Youth Notes

"Let's part," she said.

"It's wrong for us to do this. I'm afraid I won't be able to get out if I go on. I live in fear every day." Wen Ziqing sat on the edge of my bed and cried.

"Let's just be good friends, okay? We'll never be apart for the rest of our lives, just be good friends." She took my hands and looked at me pleadingly with teary eyes.

"No," I said, "we can only be strangers."

"Why are you so cruel? Why are you so cruel!" She shook my hand, tears pouring down.

I turned to look out the window.

The campus was rainy and foggy in spring, and not many students returned to school early after the winter vacation. I was the only one back in our dormitory. Outside the window was a row of green grass that hadn’t been pruned for a long time, drooping listlessly in the mist.Another year of spring rain, another year of spring grass, another year of gray sky, extremely gray sky, never such a gray sky.

This winter vacation, there is only gray, and this whole winter vacation is gray, cold winter wind, gray sky, early spring water, lingering haze.Wen Ziqing was very strange and indifferent. Throughout the whole winter vacation, she didn't see any warmth. She avoided my gaze, my intimacy, and being with me.Last Spring Festival, we saw each other off again and again, loving each other and comforting each other.This Spring Festival, I sink into jealousy and despair day by day, watching that boy, one of our old classmates step into her house, watching her go to his date, sniffing the cigarette left by him in her room Every day, every night, I ask myself: why are you still alive?

"Don't be so cruel, we will be good friends for life." Wen Ziqing continued to whine, tears and snot flowing everywhere.

"It was I who harmed you. It was my fault. I harmed the person who loves me the most." She began to beat her chest.

"No one will love me like you again, no one will treat me like you again... Ah, I will find someone to replace you... Without you, I have troubles to whom to tell, without you What should I do...I want to find someone to replace you..." Wen Ziqing's eyes were swollen like two peaches, the peaches were so ripe that they were about to burst, and even a thin slit could not be seen, how could she No matter how hard I try, I can't open it.

I regained my sanity and said, "Don't cry, don't cry, okay?" Then I turned around and poured half a washbasin of warm water, and applied a wet towel to her eyes.She was lying on my bed holding my hand, her breasts kept rising and falling, her face and lips were always bright red from crying too much.

All morning, it was gray, outside my window.

"Don't be like this all the time, okay? What do you think of me!"

"Facing your tears, I dare not speak out! When I see you, I get annoyed, and I have nothing to say!"

"The days with you are wrong, I don't even know what's going on!"

"I lose myself in front of you. Why do you always look like this!"

Ziqing, don't I even have the right to be sad?Don't I even have the right to cry?Do you still want me to smile?can i still laughYou said let's separate and just be good friends, can I do it?I'm just so sad that I want to die, I just stare at the sky in a daze, I just don't have words anymore, I just can't stop the tears, is that okay?

remember that day

How many times have you cried in the rain

Sincerely repent

But my heart is broken and I can't recover

I believe it's fate

the lost love don't want it to change

Waving for you, a treasured goodbye

Love is like silk, wind is like scissors

hard to give up, hard to break

gray sky gray you

Yoyo, bring up a few traces of sorrow and lingering

love than rain

Asking if you can bring up a string

But do you know what love feels like, forever

In this gray spring, Xu Xiaofeng's "Love Than the Rain" reverberates in my mind all day long, and I can't get rid of it, isn't it okay?I just want to be decadent here, buried here, and dead here.Why do you still drag me around, asking me to accompany you to buy clothes, tell your fortune, and calculate your marriage?Why are you still here?Why don't you let me just pale here alone?Even if I was going to die, you shouldn't interfere, should you?

"Wei Chen, did you come back so early? What's the matter, you look so bad? Oh, my mother asked me to bring a lot of delicious food, come and taste it!"

The roommates came back, and they all came back one after another.The fish should have jumped, and it did.After jumping, its brain will turn.A fish that is alive and can turn its brain is the most painful fish. When it moves, all its scales are like broken glass sheets, cutting every inch of skin on its body under the fluctuation of the water.

Wen Ziqing is a bad woman!She is insincere!They didn't only date during this winter vacation, they have been dating for half a year!Not long after our bitter night, they went back and forth!I left her house with my front foot, and he came in with my back foot; he left his cigarette butt, and I came to feel his smell that has not dissipated!Wen Ziqing, she doesn't respect me!She talked about her boyfriend before breaking up with me. When I finally couldn't help expressing my jealousy, she asked me sternly, "What do you want to do!" Run into my arms again to keep warm!Me, me, me!In her eyes I am nothing!It's a pity to eat it tasteless and throw it away, it's tasteless!No!No!why should i be sadWhy despair?Why do you want to be nostalgic?not worth it!Not worth it at all!

No no no!she is not!She is absolutely not!Not a bad woman!She is the best girl in the world!She has been striving for self-improvement for more than ten years, and she has achieved excellent results entirely by her own unremitting efforts. From elementary school to university, the class cadres and department cadres for more than ten years are all the results of her own struggle!She didn't get any family warmth, but she consciously became a well-behaved and obedient daughter.She has been in poor health, but she has always insisted on exercising and has always been a top athlete.She gave me a lot of encouragement and confidence. She gave me the first love and the first kiss. She is my lover and confidant in my dreams and dreams. We have warmed each other for six years... She has no choice!I have to, I have to...

Wen Ziqing!Wen Ziqing!Wen Ziqing!

no!no!

No - no.She was heartless, she had no idea how much pain I was in.She said: "What are you worrying about? Your little pain is nothing!" She is so high-profile, and she loves to sing so high-profile!She always thinks that I am Miss Jiao, who only knows the romantic Miss Jiao, she never knows how to take pity on me!My family situation is much better than hers, my "conditions" as a girl are superior to hers, my future can be completely free from anxiety, I face fewer real problems than hers, and my little problems are nothing Illness is far less serious than hers, I "have nothing to do with the world", my affairs are not as complicated as hers... My suffering is really incomparable with hers, so I have no reason to complain, no reason to suffer , If you complain about the pain, you are weak, you are moaning without illness, and you are boring petty bourgeois sentiment.She can't even understand me, she despises me!So, I used to hope that one day I struggled in the sea of ​​​​bitterness and she swam in the sweet water, and then I could have the right to say proudly: "I have the right to suffer! You can no longer despise my pain!" - how funny!Wen Ziqing, is this us?

Yes, we are not compatible at all, we have long lost a common language, there is no need to stay together...

But, but, but... what about the past?What about those holding hands in the past?What about those acquaintances and blind dates?What about those hugs and kisses?What about those soulful stares?What about those knowing smiles?What about those gentle, those whores, those nights that make people want to die?Are they, are they really gone?Are they really wrong?Does she think so?No!not like this!no!no!