twilight winter

After going out, Xia Mo breathed a sigh of relief.Thinking about Jiang Yuling's favorite dishes, he entered the elevator.

Jiang Yuling had a tricky mouth, as if she raised it by herself.

During the year she was with Jiang Yuming, Xia Mo rented a house outside the school, in order to make it easier for Jiang Yuming to have a place to stay when he came over.After class, Xia Mo started studying the dishes by himself.

At that time, no one knew about her relationship with Jiang Yuming, except Jiang Yuling who also went to school in Xia Mo's city.

Jiang Yuling was Jiang Yuming's cousin, and because Xia Jiang's family had a good relationship, Jiang Yuling's parents and Xia Mo's parents also moved around somewhat.Jiang Yuling went to school in this city, so he naturally entrusted him to Xia Mo, who was older than him.

Cooking for Jiang Yuming, Jiang Yuming, who was far away from home, couldn't eat it, so Xia Mo naturally thought of Jiang Yuling.

In fact, Jiang Yuling was Xia Mo's guinea pig.

Fortunately, I didn't poison the little white mouse to death.Thinking of those days, Xia Mo has all kinds of feelings in his heart.

After purchasing the ingredients and returning home, Jiang Yuling was still lying there, seeing Xia Mo coming back, he just glanced sideways.Xia Mo wondered if there might be a magnet on the sofa, which attracted the siblings there.

After entering the kitchen to wash the dishes, Xia Mo heard her mobile phone ringing in the living room before cooking.

Trot to the living room, picked it up and saw that it was Yunluo.Thinking that she should have landed, Xia Mo answered the phone and glanced at Jiang Yuling who was looking at her, then turned and went into the bedroom.

"Did it land?" Xia Mo would ask Yun Luo like this every time.

"Well, here we are. The air in the south is really pleasant." Yunluo replied cheerfully.

"Heh." Sitting on the bedside, Xia Mo looked at the two still delicate flowers and said, "Is the air here not pleasant?"

"You are beautiful there." Yun Luo said frivolously, Xia Mo knew she was in a good mood, rolled her eyes, remembering that Yun Luo left at the airport without saying hello, Xia Mo took the lead in explaining: "The person at the airport is her younger brother .I didn't know I'd run into him."

"I know who he is. You can tell by the face."

"I'm sorry." Xia Mo didn't know how to express her guilt.

"Xia Mo." Hearing Xia Mo's apology, Yun Luo's voice also became serious: "It's okay. I don't ask for anything after your relationship for so many years, as long as you are happy."

"Thank you." Xia Mo really ran out of words.Yunluo's generosity made her grateful but also embarrassed.

After hanging up Yunluo's phone, Xia Mo sat for a while and adjusted his mood. As soon as he got up to go to the kitchen to cook, he saw Jiang Yuling leaning against the door and looking at her.

"What's wrong?" Xia Mo stroked his hair unnaturally, and walked towards her.

"This time, you really don't intend to forgive my sister?" Jiang Yuling followed Xia Mo into the kitchen step by step.Xia Mo turned on the water, washed the vegetables again, lit the gas, watched the translucent oil bloom, threw it into the vegetables, and stir-fried familiarly.

"It's not about forgiveness or not. She did what she did last time, so I took her in when I came back." Xia Mo watched the dishes in the pot gradually change color, and replied absent-mindedly.

"You and that host, Yun Luo, are serious. Then you don't intend to forgive Jiang Yuming." Jiang Yuling bit the words Jiang Yuming fiercely, staring at Xia Mo's shoulder.Xia Mo did as he expected, his body trembled, his stir frying hand paused for a moment, and then continued his movement.

"You know that Jiang Yuming is going to be a director, and you know that she is talented, so why can't you wait for her for a few years?" Seeing Xia Mo's reaction, Jiang Yuling asked reluctantly.

"It's not a question between us whether I can wait for her or not." The silent Xia Mo couldn't stand Jiang Yuling, dropped the shovel and turned to stare at him, explaining word by word: "If we are suitable, I will wait for her for ten or twenty years It's all right. Jiang Yuling, you don't understand, we are not suitable. I am not the kind of woman who you can turn around and do what you want to do after you give me a promise. I have to wait alone. I have no safety I am afraid of loneliness. I don’t want to go home every day to be deserted. I hope that when I go downstairs and look up, someone will light a lamp for me. I hope that when I enter the house, someone will give me a warm feeling. Hugs, I hope that someone will miss me in the wind and rain, I hope that when I celebrate my birthday, someone can light candles for me instead of making intermittent phone calls from some place that doesn't shit. I can’t even hear the words happy birthday.”

Exhausting all his strength, he still spoke out the complaints that had been buried in his heart for many years. Xia Mo looked at the confused Jiang Yuling and turned around dejectedly. The vegetables in the pot were already mushy.

"Sister, she doesn't understand at all." Jiang Yuling tried to argue.

"If I don't ask her, she will understand that we are all selfish. She thinks that her kindness to me is what I need, and I also think that if I lose my temper, I can keep her, so we will continue to quarrel when we are a couple. Actually It's good to be friends." Xia Mo dumped the vegetables into the trash can, put down the pot, turned around and said to Jiang Yuling, "Let's go out to eat."

After choosing a restaurant not far away, Xia Mo and Jiang Yuling chose a seat by the window and sat down.

People outside the window were in a hurry, and Xia Mo ignored Jiang Yuling while playing with her mobile phone.Jiang Yuling knew that he had offended Xia Mo today and made her recall the scars from that year, so he didn't dare to say much.

After eating in silence, the two of them walked side by side on the way back. The snowflakes floated on the treetops with the breeze, and gradually slid down and landed on the shoulders of the two of them.

"Is she getting along well with that Wing?" Still couldn't help asking.

Jiang Yuling shook his head when he heard Xia Mo's question.Seeing his lonely expression, Xia Mo couldn't stop thinking in a bad direction.

"Don't be like I thought? Jiang Yuling." Unknowingly, she showed the posture of a big sister.

Jiang Yuling shook his head again, and looked at Xia Mo with a smile on his face: "Momo, this is an era of confusion."

"How?" Xia Mo didn't understand.

"Look, how many Oscar winners and actresses won for playing gay roles."

"But how many actors in Hollywood dare not come out. Even if everyone can't deny that homosexuality is affecting the world." Xia Mo replied calmly.

"Oh, Momo, you are really stubborn." Jiang Yuling laughed, and Xia Mo looked at him showing his white teeth.

"Go home." This time, Xia Mo took the initiative to hold Jiang Yuling's hand, and Jiang Yuling gently held her fingers.

At night, Xia Mo suffered from insomnia again.Looking at the colorful lights outside the window, Xia Mo tossed and turned, thinking about what Jiang Yuling said.Xia Mo and Jiang Yuming have been together for a year.Until now, Xia Mo didn't know how to judge whether he was happy or not that year.If you get less than what you want in your heart, you will not feel how fulfilling your happiness is.When we finally broke up, that person just sent me a text message with a few simple words: Let's be friends again.

Xia Mo still remembered that the house was being renovated that day, Xia Mo and Jiang Yuling were checking the acceptance, and Jiang Yuming's text message came unexpectedly.

Xia Mo looked at the Song style characters, hid in the bathroom and wanted to cry, but the tears just couldn't fall.Thinking about myself now, I cry a lot more.

In two years, everyone has changed.Xia Mo knew that even that person, even if he was still so taciturn and crazy, had actually changed.It's just that everyone is working hard to maintain the appearance in each other's memory.

Thinking about these subconsciously, he took out his phone and sent a text message to that person: "Let him go back, you know that nothing will change if he comes. So what if I forgive you? What if I don't forgive you?" The next time you appear in front of me, I will still beat you and scold you, or I will let you sleep in your room, or I will wash and cook for you, nothing has changed between us. You know it clearly, this In my whole life, I will not change because of other people, so why bother to force each other."

Pressing the send button, Xia Mo put the phone on his chest, and as expected, the man quickly replied: "You are very important to me."

Xia Mo smiled wryly at this sentence, put the phone on the bedside, and just closed his eyes, the text message from that person came in again.

"I have been regretting, regretting that I said we should leave."

Xia Mo held the phone and looked at it for a long time, as if the familiar face was right in front of him, and the tangled eyebrows made him want to smooth them out.

"It's been so many years, I've forgotten it." Xia Mo replied, hiding the slightest pain.

"You know I wouldn't have the courage to say it if it wasn't in the text message." The man replied.

Looking at it, Xia Mo felt her calm emotions welling up one after another.

"No courage? Jiang Yuming, how did you have the courage when you hit my boyfriend, how did you have the courage when you confessed your love, how did you have the courage when you bought this house and wanted to start a family with me, you messed up my wedding How do you have the courage when you are in chaos, when you left for two years and appeared in front of me like a normal person, where did you get the courage when you jumped into the river?"

Sending it out in one breath, Xia Mo quickly recalled these clips in his mind, and experienced those sweetness and pain so casually again.

The phone quieted down, but Xia Mo's heart couldn't calm down.In fact, I have wanted to know an answer for so many years.

Xia Mo was thinking about the answers to these questions day and night, thinking about how the person would answer him if he really asked them one day.

But now, when he asked the question, the man became silent again as after every mistake he made.

"I just don't have the courage to face the forgiveness you might not give."

Unexpectedly, Xia Mo looked at the words on the phone and didn't know how to reply anymore.

Growing up together, it turned out that that person didn't understand me, and I didn't understand her at all.

Jiang Yuming, why don't you understand, even if you make a big mistake, I will forgive you, even if you hurt me badly, I will smile at you, even if one day we die in another arms, I All I think about is you.