After we broke up, I still asked about your situation

Apart from the partners in the circle that he knew from the beginning, Shu Bai was the first friend that Tong Shen met in a serious way after he arrived in Yangning.

At that time, he had just escaped the clutches of the college entrance examination, and immediately ran to Yangning after receiving the admission notice. On the surface, he was waiting for admission, but in fact, he was liberating his nature. All over the city.

Shu Bai is a graduate student at the university next door. He just graduated and found a good job. He is still in the probationary period.

Because a friend was directly admitted to the school for a Ph.D. and was still studying, Shu Bai came back to invite friends to a party after the probationary period became a full-time member.

After eating, he sang at the biggest KTV in the university town, and at the end of the early morning, he went to the toilet, and met Tong Shen by chance.

At that time Tong Shen was even more stupid than now, and everyone around him knew that he was being taken advantage of. While holding him up to curry favor with him, they also took the opportunity to tease and tease him. Every time he came out to drink, he got drunk to death.

After Shu Bai solved his personal problems, when he came out, he saw a person next to him lying on the toilet and vomited to death, so he kindly helped him.

Afterwards, he helped Tong Shen back to the box, saw the bandit-like faces of the people in the circle, and vaguely guessed something.

There was a lot of chatter around, and Shu Bai learned from their chat that Tong Shen was a freshman at the university next door, thinking that it was only August and the school hadn't officially started yet, and children with pure minds were really easy to be deceived.

But in any case, this is someone else's private matter. Shu Bai didn't intend to intervene at first, but seeing those people gathered around to take out Tong Shen's wallet and mobile phone, he still couldn't hold back. It was taken.

When he got in the car, he wanted to ask Tong Shen where he lived, but he couldn't find out for a long time, so he had to take him back to his home.

Because they were all men, he didn't think about avoiding too many taboos. After all, taking a drunk out to open a room would inevitably be misunderstood. Moreover, Tong Shen was so drunk that accidents would easily happen if he stayed alone in the hotel, so it was better to take him back.

Tong Shen sobered up the next day, and after talking with Shu Bai, he found that the kid was very funny. Although the two had a seven-year difference, they got along very well for some reason.

Tong Shen went out alone, and it was rare to meet such a gentle and mature adult. He always reminded him of his own brother, and he unconsciously became a little dependent. half a home.

At that time, Shu Bai was still with Luo Wan. The two were college alumni. After five years of long-distance love, they were almost ready to discuss marriage.Luo Wan would spend time with Shu Bai almost every weekend, and occasionally she wouldn't be angry when Tong Shen came to work as a light bulb, and would cook some of Tong Shen's favorite dishes.

In a certain chat, Tong Shen volunteered that when they got married, he must reserve a best man position for himself. Luo Wan joked that her bridesmaid was still single, and asked if she wanted to make a couple for them. Tong Shen took advantage of the situation and confessed that he was actually gay. .

As expected, he did not receive any strange looks, and both of them accepted him very naturally.

Although he did not intentionally conceal his sexuality before, it was the first time that Tong Shen took the initiative to come out in front of close people. It was a great comfort to him to be understood and tolerated so tenderly. .

He really regarded this couple as his relatives, and when he was free, he was thinking about what gift he would give them when they got married, and he also fantasized that he might be able to pick up a cheap godfather in the future.

Unexpectedly, he failed to be the best man in the end, let alone godfather.

It happened one night when Tong Shen was a freshman. He had just learned the truth about being cheated from his first boyfriend. Although he was not necessarily angry, he was still a little depressed when he thought about being cheated for so long. So I called a few friends and friends to go to the bar to drink away my worries.

Halfway through the drink, the cronies and friends might not be able to stand his complaints, and gradually they ran off to nowhere, leaving Tong Shen alone in the corner drinking.

When he came to his senses, he was already a little drunk, afraid that he would pass out and no one would care about him, so he subconsciously called the person he trusted the most at the moment for help.

It happened to be the weekend, Shu Bai and Luo Wan were together, and they drove over together when they received the call.

There was a lot of fish and dragons in the bar, Shu Bai asked Luo Wan to sit in the car and wait, and went to the bar to find Tong Shen by himself.

As soon as he entered, he heard the sound of fighting inside. Shu Bai didn't want to join in the fun, so he avoided the noisy area and searched for a long time, and finally found that the person he was looking for was the culprit of the chaos.

Opposite to Tong Shen are a few gangsters who are not easy to provoke at first glance. Normally, Tong Shen would not be so reckless, but he is drunk now, and he can't bear to see the gangsters molesting the little girl. He went over to stop him, and then a few gangsters entangled him.

Shu Bai understood the ins and outs, and while secretly calling the police, he calmly smiled at those gangsters.

Tong Shen became more aggrieved the more he listened, and asked, "Why should we apologize? Where did we go wrong?!"

The gangsters were afraid that the world would not be chaotic, so they didn't take Shu Bai's words seriously, but when they heard what Tong Shen said, they immediately became more energetic, and they wanted to start a fight.

In the end, things got serious, and a group of people were all brought into the police station for education. Fortunately, the circumstances were not serious, and they were released again not long after.

Originally thinking that this was the end of the matter, Tong Shen secretly swore in his heart that he would never go to that neighborhood to drink again. Thinking of when Luo Wan came to pick him up and Shu Bai, he accidentally met the gangsters face to face.

What happened later was the darkest moment that Tong Shen didn't want to recall in his life.

The hooligans somehow found the place where Luo Wan worked, and surrounded and harassed her several times. At first, Luo Wan kept it a secret from Shu Bai, but later she couldn't bear to resign from the company, so Shu Bai found out.

When Tong Shen got the news, it was already after Shu Bai beat the gangster to the hospital and Shu Bai was sued for intentionally hurting someone.

He ran to meet Shu Bai. The man still looked gentle and calm. Seeing that he was about to cry, he comforted him in turn: "It's okay, it's just a few years of delay. I'm still young, so I'm not afraid of delay."

Tong Shen really couldn't believe that such a person would do such a cruel thing. At first he thought it was gangsters blackmailing him. It wasn't until he went to the hospital to see the other party's miserable condition that he realized that the matter had reached the point where it was impossible to reconcile.

He sought out many lawyers back and forth, but unfortunately he couldn't exonerate Shu Bai in the end.

It was Shu Bai who proposed breaking up with Luo Wan on his own initiative. He didn't tell her that he was about to spend five years in prison, but only said that the two of them had incompatible personalities, and asked her to find a good relationship as soon as possible.

The two broke up on the phone. Tong Shen accompanied Luo Wan at Shu Bai's request, and heard her accuse in tears: "When I was harassed, when I resigned from the company and didn't know how to explain to my parents, I was so desperate. When I wish I could jump off a building to my death, I never thought of breaking up with you... Now you want to get rid of me just because you have a bad personality, why? You don’t even dare to meet me, what are you talking about over the phone?"

Shu Bai accepted her accusation silently, without a word of excuse. After she finished speaking, he said softly: "Uncle and aunt have always wanted you to go back to work in your hometown. I think they have the right idea. Yang Ning is very competitive. When we break up, You can go home to take the public examination, and you will be taken care of by your parents in the future, and you don't have to follow me around.

"I have sorted out all the materials for the public examination for you. They are in the cardboard box in my bedroom. In addition to the materials, there are two bank cards in the box. The password is your birthday. The money in it is enough for you to spend for several years. Go home Don't be in a hurry to find a job, and prepare for the exam with peace of mind, and it will be easy when you go ashore."

"..." Luo Wan asked incredulously, "What do you mean?"

"It's not interesting." Shu Bai said with a smile, "I owe you, it should be."

"...Shu Bai..." Luo Wan seemed to have guessed something, her body trembling slightly, "Are you...you, are you..."

"No." Shu Bai interrupted her softly, "I'm fine, I'm just tired."

"..."

The two were silent for a long time, and Luo Wan murmured: "Shu Bai, you are a coward. After all these years, I have misjudged you."

After finishing speaking, she hung up the phone, her head drooping and choked up, unable to speak.

Luo Wan was not at the scene that night when the accident happened in the bar. In order not to let her remember Tong Shen, Shu Bai lied that the incident was caused by him, and threatened Tong Shen not to tell the truth.

"It's tiring to hate someone." Shu Bai said, "Don't burden her, at least she will be willing to accept your help."

Tong Shen knew that half of what Shu Bai said was to comfort himself, but even so, he still felt that he had no face to face Luo Wan, and he didn't even dare to straighten his back every time he saw Luo Wan.

He thought, Shu Bai is not a coward, he is.

He didn't dare to confess to Luo Wan that he was actually the one who was wrong, so he just kept holding her hand and said, "Don't hate him..."

Luo Wan did not respond at that time.

Later, she packed her luggage and went home. Tong Shen sent her to the airport. When she parted, she heard her say in an almost imperceptible voice, "I never hated him."

That day Tong Shen squatted alone in the airport crying like an idiot.

After that, Luo Wan hardly contacted him actively.

He occasionally went to inquire about Luo Wan's news. He heard that she had a new boyfriend. He met through a blind date. He was not as handsome as Shu Bai, but he was well matched in every way, and both parents were very satisfied.

The two cards that Shu Bai gave to Luo Wan were only a small part of his savings, because he was afraid that Luo Wan would not accept too much money.

After being imprisoned, Shu Bai specially asked Tong Shen to leave the rest of his savings to his parents, and the rest to Luo Wan, in the name of the compensation given to her by those gangsters who bullied her at that time—that was originally He saved money for a down payment on a new house.

Later, without telling Shu Bai, Tong Shen also took money from Luo Wan several times, all in the name of compensation. Anyway, there were several gangsters who bullied her at that time, so several batches of compensation can be justified.

After that, Luo Wan took the initiative to contact Tong Shen, and it was time to get married.

On the day of the wedding, Tong Shen went to the wedding and sat at the table. He couldn't help thinking, what mood would Shu Bai be in now?

It should be much more uncomfortable than him.

But he was so uncomfortable that he wanted to cry on such a beautiful day.

Because of his serious crimes, he ruined an originally happy marriage and the lives of two people.

Not long after that, Shu Bai and Tu Jiazhi's parents passed away because Shu Bai's parents wanted to show their son snow.

As a result, the guilt on Tong Shen's shoulders became heavier.

He couldn't count how many people's lives he had ruined. He couldn't apologize for dying, and living was like suffering.

Over the years, he always thought that if he had known that things would develop to that point, he should have beaten all those people to death in the bar at that time, and then he would die together, which is better than living now.

In this way, Shu Bai and Luo Wan should have successfully married and had children.

Tu Jiazhi will still achieve academic success, and his relatives will congratulate him.

If he dies alone, he can bring back the happy lives of several families...

How nice that is.

It's a pity that there is no medicine for regret.

Except for Shu Bai, he couldn't even confide these words to anyone.

Shu Bai didn't want his family members to know that he was sentenced, and he didn't want Tu Jiazhi to know the truth. Especially now that Tu Jiazhi regards Tong Shen as his only relative, he didn't want Tu Jiazhi to vent his anger on Tong Shen.

So Tong Shen could only vaguely tell Tu Jiazhi that Shu Bai was still in prison, and then repeatedly emphasized that Shu Bai had difficulties in this matter.

But Tu Jiazhi was never easy to fool.

"What's the reason?" He was rarely emotional. "What made him hide from his family for so many years? He thought he was great? Why did he make his own claim?! Why did the aunt and the others not know the truth until they died?!"

"Yes, it's because of me..." Tong Shen lowered his head and tightened his hair, feeling so guilty that he wished he could kill himself on the spot, "Don't scold him... You, you scold me... Scold me, okay?"

Tu Jiazhi said angrily, "What's none of your business?!"

Tong Shen pursed his lips in discomfort.

Seeing him suffering, Tu Jiazhi became even more angry: "Do you have such deep affection for him? Even if he commits a crime, you have to take it on yourself? What is the relationship between him and you? Why do you always think about Shu Bai when you mention Shu Bai?" Become like this?!"

Tong Shen looked up at him, opened his mouth, but didn't know how to explain.

"Before you disappeared inexplicably every month because you went to see him, didn't you? Didn't you say that you have broken up?" Tu Jiazhi kicked the box aside, grabbed his wrist and pressed him against the wall, his eyes wide open. Flushed, "Why do you still go to see him? Why do you keep going to see him every month, even when I was about to take the college entrance examination?! Are you only doing this to him, or are you treating all your ex-boyfriends like this?" so?!"

"No..." Tong Shen hurriedly said, "I haven't contacted them..."

"So you only love him?" Tu Jiazhi approached oppressively, and asked through gritted teeth, "If you love him so much, then what am I? Is it his accessory or a substitute?"

"No, I didn't..." Tong Shen didn't dare to look at him, and didn't know how to make it clear, so he kept repeating, "I'm sorry..."

"You treat me so well because you promised to help him take care of me? It has nothing to do with me, does it?" Tu Jiazhi laughed as if crying, "Is it because you want to help him pay off the debt? Or because Have pity on me? If you want to help him pay off his debts, then tell him that I don’t care. I’m just a cousin, not a real brother. Even if I am a real brother, I don’t need him to support him. What he owes is his parents, not me. If he had the guts, he would come out and kowtow to death in front of his parents' grave."

After a pause, Tu Jiazhi said in a trembling voice, "If it's because you pity me..."

"No." He rolled his Adam's apple and said in a low voice, "No...it can't be like this."

"You can dislike me," he said, "but you can't pity me."

Tong Shen was almost forced to cry.

He moved his lips to refute, but no sound came out.

Because what Tu Jiazhi said seemed to be true.

He did it to repay the debt, and it was not without feeling that the other party was pitiful.

"If you pity me, then am I chasing someone who I will never be able to catch?" Tu Jiazhi murmured bewilderedly, "You don't even look at me as an equal, you look down and look down, thinking that I am a Poor thing."

"You will never like me."

After a moment of silence, he asked softly: "Then why do you want to sleep with someone you don't like? Is it because anyone is fine, or because... I am Shu Bai's younger brother?"

Tong Shen's throat choked: "...What nonsense are you talking about?"

"Do I look like him?" Tu Jiazhi said sadly, "I can't figure it out, really, I can't figure it out. I have a thousand and ten thousand versions in my head now to explain your behavior, but none of them The version is that you love me."

"..."

"I think, maybe you think of me as Shubo, maybe you love him so much that you are willing to be fucked by me. Maybe you owe him some debt, [-] billion, or even your life, but you can't pay it back." He, so I had to give it back to me..."

After a pause, he squeezed Tong Shen's chin hard, looking deeply into his eyes, his voice was soft but inexplicably chilling: "Then does he know that you pay the debt like this?"

Through a hazy layer of truth, Tong Shen was startled by his question and his scalp went numb: "I..."

Before he could finish speaking, Tu Jiazhi suddenly leaned over and bit down.

The ending sound was blocked back into the throat, and the pain caused Tong Shen to cry rationally.

"Does he know that we will do this?" Tu Jiazhi fiercely bit his lips from the corner of his ear to the tip of his ear, paused for two seconds, and laughed mockingly, "Whether he is your lover or your creditor—does he know that we are like this? You Every time you go to prison, will you describe our current relationship to him? Will you tell him that we not only kissed together, but also slept together? Will you tell him that you have been with his brother for a long time? Is it? Huh? Tong Shen, can you say it? Do you dare?"

The weather hadn't turned warm yet, but Tong Shen's back was soaked in cold sweat.

Throat so tight that even breathing hurts.

He closed his eyes and pressed himself against the wall, as if trying to find a way out.

But there is no way out.

For a moment, Tong Shen wanted to tell the whole truth directly.

When Shu Bai faced Luo Wan back then, he said that he would rather let her hate one person less, so that she might feel more relaxed.

So now facing Tu Jiazhi, can he do the same?

If he knew that his cousin was not at fault, then he could only hate himself.

It can also solve the confusing and confusing relationship between himself and Tu Jiazhi by the way.

After all, their development to the present is all due to Tu Jiazhi's inexplicable liking.

If you tell him the truth...

If you let him know that his suffering for so many years, and even the disasters of his relatives, all come from himself——

Then he probably won't like himself anymore.

All things can be resolved by speaking up.

There are still two months, which is just enough for Tu Jiazhi to sort out his emotions.

When he figured it out, he would definitely understand Shu Bai's difficulties, so the two brothers should be able to live in harmony after Shu Bai was released from prison.

From now on, he will have new dependence, he will no longer depend on Tong Shen, nor will he feel sad because of his departure.

Everything is so logical.

... However, after trying several times, Tong Shen was still unable to confess.

He thought a little confused, obviously this is the best solution, but why can't he say it?

Why is it so hard to speak?

Why... so hard to speak?