straight to heaven

I am a person who tends to think too much, and the forks of my thinking are denser than the hair of a young man.After a night of restless sleep, I still decided to go to the appointment.

It's not because I want to "compromise" with my mother, but because I realized that the decision to leave after giving away a passbook is half-hearted and unwise.The old score between the biological mother and the child is not so easy to settle.

All things considered, I needed to talk to her.

Today's meeting schedule is from [-]:[-] pm to [-]:[-] pm. At noon, Pei Yan came to drive me downstairs to Gao Kai's house.I didn't say anything, so he didn't ask anything, he just told me that it was late today and I didn't have to wait for him to eat.

Suddenly, I stood by the car window, and my love for Pei Yanlai was unprecedentedly abundant-people occasionally have such a wonderful moment, which is called falling in love in literary works, and when it is placed on me, it is called being in love drowned.

I poked my head in and kissed me lightly, but Pei Yanlai would not let me go so easily.

He held the back of my head until I was out of breath in a hunched over position.This kiss is too hot.

"Go." Before leaving, he said.

I said yes.

But it's a little different going into the building again, because tonight I have a home.

The couple and their two children were at home.The half-old child is in the growth period. After half a year, the eldest and the second treasure have grown a lot. When they meet, they call me brother first, and then wish me a happy 28th birthday.

I don't know if it was taught by my parents, or it still has a little impression on me.

My mother prepared a table full of dishes, and there was an eight-inch chocolate cake in the middle.Thankfully it's bright now and no one is lighting candles.

She cut a piece for me, and I passed it to Dabao. Dabao said thank you brother, she cut another piece, and I handed it to Erbao, who said, thank you brother.

My mother's face couldn't hold back anymore, it was Gao Kai who coughed dryly, reminding me of something from the position of Xu Yun's husband.So I took the knife, divided it into three parts, gave it to my mother, gave it to Gao Kai, and put it in front of me.

In the end, no one moved the three excess cakes.

After eating, Dabao and Erbao were going to take a lunch break. After asking for a kiss on the cheek from their parents, the two children returned to the bedroom obediently. Before closing the door, they still waved to me and said, good afternoon, brother.

I leaned down and said good afternoon too.

A well-educated child, completely different from me, two extremes.

As soon as the door was closed, the spacious house became very quiet.After 1 minute of silence, the leftovers on the table were cold and the cups and plates were messed up. Gao Kai rolled up his sleeves to help my mother clean up, but I stopped him.

"Uncle Gao," I picked up the plate, "I'll do it."

Gao Kai looked at me for a while, nodded, and waited until my mother walked into the kitchen before saying: "Your mother is not in a good mood recently, you two have a good chat."

I didn't answer, and asked something else: "When did her hands get burned?"

Gao Kai looked hesitant.

Because the same inferiority exists in the genes, men generally see men accurately.Gao Kai has a strong sense of morality, he is not perfect, but he is a real gentleman.I guessed that my mother had put a gag order on him.

"I'm not going to mention this to her, I just want to ask."

Just because of my blood relationship with Ms. Xu, Gao Kai couldn't help but not answer: "... On the morning of the first day of the new year, she was distracted while stewing chicken soup and poured it on her left hand."

It was the second day after I gave her passbook, and the situation was worse than what she told me.Not a surprising answer.

When I was ignorant and unaware, I became a sinner of some innocent disaster, although I didn't have a sense of identity with this identity.

When I entered the kitchen, I took the dishes and said that I would wash them.My mother was distracted, and stepped aside, using a rag to clean up the water stains on the plate.

After brushing the second plate, she suddenly asked, "Are you blaming me?" She paused: "...You should blame me."

The sound of the water was splashing, and I kept moving my hands, "I don't want to lie to you. I used to blame it, but now I understand that I shouldn't blame it, so I don't blame it."

It was twisted and twisted, but every word was true.To get this over with as quickly as possible, I had to force myself to be honest.

The afternoon sun streamed in through the window, and my mother's fingertips holding the porcelain plate were so hard that they turned white.

"I was immature, reckless, and I thought it out. Because of this, I made a lot of bad decisions and was a failed mother."

She continued: "Every time I see you, I think of that beast. When I think of him, I think of my negligence, and if you weren't born in this family, wouldn't you suffer like this. The longer you escape , the more I can't learn to get along with you."

"I know." You are also a victim, I replied softly.

"...Xiaoshan," she said, looking at me with a tight voice, "I didn't say this to get your understanding."

I nodded: "I know. I don't blame you."

I did not lie.

Lin Hui went to whoring when she was pregnant with me, and my mother went to the massage parlor to catch her with a big belly, but unfortunately he hadn't had time to take off her clothes when she arrived.

Open your eyes and talk nonsense, black can also be white.Lin Hui seemed to have finally found a reason to vent his anger—although it was not justified—after breaking the pot and breaking the jar, and then began the long domestic violence.

She has reported to the police, but the judiciary always seems to be automatically relegated to the weak in terms of marriage and family affairs.In that case, she still chose to give me life. This kind of life is heavy and huge, and I will never forget it.

"...You have been sensible since you were a child." She laughed, and a face uglier than crying was reflected on the glass plate: "I have also thought clearly during this period of time. You and I have a birth, this is what I deserve, I don't expect you to be close to me again. But you don't have to give me back the money, that's my duty as a parent."

I turned off the faucet, and there was no other sound in the kitchen.

It's useless to talk big things.

"mom."

I called her, and handed over Erbao's rice bowl, "I'm more selfish than you think. I won't sleep well if I don't pay back the money, so I can only embarrass you."

After a while, my mother put down the small blue bowl and wiped her tears: "I'm sorry...I'm really sorry, Xiaoshan."

She didn't cry like this before, hiding and hiding, so silently.

Unlike my mother, love makes people hypocritical and vulnerable.I think this is also good.

"Did you stop thinking of me as your mother?" She coughed twice, her voice a little hoarse.

I was a little helpless, she asked the same question once, but I had to give the same answer again.

With my hands on the edge of the pool, I leaned slightly and said to her: "I told you, you are my mother, and this will never change. If you need my help, call me and I will definitely be there . But the rest of the time, we all have our own lives."

... So there is no need to contact me on normal days, and there is no need to arrange a blind date for me.

I have been typing these words for a long time.Maybe it's because I have real love and the person I long for, so I can finally be completely relieved of the role of mother, and it's easier than I imagined after speaking.

My mother shed a few more tears, she didn't make any noise, she just took a piece of kitchen paper to wipe it clean.

She was not at peace, which I could understand, so I waited silently for a reply.

"Okay, if this is what you expect, I have no objection." She raised her head suddenly, the expression in her eyes was so complicated that I could see a kind of pain: "But there is one last thing, I hope you can ask me frank."

I lowered my eyes: "You say."

"Aren't you..." She frowned, closed her eyes again, her complexion was delicate: "Do you not like girls?"

I looked up sharply.

I was unprepared for the unexpected question, and I was caught off guard.

Although Zhou Xiaopei is not very upright, she should be a trustworthy lady.

Then it can only be...

"You saw it." I am sure: "At noon, in the car."

"..." She pinched her temples, her expression extremely tired: "Coincidentally, I happened to be collecting clothes on the balcony."

really.

This cabinet came out too aggressively.For someone my mom's age to see her son kissing another man's car in the car was too much of a shock.

I'm not good at dealing with the world, so it's like a dumb firecracker at this time. Instead, I expect my mother to throw sparks at me, and when the fuse is caught, I don't know when and how to explode.

But the direction of the matter has been out of my control since the derailment of the topic.

"Then," she showed obvious resistance and bewilderment, but finally chose to give in, and the tone of her request was even a little humble: "Would you like to bring him to meet me?"

A completely unexpected response, she put her posture very low, showing weakness to me.

But her son has a heart of stone, and I can't back down from Pei Yanlai.

"No, I don't want to."

She also wanted to insist, "Xiaoshan, I just want to meet your friend, that's all."

She and I looked at each other, and at the moment it was a bit unreasonable: "He is very good and doesn't need anyone's approval."

My mother leaned against the seasoning cabinet with her back turned to me, and didn't say a word for a long time.

The dishes and chopsticks are all cleaned up, and everything has been explained clearly, there is no need for me to stay.

When I left, my mother and Gao Kai stood at the door to see me off.Before walking into the elevator, my mother caught up with me and asked me, is this really the only way to go?

I don't know if she's asking about the estranged mother-child relationship, or about liking men, but it doesn't matter, the answer is the same.

"That's fine."

I saw her suddenly collapse and cry, squatting on the ground, crying until she was almost out of breath, Gao Kai quickly hugged her in his arms.The two sleeping children in the room were woken up with a start, rubbing their eyes and calling for their mother, they also came over.

Isn't it enough for a family of four to be harmonious and beautiful?

It would be redundant for me to stand there. People have the instinct to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, so it is probably the right choice to withdraw at the right time.

Gao Kai hugged her: "Xiaoshan, you go back first, she is not emotionally stable now, I will take care of her, don't worry."

The two children looked at me blankly, I nodded and said calmly, "Okay, goodbye."

The elevator door closed, and I fell down with the car body, and finally landed on the ground, startling the floating dust that is difficult for human eyes to detect.

I didn't take a taxi, I was in a daze, and spent several hours walking back to Pei Yanlai's house, the first thing I did was to go to the bathroom.

I showered and buried myself in the dry tub, curled up from exhaustion.But the chandelier was just overhead, and I was quickly stimulated to tears.

So I got up from the bathtub, turned on the faucet, filled the sink, and buried my head in, letting the water gradually submerge me.

People can't breathe in water, so I turned into a fish with eyelids.I wasn't sad, but I couldn't stop my tears. Fortunately, the best hiding place for a drop of water is a basin of water. This unreasonable bleakness won't make me embarrassed.

When I was out of breath, I floated up, and when I was out of breath, I sank again.

This was repeated many times, and I don't know how long it took, so that when Pei Yan came to pick me up, the skin on my face began to wrinkle.

After the bathroom door opened and closed, I hunched over in a daze, opened my eyes, and was grabbed by Pei Yanlai by the collar.

Like catching a disobedient family dog.

I reached out and wanted to touch the faucet, but he stopped me halfway.

"You have been with Hu Lu for so long, haven't you seen an autopsy? The drowned people died in a miserable state." He was in a bad mood, held me down, and buried me in the water again: "You want to become like that, is it what?"

There is a big difference between the feeling of sinking by oneself and the action of external force.

The time was actually short, but I regretted it almost immediately.

I grabbed his wrist and rubbed it twice, and he lifted me out of the sink.

As soon as I took a breath of fresh air, I shook my head quickly, the tail of my hair was wet, and I splashed water on his face.

"I don't." I choked on some water, coughed twice, and gave an unconvincing explanation dryly: "...I'm just a little tired."

I blinked my dry eyes, tried to change the subject, and asked him, "What time is it?"

Perhaps because he thought I was trying to commit suicide, Pei Yanlai's air pressure was very low, so he took off the shower, undressed and prepared to take a shower.

"Eight o'clock."

It is not a wise choice to provoke Pei Yanlai who is angry.I took off a towel, crawled out of the bathroom limply, and said to get something to eat, but he ignored me.

I changed my clothes, and as soon as I opened a bag of bread, I found something extra in the living room.

It is a bouquet of flowers.

Golden yellow, it looks like roses, there are nineteen flowers in total, and a hard card is inserted outside the plastic package.

I'm sure Pei Yanlai bought it himself.Because if it was given by someone else, it is estimated that it is already lying in the wet garbage dump downstairs.

But what does he buy flowers for?

It can't be given to me...but what if.Today is my birthday.

I seemed to be biting the bread calmly, but in fact, my heart was at war with each other.

Fortunately, not long after, the sound of water in the bathroom stopped, and Pei Yan came out to wipe her hair.I was hesitant to speak at first, but then I asked, "Are the flowers for me?"

Pei Yanlai laughed without emotion: "I don't want to give it to the dead."

"..." I was narrow-minded and still holding grudges, so I had no choice but to say something nice: "I was wrong, and I won't dare to do it again next time. Otherwise, you can punish me, whatever you want."

Pei Yanlai paused slightly when opening the sparkling water. He glanced at me and said, come here.

I followed him to the balcony.

The weather in Ling City has been abnormal recently. It is usually very hot at this time of year, but tonight's night wind is very mild, neither hot nor humid.The moon is also beautiful.

The floor is not high, I hold the cold sparkling water, and I can see the heads of the passers-by downstairs as soon as I look down.

...Wait, then when I squatted here before, didn't Pei Yanlai know everything about it?

"Lin Xiaoshan," but he didn't mention this old incident, "tell me what you want."

what do you want?When did he have a hobby cos santa claus.

I was surprised and asked, "You can do whatever you want?"

Pei Yanlai hummed, and calmly spit out what I thought was an earth-shattering promise: "Picking stars and moons doesn't count."

I was taken aback and asked, "What about the others?"

Pei Yan came to answer: "As long as I have it."

He said it, and he will do it.

Simply flattered.

"What's that," I asked again, "a birthday privilege?"

Pei Yan came to take a sip of sparkling water, his Adam's apple rolled, and said lightly: "You can understand it that way."

"But you already gave me presents."

I'm different from many people, I'm not greedy, I don't want much, it's only because of Pei Yan that this journey has been extraordinarily difficult-even though I'm happy for it.

Instead, Pei Yanlai asked me, "What gift?" After a while, he said, "You mean the bouquet of flowers?"

"Ah."

He chuckled: "There are college students doing charity sales at the entrance of the venue. This forum