Two small without dismantling

Pran Perspective

Although the person on the other end of the phone had already cut off the phone early, I still held the phone tightly in my hand, as if I didn't know how to put it down, I just held it so tightly.This is probably the last time I can contact him. I try my best to restrain myself and let myself be ruthless, otherwise I will not be able to control my desire to escape. I really want to jump from the window , I really want to run towards him like that, towards me and him like that.

Pat always does everything without thinking about the consequences, everything depends on his mood, as if he doesn't know what reason is, he always does it regardless of the consequences first, and then solves the consequences that follow.Probably because I have always been silently following behind him to clean up the mess he broke into. I always help him solve all his worries. It is for this reason that Pat has never realized his What kind of consequences will the behavior bring, and how serious the loss will be.

And I tried my best to resist everything by myself without letting him know.I would rather be a cruel and unreasonable person in front of the person I love, and I would rather be the person who has been scolded by thousands of people and gave up on love, even though in the end, I am still "thank you for my efforts", even I can't do anything about it I feel happy from my actions, and I am happy with it.

Because everything... I'm all for him.

That night, my mind was in a mess all night.He stood up and opened the curtains in the room, wanting to see if the person next door had come back.The curtains opened and closed, closed and opened, and I just walked up and down the room.I don't know how long it took, but I vaguely saw the dawn in the sky, time seemed to pass very slowly, a day seemed to be as long as a year, and finally I heard the noisy voice next door.I bit my lip hard, feeling the pain, probably guessing Pat wasn't home yet.There was an earth-shattering noise one after another, and I began to worry about Phu, because I probably knew all about his family's habits...

Pat could gallop back to save his sister.

When I saw that the love we were proud of brought such great and deep pain to the people around me, tears flowed unconsciously.I never thought that my own happiness would be a kind of misery for others. Pat's mother's screams and cries could be heard in my room. I couldn't even imagine what his house would be like now. After about an hour, the noise gradually died down, and I frowned. Eyebrows, both hands clenched tightly into fists, feeling that the nails have sunk into the flesh.I felt the muscles all over my body tense up slowly, but I was helpless in the face of all this, I couldn't do anything, I was just a mortal, a mortal who couldn't change anything.

Finally Pat came back, and he came back with a big backpack.This backpack seems to prove to me that everything he said on the phone last night is true, and it happened in real life.After seeing Pat's silhouette, I let myself cry again, the demon living in my heart was roaring, screaming, it wanted to break out of all cages, to come out and mess everything up It is completely destroyed, because it can no longer watch the person it loves become like that.

"Didn't the little brat of that family come back in despair in the end? Where else can he go after running away from home? What is this kind of kid born for!"

When I said this, I just took a bite of the rice and chewed it in my mouth. What I heard was still slandering the next door as always. What's more, these words gradually became more hurtful and vulgar.I really want to cut off the chains that bind my legs, want to overturn the dining table, want to throw away everything that stands in front of me, so that I can escape from this house and find Pat, who is also suffering.But in the end, I can only put these words in one ear and out the other, and try my best to let myself ignore what my parents said, and use temporary patience in exchange for a tomorrow with clean ears.If you open your eyes and open your heart to take a good look, you will know that this world is by no means as beautiful as we imagined, because ah, I used to think that I was a hero who was omnipotent, but in the end I found that I always thought that I couldn’t do anything. There is no way to do it.

"Isn't it? Look at the noisy people this morning, don't they care about other people?"

"I don't know if it's because of drug addiction, so I just ran out of the house." My mother dutifully served as a supporter, and my father became more and more enthusiastic. "If you don't fall yourself, you won't know the pain. Let's see if it's been less than a day, and you haven't come back in despair."

At this moment, I really hope that I can’t hear sound with both ears, and I can’t speak with my mouth. Let me be deaf and dumb, because even if I have a mouth and can speak, I can’t express what I think in my heart. Just be dumb.

If my father compares my love to being bitten by a mad dog, then I might tell him that the wound is long and deep, it is carved on my heart like this, it will not heal, it will not get better, the pain is unbearable, Never be forgotten.

"Have you read the materials for graduate school?"

In the end, the topic turned back to me, but I really didn't have the mood to succumb to them: "I'm going to watch it."

"It's time to start preparing. According to my plan, you will fly over to prepare by the end of this month at the latest. I have already said hello to you, Brother Pong."

"dad."

"how?"

Asked in a stern voice, at this time my father also moved his eyes to look at me. In his eyes, I understood a sentence, that is, first think about what you want to say, whether you want to say it or not, and then Open your mouth.

"If I can really cut off contact with Pat, can Dad not send me abroad?"

"why?"

"I don't want to go, I want to stay here."

Dad stared at me, and I also looked at him. At this time, my heart was beating very fast. In the end, Dad still didn't say what he really wanted to say. The last thing he said was:

"We won't talk about it anymore."

"But Dad..."

No matter how many times I fantasized in my heart, in the end, I still couldn't say these words, and nothing changed.

"I've made up my mind."

"Have you really made up your mind?"

"Speaking as if I could really call the shots."

Without thinking about it, I hit back at the person who asked me back, probably only at this time I can not hide myself, say what I have.

"Pran."

"put."

"I was drinking with the engineering school group some time ago."

"Why did you make a drink appointment?" I asked with a smile, "Shouldn't the correct way to open it be to have a fight?"

"It's not because of you two."

"..." One blow was fatal.The four eyes met, and my heart was full of blessings, and I immediately understood that what I was going to say next was the focus of today's conversation.

"Now you know, some things have really changed. The matter between you and him is not incompatible with God and man. It's not that bad."

"So what? Is it useful? Can it help us?" I asked him back, because the volume of the irritability was slightly raised.Now there are only him and me in Wai's room, which saves me the trouble of worrying about other people hearing or disturbing others, "No matter how uncomfortable or heartbroken I am, does anyone care? Can anyone help me? Do you think I didn't fight my parents? The ceiling of our family is about to collapse."

"Pran..."

"It's okay for me to fight alone, but his side...I'm poor Phu," I was silent for a moment when Pat's sister's name was mentioned, sighed, and looked out the window, "Actually, it's with him after all. Elopement is very simple, and it doesn't mean that I don't want to just walk away with him, but the reason why I didn't do it is because I know that if I do it, no one will be happy in the end, no To be happy as we imagined."

Pat's face loomed in the sky, and I stared at it silently until the last cloud parted.

"Pat can't just leave his sister and walk away, just like I can't leave my family behind." I know Pat well enough to know that even if we run away to the ends of the earth, we can't be as happy as we imagined .

"..."

As soon as I finished speaking, the whole room was so quiet that even the sound of breathing could be heard clearly. We just sat there for about 10 minutes, and then our brains returned to work and started working.

"...I understand you," Wai said as he patted me heavily on the shoulder. I turned to look at him with a very bad expression on his face, and finally I could only smile at him. , "If I had encountered such a problem, I might not even know what to do. Can I still think about problems like you and deal with them?"

"...I'm fine."

"You have something to do."

"Um, sorry." I laughed, "Probably because I often lie to myself, I'm used to it."

"Pran, your uncle, you are still in the mood to joke here."

"Are you kidding me?" This is more true than Pearl.

"It's you."

"Hey, I got my mother to agree to come to you after all the hard talking. I was under house arrest during this period, and I was almost driven crazy."

"It's really an exaggeration, and I sent you here."

"I will come to pick you up later."

"My God...it's not easy for you."

"It's much easier than mine."

He laughed and knew who he was talking about without asking.

Who else?It's just the person I'm thinking about day and night.

"Have you started packing your things?"

On the way home, my mother asked me. We didn't look at each other. My mother was sitting upright, looking at the road ahead seriously, while I leaned on my seat and looked at the scenery on both sides of the road.

"not yet."

"I've already prepared the suitcase for you. You can pack it first to see if it's big enough, or you can buy a bigger one, so you can pack more things."

"Ok."

"Now that the weather is getting colder, mother will take you to buy clothes like down jackets the day after tomorrow."

"it is good."

I agreed to everything my mother said, just like a robot without emotion, it can only follow the set procedures, has the power to listen but not the power to refuse, can think but cannot make decisions by itself, all I acted like I had nothing to do with myself.

When I got home, I got out of the car first, and the moment I got out of the car, the phone in my trouser pocket started to vibrate. I took out the phone quietly, not wanting my mother to see it.It's Phu, my heart beat faster, and I pressed the hang up button before the call was hung up, in case the mother next to me noticed anything unusual, then I put the phone back in my pocket as if nothing had happened, and returned to myself as usual s room.

The moment I closed the door, I quickly took out the phone and pressed the call button, and it was the second time that Phu called.

"Hey?"

[Brother Pran. ]

"What happened to Phu?"

[Brother Pran, are you okay? ]

"Me...I'm fine." Where's Pat, is he okay?Isn't it because of him this time?

I was roaring in my heart, but I still didn't say a word out of my mouth.

[I heard that brother, you are going abroad for further study. ]

"Oh, yes. I plan to go on NO.13 this month."

"NO. 13?"

When I heard Phu repeat my words in a very surprised tone, I frowned, "It's NO.13, what's wrong?"

[No... nothing. ] Her answer sounded stumbling, but I didn't ask any further, [Why are you in such a hurry, it's only been a few days. ]

"My dad wants me to go there a few days earlier." I smiled, trying to make my voice sound like nothing happened, "I've been messing with it for almost a month, and now I'm almost ready to go. "

[yes? ]

The voice on the other end of the phone was very weak, and I vaguely felt that Phu had something to say to me, or something to ask me, but she didn't dare to say anything, and I didn't want to ask her first, so I just let it go. It's good that no one can say anything.

"Phu is doing well recently, I haven't seen much."

[Very well, brother Pran, you are leaving suddenly, I haven't heard any news before. ]

"It's nothing, just my parents are very indifferent to my going abroad." That thin piece of paper is just to separate me from Pat, let us be separated, how can we expect them to be excited.

[Yeah……]

The previous answer was repeated again, and they realized that they had nothing to say, and they had nothing to say, so they had to say goodbye hastily and hung up the phone.I dragged the suitcase by the door, slept it down in the room and opened it.I took a long breath before opening the closet door to pack away the clothes.In fact, I don’t want to collect a lot of thick clothes to take away. It may be more convenient to go there and buy them. But because I don’t want to waste a lot of time with my parents, I finally feel that I should follow my mother and let her take me to buy down jackets. up.I sighed and fell down on the bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the little dirty doll rabbit. I washed it secretly once before. Although it is a little gray now, it is much, much better than before.

Ever since the mother's screams almost knocked the roof off that day, the doll has been forgotten here by its owner, and I don't know if he can fall asleep without holding this stinky rabbit, even if I want to return it now He also seemed unlikely.I held the doll rabbit in my hand and gently rubbed the rabbit's ears, but what I thought of was the scene of the person sniffing it with his nose every day, which was really funny.

We were much happier then than we are now, Pat.

I sighed, and the memory slowly wiped away the little smile I had now, and everything disappeared.I held the doll that I had always said was dirty tightly in my arms, and closed my eyes to prevent the tears from flowing out again, not wanting the tears to wet the doll.I took a deep breath and poured it into my lungs, and said in a very soft tone, so soft that only me and the doll could hear:

"We can't be friends anymore..."

Three days before I left, the courtyard next door was still noisy, busy with the engagement ceremony.People come in and out every day, and the small garden is also decorated to feel like a wedding, as if it exists for that important day.I just found out that Pat's good day was the same day I left home.I packed myself up and walked out of the house to see Pat in a brightly colored suit. It had been about a month since we met.He has cut his hair short and looks very unaccustomed.Suddenly I felt a dull pain in my heart. Before, no matter what I said or begged, he was unwilling to cut his hair, but now, in order to welcome the important day in his life and the important person, he cut his hair short like this. There is nothing wrong with it.

At this moment, I feel like something is rushing out of my heart.That person seemed to have something to say, but he didn't say anything in the end. We were standing in the gardens of our respective houses. The only thing separating us was a fence, but it made me feel that we were so far apart. It seems that the day when the two lands are no longer connected.

Until my mother came and asked me to get in the car, we still didn't say a word, not even a simple goodbye. During the short steps when I walked out to get in the car, we didn't leave a word.I clenched my fists tightly, hugged my arms to protect myself, and just clenched so tightly, because I felt a little trembling in the end because I was too hard.I'm afraid that all my patience and compromise will fall apart at the last second, and I don't even dare to turn around to look behind me, so I can only silently digest and suppress all this in my heart, hoping that this The pain can end sooner.

After arriving at the airport, I didn't say anything, everything was taken care of by my parents, as quiet as a stranger.Even though I had to go through the security check, I still didn't say anything, I just raised my hand and saluted to my parents as a simple farewell.We didn't hug, we didn't give up, we didn't even say provocative words, and we performed passionately without tears.Just go through the security check step by step according to the procedure, go straight to the boarding gate, find a seat, sit down and wait for boarding.Bored, I took out my phone and swiped. Although my heart was already turbulent like the sea, my hand kept sliding the screen. I opened Facebook and browsed. I glanced at the time and found that it was time to board the plane. At the last second when I put away my phone, I pressed the back button and saw a photo—an engagement photo. In the photo, the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be were embracing, looking so happy.

This photo was almost swiped away, but I saw it anyway because the groom-to-be in the photo is named Pat...  

I just stared at this photo quietly for a long time, and finally my reason told me that I was about to board the plane. I raised my hands and rubbed my face to make myself look more energetic. On the "Like" button, I pressed it lightly, and then I turned off the phone and stood up from my position.

I will set off for another country, one where there is no memory of "us".

A country with nothing...