blame at every turn

Yang Ya's knee was pierced with countless red shallow pits by the durian's thorns. Fortunately, because the air conditioner in the room was fully turned on, he was wearing thicker trousers, which shared a considerable part of the injury for him, but at least he did not bleed.

Yue Qin wrapped ice cubes in a cage cloth and tied them to his knees, and carefully wiped off the ketchup on his face and the yam hairs on his back, and then temporarily left him alone in the living room. I bought a rag and a garbage bag to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

The durian flavor is strong and lingering.After finally tidying up the kitchen and coming out, Yue Qin opened the window on the balcony and breathed in the fresh air for a long time before barely forgetting the smell.

He flipped through the latest text messages and WeChat messages, and found that apart from Yang Ya sending him a dozen messages in the morning, there was really nothing important.

And what Yang Ya said in WeChat, "I have something to confess to him", just one sentence weighed a thousand catties, making him unable to breathe.

Yue Qin knew that everything he did last night was not perfect, and it was difficult to deceive a mature adult. He spent a long time in mental construction, preparing to meet Yang Ya's "Actually, I'm not sincere." I like you" and felt that he was almost invincible, so he patted his face, raised his head and chest, and walked back to the living room vigorously.

He originally wanted to face Yang Ya's confession with great calmness, but when he saw Yang Ya holding his knees and hanging his head, he seemed to be more unwilling to face the next thing than himself, Yue Qin's attitude changed again. Softened unconsciously.

He sighed resignedly, and broke the silence first: "I went out this morning to deal with some urgent matters, and I haven't had time to read the news...I didn't mean to ignore you, I'm sorry."

Yang Ya let out a "hmm", but still did not raise his head.

Short-term pain is worse than long-term pain.Seeing that Yang Ya didn't take the initiative to speak up, Yue Qin could only bite the bullet and start the topic by himself. After a long time of deliberation, he finally opened his mouth with some difficulty: "So... what is it that you want to confess to me?"

Yang Ya moved a bit and made a muffled voice: "I lied to you."

"Well," Yue Qin pretended to be calm and guided him to continue, "So what are you hiding from me?... Let's start from the very beginning, I can bear it, don't worry."

Yang Ya is not yet ready to tell Yue Qin what happened to him eight years ago.

He could only think about what lies he had lied to Yue Qin after reuniting with Yue Qin, and explained to him from the beginning: "My salary is not very low, and the minimum salary is more than 5 per month, and now there are 500 million yuan left." deposits."

Yue Qin already knew about this.

However, Yang Ya's income and savings were more than he expected, which undoubtedly stabbed him hard in the chest.Moreover, he thought pessimistically, Yang Ya used to hide it from him because he was afraid that he would feel inferior, but now he made it clear that he probably wanted him to understand the gap between him and himself, so that he could take the initiative to pack up and go away.

"and then?"

"Then..." Yang Ya sniffed and tried to think back, "Actually, I ate a lot. What you saw was only a quarter of my normal meal. When I ate with you before, I've never been full, and I always have to add food when you're not paying attention."

Yue Qin's heart became cold again.

He smiled bitterly, and squeezed the hem of his shirt tightly.

It's no wonder that Yang Ya looked down on him, he never knew that Yang Ya was living with him so aggrieved, that he couldn't even eat enough.

It is true, with his current salary level, at most he can only afford food and drink for himself, and if Yang Ya is included, life will be very tight.With Yang Ya's conditions, who is not good with him, why do he have to drink the northwest wind with him?

"Also, in fact, I don't hate eating steamed stuffed buns so much."

"And then?" Yue Qin couldn't stand him jumping out like this. He was waiting for the final sentence. The probation at this time is undoubtedly a kind of torture for him. Now he only hopes that Yang Ya can quickly Let's get to the point. "Just talk about the most serious one. There is no need to prepare so much. I'm already prepared."

"The most serious one...?" Yang Ya felt that all the lies he had told were serious, and the most egregious one was that he stole dozens of things from Yue Qin.

But he doesn't dare to say this now. After all, Yue Qinggang complained to him and felt that this kind of behavior is abnormal. Although Yang Ya has made up his mind, even if he will lose his reputation with Yue Qin, he must confess to Yue Qin Everything, but now he really wants to keep something reserved, at least keep a pair of underwear for himself, he doesn't want to be a "pervert" in Yue Qin's eyes.

So Yang Ya swallowed, and said lightly, "Before I 'fighted' with Wangcai, it was not because he took my things, but because I wanted to get back the tie you left with him."

With a heavy heart, Yue Qin nodded as if looking at death, and said "Okay" in a flat tone, after a while he came to his senses, and looked at Yang Ya in amazement: "It's gone?"

"No more," Yang Ya touched his arm guiltily, "Yue Qin, I'm a big liar, I'm not pitiful at all, all I do is just want to get your care, even though I've tried my best I have restrained myself, but I still can't control my possessiveness towards you. I don't want to see you with others, and I don't even want you to go to work. I want you to be with me every day and night. In fact, you promised me eight years ago Since the confession started, I can't restrain my rapidly expanding desire for you, I..."

"Wait." Yue Qin hastily interrupted Yang Ya's words.

As far as he was concerned, Yang Ya's words contained too much information, his mind was in a mess, and he didn't know where to start, so he could only stop Yang Ya before continuing, and then bit the bullet From the beginning to the end: "Why did you and Wangcai grab my tie... That tie is worthless, Wangcai took it away, and it's already rotten, even if you get it back, there's nothing you can do about it." Wear it."

"Just... for collection." Yang Ya said without any confidence, not daring to look Yue Qin directly in the eyes.

"No need," Yue Qin coughed twice, and poured himself a glass of water, "If you like that style of tie, I can buy it for you—or no matter what you fancy from me in the future, I will buy it for you." It can be given to you directly and unconditionally."

Yang Ya lowered his head and remained silent.

Yue Qin licked the corners of his chapped mouth, and asked the next question he wanted to know: "Also, you said that I agreed to your confession eight years ago, what happened? How could I have any impression? nothing?"

Yang Ya broke his voice unconsciously in astonishment: "You want to deny the relationship between us from the beginning?"

He was so sad that he couldn't choose what to say: "Brother, even if you are discouraged by me, don't be so ruthless, leave me some thoughts, okay, even if our feelings are neither fish nor fowl, we used to be so There are those who have loved each other sincerely and sweetly, I don't want to hear you deny our first love like this."

"What are you talking about?" Yue Qin was stunned for a moment, "What nonsense, bah bah bah, don't say such nasty things——didn't our first love start two months ago?"

Then soon, he found out the point that made Yang Ya's conversation with him wrong: "I really don't remember you confessing to me eight years ago. If I had, I wouldn't choose to talk to you so late. We met, but as soon as I got your news, I went to the film crew to arrest you and asked you where the heartless guy went that summer vacation. I always thought I was just a one-way crush."

Although he doesn't look like him, Yang Ya knows that this is indeed something Yue Qin can do.

He couldn't help but wonder: "You already know where I am? When did it happen?"

Yue Qin recalled: "I knew you were an actor when I was 21 years old."

"Then why are you only willing to come to me now?" Yang Ya's speech became faster, and he felt some dissatisfaction that he didn't even notice.

Yue Qin was silent for a while: "At that time, I only knew that you liked men, but I didn't know that you liked me. So I thought about saving money first, approaching you as a benefactor, and then slowly cultivating feelings..."

"So, you really confessed to me eight years ago?" Yue Qin also felt very aggrieved, "When did you confess, I really have no memory at all. If I had known that you had confessed, I would have left me and left Now, I won’t save any money, and I won’t be the president of Mengkai Laoshi’s subsidiary company. I flew to you five years ago, relying on you to blame me first, and I will do nothing but urge you to make progress. Hold your thigh and eat and wait for death for the rest of your life."

Although his words sounded quite sincere, they were not serious in it, they were all jokes, but Yang Ya didn't feel much relieved when he heard it. The two of them now had a pile of big rocks in their hearts, and they were in extreme moods. Complicated, no one can laugh out loud.

Yang Ya pondered for a while, and took the lead to break the silence: "Eight years ago, you took me to your classmate's birthday party, and that was when I confessed my love to you."

Yue Qin nodded: "That was the first time you drank, and you tried to get bored, but you passed away on the spot after drinking the first glass of beer."

What happened afterwards, no need to explain, both of them understood.

Once again, the living room fell into a long silence.

Until Yang Ya said as if talking to himself: "I thought... my drinking capacity was at least a little bit better than yours."

He was still unwilling: "But I clearly remember that when I woke up the next morning, I asked you if you still remember what you promised me last night, you kissed me...Is this also fake?"

Yue Qin denied it without thinking: "But at that time, I just heard you whispering in your sleep, and thought you were not awake, so I..."

He suddenly remembered Yang Ya's previous theory that "adults kissing children is breaking the law", his expression changed, and he dared not continue talking.After all, he was already an adult at that time, and Yang Ya was still a minor. In a sense, he was the pervert of "children" in Yang Ya's heart.

"I'm sorry," Yue Qin bowed his head and admitted his mistake, "I shouldn't have molested you then."

Yang Ya shook his head: "It's okay, I was at fault too."

At that time, he was worried every day, and he had no intention of managing the relationship between him and Yue Qin beyond the friendship he had just established. If he had said "I love you" at that time, he could have met Yue Qin at least five years earlier.

Yang Ya was a little choked up: "It turns out that I misunderstood you all along. I always thought that you didn't come to me because you were angry with me and left without saying goodbye, and besides thinking so on the surface, I also hate that your liking for me is too fake , I hate why you didn't find me..."

"What are you talking about?" Yue Qin interrupted him again, "Yang Ya, it's not that I haven't looked for you... Besides, you may have misunderstood my feelings for you, even if you didn't confess to me, I will also look for you without hesitation. It's just that my ability is limited, and I haven't found you after looking for you for more than a year."

He paused here and took a deep breath, as if holding back some big moves.

Yang Ya's heart was also suspended, he swallowed, knowing that if nothing unexpected happens next, Yue Qin should ask him about what happened eight years ago.

Although he doesn't want to say it, it's not an option to keep running away like this. If the other party is Yue Qin, it's not that he can't try to face his scars.

Yue Qin brewed this tone for a long time before finally spit it out: "Actually, I know everything about eight years ago."

He looked at Yang Ya with soft eyes like Wang Chunshui: "So if you don't want to face this memory directly, you don't have to tell me in person. Yang Ya, I regret not being able to accompany you in your most painful time, But I want to say that there is still a long time to come, if you are willing to be with me...even if you are not sincere, I will do my best to create good memories and fill the broken places in your heart."

"However, there are some things that I have to clarify with you. I never thought of abandoning you or forgetting you. It was eight years ago, and it is now. You have always been the most important person in my heart."

After that, Yue Qin briefly stated to Yang Ya how he found him eight years ago.

Because of Yang Zhengze's one lie, Yue Qin knocked on the doors of almost all the rich families surnamed Yang. Needless to say, the hard work of running around, the cold eyes and ridicule he received was enough to make people embarrassing.

In order to find Yang Ya, most of Yue Qin's savings from working part-time was used to buy train tickets. He slept across the bridge hole to save money, and kneeled down to beg for help. These were all taken lightly by Yue Qin.To him, these are nothing compared to Yang Ya's suffering, and he has long been used to those doubts and malice.

Yue Qin has long developed a calm face in the face of other people's pointing fingers.

When he was ten years old, Yue Qiqiao had an accident in the workshop and was crushed by a machine to cut off most of his palm.

Because people's legal awareness was relatively weak at that time, Yue Qiqiao did not sign a labor contract with the company. Not only did the factory not give her a work-related injury appraisal and pay compensation, but also fired her directly on the grounds that she was absent from work.

At that time, whether it was in the neighborhood or in the factory, it was rumored that Yue Qiqiao had run over her hand because she was lazily sleeping while working, saying that she deserved what she deserved, and it was good that the boss didn't make her lose money.

But Yue Qin was very unconvinced. He spent a lot of effort and ran back and forth with Yue Qiqiao. After being kicked by the ball for a whole month, he finally made an injury appraisal for Yue Qiqiao and told the factory owner Compensation was sought, but the matter was finally settled.

Yue Qin called the police, but it was precisely because he lacked a labor contract that his road to rights protection was extremely difficult.Yue Qin has no money to hire a lawyer, so he can only hope to impress others with words and get a free help, but there are not many kind people, and there are not only many unfortunate people in this world, but also those who wantonly consume others' kindness However, Yue Qin was not so lucky to find someone willing to help him, and even became a clown in the eyes of people around him.

Because Yue Qiqiao couldn't speak, and most people didn't understand sign language, Yue Qin was labeled as "unfilial" and "open to money" and so on.

Everyone thought that he was eating his mother's blood buns, and he insisted on extorting and kidnapping other people's goodwill.Everything Yue Qin did would be infinitely magnified and pointed at, until when he was there, there were still "nursery rhymes" insulting him in the elementary school he had stayed in.

Although Yue Qin worked hard for a whole year and finally got 1000 yuan in compensation from the factory owner, no one thought he was right. Almost everyone sympathized with the boss, and even a large part of people thought the boss was very kind.

Moreover, the thieves who were active in the old alley seemed to respond to people's accusations against Yue Qin. On the day Yue Qin got the 1000 yuan, he stole the money, so in the end, Yue Qin had nothing. Get it, some are just a stigma.

Yue Qin's character has become less lively since then.

Back then, even a scum like Yang Zhengze had the confidence to spit in his face. Other than Yue Qiqiao, the only one who was willing to stand by Yue Qin's side was Yang Ya.

So Yue Qin is willing to give everything, including his dignity, to find Yang Ya, even if he is easily blamed, he will never turn back.

The heavy memories were brought down by him in a few strokes lightly, but it was still exchanged for a lengthy silence.

Yang Ya was still trying to digest the weight of these days in Yue Qin's mouth, and Yue Qin couldn't bear to break the silence: "Yang Ya, did you... really like me?"

"No."

As Yang Ya replied, another stone of depression appeared in Yue Qin's heart.

But then he heard Yang Ya say again: "I have never really liked you, because my liking for you has no past tense, I have always really liked you."

"...Then when did you start liking me?"

"Forgot, it might have been from junior high school, or it might have been from when I first met you—what about you?"

"I forgot too," Yue Qin pondered for a while, then sighed, "I can't tell. But I can be sure that I have never put anyone else in my heart, and the only person I like will always be you."

"But Yue Qin." Yang Ya turned over and raised his worried face, "I know that my feelings for you are actually problematic. I may...not be your lover."

"It's okay," Yue Qin took the initiative to change sides, sat down next to Yang Ya, and held his hand tightly, "Anyway, we are still young, and we have many chances of trial and error. It just so happens that you are the first I fell in love once, and I was the same, and we slept in the same bed for several years as a child, and we have a high tolerance for each other, which is just right for trial and error."

Yang Ya stared at him intently: "I'm stupid, I'm slow to learn everything, I may have to rely on you for the rest of my life—by the way, Yue Qin, does what you said before still count?"

Yue Qin was at a loss: "Which sentence did you say?"

"You said you were going to give up starting the company, come and hug my thigh," Yang Ya winked at him, "Become my virtuous wife, and do nothing but urge me to make progress, and spend my whole life idling and waiting to die."

Yue Qin took a deep breath.

"I was joking, why do you take it seriously?"

As he spoke, he lowered his head in embarrassment.

"I know you are joking, but my wish is to make it real. Brother, you should think about it seriously. I will take care of you. I can't see you every time I miss you. To me It’s just too painful.”

"No, Yang Ya," Yue Qin refused righteously, "You can't think like this, although I really want to support you, but we can't always tie the other party to ourselves, that would be harmful to the other party. One benefit. If a person loses his own career, his resistance to various risks in life will decrease, and he will easily get Alzheimer’s. Do you think I will get Alzheimer’s before I’m 50?”

"Okay." Yang Ya pursed his lips, his face was full of submission.

"However, from tomorrow to Sunday, I will rest for four days," Yue Qin said, "I can always be with you during this time and meet all your requirements, but I have to go back on Friday Home, do you want to go with me?"