wardle's tears were lifeless, falling on the back of his hand, igniting a scorching flame.

It was a chaotic night.After closing her eyes, Saiyin never woke up again. She still had a faint breath, but it was only a breath. Her life was like a petal of magnolia on a branch, which was so fragile that a drop of water could fall on it. What's more, in this barren land where the wind and sand are frenzied and violent.

When it was getting brighter, Saiyin's sister handed him a jar of butter.The white milk feeds all creatures on the grassland. The butter made from the milk is the most precious thing in the herdsman's home. The first part is to be sent to the temple as an offering to the monks, in order to pray for the longevity of the gods to bless themselves and their families in good health.

"Ms. Luo, please help me. She is leaving, let Changshengtian take her away." Saiyin's sister said in jerky Chinese.When Luo Yunxi took it, he felt that the small can of butter in his hand weighed more than a thousand catties.What can he do to help? Travel thousands of miles, climb up a thousand steps, bow his head humbly, and offer his heart to the gods who rule everything.But if there is really the blessing of Changshengtian, maybe Saiyin shouldn't be sick at all, and the gods don't appear when people need them, so is people's love and reverence still meaningful?

He can't figure it out.Here, everything is the gift of longevity, and birth, old age, sickness and death are a natural reincarnation. People here firmly believe that only after suffering enough suffering in the previous life can they be happy in the next life.This is too unfair, and regardless of whether he doesn't believe that people will have a next life, even if there is, it is already a completely different person and has nothing to do with him.

Luo Yunxi asked himself, he couldn't accept this endless pain calmly for some illusory hopes.

"...It can still be saved." He wanted to sound firm, but his voice was trembling and shaky, "It can definitely be saved, try again, try again! Go to the hospital, have an operation, and take medicine Inhale oxygen, whatever! It can definitely be saved!" He almost couldn't help shouting, regardless of whether the woman opposite could understand him.

It shouldn't be her begging him, it's him begging them, don't give up, don't believe in gods who don't know where, don't pin on the next life, don't let her go.

don't let her go.She left and never came back.He knows, he has seen too many people leave.

Saiyin's elder sister was frightened by the sudden gaffe of the Chinese teacher. She couldn't understand his series of fast speaking Chinese, so she could only look to Hazabu next to Luo Yunxi for help.

Hazab has been silently listening to Luo Yunxi's words.

"Teacher," he wrapped Luo Yunxi's hands with his own, holding a small jar of butter in their palms, "Teacher, let's go."

He looked at Luo Yunxi with pleading eyes, the pupils of his eyes were clear and bright, and the edge of his lower eyes was blurred with bright red.

Luo Yunxi looked at such a pair of eyes.Hazab didn't agree with him, he could read it from the young man's eyes, they all thought that at this moment, the best choice was to let go, let Saiyin follow the arrangement of Changshengtian, and go to a more peaceful place. The place.

Hazab also knew that Luo Yunxi's thinking was different from theirs, but this "difference" was not welcome here.He said teacher, let's go, but he was actually protecting him in another way.

Luo Yunxi's eye sockets also gradually turned red.

"Okay... I will definitely... deliver it for you."

The pickup was borrowed from the one that Zhao Xiaoqin brought with her students, the same car, full of laughter when it came, but only silence when it left.

Wardler was unwilling to leave half a step.Only Luo Yunxi and Hazabu boarded the car, and the destination was Badagaerzhao. "Badagar" means lotus in Tibetan, and "Zhao" means temple.In the car, Luo Yunxi kept silent, Hazabu looked at him timidly, and Luo Yunxi's face showed fatigue that he had never seen before.As a teacher, he usually pays attention not to reveal his burnout in front of the students, but at this moment, he seems to have experienced a landslide, and only death remains after the disaster.

"Teacher..." Hazab spoke hesitantly, trying to find some topics to enliven the atmosphere. He glanced randomly and looked out of the car window. The sky was blue and the white clouds were chasing and running like they were alive. mulberry."

Luo Yunxi didn't look out the window, he just lowered his gaze, and put one hand on the back of Hazabu's.Luo Yunxi and Hazabu are very close. They sleep together every day, and their hands and feet will inevitably get entangled, but this simple touch is completely different.A natural child like Hazab has the same keen intuition as a small animal.His intuition made him tense immediately, Luo Yunxi had something important to say.

"Hazab, tell the teacher, do you also believe that after death, people will go to a better place?" Luo Yunxi said softly and slowly, his tone was full of heartbreaking doubts, unlike Really asking questions like Hazab is more like talking to yourself unconsciously.

Hazab dared not answer.He bit his lip back and forth, observing Luo Yunxi's expression carefully, but all he got was blank.

Luo Yunxi laughed lightly because of his brief aphasia, mocked himself, and leaned towards the car window with his eyes closed.

"I've taught you a lot, why can't you answer it?"

Hazab felt a panic that he had never felt before.Did he disappoint Teacher Luo?

He immediately grabbed Luo Yunxi's hand in reverse, and pressed it to his cheek, his two eyebrows drooping pitifully, his expression like an abandoned puppy.He couldn't think of a more direct gesture of affection than this kind of gesture.

Luo Yunxi opened his eyes and turned to look at him.

"I...I don't want to lie, Teacher Luo, I believe it." He said, his tone sounded sour and wet, "I'm sorry teacher, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Luo Yunxi seemed to have regained his senses just now, and a little bit of soul refilled his body.

"No apologies, Hazab. I'm just tired, let me take a break, okay?"

As he spoke, he gently broke free from the hand held by Hazab, leaned back against the car window, and closed his eyes.

White, snow white everywhere.

The white temples are built along the mountain, layer upon layer, and surrounded by green pines and cypresses.Luo Yunxi and Hazabu went up the stairs one after the other. The closer they got, the clearer the sound of chanting in the temple could be heard.Those sentences with unclear meaning made the two people's footsteps involuntarily heavy. Every time they landed, it was like stepping through stone steps, leaving footprints.

The sky above was as pure as an upside-down blue sea, and the white clouds turned into waves.The wind blew across Luo Yunxi's cheek, and he stopped outside the hall.The fence outside the hall is tied with yellow, blue and white silk cloth, the gateposts are red, and the tops of the pillars are carved with various painted patterns. The walls are dark green, and the sentient beings and gods and Buddhas are depicted in extremely gorgeous colors.

Luo Yunxi looked at Hazab, who was looking up at the murals on the wall.He seemed a little fascinated and deeply shocked, his eyes traced the outline of the mural inch by inch.White Brahma and Red Tara look down on the world compassionately, Hazab is the child under their feet, pure as a child, pure white as a lamb.

Maybe he should have been raised by them, not me.Luo Yunxi suddenly thought.

However, Hazab seemed to have sensed something, and the next moment he shifted his gaze to Luo Yunxi.Those eyes are not pure worship, those eyes are burning with fire, there are morning stars and the earth, and all illusory emotions fall to the ground and become real existence.

He doesn't want White Brahma and Red Tara, he doesn't want their protection, the world loves God, but he also wants to love people.

The sound of chanting was close to his ears, and Hazab seemed to break away from the mold of a boy at this moment and become a pure adult.He can touch the highest sky in the prairie with his hand, and his legs can run across the widest land in the prairie. The wind is trapped in his eyes, and the mountains, rivers, sun and moon are reshaped into his bones and blood.

"Come up." Luo Yunxi said to him.

Hazabu seemed to have heard some great news, hurried up a few steps, and stood shoulder to shoulder with Luo Yunxi.He found that he seldom had this moment of being side by side with Mr. Luo. Mr. Luo was so thin and small. Is this the kind of person who took care of himself and Wardle?

His heart swayed like a bell hanging high from the corner of the eaves, and every time it hit, it made an ethereal ringing.

"Let's go." Luo Yunxi took a deep breath and said, then stepped into the hall with Hazabu.

There were many jars of butter, big and small, on the offering table. They didn't even need to say anything, the lama in red bowed to them, which was regarded as the fulfillment of Saiyin's family's last entrustment.

They traveled for a day and a night, but the final ending was so light, which made the heavy heart find no place to settle.Luo Yunxi couldn't get over it because of Saiyin, but not only because of Saiyin.The days of supporting teaching had worn him down, and this incident was just a trigger point, bringing him to a very delicate threshold.

About belief, about value, about life.He had to think too much, so he was always absent-minded. It wasn't until Hazabra stopped him that he realized that the boy had called him many times.

"Ms. Luo, are you okay?" Hazab asked seriously.

"I...it's fine, what did you just say?" Luo Yunxi said apologetically.

"I said, let's go around again." Hazab seemed to muster up his courage before he said the next sentence, "I think, talk to Erji and Dad."

They came out of the main hall and turned to a side hall.Luo Yunxi couldn't distinguish the specific differences between these halls, but fortunately, Hazabu didn't care too much. There are few people here, so it is very suitable for quiet speech, so Hazabu chose to stop here.

The prayer flags fluttered in the wind, and Hazabu tried to speak to Obo several times, but failed.There was a thin layer of water in his eyes, I don't know if it was because of the wind, Luo Yunxi gently put his hand on his back, trying to comfort him, but Hazabu was discouraged because of this touch .

He never hides it, happiness and sorrow are written on his face, he simply sits directly on the steps, hugs his knees and buries his head.Luo Yunxi felt a little helpless, he moved his unorganized emotions aside, and sat next to Hazabu.

It seems that he didn't know when he started, he always got used to putting Hazab's affairs before himself.He had never done this before when he was a teacher at school.

"Why didn't you say it?" Luo Yunxi's hand was still running along Hazabu's back, just like in those thunderstorm days, he also patted Hazabu who was struggling in his sleep.

Hazab shook his head, "I can't say, I, I don't know what to say."

Luo Yunxi tried to enlighten him and educate him, like a real teacher.Not so long ago, he was struggling with his inability to reverse his ignorance.And this moment is a good time to regroup and indoctrinate Hazab with ideas.

"Why do you think so?"

Hazabu raised his head from the arms encircling his knees, and gave an answer that completely stunned Luo Yunxi, unable to speak.

Under the blue sky, the temple is pure white."Because I just found out, I can't remember what they looked like," Hazab said.

Luo Yunxi's hand stopped.

Hazab rested his chin lightly on his arms, curled up like a confused puppy, blinking and looking at the sky-filled prayer flags.

"Actually, since a long time ago, I couldn't see the faces of the two of them clearly in my dreams. I thought they didn't want to make me sad anymore, so I decided to leave. But my brother and I had a bad life, and life was very difficult. We didn't become very good people either. I was afraid that my brother and I would let them down, so they stopped visiting me.

"They all said squatting is a very serious matter. But when I go in, I'm not too scared, except when Wardler fights with others, I'm afraid he will die too. People always seem to die easily, I can't figure it out.

"Mr. Luo, were you very disappointed in me when we were in the car? I don't want to, I study hard, but there are some things I can't learn-if Changshengtian doesn't exist, then Eji and Ah What about dad? Since I was a child, my brother has protected me, if there are no gods on the grassland, who will protect me?"

"I have to believe, Mr. Luo. I know that you are different from us. You have gone to school, lived in a good place like Beijing, and the food you eat and the things you see are different from ours. I don't want to, but I never No one ever came to tell me what I was going to do with my life if I didn't believe these things.

No one told me, except you, teacher.Except you. "

Hazabu turned his head and looked at Luo Yunxi's face.

"Can you teach me again, don't leave me, please."

A dull bell sounded from the great hall overhead, as if from the highest reaches of the sky, and a cloud settled over their heads, casting gray marks on the white stone steps.

The monks in the temple said that every time the bell rings, it is sending a living being away.

Luo Yunxi stood and turned around, came to the opposite of Hazabu, and hugged him.

He hadn't hugged Hazab like this before, except for those moments when Hazab rolled over and crashed into his arms in his sleep.His arms were wrapped around Hazab's shoulders, and because of his posture, his knees were kneeling on a slightly lower stone step, and his body was embedded between Hazab's legs.

Hazab was dazed until he heard a whimper.The sobbing didn't come from the ear, but from another chest that was close to him.Hazab tried for the first time, and took the initiative to hug the bad guy.

"... Teacher Luo?"

No, Luo Yunxi wanted to say, no.I'm not such a nice person, I was even thinking about how to tame you just a moment ago.

I am too arrogant.As if out of guilt, he buried his head in the shoulder of Hazab, his student.

He has always wanted to use knowledge to change every child here.On the first day he came here, the pickup bumped through tens of thousands of kilometers of clouds and dust, sending him into the dry heart of this land, and even on that night, with the bravery of the newcomers, he took in two children .He didn't know at that time that what he took on was not only his studies, but also his life.

He is not their teacher.What qualifications does he have to be their teacher.

It is he who does not understand the rules by which the people of this land live.Storms and snowstorms, hunger and poverty, birth, old age, sickness and death happen all the time.There is no advanced medical system, no high tech, not even a phone signal.His good boy Hazab said that people always seem to die very easily, and he doesn't know why.

Luo Yunxi didn't know either.He is the one who is truly helpless in this barren land.

His helplessness is the divorce of his parents, the relatives he can't keep, and the love he can't win no matter how good he is. "Badagar" is a lotus flower. Maybe there are real gods sitting on the lotus flower and looking at them. Even his knowledge as a teacher is pale. Why did he come to the grassland and meet such a group of children? Use Khazab's embrace as a refuge.

Knowledge cannot explain, probably only God knows.But God doesn’t say anything, God has always just watched and never said anything.

He is no one's teacher, and he himself is still learning how to live in this white land.

And Hazab just hugged his teacher Luo carefully.

His god is not on the lotus seat, his god is kneeling in front of him and hiding in his arms.Teacher Luo is a Han Chinese, and the Han people have many rules. They are not allowed to step on the quilt when they sleep, they must wash their hands before eating, they are not allowed to run recklessly, and they are not allowed to laugh loudly.

But Hazabu is not Han, he is the son of the grassland, there are no rules that can restrain him, and listening to a Chinese teacher is only willing.

He has never seen such a beautiful and kind-hearted person as Teacher Luo. Teacher Luo saved him, so he wants to love him.Eji can fall in love with Dad, and Wardle can fall in love with Saiyin, then he can also fall in love with Luo Yunxi.

The sun rises and the moon sets, rain and snow strikes thunder, love is something that happens as naturally as they do.He pulled Luo Yunxi out of his arms and looked at his Han face, which was more beautiful than a lotus flower.He cautiously leaned forward and kissed the teacher's eyes reverently.

In those eyes like lotus petals, tears finally rolled down.