blame at every turn

Yue Qin brought this name into his dream.

At the beginning of the dream, he returned to the age of seven or eight years old, living in the old alley where an old locust tree was planted.

The buildings at that time were generally not as tall as they are now. In the four-storey former employee apartments, the residents’ homes on the first floor were only one aisle away from the entrance of the unit building. There were no stairs. Under the shadow of an apartment in the north, there was almost no sunlight all the year round. , living a life like a vampire.

Although the old alleys are full of poor people living in tight belts, thieves are still like mosquitoes that penetrate every corner in summer, mercilessly trying to drain the last drop of blood from every household in this alley.

After all, this is a piece of dead skin that must be shed in the process of urban development.There is no property, security and surveillance, and even the unit door is open, anyone can come in and out at will.Poor people have weak legal awareness and are busy with their livelihoods. Most of them will only consider themselves unlucky after being stolen, and they are the best targets for theft.The more poor the family, the more thieves love to patronize, because those who live in the dark and damp first floor, those whose homes do not have young and middle-aged male labor, and those whose owners work outside all year round, have poor defense capabilities and are extremely easy to steal. Achieving goals.

Unfortunately, Yue Qin's family has all three points.

The frequent visits of thieves made the already poor family worse, but Yue Qiqiao never let Yue Qin know about this, and silently filled the financial gap that was stolen by others. In the early years, Yue Qin only knew that his family was poor, But I don't know why, Mingming Yue Qiqiao works three jobs alone, every day from the morning when the sun is just showing a little pale, until the moon is high at night, the family is still too poor to even drink pure water.

At the west end of the old alley is the water room. Yue Qiqiao never buys a bucket of water for ten yuan. He boils the water from the faucet in the vegetable sink every day and drinks it. When the glass of water bottoms out, it will always be rusted. Block your throat.

I don’t know if it’s because the quality of the water he drinks all year round is not good enough, or because the old alley belonged to a factory area in the early years, and there are still toxic gases in the air after the chemical plant was relocated, or it’s a combination of both. Burning once is considered a blessing and fate, but you can always hold on to it yourself.

Until the age of seven, Yue Qin got bronchitis.

At the beginning, Yue Qiqiao only thought he had a common cold and delayed seeking medical treatment. Later, his illness continued to worsen, burning from the trachea all the way to the bronchus, and almost entered the lungs. Yue Qiqiao spent all his savings to pull him back from the gate of hell.

Since then, Yue Qin has not been troubled by colds or colds anymore, but the root cause of the disease has fallen. He will cough when the smog is severe in winter, and he will cough when he smells car exhaust when crossing the road. Cough up blood.

In this regard, Yue Qiqiao can't do anything.

As an abandoned woman herself, her conditions are not very good: she is born with defects, her education is not high, and she has a good appearance, which cannot be counted as an advantage under such circumstances.She could not promise Yue Qin a complete family, nor could she promise him a better life.

Poverty may not be the greatest suffering in the world, but it must be the most far-reaching.

Because there are many reasons that lead to poverty, none of them can be exposed to the sun like a quilt, and it doesn't matter the attention of passers-by.The poor status makes them feel humble in front of the powerful and rich, and they can't hold their heads up; not everyone at the bottom is considerate, and quite a few of them like to fight each other, and prefer to maliciously arrange the difficulties of those who speak lightly , to release the stress of life.

And the malice in life does not only come from the people around him, even these are only dispensable in normal life.Poverty is a knife that cuts open the bag of life, allowing all suffering to take advantage of it. When the suffering really falls, bad words and bad words will become a barrel of oil thrown into the sea of ​​fire.

The rapid development of the economy from zero to infinity is like a pair of big hands pulling up and down a strip of cloth called society.Before the economic development tends to be stable, the conflicts between people are particularly heavy, and they often sink layer by layer, and finally all accumulate on the shoulders of the bottom people.

Growing up in such an environment, people will inevitably go to extremes.

So although Yue Qiqiao couldn't promise him peace and joy, he has been teaching him not to hate anyone, let alone complain about life.

She taught Yue Qin to compare his heart with his heart.

Teach Yue Qin that if he has a biscuit and meets a kid who doesn't have any biscuits, he must share half of the biscuits with him.

Teach Yueqin that if he is bullied outside, he can fight back, he can go home and cry, but he cannot hold grudges, let alone take his anger out on other children. When he is bullied by others who are weaker than himself, he should help.

Yang Ya was the first one Yue Qin met, and fit all the descriptions of "children" in Yue Qiqiao's mouth.

The Yang Ya in Yue Qin's dream is a clingy and pitiful crying bag.

Because his mother worked overtime and didn't come home at night, his father took the opportunity to sneak to the casino. He was not picked up at a young age. He ran through three traffic lights and came home alone. No one opened the door for him, so he fell asleep in the aisle directly. Yue Qin picked it up and returned home.

After waking up, he found himself in a completely unfamiliar environment. Yang Ya was so frightened that he hid under the bed like a kitten until Yue Qin bought a roasted sausage and fanned it with a small cattail fan to let the fragrance A steady stream of smoke drifted under the bed before he could be smoked out.

He is like all small animals that are afraid of people. After confirming that Yue Qin will not hurt him and will treat him well, he starts the crazy sticky mode.Like a small tail, he always grabs Yue Qin's clothes and won't let him go. He will go wherever Yue Qin goes. Brother Qinqin is long and brother Qinqin is short. He screams so loudly and hugs him stickily. Yue Qin's arm, kissing Yue Qin's face.

Yue Qi skillfully sewed the sandbags, and taught Yue Qin how to pick up the sandbags, and Yue Qin taught Yang Ya.

But the sandbags that Yue Qi sewed skillfully were a bit big, and Yang Ya's hands were too small, he could only grab one at a time, so he could only play with cutting watermelons.

After playing around, Yang Ya was able to throw one after another, one after two, and even one after four.

The sunlight coming in from the alley dragged the shadows of the buildings, swaying here and there, and after countless rounds, Yue Qin suddenly heard a voice in his mind calling him to go to work, he stood up, his vision was violently After shaking for a while, the sun suddenly became dazzling, and a dirty apron was added to his body.

The people around him grew up with him, and the twelve or thirteen-year-old Yang Ya would still hold his arm and softly call him Brother Qinqin.

Yang Ya asked him, "Why does brother Qinqin go to work? I'm so tired at work."

Yue Qin lowered his body slightly, put his hands on his knees, and looked at him at the same level: "Because if you don't go to work, you won't make money. The more tired you are at work, the sooner you can hope for success."

"But I don't want to look forward to it."

"why?"

"Because we are still children now, and looking forward to the early days means growing up. I don't want life to pass so fast, and I don't want you to grow old."

"What are you talking about, I'm only three years older than you."

"—But you are three years older than me."

Yue Qin was in a daze for a moment, and Yang Ya changed into the blue and white uniform of junior high school.The appearance has basically remained the same, but the height difference between the two seems to be not as big as before.

Fourteen or fifteen-year-old teenagers haven't fully grown yet, but they are already on the road to maturity with great strides.He always speaks domineeringly, with a posture of being the only one in the sky and the world.

Yang Ya was like this, barging his teeth and claws to block him under the old pagoda tree, and said to him in a hoarse voice, "Brother, I'm going to technical school."

"No. Don't you want to take the route of sports expertise? Technical schools don't recruit special students, and the scores of technical schools are too low. Many of them are left over from other schools. There may be problem students. They..."

"But brother, you also know that I am a sports student, and I am not afraid of being bullied. The technical school has policy subsidies. Not only does it not charge tuition fees, but it also has an additional 500 yuan subsidy every year. It will also guarantee employment in the future, which is better than sports students. Besides, you A college student who is going to cross the river by himself, so many things, why bother with me? The tuition fee of [-] yuan per term in No. [-] Middle School is not a small sum. Don’t think I don’t know, your school’s annual tuition fee Tens of thousands."

"Don't make fun of your own future if you are angry with anyone. Yang Zhengze refuses to support you, don't you still have me? Don't disbelieve me, I can do it... It's only two thousand and five, a summer vacation is nearly three months, Do some physical work, and you can make a small [-]."

"What about you? Yue Qin, you just don't make fun of your own future."

"Don't forget that I am three years older than you, Yang Ya. I am an adult now and have the right to decide my future life."

"You are only three years older than me, what do you know about future life?"

Listening to Yang Ya's address to him, Yue Qin gradually became colder, his body was like a balloon filled with cold water, sinking with a heavy heart.

Finally, the balloon fell into the crack of the ground and was pierced by a sharp stone with a "bang". Yue Qin broke out in a cold sweat and woke up from his sleep.

It was less than five o'clock at this time, and it was not even dawn outside, but Yue Qin didn't feel sleepy at all.

He sat up and stared blankly for a while, and found a thick little notebook from the desk drawer.

This is a "memorandum" specially created by him to prevent himself from forgetting Yang Ya, which contains many memories of his past.

In fact, there is no need to read it, Yue Qin also clearly remembers that everything in the dream is a reappearance of memories, and it happened in real life.

Sandbags have really existed—the reason why they say “existed” is because the first five sandbags made by Yue Qiqiao were all broken after five or six years of playing. Afterwards, Yue Qin sewed a few more. They disappeared soon, but because Yang Ya was already in the fifth grade at that time, and soon passed the age of playing with sandbags, Yue Qin didn't make new ones, and didn't care about the disappearance of the sandbags.

Aprons also existed.Yue Qin once learned a little handicraft from an old man and went to the village to help the old man build a cement wall, but he was a bit of a clean freak, afraid of getting his clothes dirty, so he wore an apron to work, and when he lost the apron, he put it down completely He has a cleanliness obsession, but he still can't figure out how crazy the thieves wandering in the old alleys are. They even want to steal dirty aprons. Could it be that they have taken a fancy to the dry cement on the aprons?

Speaking of which, besides this, Yue Qin also lost a lot of things, mainly in the few days before he discovered Yang Ya's disappearance.

He still remembers that he lost his pillow, but all the 3000 yuan cash hidden under the pillow was missing; a family photo album was missing, which contained only a few artistic photos of him wearing a small skirt between his eyebrows when he was a child, a A photo of Zhang He and Yang Ya.

In addition, he also lost three Chinese notebooks, two pens, an eraser, a used toothbrush, etc. Among them, the most expensive item lost may be a complete set of commemorative coins issued when Macao returned to China. That was the thank you gift he received after he and Yang Ya did good deeds together.

Everything in the dream is real, but Yang Ya's personality is a bit different from reality.

In Yue Qin's impression, it seemed that he was always clinging to Yang Ya. Yang Ya never called his brother, wouldn't act like a baby with him, and often found him annoying.

If Yang Ya hadn't had to hug him to sleep at night, Yue Qin would have wondered if it was just his wishful thinking that he and Yang Ya were so good that they could wear a pair of pants.

The last part of the dream was the last quarrel between him and Yang Ya.A few days after the quarrel, Yang Ya disappeared, which made it hard for Yue Qin not to think that Yang Ya left because he was too annoying. He was sad for a long time because of this, and this memory still remains. Affecting the most vulnerable part of his heart, Yue Qin didn't dare to think too much.

He went back to sleep again, woke up on time at six o'clock, and went out to buy breakfast.

As soon as he went out, Yue Qin saw a fifteen or sixteen-year-old girl under the office building, confronting a stray puppy.

There is also a pink handkerchief in the puppy's mouth, like something a little girl would use.

Yue Qin didn't want to disturb them at first, but as an adult male, his goal was too big. It was hard for the puppy not to notice him. Seeing a stranger, its ears flicked back and its tail was tucked A sharp turn, and soon disappeared.

The girl turned her head subconsciously, and Yue Qin was immediately fixed on her gaze.

"Sorry, I seem to have disturbed you—is that handkerchief yours?" Yue Qin asked apologetically, "If necessary, I can try to get it back for you."

I don't know if she was shocked by Yue Qin's words, or because of his cold demeanor, the girl was stunned for a long time before she came back to her senses: "No, no, thank you."

Forgot to glance at the direction the puppy was leaving again. The girl touched her earlobe and smiled at Yue Qin with some embarrassment: "It may be a bit too pretentious to say it, uncle... little brother, have you ever heard a saying? Abandoned The stray dogs in the past lack love, and they will collect things that smell like people they like to make nests, Xiaobai, this is a sign that she likes me!"

The author says:

Yang Ya: I didn't steal it, so I wouldn't do such a thing.