Youth Notes

There is a song sung softly

in our youth

There is a dream flowing quietly

in our hearts

Maybe time takes everything away

owned season

but we will always remember

Those days in the sun

flying youth

There are tears and laughter

you and i both believe

we have been young

We fell in love with Fei Xiang's song, me and my girlfriend, Wen Ziqing.It was a young time, a very young time, we were only fifteen or sixteen.

In the summer when I was 15 and a half years old, the two phoenix trees outside my window bloomed a bright red, bright red.The tall trees, the thick trees, and the trees that stretch out to the fullest are all flowers, and the trees are full of flowers, flowers like flames.That flower made the sky red, and my windowsill also red.On my desk, on my bookshelf, on the pages of books, in my journal.On the bed, on the wall, in the air.All bright red light.The shadow of the flower settled there, like some kind of sadness and panic suddenly settled in my heart.

After graduating from the third year of junior high school, Wen Ziqing said that she would disappear from my side, and that she would return me to Wen Qijun, Linna, Zhong Wen, and many friends who had played well with me.Said, I can't be blamed by them, I can't be misunderstood by them as an insincere friend who "likes the new and dislikes the old", and I can't lose so many friends because of her alone.Said, my world is so beautiful, I am so beautiful, she can't monopolize it by herself.She said goodbye, you have given me so much, those endless joys and funs, those moments of getting to know each other so well, those laughs and those tacit understandings.Goodbye, in the brilliant season of phoenix flowers, you will always be my best memory.

That's what she said, that's what she said in the letter she wrote me.Every word is so full of emotion, and it touches my nerves so much.I cried, the tears kept flowing, it was also a red liquid, reflected by the phoenix flower, it was tears of blood.

I don't know why I'm so sad, why I'm so panicked, why I'm so sad and panicked like this.Why did I become so excited that I was almost crazy, why did my emotions suddenly feel like waves, ups and downs, and I was so restless.Why do things that were so natural and happy suddenly become complicated? Why does the word friend annoy me so much? scold myself.Why.

Why do we come together.That September, how did we come together.

Wen Ziqing is our class monitor, the head teacher's celebrity, the favorite of all the teachers, and the friend of most of the classmates, especially those in the city.She is enthusiastic and active, with excellent grades, not only in the class, but also teachers and students in different grades know her.

A girl like me who is "quiet", "silent", "introverted and timid", and unknown to the public, I never thought that I would become friends with her.

It was that day, it should be the autumn not long after the third year of junior high school started.We moved, moved farther away from the school, and at my running pace, it would take me 10 minutes to walk through the city center to the other side of the river.One day, Wen Ziqing walked up to me and said, I want to go home with you.I was very surprised, very strange, I couldn't figure out how she could have such a strange idea, how could she have such a whim.For two years, it seemed like we hadn't spoken much.It should be said that he didn't say a few words.Now she says that she wants to go home with me and walk together for a while, her face is full of expectant smiles, and her eyes are full of sincere enthusiasm.

If it wasn't for friends I wouldn't be walking with them, I'd be nervous, stressed, overwhelmed.No one taught me how to make friends, how to talk to others, I don't know how to communicate with people, and I don't know what communication is.When we were young, our four siblings did not communicate with our parents, and we had no time to communicate.We are busy working all day long, and my mother is always tired and irritable. She is gentle if she is not violent or scolding or beating others. If my mother can be gentle.No, my mother is also gentle. When we were sick, my mother’s voice was not rough. At that time, I believe I knew what love and happiness are. My mother’s words were not rough, and she would touch us from time to time. brow, that is love and happiness, the sweetness of bliss.The same is true for our children. After school, we cook in fear and feed the geese to the chickens, so as not to burn the rice and lose sight of the geese, causing mother to beat and scold us.It is very satisfying for my mother to have time to sleep well. We can occasionally tell a few jokes and sing two songs with my mother on a certain night, and it will be very happy and perfect.We are very lucky to have such perfect happiness, it is like the smile of father, it is the sunshine, the light, the warmth is boundless and far away, it is the starlight on the sea in the dark night.

Dad may want to "communicate" with us, one or two days a month, or one or two nights.Dad's communication is to hug us and kiss us, laugh, and then talk to us about our ideals and how we should behave.Nothing else.I didn't know there was such a word as "communication", and I didn't know there was such a thing as "communication", such a luxurious and foreign style thing.None of our four siblings knew about it, nor did our mother.We often do not speak, we seem to be several independent kingdoms, several isolated islands, sometimes we will exchange happily, sometimes we spend some time together in silence, facing some wind and rain, sometimes we will suddenly get angry, suddenly A little war.These are all just to show the existence, there are several isolated islands connected together, they exist together, although they are isolated islands, they are inseparable, although they are inseparable, they are still isolated islands.

I don't know what else is between people, what else is okay.I have developed a habit of not talking much, not speaking casually, and not daring to speak.I never thought about taking the initiative to make friends, I am used to being alone.Actually I am afraid of people, I have always been afraid of people, always afraid of people. "People" will always swear, beat people, and kill people mentally. "People" always have many knives, many guns, and many kills.I am afraid of having "others". After having "others", I will often be ignored, scolded, beaten, and hurt by "others".Because there are "others", I will regard them as treasures, and when they are particularly beautiful things in the world, I will rely on, trust, and be emotional.But "others" don't seem to be like this.I am an easily sad person, easily sad.So even though I long to not be alone in my dreams, I don't know how to make myself no longer just a person, how to make myself not afraid, not sad.

I am often alone, alone, enjoying the greatest freedom and the deepest loneliness.Many people say that I am indifferent, arrogant, mysterious, unfathomable, and unpredictable... I know, just because I am afraid of people and love people very much.Because my heart and soul are always tossing and fighting, between the one I love and the one I fear.Like the sea, the sea in the night.It was turbulent, wildly turbulent for no reason, but no one saw it.I don't want anyone to see it.

I don't like walking with someone I'm afraid of, I'd rather go alone, no matter how far.But I always have some fellow travelers.some friends.There are always some friends.Those who become friends with me are those who come across by chance or who want to associate with me on their own initiative.As long as you want to make friends with me, I will definitely make friends. I am very grateful for her "appreciation", and I don't want to live up to her trust.As long as she's not someone I hate.Later, I discovered that I instinctively possessed an ability. I would silently refuse, resist, and repel people who I would not want to make friends with or avoid close friends from the very beginning.I unconsciously created a wall, a piece of sea, this wall and this piece of sea are looming, seeming to be nothing, it separates the two worlds, making me a place that people "respect and keep away from", only dare to look at it from a distance and dare not desecrate it Playful, "unattainable" or even distant scenery that cannot be easily violated, such as the horizon, the end of the sky and the corner of the sea.A mirage, yes, a mirage, "sea guests talk about Yingzhou, the smoke is so faint and it's hard to find a letter", I am Yingzhou in the eyes of some people.

They didn't know, and probably couldn't imagine, that I was someone else's slave, a lowly slave who enjoyed being tortured.

Before we moved, we lived in a very cramped place, yes, it was a room with stairs.That street is called Piggy Street, a vulgar, dark, dirty street.It doesn't matter, we have a house in the city to live in, we have a foothold in the city, which I never dared to imagine when I was a child.Back at that home, I have two companions, and Linna is one.We became friends on the way home. We used to be fellow travelers for a year, walking together for a year, and staying together for a year.Linna and the others' home was not as far away as mine, and before halfway there, I became a person, a very free person.Of course, Linna and the others will not put pressure on me, because they are as ordinary as me.I like normal.