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Maybe you will feel more and more emptiness and dissatisfaction, those illusions fill your life, deceit, contempt... But these are not excuses to avoid pain, the punishment itself is compulsory, and the reason why people live , just to accept the punishment...

-2009.7.3. Sunny.

Anyone who has used drugs knows how difficult it is to quit/drugs, and how difficult it will be when the drug/addiction is not satisfied.People who have never taken drugs will condemn those scum who take drugs, and they will tell everyone: drugs are the most disgusting thing in this world!And those who have turned to the light and have "successfully" rehabilitated/drugs will tell the horror of drugs/drugs with their own experience...

But unfortunately, as far as I know, human beings seem to be able to learn it instinctively from birth.All those evils, the so-called depravity and rebellion are just excuses for a few people. The real evil has long been brought down from the blood source. As for this evil, some people control it. This is human nature, and some people People who can't control it, this is animal nature!

Unfortunately, I found myself sinking into bestiality...

One in five people I know is involved in drugs in some way, and nearly half of those five are addicts themselves.People are constantly seeking excitement and detachment, constantly being attracted by temptation, constantly being betrayed, enduring loneliness and separation, constantly struggling, and then constantly degenerate and make up excuses for themselves.

"It's all fate's fault!" someone said.

Or: "It's all someone's fault! It's all because they hurt me!"

Or: "It's all the trauma's fault! It's all because I'm so alone! No one loves me!"

...In short, it was someone else's fault or something else's fault, and it was never my own fault, nor was it the fault of cowardice and ignorance.

Such people naively think that life will be bright in the end and everything will be forgiven, and even think that even the gods in the sky are partial to themselves.When you are lucky, you are confident, and when you are unlucky, you may be strong or sad.

In fact, from the perspective of a bystander, I just want to say: Man, this is the most boring thing!

And now, I have almost become this kind of boring thing, whether it is physical/physical or psychological...

I curled up on the floor because of the severe pain, and when I couldn't get up, I thought: It's all the fault of fate!

Look, here we go again...

Zhao Boyang, as a law enforcement officer living in a society ruled by law, naturally firmly opposes pornography/gambling/drugs.Not to mention Xia Jun, who is always on the front line to fight non-activists, so that more than half of my current predicament is due to the two of them.Two people who also hate evil treat certain things in the same way...

Just like the eyes cast by the two of them at this moment.

Closing my eyes, I began to count the time, and suddenly I remembered that this afternoon, I was supposed to take the flight to J City at 25:[-].But...is it day or night?

"What time is it...?" Opening his eyes, the ceiling seemed to be crumbling.

When I opened my mouth, I was startled. Obviously, after a whole night of tossing, no one can make a normal sound.

"Three o'clock." Zhao Boyang replied.

Is there another 25 minutes?I feel my head hurting again...

"There are still twelve hours and twenty-five minutes." Zhao Boyang suddenly interjected, as if he could see my depression.

"What's the date today?" Only then did I realize that I seem to have lost track of the date.

"July [-]rd. In the early morning, you can calm down and get some sleep." Zhao Boyang turned his head at this moment, took some information, and read it intently... So I turned my gaze to Xia Jun expectantly .

The result was unsatisfactory.

"I won't help you to the bed, you can try to crawl back to the bedroom by yourself." After finishing speaking, he also turned his head to study a vicious murder case...

...￥#@%&×!I feel that even now that I have "seeed the essence through the phenomenon", I will not kindly tell them who the two murderers are!

In the afternoon, at 23:[-], S City Airport.

I suppressed my panic and timidity and put on a clean shirt.

I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, pale face, sunken eye sockets, pointed and thin face, short hair...

The scars left a week ago were hidden under the long-tube jeans. I put on my backpack, like a tourist, and put on my hat. Only then did I realize that I was slightly hunchbacked.

How strange!Why was he already a little out of breath before arriving in City J?

I used to think that I could no longer see the people I didn't want to see, or the things I didn't want to see.

Wen Tao would actually go with me. This was unexpected to me. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh until I found him next to me after boarding the plane... That’s right, his hometown is also in J City , he was going home to visit relatives, and I was going to the funeral of a stranger and another funeral that I don't know if it will happen, two funerals, two people.

"Where's Wen Jie?" I looked around, but it was a bit strange that I didn't find the Tianshan Child Elder.

"She still has to go to school, are you okay?" I greeted kindly, but the other party treated me as crazy.

"Oh." I glanced at the window, and almost quickly reversed the images of S City Airport and J City Airport. I found that I was afraid to go back, afraid to return to the stains and nightmares that filled me. , malicious city, the last time I went for Leng Suqian, I only stayed for half a day and came back overnight, but this time...

In addition, I also found that I was even afraid to accept the fact that Yin Zhiqian was about to die.

This person is the grandfather of this physical body, and my arrival first killed "his" parents, and then even his only remaining grandfather will pass away, which makes me unacceptable, and even broke My wishful thinking, I thought that one day he would come back to take over his relatives...

I don't want these people to die, but on the contrary, I always have some inexplicable nostalgia for death itself.

contradiction.

I felt that even if I didn't abuse drugs or drink alcohol, I wouldn't be sober. Obviously, Wen Tao next to me thought the same. "You'd better sleep." He helplessly asked the flight attendant for a blanket and covered my head.

I didn't move anymore, exhaustion and sleepiness pulled me down...

The flight from city S to city J is two hours.And two hours later, Wen Tao and I were the last to get off the plane.

The dust is flying, the wind is exaggerated and howling, the city of J is dusty, windy, thunderous, and snowy, these are my memories of this place back then.Confused, I glanced at Wen Tao who was still following me when I got out of the airport. If I remember correctly, he shouldn’t have a home and couldn’t go back, not to mention that I’m about to leave to attend the funeral of that so-and-so kid up.

"I'll go too." Wen Tao squeezed his eyes, speaking concisely.

"Is she your relative?" I asked again, feeling that the relationship between these people was complicated and tangled.

"She is the daughter of my father's comrade-in-arms." Wen Tao seemed to be too lazy to talk nonsense with me, turned his head to look out of the taxi window, and said, "Speaking of it... this girl is also the daughter of your father's comrade-in-arms..."

Comrades?My Father?Uh... well, it's the real "Yin Yu"'s father.I thought to myself, maybe there are a lot of things I don't know... Following Wen Tao's example, I also turned my head to look at the car window on the other side. The street view of City J is really ugly!

While venting my anger on the street scene, I answered a phone call in a daze. The caller was my uncle---Yin Chengpeng.

……

At the funeral, it was deserted, the last funeral, the fewest family members, the most mournful.

The fall of life in the blooming season is always sad. I watched with cold eyes the expressions of my immediate family members and piles of people like me who couldn't beat eight poles but also came to "join in the fun", and my feet fluttered.Next to me, standing solemnly and erect is my brother-in-law—Yin Mingming and Yin Xiaohong's biological father, who always thinks I'm not pleasing to the eye and wants to break me up!

I don’t dare to look at my brother-in-law. His body as a soldier makes me uncomfortable, and I always feel that even the air around me is getting thinner. Of course, I know that it’s more because of my current physical condition. .

In fact, the funeral was like a farce.

The people who came here performed their own plays, and since I knew that Yin Xiaohong was going to be there early in the morning, I started to look around from time to time. I knew that once Yin Xiaohong and my cousin Yin Mingming met, there would be a good show to be had look!Although I was afraid that my little uncle was terrified for no reason, but when I thought of seeing his predicament, I couldn't help but gloated!

Yin Chengpeng must have noticed my malicious intentions very quickly, so his eyes, which were always fixed on the daughter who was with the family of the deceased in the distance, moved to me who was beside me...

My feet were soft, I seemed to be able to feel that I was being stared at by a line of sight from the side, and I subconsciously helped me to prevent myself from falling, but I heard a cold snort... the material of the clothes I was holding...

It's the texture of military uniform...

I think, I seem to be dying...

"Brother!" At this moment, a voice that was deliberately lowered but couldn't hide the sadness rescued me. This person was my own daughter of my brother-in-law who was more like hell than the one from hell. Cousin ----- Yin Mingming.

"..." Reluctance to stand still, I let go of the support point, glanced at the corner of my eye, my back suddenly felt cold, the corner of the neat military uniform was crumpled by me, and I sneaked a guilty glance at my uncle's face His expression, he didn't have time to talk to me, he changed his face instantly, transformed into a kind father in a second, walked to Yin Mingming's side to comfort his daughter...

It's okay, okay... I breathed a sigh of relief, and the muscles in my body relaxed a little. As long as I think of my uncle being beaten every time, I can't help shaking my hands and legs.Fortunately, he attached great importance to his family, and his precious son and daughter could always distract him from his anger.

With a long sigh, I quickly found a corner where I could lean against the wall and stood, looking at the family members of the deceased from a distance.

His father: Bai Yong.His mother: Yang Xiaoxia.

At this time, there are two tearful people who are weaker than a drug addict like me.

A white-haired person sends a black-haired person, I think I can understand this kind of sadness and tearing pain.A few lives ago, I have experienced such sadness, but the only difference is that I killed my son with my own hands, but they really lost their beloved daughter...

No matter what kind of person Bai Yong is, as a parent, his heart is always sincere.

There are many, many emotions at a funeral: sadness, pain, hatred, disgust, jealousy, joy, and…

Heartbreaking!

"Qiqi! My Qiqi!" About to be cremated, Yang Xiaoxia couldn't hold back her emotions when she saw the body was covered and carried out. She rushed forward, hugged her daughter's body tightly and cried hysterically. For a moment, the eyes of the few close people around couldn't help but turn red.Those who stepped forward to stop him also cried together.

They all said that the dead girl was a good girl.

Kind, hardworking, innocent...

But the only thing they don't know is that fate is already set...

Yang Xiaoxia passed out after all, so she was in a mess again.This is a farce, but also a tragedy.

funeral.It will always be the same place as the stage.

People act, live, act, die.

I suddenly felt nauseous, squatted down, and buried my head between my arms while clutching my empty, pantothenic stomach, unable to watch the next scene any longer.

"Get out of the way." A voice came from above, cold, numb, and full of impatience.

Following the voice that suddenly appeared in the chaos, I looked up, and what I saw was a face that seemed to have been dead for a long time -- a face full of death, belonging to a strange young woman. child's face.

"Who are you?A certain sense of déjà vu swept over.

"Get out of the way." The young girl repeated, looking down at me, I noticed that her pupils were a little dilated, like a dying person, however, the vitality in her body was extremely strong and contradictory.

If I had met such a person 100 years ago or earlier, I think I would be very happy, but now I don't feel happy at all.She is no longer useful to me, and now I don't need to practice or special "tonic", I can only wait to die...

"Don't you understand what I'm saying?" The young girl frowned impatiently, avoided me, squatted down on the other side and said, "You took my place!"

"..." I didn't answer.I buried my head in my arms again, I felt that if I didn't get those medicines again, I would pass out!

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