city ​​garden without flowers

"Do you think I'm impulsive?" Lu Chuanhuan smiled.

"No." Xia Yang looked at him seriously, and said after a while, "Brother Lu, you are a very good person."

"But marriage is really different, Xia Yang, I'm not trying to persuade you, it's just that I have experienced failure." Lu Chuanhuan's expression softened, his eyes were foggy, "Maybe you can marry me Dad, have a good talk."

"Why did you persuade me?" Xia Yang looked at him helplessly, "Brother Lu, why did Lin Yi separate from you?"

"Actually, our personalities are very different. Besides, after we got married, it was a matter of two families. Anyway, we often quarreled." Lu Chuanhuan sighed, showing a little tiredness which was rare.

"I like to be worn out, and in the end only responsibility is left to maintain. Lin Yi can't stand this, she wants a lot of love. I tried my best, but she still said that she wants to separate. It's all come to this point, the best choice is to divorce."

"What about yourself?" Xia Yang's expression became a little downcast, "Brother Lu, what about your own mood?"

Lu Chuanhuan was speechless for a moment, he drank silently, and finally said honestly: "I didn't think about it."

"Since we've separated, Brother Lu, you don't need to care about it anymore." Xia Yang looked at him, "You advised me to let go of my grudge against my father, but why are you so harsh on yourself?"

"Because I don't care about myself very much." Lu Chuanhuan smiled, his expression was a little stagnant. This sounded too holy, but Lu Chuanhuan was indeed such a person.

"You should pay more attention to yourself." Xia Yang looked a little angry, "If I can have a good talk with my father, can you let yourself go too?"

"It's two different things." Lu Chuanhuan was a little helpless, "I really can't figure it out, because I know very well that Lin Yi and I may have stopped liking each other a long time ago, but..."

Lu Chuanhuan hesitated for a moment before continuing: "I don't have a correct understanding of marriage itself, that's my problem."

"Lu Chuanhuan, do you still like Lin Yi?" Xia Yang suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Lu Chuanhuan's wrist.

Lu Chuanhuan was taken aback for a moment, then shook his head.

"Then what are you struggling with?" Xia Yang took his hand and put it on the table, "Brother Lu, Tongtong has a better understanding than you. Don't be dragged down by your sense of responsibility."

The light was dim, reflecting Xia Yang's face. His expression was a little anxious and angry, and he looked more lively than usual.

Lu Chuanhuan wanted to touch his face very much at this moment, he thought, Xia Yang is transparent and sincere, he is really a very good person.

This week Xia Yang was going to Guangzhou to attend an academic exchange meeting. Before he left, he contacted his father, told him about it, and then asked him if he was free. He wanted to visit him.

In Xia Yang's impression, his father was not good at words, but he was very strict, tall, and his mouth would be drawn into a line when he was not smiling.But during this long-lost phone call, he heard Xia Hengze's unsteady and surprised voice.

Before hanging up the phone, Xia Hengze was still saying, "What else would Yang Yang want to eat? Just cook a few more dishes."

Only then did Xia Yang realize that his father cared more about him than he imagined.

He thought of the worst New Year's Eve ever, almost vengeful, when he came out while the family was having fun together.

That should be his last New Year's Eve with his parents.That year, father and mother were still maintaining the illusion of harmony in their family. He came back from Guangzhou as usual, and then went to Jiangbei Airport to pick up Xia Yang who had just returned from Hong Kong.

That year, Xia Yang could finally reassure his parents, so his mother confessed to Xia Yang the truth about their divorce before New Year's Eve.

It was only then that Xia Yang found out that his father had remarried, and his new home was in Guangzhou, a place very different from Chongqing.

So he did the most rebellious thing in his 22 years of life. On New Year's Eve, the day of family reunion, he announced in public that he was a homosexual through and through.

Then he also received the first beating, Xia Hengze's slap was merciless, and Xia Yang's face was swollen for many days.

"It's been so many years, you don't even have to tell me about the divorce, so I don't care! I'm gay!" Xia Yang's eyes were red that day, and he even had a brief hysteria after Xia Hengze's slap fell.

"What's wrong with liking a man! It would be great if you don't need to get married. Look at you, if you get married, you're still divorced!"

Xia Yang was in a daze. Looking back at this incident after four years, he realized that his mother shed tears that day, and his father's eyes were full of despair and intolerance.

When his mother tried to talk to him later, she said that at first his father thought he was just being mad.

Xia Yang took a taxi there, and when he got out of the car, he saw his father waiting for him at the gate of the community, with a anxious look on his face.

Xia Yang walked over, Xia Hengze seemed to want to pat him on the shoulder, but in the end he didn't: "Yang Yang is here, let's go, how about we two have a drink later?"

It was only then that Xia Yang realized that his father was not as tall as he remembered. He surpassed his father's height. Standing beside Xia Hengze, he was obviously taller, and Xia Hengze was also much thinner than he remembered.

Xia Yang suddenly felt a little sad.

Xia Hengze wanted to help him carry things, but Xia Yang didn't let him, so Xia Hengze shook hands awkwardly, and touched Xia Yang's shoulder very carefully.

"Is work going well?" Xia Hengze asked him.

"Very good, I like it very much." Xia Yang was also a little cautious, he didn't know what attitude he should take to face his father at this moment.

The house was not far from the gate of the community, and they arrived at the gate without saying a few words. Xia Hengze opened the door and handed Xia Yang slippers.Xia Yang first put the things in the porch, and then took a look around while changing his shoes. The house was tidy and looked very comfortable.

"Xiufang, Yang Yang is here." Xia Hengze shouted into the room.

Xia Yang became very nervous at this moment, he thought, if only Lu Chuanhuan was here, he would definitely be able to handle it with ease.

A woman came out from the inside. She was wearing an apron and her hair was tied. Although she was no longer young, her eyebrows and eyes were still very charming.She smiled softly and said: "Yang Yang is here, I can see you, your father always tells me about you."

Xia Yang looked at her a few times. Xiufang spoke slowly, walked slowly, and had a beautiful posture, like a willow branch in the spring breeze.

"There is juice and tea. Which one would Yang Yang want? You and your dad will have dinner first." Xiufang is very kind and sincere. She is indeed a very attractive woman.

Xia Yang sat down and showed his most skilled obedient smile: "Thank you, Auntie, I just need plain water."

Xiufang poured water for him and went into the kitchen again. She was very measured, which made Xia Yang relax a little.

The father and son chatted about some irrelevant gossip, but they avoided talking about Xia Hengze's divorce and Xia Yang's coming out of the closet.Then there was a period of silence, maybe neither of them knew how to start, so they didn't know what to say.

Xia Yang felt that this was not a good time, so he stood up: "I'll go to the kitchen to see if there is anything I can do to help Auntie."

Before Xia Hengze had time to tell him to stop, Xia Yang had already entered the kitchen.

Xiufang was sitting on a small stool, reading a book on her lap, and a pot of soup was steaming quietly on the stove next to her, looking peaceful and cozy.

Xiufang raised her head when she heard the movement, and smiled when she saw it was Xia Yang: "What's wrong with Yang Yang?"

It was only then that Xia Yang noticed that Xiufang was wearing a pair of small jadeite earrings. The color of jasper was a pair with the bracelet on her wrist. The moist texture matched her very well.

"Let me see if there is anything I can do to help." Xia Yang also smiled.

"Is Yang Yang a good cook? He has been abroad for so many years. He is really good." Xiufang spoke softly. She stood up, marked the bookcase and put it on the stool, "Actually, there is nothing to be busy with. Yes, your father bought you a lot of fruit, do you want to see what you want to eat, wash some and take it out. But don’t eat too much, or you won’t be able to eat dinner.”

Xiufang is a very comfortable person, she didn't completely put Xia Yang in the position of a guest, but instead treated him like a child.

"Auntie, are you making soup?" Xia Yang was completely relaxed by not seeing anyone outside, so he wanted to use Xiufang to temporarily escape the awkward atmosphere between him and his father.

"I'm stewing yam and pigeon soup. I don't know if you like it or not." Xiufang lifted the lid of the pot and showed it to Xia Yang. "After a while, you can put the yam in."

Xia Yang sniffed and felt that it was very fragrant: "It smells so good, auntie, please teach me how to make soup."

Xiufang smiled nicely: "Okay, Auntie will teach you whatever you want to learn."

Xiufang is very careful and patient. Her cooking experience comes from her mother, plus years of life accumulation. Compared with Xia Yang, she is more affordable and convenient.

Xia Yang looked at Xiufang's serious side face, and found out with certainty that there was indeed no similarity between Xiufang and his mother.

Xia Yang's mother has a straightforward temper, and she often takes it too seriously. He remembers the tireless bargaining between his mother and the peddler.He had a deep impression of that kitchen utensils stand, but it was still because of the intricately patterned table mats that hung there, like flowers blooming on the street stalls.

When he was a child, he was very impatient with bargaining. He stood aside and wanted to talk to his mother about the issue of time cost, but when he thought about it, his eyes would be attracted by the monkey juggler across the street. Leaked through the gaps in the body.

When he came back to his senses, his mother had already bought the things he needed, she held him with her empty hand, and the two of them walked home together.

After Xia Yang learned the truth later, he didn't blame his mother, because he knew that it was hard to compare the sacrifices his mother made for him.

The mother in Xia Yang's memory was not gentle and didn't like to laugh, but she was always strong.

He couldn't comment on his parents' marriage, but as Lu Chuanhuan said, he didn't need to worry about it anymore.