lonely patient

I wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth, got up from the ground, looked at Yan Song, and said, "Brother."

There was still only one word in response to me: "Go away."

After a moment of silence, I bowed my head and said, "Okay."

The streets were empty at midnight, and I drove aimlessly forward, unknowingly driving up Nanshan.

There is a cemetery on the hillside.

At this moment, I should have been drunk in the bar until I was unconscious, and I was randomly arranged on someone's bed. As soon as I opened my eyes, it would be the day after tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow.

Or simply drink until the stomach is perforated, and be taken to the hospital for infusion and gastric lavage. After a set of tossing, one day will pass.

I just shouldn't be here.

There is no moon tonight, and heavy clouds block all light.I walked deep into the cemetery following the guidance of the street lights, and saw the familiar tombstone.

It stands there, obviously there are other tombstones around, but it looks lonely.

I suddenly didn't dare to move forward, as if I was nailed to the spot, and my heart began to throb.

After a long time, I said softly: "Xu Yang."

"Sorry," I tried to smile, "I came empty-handed."

The young man in the photo has gentle eyebrows and eyes, and his smile is frozen in the wind and sunshine at the end of summer, but the smell he left for me in the end is the strong smell of blood that cannot be melted away.

I can't forget that afternoon, when I arrived at the hospital, there was a lot of noise and chaos, and he was lying quietly in the corner alone, the white cloth covering his body was soaked in blood.

But now, he has changed back to his clean appearance, staying in a place where there will never be danger and trouble, leaving me alone in this chaotic world.

"Xu Yang..."

I haven't pronounced these two words for a long time, so long that I thought I would forget his name.

I knelt down, carefully wiped off the dust on his photo, and then wiped the entire tombstone with my sleeve.

pat.

A drop of liquid hit the tombstone, and I wiped my eyes, my own tears.

"I had a quarrel with my brother today. He used to object to me being with you, do you remember?"

"But he scolded me for you today and wanted to sue you about me. I didn't expect that."

My legs were tired from squatting, so I just sat on the ground.

"He thinks I'm sorry for you, Xu Yang, which one of us is sorry for whom?"

The person in the photo is still smiling and looking at me, as if he will never be angry.

"You're dead, and now you may be reincarnated into someone's house, and go to kindergarten happily. As for me, why should I go through this? Why should I be left here by you to go through this!"

The cemetery was silent, and my voice seemed particularly abrupt.

"Do you know what it's like to have a wedding turned into a funeral? You don't. You die and you don't know anything!"

At this moment, I even felt hatred in my heart, hating him for leaving without warning, and hating myself for being unable to do anything.

I slammed my fist on the stone tablet, and my five fingers were so painful from the shock. After the impulse, I suddenly realized what I had done, and hurriedly leaned over to caress the place I had smashed.

"I'm sorry...I don't blame you, I'm sorry..."

I put my forehead against Xu Yang's tombstone and muttered in a low voice, but there was no warmth from him on it, only hopeless coldness.

The sky gradually began to rain, and the photos I just wiped were wet.

"I just want to forget you, why is it so difficult?"

"You said, do I have to wait until we've been apart as long as we've been together before I can forget you?"

"Will this be a little cruel to me..."

……

The rain was getting heavier and heavier. I don't know if it was because of the alcohol, but my head started to hurt.

"Xu Yang..." I leaned against his tombstone, my voice gradually quieted down, "I'm not happy at all."

"I miss you so much……"

I seemed to fall asleep, and then seemed to faint.Close your eyes, as if seeing many pictures from long ago.

Xu Yang and I started dating in high school. After graduation, in order not to be too far away from him, I rejected the arrangement at home and stayed in China to attend the same university as him.

Xu Yang is a medical student at University, and he is usually busy and tired. During the years at school, I always gave him time to accommodate him, accompany him to class, and bring him meals.

On graduation day, I proposed to him and he said yes.

I used to think that I was the luckiest person in the world, that I could go into marriage smoothly after falling in love for the first time.

Until an accident happened.

At that time, Xu Yang was working as an intern in the hospital while studying for graduate school. One night, he was on duty for another colleague who was on leave. Unexpectedly, he encountered a medical disturbance.

When the tip of the knife stabbed at the old doctor who had just finished the operation, Xu Yang rushed to stop him without thinking. In the chaos, the [-]cm long blade sank into Xu Yang's chest.

Before he had time to become an excellent doctor, his life ended forever in the hospital.

And the weekend after a week is our wedding date.

During that time, I seemed to have become a wandering ghost, without consciousness or consciousness.If it wasn't for Yan Song's obstruction, I would have wanted to leave with Xu Yang several times.

I was under house arrest for a long time, and finally I finally accepted the fact that Xu Yang was no longer around.

Afterwards, I felt that nothing mattered.

Life doesn't matter, death doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if you forget.

"Xu Yang..."

"Xu Yang..."

I muttered deliriously, opened my eyes hard, and saw the still dark sky and the crowded raindrops falling on the ground.

My hair was wet, my clothes were wet, but it seemed like no new rain had fallen on me.

I looked up and saw the umbrella above my head, only to realize that I was lying on someone's back, walking steadily in the rain.

"Xu Yang..."

Before I fainted again, I smelled the long-lost smell deep in my memory.

"Did you come back……"