straight to heaven

Since the beginning of winter, I am not the only one thinking about Pei Yanlai's birthday.

Dingrun held back all his energy, wanting to please his immediate superior this day.

Pei Yanlai and I go in and out together too frequently, and gossips continue after He Weisi's incident. Even though most of these people take gossip as talk and don't really believe it, it doesn't prevent them from using me as a springboard to get close to Pei Yanlai .

This week, there has been an endless stream of people asking me out for lunch, people chatting privately with me on WeChat, and people who linger near my work place and want to talk to me.

I say no to them all.

Xie Yi praised me for being unselfish, Xiaomi clenched his fist and wished me to overcome the difficulties, Li Xiaoxiao was more vicious, and secretly shook hands with me, with a resolute and heroic expression——

"Little vinegar bottle, you are doing the right thing. You should treat all hidden and explicit rivals with cruelty and ruthlessness like the autumn wind sweeping away fallen leaves. The organization favors you."

What a mess.I was speechless, and let go of her hand: "I just suggest that they don't do useless work."

Li Xiaoxiao didn't know that Pei Yanlai and I had already crossed the border secretly, and probably thought that my relationship was long and dangerous.But the truth wasn't...not all that she guessed.

Pei Yanlai never had a birthday.

It's not the same as my situation where no one is together. In my impression, he doesn't seem to have the concept of ritual.

In high school, there were countless classmates who gave gifts on his birthday.Counting down two times, counting up two times, it is not uncommon to block the gate of the class and the school gate.

Pei Yanlai confiscated none of them.

For this reason, I, a coward, prepared gifts for two years in a row, but I never dared to send them out once.

The reason why I miss him this year is because the relationship is very different. My deep affection for him has long been greater than awe or admiration, and the second is because he gave me a birthday present. I don’t know if this is a hint.

Just the day before my birthday, when everyone was full of ambitions, and according to Xie Yi's gossip, the spy war bidding scene had already started in private, I received a call from Hu Chunman.

bother you for something.

"Assistant Lin," Hu Chunman said in a hoarse voice, "My dad's condition is suddenly not very good. The doctor said that he will prepare for surgery in the afternoon. Although he didn't say it clearly, I can see that he wants to see you."

I have been paying attention to Lao Hu's situation, and I have delivered meals several times.

The treatment method is special, and the fever is often low, and the energy is up and down.This operation may bring good news in a certain sense-such as a limited extension of the survival period, but he is not young, and he has had another surgery before, and there is also the possibility that he will not be able to get off the operating table.

"We mean?" I was afraid that I had made a mistake in reading comprehension, so I tried to confirm.

She hummed: "My dad wants to meet you very much, especially the few he brought together. His dedication to Dingrun...you should understand."

After hanging up the phone, I hurriedly put on my coat.Pei Yanlai obviously also got the news, he pushed the door out of the office with a fast but steady pace.

"Lawyer Hu will have an operation in the afternoon. If you don't have urgent work at hand, please sacrifice your lunch time and go there. I will send the address to the WeChat group later."

He turned his head, with a calm and solemn face, and continued: "Xie Yi, notify Director Chu immediately, and ask him to pass it on to himself. In addition, this month's meal allowance will be doubled, and the excess will go to my personal account. Thank you for your hard work."

"clear."

While talking, the upper and lower floors became chaotic.The sound of pushing and pulling tables and chairs and hurried footsteps can be heard endlessly.

I took a few steps to Pei Yanlai's side, he looked at me and said, "Let's go."

The operation was still performed in a public hospital, and Lao Hu was transferred to the VIP ward a few days earlier.

When Pei Yan and I arrived, there was still a large group of social elites in suits and leather shoes behind us, and the doctors and nurses frowned and told us to keep quiet.

Hu Chunman was sitting on the side of the hospital bed, accompanied by her husband. She was too nervous and had obviously cried, trying to keep her spirits up.Lao Hu was lying on the hospital bed.

I see him often, but not everyone else in the institute.

The originally strong and strong person is now so thin that only a handful of bones remain, and the hospital gown looks fat. Because of taking the medicine, his complexion is a bit dark, and his limbs are swollen.

Group after group of colleagues came in to talk to him, old and new, a few interns and those who had just become regulars were pure new faces, and their eyes were a little red.Old Hu lacked energy, but his eyes were still firm and patient.

I thought of Geng Zong at an inopportune time. He told me before that before his grandfather passed away, he ate two bowls of beef noodles in one go.

What a cruel warning that was.

If it were me, I would probably rather close my eyes directly than leave behind a dream that would be shattered with a single blow before dying.

Pei Yanlai can always see what I'm thinking, "Don't think wildly."

His attention is not on Lao Hu, life or death, it doesn't seem to be that important, he is never in a hurry.At this moment, his extreme calmness and rationality have become a precious quality that I cannot obtain.

Dingrun's people have basically seen everything they can see. The hospital is not a suitable place to get together, and Pei Yanlai didn't let them stay longer.

It was almost time, and there were only Hu Chunman and his wife left in the ward, and the two of us.

Lao Hu didn't seem to have anything to say to Pei Yan, probably he had already finished what he needed to say, so he just nodded his head as a signal.He beckoned to me and I sat on the edge of the bed.

This is the fate of people and people.In fact, it’s just Gao Kai’s relationship, it’s not enough for Lao Hu to regard me as a responsibility, as a half-disciple, but I just happened to meet his eye, so many things just happened naturally.

Love is the most unreasonable.Love, family affection, teacher-teacher friendship, without exception.

"The hill."

He hasn't said so many words for a long time, and I can't hide my exhaustion. I can only bend down and listen to him whisper.

Only a few words.

It was an unexpected request.I froze for a moment, then he smiled at me and waved me out.

"Go." He said calmly, "Let's go, don't stand outside and wait for me, and work hard."

I didn't have time to say goodbye, and I hope it won't be necessary.The nurse was waiting beside him, and there was Hu Chunman's family in the ward. This was the most important time for him.

I was somewhat at a loss, and took Pei Yanlai's hand to leave the ward.He let me lead.

Before closing the door, I heard Lao Hu asking, "Do you hate me?"

Hu Chunman lowered her head, the future was unpredictable, she was terribly flustered, and cried silently: "...I'm sorry, Dad... I'm still..."

Immediately afterwards, Lao Hu sighed and repeated: "Good boy, good boy..."

Whispers are shut inside the door.

I held Pei Yanlai's hand and leaned against the smooth tile wall.Soon, Lao Hu was pushed out of the ward by the doctors and nurses, followed by Hu Chunman.He closed his eyes, breathed evenly, and drove to the operating room calmly.

I watched the white shadow shrink into a small point in my sight, as if watching a person's life in such a short silence.

The corridor and the operating room in the distance are like two worlds, one side is full of waves, and the other side is as quiet as stagnant water.

Pei Yan took a look at me, I knew he was asking if I wanted to follow.

I nodded first, then shook my head: "I'll go there later."

I held Pei Yanlai's ring finger in my palm and played with it. I couldn't help chewing on what Lao Hu wanted to say to me in the end.

His voice was as thin as a fly, but he didn't slur a word.

"Seize the moment, don't regret it."

Seize the moment and don't regret it.

But there is no concrete image at the moment, and the regret cannot be flattened.

In the desperate situation given by God, people report that they are unwilling to walk into a dead end with a mentality of nowhere to retreat, which is called delusion; suffering from the past that cannot be copied, and the past cannot be repeated, that is called greed; not doing things instinctively, but doing it against one’s will is a foregone conclusion When it hurts deeply, it is too late to regret.

I couldn't tell whether he wanted to tell his past self, or he said these eight words to me and Lin Xiaoshan.

He asked Hu Chunman if he still hated himself... I guess, when he failed to shoulder the responsibilities of a husband and father in the early years-eat the evil consequences of his desire for power, he probably regretted it at the beginning.

But regardless of the kindness that I and old Hu Pi gave me, if I were asked to make an objective evaluation, I would stand by Hu Chunman without hesitation.

The child may still hold hatred until death, and no one can excuse him for half a word.It is a human life, an independent subject of rights and obligations, whose mother is whose daughter.

——He told me not to be the second him.

I do not know.

"it is good."

My voice echoed faintly in the empty hallway, hoping he could hear it.

This operation really took a long time.

Pei Yanlai and I ate dinner at a fast food restaurant in a daze, and took two more meals home.

I didn't take the elevator, so I went up the stairs with him.Passing a certain floor, I happened to hear a strange, desperate cry.Soon, the family members rushed to the stairwell and contacted the shroud shop.

When a person is about to die, people in this industry may be more anxious than their relatives and friends.The family member's mobile phone is of poor quality, and they can hear the other party hurriedly saying, "I'll be there soon."

I looked at the heavy iron door and said nothing.

When we got to the door of the operating room, the red light was still on.

The fast food was passed to Hu Chunman and his wife.The two of you were obviously not in the mood to eat, so the bag was put aside, but they did not forget to say thank you to me.

I don't know when, I fell into a light sleep on Pei Yanlai's shoulder.

In fact, it is not appropriate to say that it is light sleep. I don't seem to fall asleep, but I have a lot of weird dreams.

I just remember holding Pei Yanlai's palm in a daze.Fingertips touched the palm, his lifeline was very long, longer than mine, I thought selfishly, this is good.

It wasn't until Pei Yanlai pinched my troubled fingertips that I woke up suddenly. It's winter, and I almost broke out in a cold sweat.

"Here we come." Pei Yan said.

As soon as the voice fell, the door of the operating room opened.

Hu Chunman almost pounced on her, but her feet were numb from sitting for too long, but she was helped by her husband.

"Doctor!" Her voice trembled: "What's the matter, doctor?"

Pei Yanlai and I also stood up afterward.

The attending physician was the first to show up. She had a tired face, and after taking off her mask, she bent her eyes under the gaze of four pairs of eyes, and smiled briefly.

"The operation was relatively successful."

Oh shit.

I just said that auspicious people have their own appearance.

It wasn't just Hu Chunman, my legs gave way and I almost fell to the ground.

A group of white coats left, and after a while, Lao Hu was pushed out lying on the bed.

Hu Chunman and her husband had no time to take care of us, so they chased us all the way into the elevator.

And I turned around, looked at Pei Yanlai and didn't say anything for a while.

In fact, there are still many things I can't figure out.

Some people tie the knot, some give birth to a new life, and some die—old, young, or peers.At my age, I seem to be going through this all the time.

What is fate trying to reveal to me?I leaned against the wall, silently mourning the corpse of the moth that died in the lampshade.

It was at this time that Pei Yanlai opened his arms to me: "Come here."

I looked at him, my eyes were probably a little dull.

When I hugged him unconsciously, the scent of dried fruit and wood in my nasal cavity overcame the pungent smell of disinfectant in the hospital, I thought, at this moment, I got a new life in the dimension of thought.

If I don't engage in philosophy, I don't need to explore the original desire, which is too empty, too empty, and too paradoxical.Pei Yanlai and I have wasted too much time, the existence is so short, fleeting, every minute, every second, all I have to do is hold him.

This is where I am going, where I belong, and where I am destined.

It's good to be alive.

It was nearly eleven o'clock in the evening when everything was over, and Pei Yanlai received a call halfway through the door.He put me down and left again, but made it back before the wee hours of the morning.

He finished his shower and I was reclining on the bed to let go.

Until he threw something, I subconsciously jumped up to catch it, and then threw myself on the bed again, the mattress bounced a few times, as if scolding me.

The handle is a very small item.

Before watching, I wanted to ask him what it was.But as soon as I looked up, the words fell back into my stomach.

Pei Yanlai was buttoning up her pajamas.

——He wears a silver plain ring on the ring finger of his left hand.

The answer is obvious.

My body was faster than my brain, I opened my palm, and I hurriedly put the ring on without seeing the shape clearly. The process was very smooth and the size was just right.

Pei Yanlai smiled mockingly: "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid you will take it back." I told the truth, opening the hand with the ring to him.Pei Yanlai is moody, I'm not making unwarranted malicious speculation.

"You made a mistake." Pei Yanlai pinched my wrist and looked at me sideways: "The money you spend is yours, I can't get it back."

"..." I didn't understand: "What do you mean?"

"It means," Pei Yanlai approached, rubbing the tip of my ring finger vaguely at the root of my ring finger: "I use your salary card."

"..."

Startled, I withdrew my hand and flipped through the text message.

There are too many things to do today, and the consumption records of the bank card are directly ignored by me, but the price of the ring is not expensive, and it is completely within the range of my spending ability.

I looked at Pei Yanlai, not because of anything else, but I didn't understand why he chose to offer this "big gift" on this day.

I asked him, and he gave me the answer, "Just treat it as a gift for me."

Gift?

It was only after clearing the messages on my phone that I clearly realized that this was Pei Yan's first birthday after me and Pei Yan came together.

The bedroom lights were turned off.

In the dark, Pei Yanlai is completely different from the daytime.

He was like a skin hungry animal, like an enclosure beast. He hugged me from behind and held my wrist, making me unable to move.

The ring was cold and stuck on the pulse, which felt strange.After a while, I asked, Pei Yanlai, isn't it your birthday?

The heating temperature is just right, and the bedroom is full of thin fragrance.

He moved his fingers slightly and said, let's pass this year.