wildfire in the heart

The last time I met Youyu, the wrinkles in my heart were ironed out a lot. Knowing that Youyu no longer blames me, I feel that the imbalance in life seems to be slowly correcting.

Although there is a heart-wrenching Li Shu beside You Yu, it is clear that Li Shu has not yet posed a substantial threat.

Recently, I started to go to the company very regularly and helped Lou Qin share a lot of business. Lou Qin looked at me differently.

After she came to my office to report the customs clearance process of the latest snack brand to me, she pursed her lips and smiled, I read the document she gave me seriously, and when I looked up and saw that she hadn't left, I asked her: "What are you laughing at? "

Lou Qin has a good relationship with me, so she didn't make any special detours: "After you met Miss You last time, you seem to be a little different when you come back. It seems that Miss You still has the most influence."

I know she wants to say that I used to be a little too addicted to love, and I was not as concerned about my career as before, but now I am much more serious.

I smiled and said, "Yes, it's thanks to her."

Lou Qin saw that I was honest, so she didn't say much and went out, but her words made me think a lot, and I began to reflect on my problems in the past few years.

Before I met Youyu, I was really working hard every day. At that time, I had no love, only career, and career was the only way for me to gain a sense of accomplishment, even though the sense of accomplishment depended on the help of my father and Louqin , and I enjoyed it too.

After I met Youyu, I put most of my body and mind on her. Although she often urged me to work hard and set an example, I just couldn't take work as seriously as before. Maybe Tang Minghuang's "Han It is only human nature that the emperor is heavy on color and thinks about pouring over the country.

At that time, although I couldn't talk about "the emperor will never go to court early", I did miss some things, such as missing the company's morning meeting.

You Yu was also late for work because I was pestering her to "warm up the spring night under the hibiscus tent". When she came home after get off work that day, she had a serious talk with me.

She said: "Young people are working so hard now, we should work hard together."

I promised in my mouth: "Okay, okay, you are right." But I didn't take it seriously in my heart. Can I be the same as those migrant workers?

I don't need to buy a house or a car, and I don't need to raise a child. Now that I have Youyu, everything is perfect. I don't need to go to the company once or twice, and the company won't collapse. Isn't there still Lou Qin and my dad?Besides, even if the company goes bankrupt, I still have property, so why should I bald my thick hair.

My parents are healthy, financial strength is not bad, there is Lou Qin in the company, and You Yu at home to manage life in an orderly manner.

So I just need to enjoy the fairy-like days every day, and the sense of crisis is just a cloud for me.

As everyone knows, the lack of this sense of crisis will inevitably breed many problems. Born in sorrow and died in peace, honesty does not lie to me.

I am not afraid of other problems, the only thing I am afraid of is that there will be problems with You Yu, but what I am afraid of, Li Shu's appearance gradually makes my mentality unbalanced, and the hidden problems before are exposed one by one.

My biggest problem with myself, and one I've never been aware of, is my lack of independence.

I rely on the three most important women in my life, my mother, Lou Qin and You Yu. I trust them and rely on them.They gave me almost unconditional help and tolerance, so my dependence on them gradually went deep into my bones.I took them for granted and repaid them with my reliance.

My mother is happy that I depend on her. She uses my dependence to exercise a kind of soft control over me. I always know this, but I don't think about it.

Lou Qin needs this job to climb the career ladder, and she also wants me to rely on her, because it can bring her a sense of security in the workplace.

Only Youyu has always misunderstood my dependence on me. She didn't realize that my dependence would become a burden that she could not bear gradually. She only knew that I loved her, and the emotional value I gave her exceeded everything she needed. Yes, so she accepted my dependence until she found out that I was a little fearless.

In my relationship with You Yu, I used to be full of a solid sense of security, and I never felt that she would leave me.

I let her live in our cozy apartment, I gave her the strongest possible roof, and she loves our den so much that she doesn't think about moving out.I also gave her the most intimate company, I took up all the time she could occupy, and I became a person she trusted so much, she told me almost everything, she was a transparent person in front of me, so I Very safe.

Years later, everything I owned was gone, and I realized that the sense of security I thought was just an illusion. I finally realized the importance of being prepared for danger in times of peace, and I regretted my ignorance at that time.

In the last years of being with You Yu, maybe it was because of being unscrupulous, maybe it was because of blame, my temper became more and more elusive, and when she stayed with me less because of work, I would show her face, and slowly Slowly, a rift appeared between us, but I didn't restrain myself. I was eager to express my dissatisfaction, and sometimes my words were a little harsh. At that time, I didn't realize that You Yu had moved to leave me.

When I look good, I can see that Youyu is very optimistic and talks more, but when I look ugly, she has a haze in her heart, and she talks a lot less.

Once she couldn't bear it anymore and said to me: "Zhizhi, don't be unhappy all the time. When you show me the face, do you know how uncomfortable I am?"

"But I'm not happy." I said, without thinking about her feelings, "You are always traveling, you always need to socialize with colleagues and friends, you value them more than me, you don't love me anymore, don't care I'm sick, I can't be happy."

You Yu sighed: "Zhizhi, you know I haven't changed."

"No," I blurted out, and immediately retorted, "You have changed, your energy has been scattered, and I can't feel your love for me from your heart."

You Yu was stunned, speechless, I mistakenly thought she had acquiesced, I felt hurt, I wanted to hurt her, it seemed that only by saying something that hurt her could I regain some self-esteem: "Actually, I don't care anymore , I don't care if you love me or not." After I finished speaking, I turned around and left.

That sentence hurt her very much and was deeply engraved in her heart.Later, she cried and asked me, do you regret saying this?I just knew that she has never forgotten this sentence.

How stupid I was then, I regret it now. I finally realized that hurtful words are like scissors, which can easily cut the relationship between two people.

At that time, You Yu had been teaching me to grow up, but I always turned a blind eye to it and put it in a perfunctory manner.Today, if I don't let her see the changes in me, she will probably think that I am a douchebag that cannot be supported. After a long time, she will definitely accept a new lover.

So I have to prove to her that I am growing and changing, I am willing to take responsibility, willing to become more independent and autonomous, and I am worthy of her continued love.

But I dare not contact You Yu frequently, so I can only wait for the right time.

Now every day, apart from dealing with desk documents in the office in the morning, I will go to the warehouse with Lou Qin and Jin Ge in the afternoon to look at the goods and check the inventory. .

I ticked off the days when I saw Youyu last time with a green pen, and crossed out the days when I didn't see her in the future with a red pen.

I counted the red crosses on the calendar, and there are already fourteen. I think I should ask her out once.

In my opinion, close friends should meet at least once or twice a week. For ordinary friends, an appointment every two weeks should not be too much.

I sent her a WeChat message: "Youyu, do you have time to go to the theater together recently? The theater will be showing "Die Fledermaus" soon."

You Yu once asked me to watch this operetta with her, and she bought all the tickets, but I have to go on a business trip temporarily, and I will be very tired after going to the opera at night. She was about to fall asleep, so she found an excuse that she couldn't go and asked her to find someone else to go with her.

You Yu said that he only wanted to go with me, not with others.

Seeing her like this, I said a little angrily, "I'm really tired, please think about me too!"

Later, You Yu had to forget it. She didn't go to see it, and she didn't refund the ticket. She just kept the ticket in the box where she kept the ticket stub. In that box, there were many movie stubs we watched together. Most of the movies were my favorites. of.

I looked at the ticket in my hand. The opera "Bat" is seldom staged in China. This opportunity is very rare. I think You Yu will probably not refuse.

After sending the message, I waited anxiously for her reply, and after a while, I received her message: "I'm sorry, Zhizhi. I'm afraid it's not convenient for me during this time, so you can find someone else to watch it together. "

The exact same answer made me extremely disappointed in an instant.

"Really can't go?" I was a little unwilling.

"Well, I'm a little tired these days." She even used the same words to perfuse me. If I force her again, I guess she will say, you should also think about me.I felt my face hurt, so I had no choice but to reply: "Well, you should pay more attention to rest."

"Thank you!" She is really talking to me now as if she were talking to an ordinary friend, which makes me feel like I can't reach it, but I always want to move forward.

Being rejected by You Yu, I had no choice but to go to Shu Ci, who didn't particularly like me, to complain. When I went to Shu Ci, Sa Xiangwan was sometimes not happy, and sometimes she was quite generous, and urged Shu Ci to go.

The main reason is that Shu Ci said something miserable about me in front of Sa Xiangwan, and Sa Xiangwan felt a little compassion.

In the bar, Shu Ci and I were chatting one after another, when someone came over and put his hand on Shu Ci's shoulder.

"Honey, we are really destined, we still meet every time we break up." I turned my head to look, and it was Hong Youlian who spoke.

Shu Ci slapped Hong Youlian's hand down and said: "You are destined to be with everyone, and you are even more destined to be with those little sisters."

I knew what Shu Ci was referring to, Hong Youlian laughed: "That doesn't prevent us from being destined."

"Stop coming." Shu Ci rolled her eyes.

Only then did Hong Youlian look at me: "Hey, isn't this Miss An? I heard that you are sleepless all day. Would you like me to introduce you to my beautiful sister?"

I really wanted to push her back, but thinking that You Yu was working in her company, I should not be too serious with her, so I said, "Thank you, I'm fine now, don't bother you."

Seeing that I speak politely, Hong Youlian is not so prickly anymore.

She sat next to me loudly, ordered three glasses of wine, and offered me and Shu Ci a drink.

"You Yu is busy with work recently?" I couldn't help asking Hong Youlian, I thought, maybe her perverted boss assigned You Yu a lot of heavy tasks, which made You Yu very tired, so I couldn't follow I went to the opera together.

"Get busy." Hong Youlian said casually, shaking the wine glass in his hand.

What is busy, don't you know?

Seeing that I was a little depressed, she glanced at me and said, "You Yu's family has something to do, it seems that her father had a heart attack, so she went back to visit and asked for a week's personal leave."

"What?" I said in surprise.

"You don't know?" Hong Youlian asked knowingly, "Oh, yes, it's normal if you don't know, you two have already broken up."

I was even more depressed, and she went on to say: "But you don't have to worry, my partner and Youyu are high school classmates, she said she hasn't been home for a long time, so she went back with your ex-girlfriend. My partner really That’s right, I even asked You Yu’s father to find the best doctor in the city hospital.”

When I heard this, can I not worry about it? I am even more worried, okay? Youyu must be very anxious and tired right now, and why did Li Shu go back together? I think about it carefully, they are in the same high school Reading books shows that their homes should not be far away.

No, I have to find You Yu.

I was a little timid in my heart, and You Yu didn't tell me when I went back. It seemed that she really just regarded me as an ordinary friend.After thinking about it, even so, I have to go, at least we are still friends.

I don't have the mood to talk to Hong Youlian anymore, I want to leave, Shu Ci doesn't want to stay any longer, regardless of Hong Youlian's persuasion, we left the bar and went home.

When I got home, I immediately checked the train tickets online. Youyu’s hometown is in a fourth-tier city, and there is no high-speed rail, so I had to book a sleeper berth on an ordinary train, which would take more than ten hours.

I've been to Youyu's house before, and her mother was very attentive to me and asked about my family background carefully, but she didn't know about my relationship with Youyu, so she only thought we were best friends, so she said to Youyu, you I'm so lucky to have such a good girlfriend.

The train arrives in the evening, and at night I took a taxi to the train station, and found the upper berth I booked on the train.Under the curious eyes of the people around me, after I climbed up, because the bunk was too narrow, I couldn't even sit up, so I could only lie down.

The ventilation outlet was blowing towards me, and the wind was so strong that it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep at night, my ears were full of snoring sounds one after another, and my nose was filled with strange smells in the air, all of which made me extremely tired.

I had no choice but to put on my headphones and start listening to music. I tossed and turned all the way until the early hours of the morning before falling asleep for an hour or two.

When I got up in the morning, I was woken up by the noise of people. I noticed a few people sitting on chairs in the aisle, looking at me from time to time, which made me feel uncomfortable.

The difficult sleeper trip was finally over, I couldn't wait to carry my bag and ran out of the train station.

I took a black car and rushed to You Yu's house. Only her sister-in-law was at You Yu's house. Seeing me, her sister-in-law's eyes were full of light. She greeted me warmly: "Miss An, why are you here?"

I asked eagerly, "Where is Youyu now?"

Sister-in-law You Yu was in a hurry when she saw me, and hurriedly said, "She should be at the door of the operating room, her father is undergoing an operation right now."

Apparently, except for her sister-in-law who took care of the children at home, their whole family went to the hospital.

I hurried out and took a taxi to the city hospital. After asking which floor the operating room was on, I ran all the way, my heart beating wildly. When I turned around the corridor and glanced at the door of the operating room, my heart stopped for an instant.

I saw Li Shu holding Youyu in his arms, resting his chin lightly on Youyu's hair, she was still kissing Youyu's hair vaguely.