On how to break up peacefully with 419 subjects

1.

Memories of my youth are always accompanied by sunrise and rain.

When you are happy, it seems that the stars are shining above your head, and when you are sad, it seems that the whole sky is about to collapse.

In Tu Chen's career of more than 20 years, there is also such a star.

It doesn't hang in the sky, but hovers around the side, and it can be easily touched by reaching out.

Before Tu Chen met this star, it had its own name, and he did not have the right to name it.

It was as if it had been decided a long time ago that this star would not belong to him.

2.

Gu Tianxing has a magical power.

No one can tell what this magic power is, but Tu Chen named it gravity.

Just like the sun attracts galaxies, Gu Tianxing attracts him.

He couldn't remember the moment when his feelings for Gu Tianxing changed, he only knew that he couldn't take his eyes away when he found out.

Maybe it was when the other party smiled at him with glistening sweat;

Maybe it was when the vigorous body rushed to hug his neck;

Maybe it was when the two were lying on the same bed by chance.

After the germination of this spoiled relationship, Tu Chen struggled, resisted, and more confused.

Before he felt even more painful, he had already tested the other party intentionally or unintentionally.

3.

The trial turned out badly.

Gu Tianxing's sexual orientation is normal, not in the same category as him.

Tu Chen thought, maybe wait?How about waiting until Gu Tianxing enlightens himself?

It's a pity he couldn't wait for this day.

They are no longer in the same class, and several mottled walls separate them.

With the last thought remaining, Tu Chen agreed to the girl's confession from the class next door.

In fact, he didn't like that girl at all, and even when they finally broke up, he kept remembering her name wrong.

But he wanted to get Gu Tianxing's jealousy, and wanted to see Gu Tianxing's dissatisfaction.

I want Gu Tianxing to take the initiative to return to his side, and want to be more intimate.

He wanted to prove that he was different from others in Gu Tianxing's heart.

I want to hear Gu Tianxing say: I don't want you to like others.

4.

Tu Chen did get his wish, and the day came when Gu Tianxing questioned him.

He controlled his facial expression, stood under the street lamp, and looked at the wrinkled face of the young man in front of him, but he felt very comfortable.

——When did his happiness build on Gu Tianxing's anger?

This was not his intention, but he couldn't control the overall situation.

At that time, he was completely unaware of this twisted emotion.

He likes to look at Gu Tianxing's angry face because he talked about his girlfriend.

He listened to the questioning voice in his ear, and wanted to tell the other party several times, no.

I don't like her, I like you.

He still held back.

He didn't say it.

From then on, there seemed to be a gap in the originally intimate relationship between him and Gu Tianxing.

This gap is especially like those stone walls that separate them in the school.

5.

After making a girlfriend, he and Gu Tianxing still went home together.

However, Gu Tianxing didn't seem to care about his relationship at all, and didn't mention a word.

Not only that, he didn't wait for a call from Gu Tianxing's house that weekend.

The usual vibrant voices don't show up on Sunday mornings on time.

Tu Chen's heart was emptied, and he was relieved.

He found the other party in the video game city and asked the other party why he didn't ask him out to play on weekends.

But Gu Tianxing just smiled and patted him on the shoulder, asking him to spend more time with his girlfriend.

Gu Tianxing said: The target is the most important thing, don't make people wait.

Tu Chen thought, obviously you are the most important, and I am the one who is waiting in a hurry.

He clearly knew that he was in pain, but he wanted Gu Tianxing to be in the same pain as him.

Tu Chen lowered his hand, he didn't know what to do.

But he also laughed indifferently: "Okay, I will spend more time with her."

From then on, he and Gu Tianxing no longer spent weekends together, and even the number of times they went home together after school gradually decreased.

why?

Why is Gu Tianxing not jealous?

Tu Chen thought about it all night, and changed his girlfriend the next day.

He thought, maybe the fire he lit wasn't strong enough to burn through Gu Tianxing's string.

However, he didn't know that the bigger the fire, the faster it extinguished.

There is only so much firewood in the human heart, and if you keep fanning and adding fuel, it will be burned all at once, and in the end there will be only a little crumbs that can no longer be ignited.

6.

After graduating from high school, they attended the same breakup dinner.

Tu Chen drank a little too much, and was thrown into the taxi by Gu Tianxing.

Three years have passed since the first year of high school, and that green face has grown slightly, making it more and more difficult to move your eyes away.

Tu Chen thought, let's just use the wine to pretend to be crazy, the first and last time.

With his poor acting skills, he put his arms around Gu Tianxing's waist and told him that he didn't want a girlfriend anymore.

Gu Tianxing still laughed and pushed him like that: If you don't want a girlfriend, who do you want?Do you still want me?

What Tu Chen was waiting for was his words.

He smirked and moved closer: yes, I don't want them, I want you.

Gu Tianxing slapped him on the forehead: You've drunk too much, go home and sleep.

The reflection of the glass reflected Gu Tianxing's face, the corner of the other's mouth was pressing down, and he seemed to be in a bad mood.

It seemed that he was disturbed by his abrupt words.

Tu Chen's confession got stuck in his throat, and he couldn't say it anymore.

7.

University, separate the two places.

At the beginning, he often guarded his phone, waiting for Gu Tianxing to send a text message or call when he missed him.

However, every time it was his nominal girlfriend.

In the early days, Gu Tianxing liked to talk about trivial matters with him.

For example, the kitten I saw on the road, a tree that grew crookedly, or there was no beef in the beef noodles.

Since when did you never mention it to yourself?

Tu Chen couldn't remember.

The content of the chat between him and Gu Tianxing became more and more dull, and sometimes they didn't even contact each other for half a month.

He began to look for traces on the other party's various online accounts.

Looking at Gu Tianxing's random pictures of the sea, and the selfies with scissors hands, he felt sore and uncomfortable.

He finally fell into the same situation as others, looking for the other's life footprints in the circle of friends.

He thought, since Gu Tianxing had no intentions for him, why should he force himself to lower his figure.

Tu Chen lay on the bed and closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, the unwillingness inside had been suppressed.

He began to indulge.

To prove that without Gu Tianxing, he can still live well.

8.

He reduced the time to pay attention to Gu Tianxing, and devoted most of his energy to communicating with others.

He is not bad at all, once he breaks free from restraint, he will naturally be surrounded by various people.

He began to try new feelings, to date, kiss and even have sex with different people.

Only when he hugged others and gasped unscrupulously, could he get rid of the person who was pressing in his heart.

He kept telling himself that this was where he belonged.

It doesn't matter if it's not Gu Tianxing, it's fine.

However, when he calmed down again and again, he couldn't help turning to the Internet to write down Gu Tianxing's recent hobbies and interests.

But every time, he would put the gifts he bought at the bottom of the box as if venting, laughing at himself in a momentary fever.

——Since Gu Tianxing took the initiative to back away and widen the distance, there is no need for me to face forward shyly.

——Why did I want to treat him well, but I became like this?

He occasionally stared at those things in a daze.

Every time he looked away, it was as if he had opened the box that locked Gu Tianxing in his heart, leaving only sourness in his heart.

He lingered, hesitated, and repeatedly stagnated.

When he finally made up his mind to send it away, Gu Tianxing had already accepted others' kindness.

Looking at the photo of the gift and the cute expression sent by the other party, Tu Chen's teeth were about to be crushed.

What is Gu Tianxing doing?Show off?

Show off to him that someone treats you well?

Tu Chen watched coldly, not even having the courage to ask one more question as before.

He also received unsigned gifts, as if wanting revenge, he imitated Gu Tianxing and took photos to pass them on.

Looking at the various punctuation characters that floated over from the opposite side, even when facing the cold phone screen, he could still think of Gu Tianxing's always smiling face.

Tu Chen felt it was unfair, so unfair.

——Obviously I am extremely jealous, but you have no waves.

9.

In fact, going abroad is only an option, and this is the path he chose.

He decided to go for a fork in the road with Gu Tianxing and part ways.

As long as you don't stand on the same ground as Gu Tianxing, it will be fine.

When I come back again, I will be able to hold him in my arms again with a smile like in high school.

They'll still be on good terms as they were when they were teenagers.

On the day of boarding, Gu Tianxing came to see him off with a smile all over his face.

Tu Chen was full of joy, and when he saw the brand new cufflink on the other's wrist, he almost couldn't control his expression.

Another step ahead.

He put his hands in his pockets, almost crushing the undelivered gift.

In the end, he could only reach out with empty hands, and gently hugged Gu Tianxing.

Gu Tianxing bared his white teeth, and rubbed his chin on his shoulder: Come on, make a fortune, remember to come back.

Tu Chen's hands tightened suddenly, his expression was a little uncontrollable for a moment, he swallowed all his unwillingness, hugged the person and said: "Success, Dad loves you."

Gu Tianxing let go of his hand, and smiled even brighter: Get out, you know it's an advantage, if you remove that title, I will still love and love you.

The young man in front of him has never changed. He seems to be full of vigor and cleanliness just like high school.

Tu Chen didn't recover until he sat on the plane.

He looked at the ground fading away from the window, and finally gave two wry smiles.

If you can't be lovers, then be best friends.

Give him some more time... When he comes back, he will definitely be able to remain natural.

10.

From college to now, four years and four years.

In four years, people who are acquainted with each other can have less contact, and those who are not acquainted will even forget the other party's figure in their minds.

This is a period of time that is not long or short.

on Monday.

Tu Chen sat in the coffee shop, crumpling a cigarette.

He squinted and looked at the business card in his hand.

When he stayed at Gu Tianxing's house for one night after returning to China, he received it from the person who claimed to be the boyfriend of the other party.

He creased a corner of the card.

It's ridiculous.

Gu Tianxing is actually gay.

Gu Tianxing really knows how to act, but he kept it a secret from him for 12 years.

Could it be that as long as he was a little more courageous 12 years ago, that star would be obediently taken into his arms and stamped with a mark that belongs only to him?

Since I am gay, since I like men, why can't the people around me be me?

But he couldn't stop laughing.

What is ridiculous is not Gu Tianxing, but himself.

After a long time, Tu Chen picked up the phone and entered the phone number that had been crumpled into a ball of paper when he was in a trance.

The call button was pressed, and it was only picked up after a while.

A low-pitched male voice came from the receiver, with a businesslike and impersonal tone.

Tu Chen looked at the cold coffee on the table, but didn't reach out to touch it.

He allowed himself to be hoarse, and said to the opposite side: "Mr. Yan Shen, right? Are you free? Let's come out and meet."

The author has something to say:

Last night, I talked with Mrs. An Ning Wan about the topic of first love. I said that I was ignorant and naive at that time, and I left a lot of regrets. An Ning Wan replied to me: Whose youth does not hurt.In my eyes, Tu Chen and Gu Tianxing just like each other naively, and they will go against each other one day.This kind of sadness and bitterness will become a life gift shared by the two of them, making Gu Tianxing understand Yan Shen's goodness, and letting Tu Chen grow up to know how to cherish it.