At first I just wanted to make money
Chapter 49
Don't care about your own life?Xingzi was in a daze.She has no real sense of her own life, and she, who has not lost her memory, chooses to end her life by herself.
Thinking about it this way, Osamu Dazai was right.She really doesn't value her own life!
But this kind of her is constantly working hard to keep herself alive, so she actually still cares about her own life.
It's really interesting, sometimes Xingzi also feels that he is very contradictory.Does she really want to live?Or maybe they just instinctively chose to save themselves.
But no matter what, thinking of the people she met in this world and the bonds she gained, Xingzi didn't want to die so easily.
Because, someone is waiting for her!
When she was lost in thought, she suddenly heard Osamu Dazai's laughter.Xingzi came back to his senses all of a sudden, and saw Osamu Dazai laughing wildly.
"What are you laughing at?" Xingzi asked suspiciously.
Osamu Dazai still had a paranoid smile on his face: "Xingzi has really changed a lot! If it was the original, Xingzi might have started to seek death. Seeing Xingzi like this, I am so jealous!"
Jealous that you can find a reason to live, jealous that that reason is no longer me.
Xingzi quickly finished chewing the food in his mouth, and looked at him in a leisurely manner: "Didn't Dazai stop frantically trying to kill himself recently?"
"That's not because of what you told me last time!" Osamu Dazai dissatisfied, "Hoshiko is too much, it makes me afraid of the death I have dreamed of for a long time!"
"Isn't that great?" Hoshiko laughed: "Dazai gave me the motivation to live, and I... From a certain point of view, it also made Dazai no longer want to seek salvation through death."
Osamu Dazai twitched the corner of his mouth: "Xingzi is worthy of being a writer, is this clearly a sophistry?"
Xingzi asked straightforwardly: "Just say whether you accept it or not, we are friends who go both ways."
"Two-way going..." Dazai Osamu was stunned for a while, then suddenly laughed: "Okay, I accept, we are going two-way. If that's the case, Xingzi don't let me become a person!"
Otherwise, I will definitely go crazy.
After eating, Osamu Dazai was a bit bored, but Hoshiko hadn't finished eating yet.So he started looking for topics: "By the way, Xingzi, I have already become a cadre! The youngest cadre in history!"
"Wow! That's amazing! Dazai is really great." Hoshiko swallowed the food in his mouth, read a sentence, and then immersed himself in eating.
Osamu Dazai curled his lips dissatisfied with her perfunctory.But I also know that my incredible achievement in the eyes of outsiders may even be a bad thing in the eyes of Xingzi.
There are very few people in this world who don't care about their status and achievements to be friends, but he met three.Their identities and abilities are very different, but they get along very well.
Obviously he is a coward who would get hurt even if he touches marshmallows, but he is attracted by such warmth, how cowardly and ridiculous!
Osamu Dazai curled his lips ironically, and saw Hoshiko opened another can of crab meat for him.If you are not happy with the crab meat bibimbap, eat some canned crab meat, and the unhappiness can be easily suppressed. "
Osamu Dazai was stunned for a moment, and suddenly laughed exaggeratedly.After laughing for a long time, he restrained his smile: "Xingzi is right, canned crab meat can solve all unhappiness!"
After a while, Osamu Dazai spoke again as if he didn't want Hoshiko to have a good meal: "I also picked up a child in the slum."
Hearing this, he suddenly raised his head. If he guessed correctly, that person should be——
"My name is Ryunosuke Akutagawa! The ability is good, but it's too stupid."
Sure enough it was him!
Xingzi quickly put down his chopsticks and asked, "You're so stupid? Why do you say that?"
Dazai looked at her behavior with some surprise: "I didn't know you liked children so much? But that guy is not young anymore, and his character can't survive in the mafia at all. I said it and didn't change it. It's a fool!"
Xingzi tapped his chin with his finger, his mind was running wildly.According to the timeline mentioned by Dazai, he just picked up Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and although the other party is not a child of six or seven years old, he is definitely not that old.
Children are the easiest to be guided by others. If you give him a path different from the original one, will he have a brighter future?
"Have you ever thought about...letting him go to school?"
"Go to school?" Hearing Hoshiko's suggestion, Osamu Dazai widened his eyes.He hadn't heard this word for a long time, and it was a little strange at first.
Xingzi nodded and felt that he was right, so he became more confident: "Didn't you say that this child is a bit stupid? Isn't going to school the best solution? Any child is ignorant at the beginning, and they need to be nurtured by learning." Only then can you become knowledgeable and intelligent.”
Osamu Dazai looked at her with a half-smile: "You really care about that child, why? It's the first time you've heard his name, right?"
Xingzi coughed: "Just... I like children better, I also raised four in Tokyo."
"Four!" Dazai Osamu was successfully restrained: "Hoshiko, have you been infected by Odasaku? Children are so annoying, why do you like them!"
"Some children are very cute." Hoshiko retorted seriously: "In short, if you let that Akutagawa Ryunosuke read, maybe you can solve Dazai's troubles?"
Hoshiko thought for a while, and continued his efforts: "And take a step back, your goal is to keep Ryunosuke Akutagawa alive, you don't necessarily have to live in the mafia, right? If you study, living in other places is also very good." !"
These words are equivalent to providing another way of thinking, no longer how to survive the mafia, but how to survive.
Not all supernatural beings have to live in the mafia, Osamu Dazai is obviously limited by his own experience.
Of course, it is estimated that there is also the idea of wanting to find more talents... Is there really?
Putting these aside for the time being, it is true that Akutagawa has a strong selfishness in letting Akutagawa study.You must know that people like Wen Ye are all great writers in the three-dimensional world!
The most important reason why they became like this must be caused by this dark world.But Xingzi believes that another important reason is that they don't study!
It's okay to be an adult, after all, the three views of oneself have matured, and they know what they want to do and what they should do.
But children are different, they obviously have more possibilities, even infinitely close to the three-dimensional.But because others directly chose the future path, they can only become fighters.
She wanted to try to see if Akutagawa Ryunosuke could become a literary master if she let Ryunosuke Akutagawa study.
The Japanese literary world is really in decline, even people like her can be praised, which makes Xingzi very sad.
Osamu Dazai looked at Xingzi with ambiguous eyes, and after a while he smiled and said, "But Mr. Mori won't agree, right? You must know that he lacks talents to a certain extent."
Hoshiko was also a little distressed about this, and suggested, "Maybe we can let Ryunosuke Akutagawa go back to work on the [-]th and go to school normally?"
"Isn't that a waste?" Osamu Dazai asked back, and then raised the corners of his mouth: "If Hoshiko is willing to tell me why you care so much about Akutagawa, maybe I can help you to give advice to Mr. Mori!"
Seeing him like this, Xingzi sighed.She really didn't hide it at all!That's right, after all, her acting skills are not good, and she wasn't particularly careful, so how could she be able to hide from someone like Dazai?
It's just how she wants to tell the other party, is Akutagawa Ryunosuke a great writer in the third dimension, or is he your idol?
After struggling for a while, Hoshiko could only remind vaguely: "Don't you think that a name like Akutagawa Ryunosuke is a name that a cultural person would have? Maybe after he reads the book, he will become what you like. Maybe?"
"Do I like the way I like it..." Osamu Dazai looked at Hoshiko thoughtfully, and finally snapped his fingers: "Okay then, I will find a way to get Akutagawa to study, I hope Hoshiko will not let me down! "
He didn't have much feeling about Akutagawa's belonging, and now he's putting in a little bit of effort just because he picked him up, and he's shouldering a responsibility.
Of course, this responsibility also troubled Osamu Dazai.
Since Xingzi gave him a choice, he didn't mind doing it.Anyway, if Akutagawa is allowed to go to school, he will definitely feel more relaxed.
And more importantly, Osamu Dazai is very interested in what Hoshiko said he likes.He has always known that Xingzi is unusual, and that Xingzi's hidden point is not enough for him to see.
Especially Xingzi didn't hide it well at all. She seemed to have a strong sense of trust in all the friends she recognized.
This makes Dazai happy that he is her friend on the one hand, but on the other hand inevitably jealous of other friends whom she trusts.
But because of Xingzi's particularity, he couldn't really question the other party.After all, despite having an unusual secret, Xingzi is essentially just an ordinary person.
Such a fragile ordinary person, if he was a little more anxious, he might be broken, right?
Although he was indeed a little curious about how Xingzi was broken.But that really isn't as interesting as Xingzi, who is getting more and more lively now.
Osamu Dazai leaned forward: "Hoshiko will always be with me, right?"
Hoshiko refused to be clingy with each other while eating, and pushed Dazai Osamu's face away: "If I live, I probably won't leave you."
Logically speaking, Xingzi had already said that she would not die, and now she said that she would not leave them when she was alive, so according to normal understanding, it should be impossible for Xingzi to leave him.
But Osamu Dazai keenly sensed that something was wrong, and immediately asked, "Are you really not going to die at all?"
Xingzi hesitated for a moment: "If I choose to kill myself, I should be able to die."
Books don't seem to be able to stop her from committing suicide.That's why he tried his best to prevent her original memory from coming back.
"Is that so?" Osamu Dazai looked at Hoshiko thoughtfully.
Naturally, he always knew that Xingzi had a will to die.That's why at first he took the initiative to ask Xingzi if he wanted to die in love with him.
But now that he wanted the other party to be with him all the time, he definitely couldn't let her die, even though that might be Xingzi's real wish.
Now that she has promised to accompany him, it is natural not to break her promise.
Thinking about it this way, Osamu Dazai was right.She really doesn't value her own life!
But this kind of her is constantly working hard to keep herself alive, so she actually still cares about her own life.
It's really interesting, sometimes Xingzi also feels that he is very contradictory.Does she really want to live?Or maybe they just instinctively chose to save themselves.
But no matter what, thinking of the people she met in this world and the bonds she gained, Xingzi didn't want to die so easily.
Because, someone is waiting for her!
When she was lost in thought, she suddenly heard Osamu Dazai's laughter.Xingzi came back to his senses all of a sudden, and saw Osamu Dazai laughing wildly.
"What are you laughing at?" Xingzi asked suspiciously.
Osamu Dazai still had a paranoid smile on his face: "Xingzi has really changed a lot! If it was the original, Xingzi might have started to seek death. Seeing Xingzi like this, I am so jealous!"
Jealous that you can find a reason to live, jealous that that reason is no longer me.
Xingzi quickly finished chewing the food in his mouth, and looked at him in a leisurely manner: "Didn't Dazai stop frantically trying to kill himself recently?"
"That's not because of what you told me last time!" Osamu Dazai dissatisfied, "Hoshiko is too much, it makes me afraid of the death I have dreamed of for a long time!"
"Isn't that great?" Hoshiko laughed: "Dazai gave me the motivation to live, and I... From a certain point of view, it also made Dazai no longer want to seek salvation through death."
Osamu Dazai twitched the corner of his mouth: "Xingzi is worthy of being a writer, is this clearly a sophistry?"
Xingzi asked straightforwardly: "Just say whether you accept it or not, we are friends who go both ways."
"Two-way going..." Dazai Osamu was stunned for a while, then suddenly laughed: "Okay, I accept, we are going two-way. If that's the case, Xingzi don't let me become a person!"
Otherwise, I will definitely go crazy.
After eating, Osamu Dazai was a bit bored, but Hoshiko hadn't finished eating yet.So he started looking for topics: "By the way, Xingzi, I have already become a cadre! The youngest cadre in history!"
"Wow! That's amazing! Dazai is really great." Hoshiko swallowed the food in his mouth, read a sentence, and then immersed himself in eating.
Osamu Dazai curled his lips dissatisfied with her perfunctory.But I also know that my incredible achievement in the eyes of outsiders may even be a bad thing in the eyes of Xingzi.
There are very few people in this world who don't care about their status and achievements to be friends, but he met three.Their identities and abilities are very different, but they get along very well.
Obviously he is a coward who would get hurt even if he touches marshmallows, but he is attracted by such warmth, how cowardly and ridiculous!
Osamu Dazai curled his lips ironically, and saw Hoshiko opened another can of crab meat for him.If you are not happy with the crab meat bibimbap, eat some canned crab meat, and the unhappiness can be easily suppressed. "
Osamu Dazai was stunned for a moment, and suddenly laughed exaggeratedly.After laughing for a long time, he restrained his smile: "Xingzi is right, canned crab meat can solve all unhappiness!"
After a while, Osamu Dazai spoke again as if he didn't want Hoshiko to have a good meal: "I also picked up a child in the slum."
Hearing this, he suddenly raised his head. If he guessed correctly, that person should be——
"My name is Ryunosuke Akutagawa! The ability is good, but it's too stupid."
Sure enough it was him!
Xingzi quickly put down his chopsticks and asked, "You're so stupid? Why do you say that?"
Dazai looked at her behavior with some surprise: "I didn't know you liked children so much? But that guy is not young anymore, and his character can't survive in the mafia at all. I said it and didn't change it. It's a fool!"
Xingzi tapped his chin with his finger, his mind was running wildly.According to the timeline mentioned by Dazai, he just picked up Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and although the other party is not a child of six or seven years old, he is definitely not that old.
Children are the easiest to be guided by others. If you give him a path different from the original one, will he have a brighter future?
"Have you ever thought about...letting him go to school?"
"Go to school?" Hearing Hoshiko's suggestion, Osamu Dazai widened his eyes.He hadn't heard this word for a long time, and it was a little strange at first.
Xingzi nodded and felt that he was right, so he became more confident: "Didn't you say that this child is a bit stupid? Isn't going to school the best solution? Any child is ignorant at the beginning, and they need to be nurtured by learning." Only then can you become knowledgeable and intelligent.”
Osamu Dazai looked at her with a half-smile: "You really care about that child, why? It's the first time you've heard his name, right?"
Xingzi coughed: "Just... I like children better, I also raised four in Tokyo."
"Four!" Dazai Osamu was successfully restrained: "Hoshiko, have you been infected by Odasaku? Children are so annoying, why do you like them!"
"Some children are very cute." Hoshiko retorted seriously: "In short, if you let that Akutagawa Ryunosuke read, maybe you can solve Dazai's troubles?"
Hoshiko thought for a while, and continued his efforts: "And take a step back, your goal is to keep Ryunosuke Akutagawa alive, you don't necessarily have to live in the mafia, right? If you study, living in other places is also very good." !"
These words are equivalent to providing another way of thinking, no longer how to survive the mafia, but how to survive.
Not all supernatural beings have to live in the mafia, Osamu Dazai is obviously limited by his own experience.
Of course, it is estimated that there is also the idea of wanting to find more talents... Is there really?
Putting these aside for the time being, it is true that Akutagawa has a strong selfishness in letting Akutagawa study.You must know that people like Wen Ye are all great writers in the three-dimensional world!
The most important reason why they became like this must be caused by this dark world.But Xingzi believes that another important reason is that they don't study!
It's okay to be an adult, after all, the three views of oneself have matured, and they know what they want to do and what they should do.
But children are different, they obviously have more possibilities, even infinitely close to the three-dimensional.But because others directly chose the future path, they can only become fighters.
She wanted to try to see if Akutagawa Ryunosuke could become a literary master if she let Ryunosuke Akutagawa study.
The Japanese literary world is really in decline, even people like her can be praised, which makes Xingzi very sad.
Osamu Dazai looked at Xingzi with ambiguous eyes, and after a while he smiled and said, "But Mr. Mori won't agree, right? You must know that he lacks talents to a certain extent."
Hoshiko was also a little distressed about this, and suggested, "Maybe we can let Ryunosuke Akutagawa go back to work on the [-]th and go to school normally?"
"Isn't that a waste?" Osamu Dazai asked back, and then raised the corners of his mouth: "If Hoshiko is willing to tell me why you care so much about Akutagawa, maybe I can help you to give advice to Mr. Mori!"
Seeing him like this, Xingzi sighed.She really didn't hide it at all!That's right, after all, her acting skills are not good, and she wasn't particularly careful, so how could she be able to hide from someone like Dazai?
It's just how she wants to tell the other party, is Akutagawa Ryunosuke a great writer in the third dimension, or is he your idol?
After struggling for a while, Hoshiko could only remind vaguely: "Don't you think that a name like Akutagawa Ryunosuke is a name that a cultural person would have? Maybe after he reads the book, he will become what you like. Maybe?"
"Do I like the way I like it..." Osamu Dazai looked at Hoshiko thoughtfully, and finally snapped his fingers: "Okay then, I will find a way to get Akutagawa to study, I hope Hoshiko will not let me down! "
He didn't have much feeling about Akutagawa's belonging, and now he's putting in a little bit of effort just because he picked him up, and he's shouldering a responsibility.
Of course, this responsibility also troubled Osamu Dazai.
Since Xingzi gave him a choice, he didn't mind doing it.Anyway, if Akutagawa is allowed to go to school, he will definitely feel more relaxed.
And more importantly, Osamu Dazai is very interested in what Hoshiko said he likes.He has always known that Xingzi is unusual, and that Xingzi's hidden point is not enough for him to see.
Especially Xingzi didn't hide it well at all. She seemed to have a strong sense of trust in all the friends she recognized.
This makes Dazai happy that he is her friend on the one hand, but on the other hand inevitably jealous of other friends whom she trusts.
But because of Xingzi's particularity, he couldn't really question the other party.After all, despite having an unusual secret, Xingzi is essentially just an ordinary person.
Such a fragile ordinary person, if he was a little more anxious, he might be broken, right?
Although he was indeed a little curious about how Xingzi was broken.But that really isn't as interesting as Xingzi, who is getting more and more lively now.
Osamu Dazai leaned forward: "Hoshiko will always be with me, right?"
Hoshiko refused to be clingy with each other while eating, and pushed Dazai Osamu's face away: "If I live, I probably won't leave you."
Logically speaking, Xingzi had already said that she would not die, and now she said that she would not leave them when she was alive, so according to normal understanding, it should be impossible for Xingzi to leave him.
But Osamu Dazai keenly sensed that something was wrong, and immediately asked, "Are you really not going to die at all?"
Xingzi hesitated for a moment: "If I choose to kill myself, I should be able to die."
Books don't seem to be able to stop her from committing suicide.That's why he tried his best to prevent her original memory from coming back.
"Is that so?" Osamu Dazai looked at Hoshiko thoughtfully.
Naturally, he always knew that Xingzi had a will to die.That's why at first he took the initiative to ask Xingzi if he wanted to die in love with him.
But now that he wanted the other party to be with him all the time, he definitely couldn't let her die, even though that might be Xingzi's real wish.
Now that she has promised to accompany him, it is natural not to break her promise.
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