i still love you so much

"You know, in our line of work, it's stressful and insomnia is inevitable, it's not a big deal," I explained.

Ke Luo held my hand, "Mo Yan, we had a lot of problems before, and if we didn't communicate well, it's one of them. Let's start again, so we have to solve every problem together, and we can't pretend that it doesn't exist." He looked into my eyes , "I'll ask you again, don't be perfunctory, Mo Yan, why do you need sleeping pills?"

I do not want to answer.

Ke Luo has no intention of giving up.

There was a stalemate for a while.

He's about to be made to cry by me again, I thought as I looked at his reddened eye sockets.I don't want to make him unhappy, but even if I say it, he will be unhappy too.

Left and right are unhappy, it is better to do as he said.

"I was not in a good mood before. The psychologist, the one who counseled Victor last time, treated me for a while. I recovered quickly, but the side effect of the medicine was insomnia, so I needed to take insomnia medicine. I now I don’t need to take any medicine anymore, really.” I finished speaking quickly in one breath, hoping that Ke Luo would not continue to struggle with this.

"Not in a good mood? Is it because of me?"

Obviously I failed.

I sighed in frustration and collapsed on the sofa.

"Ke Luo, no, it's not because of you," Ke Luo said with an expression [You don't need to comfort me, I know I'm the culprit], thinking it made me laugh, "Well, it's not entirely because of you. Before you were told about that incident, I noticed something was wrong with my emotions. I didn’t expect that I was sick.” I held Ke Luo’s hand instead, “The doctor said it was probably a failure in my career and, uh, anyway. Emotionally suppressed for too long, something went wrong. That's why I overreacted a bit on that one. I'm fine now, really, it's over. The sleeping pills this time are purely for jet lag, you don't have to worry .”

When I ate takeaway from the seafood restaurant at Shu Nian's house, I realized that my emotions were wrong for the first time, and I didn't think too much about it at the time.

After arriving in the United States, apart from my work partner and me, who gave up drinking and drinking, I couldn't find anyone to talk to.I thought of the employee benefits of the law firm, and decided to go for a psychological diagnosis. I just wanted to chat with peace of mind. The confidentiality agreement guaranteed that I would not have any worries, and I did not have to worry about my embarrassing emotional injury being laughed at.

The results were unexpected, and I never thought I would have anything to do with depression, even a mild one.I have never been weak. Before I met Ke Luo, I was almost invincible and never weak. How could a person like me suffer from depression?I almost quarreled with the doctor.Only then did I realize that what the doctor said made sense. It was too unlike me for a smooth person like me to be angry at the doctor.

Fortunately, the high-paying psychiatrist hired by the law firm was worth the money, and I recovered quickly, except for the small side effect of insomnia.

In fact, Victor's arrival made me even better from insomnia. I couldn't be more thankful to God for giving me this gift. A family that is connected by blood makes me feel a real connection with people. He satisfies me. Empty emotional needs also gave me reasons to be strong and live well.He is my responsibility.

So I can agree to Ke Luo's ten-year agreement. At that time, even if I lose the love of my life, I won't have nothing.

I was immersed in my own thoughts and didn't notice Ke Luo's long silence.

I shook his hand, "what's wrong?"

"If I love you enough, I won't fail to discover your bad mood in the first place; if I give you enough sense of security, if something goes wrong, you will come to me immediately and tell me your worries .I couldn't even be by your side. Mo Yan, I'm not good enough for you, and you are still willing to accept me. I'm really a bastard. "

Sure enough, Ke Luo was made to cry again, his voice was so hoarse.

We have cried a lot recently, I think I should get a notebook to write down the date and time, when and where, and I don't know if the number of times can be evened.

"Then you have to treat me well."

I kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair with one hand.

"I will treat you well. I promise."

Ke Luo said solemnly with his messy hair on his head.

Then we kissed unceremoniously together.

With the ten-year agreement, I put aside all the reserved and face-saving feathers, and tried my best to show the love that I had never shown before, accepting and expressing it frankly. It seems that it is not that difficult to live every day less and less.

I have been thinking about Victor's problem. If there is no Ke Luo, I planned to hire a nanny and find a good preschool for Victor, but after all, I don't worry, and next year Victor will be able to go to kindergarten Well, considering Victor's growth experience, I don't want him to work too hard. He should have more fun that children should enjoy, but I am too busy.Ke Luo helped me a lot. Except for the time of computer work, he basically dedicated to Victor. I was very embarrassed, but there was no good solution for a while.

If I want to take good care of Victor, I must have more time, but the reality is that I am so busy that I may not even be able to rest on weekends.Ke Luo and I gradually formed a cycle. I pushed all the cases that I could do or not to young people. When I was busy with the case, Ke Luo accompanied Victor. On the rest day when the case was over, I took Victor and let Ke Luo Go to work or rest. If there is nothing to do on weekends, we will drive Victor out to play.

Just like that, half a year passed in a flash.

At the law firm's New Year's party, I took Ke Luo and Victor, and it was no surprise that they became the focus of the audience.Samantha published a year-end summary. The law firm’s performance this year is very good. My year-end bonus and dividends will be considerable, but what interests me more is the international branch plan mentioned by Samantha. S City is on the list .

Bringing a generous gift for Shu Nian's family, we returned to China for the Spring Festival.We didn't stay for too long. In just three days, we took Victor to feel the excitement of the Chinese New Year, and we returned to LA.

At the end of last year, my old friend Paul and I got in touch again due to the intersection of work. Bigger belly, I guess the two are related.We chatted about the old anecdotes of drinking and hunting in bars together and the playmates we were together at that time. It is embarrassing that some of them are no longer alive. There are various reasons for traffic accidents, diseases and accidents. I used to know People who died in this way, life is really impermanent.

Not long after the Spring Festival, I received a call from Paul, who was in the hospital.

I arrived in a hurry.

HIV, which was intentionally passed on to him by his little boyfriend.

The news of a bolt from the blue.

Paul has always been a very cheerful and good person. He never retaliates when he is insulted or slapped by a proud handsome boy in the bar. Although he is not good-looking and has a bad figure, his good personality makes people happy to stay with him .

He didn't deserve this kind of mistreatment.But fate is so irrational.

He looked much, much older.

I don't know how to comfort him, so I can only repeat over and over again feebly, be careful, cooperate with the doctor for treatment, and everything will be fine.He asked me if I could help him take care of his funeral. He had no relatives after he came out when he was young, and the uncle who left him an inheritance was the only one in the family who accepted his sexuality.

And the little boyfriend is so ignorant that he thinks he can take Paul's money and squander it before he dies. In reality, he will spend the rest of his life in prison.

I said sure.

He didn't want me to see him like this more, and asked me not to see him again.Before I leave, I want to assure you.All I can say is that I won't be seeing him again.

Afterwards I went to the hospital, but he really closed the door and disappeared. I could only ask the doctor about his condition.

The situation was not good, and it was discovered too late.

A week later, I got a call that Paul had committed suicide in the hospital, and the will appointed me to handle the funeral and leave the estate to me.

From Vera to Paul, in just half a year, I personally sent off two friends.

If I hadn’t met Ke Luo, I would probably have to accept the tricks of fate. I was picked on by the beautiful boys, and I spent a lot of money until I ended up going home alone. If I’m not lucky, maybe it’s also Paul or those old friends. end.

I secretly panicked. I thought I would grow old alone and die at home without anyone finding out, but now I have a son and, um, Ke Luo.It took me a day to write my will, and then I spent a week revising it, having Harvey as a witness, signing it, and then I felt at ease. Paul's estate has been a big help, almost five times all my assets, enough to cover Victor's basic expenses for the rest of his life.If something happened to me, I didn't have to worry about Victor being left alone or broke.

"What's so happy?" Ke Luo asked me.

"Suddenly I feel that God is kind to me." I kissed him.

We have been very sticky since we got back together, and the frequency of kissing and hugging is too frequent, like a junior high school couple.I hate it myself, but I just can't stop.

Ke Luo began to teach Victor how to play basketball. The little boy was so cute when he patted the basketball. Victor dribbled and patted the ball with a serious face. I turned into a silly dad and kept taking pictures on the sidelines. After that, Ke Luo helped me apply for a cloud storage account.Sometimes I also played one or two games off the court, playing one-on-one with Ke Luo, or playing with Ke Luo's team against others. With my drag, I lost more than I won.

We also watched Frozen and countless superhero movies, well, I must admit, although I almost fell asleep watching Frozen, superhero movies are good, at least, even the villains are handsome.Ke Luo took revenge when I praised the beauty of a certain villain for the Nth time, and bought props and costumes with Victor. Victor wore it as his favorite superhero, and Ke Luo wore another A superhero, and I was stuffed into a Hulk costume.

I am angry.

In the evening, Ke Luo told me that he actually bought a set.

My anger subsided the next day.

The author has something to say: Please call me a sweet writer.

I'm going to be killed by No.1.

☆, the countdown to the end