muddy boy

For the first time, Chen Linhu felt that sleeping was extremely difficult.

He lay on his back and closed his eyes for a while, his mind was clearer than ever, and then he lay on his side facing the wall, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Zhang Xun's shadow reflected by the desk lamp on the wall.

With just a vague outline, Chen Linhu could imagine Zhang Xun's appearance at this moment.

The heating and the little sun in the room make it very warm. Zhang Xun is wearing thin pajamas and leaning over the bedside to read a book.

He couldn't sleep either, Chen Linhu's sense of presence was too strong, making people feel like a cat scratching his mind, so he could only find things for himself.

Chen Linhu next to him turned over again, and even the orange cat, which was squeezed into a ball of hair between the two quilts, moved accordingly.

"Where are the pancakes?" Zhang Xun flipped through the pages of the book without looking at Chen Linhu, "You'll finish flipping through all the sides in a while."

When Chen Linhu heard him speak, he simply turned his head.

The soft warm light of the desk lamp illuminated Zhang Xun's outline like a layer of fluff. The metal frame of the glasses on the bridge of the nose reflected a little bit of light. s eyes.

Chen Linhu's throat was a little itchy, he looked at his profile and said, "I can't sleep."

"Work hard." Zhang Xun encouraged him without distraction.

"I've worked hard, I've turned over all the pages." Chen Linhu said, "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Zhang Xun thought about it: "Just write manuscripts and play games as usual, why?"

"Can I bring my computer here?" Chen Linhu hesitated for a while before asking, "Chen Tong is making trouble at home, and the other rooms are full of people, so there is no place to draw. I also have a few manuscripts that I haven't finished yet."

This time Zhang Xun also understood a little bit, knowing that Chen Linhu usually took over jobs, and it seemed that this posture was going to take root in him for a long time, and he was in a complicated mood, but he also agreed: "Okay, when will your brother leave?"

"After the second year of junior high school." Chen Linhu was very happy to get the answer. He turned half of his body and said a few more words as soon as he relaxed, "He is not in good health, and he doesn't travel for a long time."

"You two brothers don't look alike at all," Zhang Xun smiled. "Aren't you the kind who has been stubborn since you were a child and didn't get a house for three days?"

Chen Linhu said "huh": "I heard that it was normal when I was very young, but after running and jumping a lot, I was fine, and I didn't have any colds."

"I think so," Zhang Xun said, thinking that if you are not in good health and obedient, your parents may not be so relieved of you, but they may pay more attention to you.But he didn't say that, he just asked, "Are you bothering your brother?"

Chen Linhu was stunned, lying on his side with his arms bent under his head, thinking for a long time: "Actually, it's okay. He's usually quite obedient, but he just likes to cling to people."

There was no ups and downs in his voice, but Zhang Xun still looked away from the page and looked at him.

No matter how big the bed was, there was only so much space, and the two pillows were close together. When Chen Linhu leaned on his arm, he was almost touching Zhang Xun's waist.

Zhang Xun unconsciously lowered his voice, and asked coaxingly, "Aren't you bothered?"

This tone made Chen Linhu look up at him, and couldn't help smiling: "He was annoying when he was just born, because he always felt that my father favored him, but it gradually got better later."

"You're quite honest." Zhang Xun patted Chen Linhu's tiger's head with one hand, "I'm holding back my temper."

Chen Linhu was caught off guard by being slapped on the head. He instinctively wanted to resist, moved his body, and finally relaxed, half-closed his eyes and asked, "Do you have any brothers?"

"I have a brother." Zhang Xun said casually.

"Your father will," Chen Linhu paused, choosing his words carefully, "Do you treat them differently?"

It may be that the room is too warm, and the feeling of being squeezed on the same bed is more relaxed than imagined. The burden that Zhang Xun added to his heart is slowly unloaded in the conversations that have nothing to do with each other, and the voice is more Some laziness: "It depends on what your standard of 'difference' is, anyway, the goals he set for both of us are quite strict."

Similar lights, similar nights, Chen Linhu was thinking about what Zhang Xun said when he was drinking, and he couldn't help asking: "If you can't achieve the goal, will your father treat your brother like you?"

Zhang Xun was stunned, and the book in his hand was buckled on the quilt.

Chen Linhu came to his senses, raised his head to meet Zhang Xun's eyes, and felt a sudden in his heart: "...you were too drunk to talk about it last time, I didn't mean to ask."

Neither of them mentioned what happened under the influence of alcohol that night. Chen Linhu thought that Zhang Xun didn't remember, and Zhang Xun tried his best to avoid that memory.

Zhang Xun didn't say a word, and leaned against the head of the bed with his lips pursed in silence.

When Chen Linhu felt that he didn't want to talk anymore, he was about to apologize, but Zhang Xun raised his hand and pressed the desk lamp to turn off, leaving only the little sun that had been scheduled to light orange.

Zhang Xun lay down in the dim light, and the plush toys on the pillows of the two of them could not cover anything. Chen Linhu could see Zhang Xunying's straight nose, pursed lips, and the trajectory of eyelashes when he blinked.

"I didn't live with them when I was young," Zhang Xun's voice sounded, "so I don't know if my brother was beaten when he was young."

Chen Linhu stared at his parted lips: "Can't we stay together?"

"When I was a child, I lived in the countryside with my grandma. We picked out bird eggs to catch loaches, and we grew them wild until we were ten years old." Zhang Xun put his hands on the back of his head and lay on his back looking at the ceiling. "Later, my parents settled in the city and gained a foothold. , I was picked up when the work started to rise step by step. My brother was brought up by them."

"Why didn't you take me with you?" Chen Linhu finally turned his attention away from Zhang Xun's profile, and asked in a low voice.

"They're busy, they don't have time to take care of me." Zhang Xun smiled, "After picking me up, my dad found that I couldn't meet his requirements in terms of living habits, study, and other aspects. He was well-educated, and he seemed uneducated when he was taken out. I wanted to go back to my grandma at that time, what kind of parents, I didn’t meet a few times when I was ten years old, and I didn’t want to live with them at all, so I was very uncomfortable. obedient."

Chen Linhu was somewhat displeased: "It's not that you're disobedient, you have to get used to it."

The tone was a little blunt, but Zhang Xun could hear the displeasure in it, knowing that Chen Linhu was explaining for himself, he felt a little comfortable, he raised his hand over the plush toy and rubbed Chen Linhu's bangs, covering his eyes from staring at him : "Yes, I really didn't get used to it at the time. In my heart, my parents and elder brother are no different from strangers who pop up out of nowhere."

After a short pause, Zhang Xun said again: "The first meal in my memory should be on the dining table. When I was picking up vegetables, my dad suddenly broke out." He gestured a few times in the air, "The rule at home is that only pickling You can’t frequently stretch your chopsticks to pick up the dishes in front of you. I didn’t know that at the time, and I thought that the dishes were all eaten casually.”

Chen Linhu didn't know what to say, so he could only say "um".

"Later, there were various reasons, sometimes the desk was not neat, or the toiletries were too messy, it was not acceptable to speak with an accent, and you had to pay attention to your walking posture," Zhang Xun continued lightly, "After that, it's grades. I went to elementary school in the country. I went to a bilingual school arranged by my dad. I almost thought I was illiterate. Maybe I was dark and ugly back then. I can't get along...Anyway, it's not right anywhere, and my dad is not going well at work, and he gets angry when he sees me when he comes back, and feels that he didn't call quickly, so that's how it started. "

Chen Linhu was terrified by the phrase "that's how it started".

When a child came to an unfamiliar environment, he was beaten and scolded to be pushed into a new frame before he could get used to it, and his bones would be broken if he couldn't fit it in, and he was forced to knead to make his father satisfied.

"Do you look much different now than when you were a child?" Chen Linhu said, "Not dark or dirty."

Zhang Xun smiled: "Well, at least it should grow a little longer."

"No," Chen Linhu also realized that his words didn't sound like a compliment, moved his lips, and whispered, "You look very good-looking."

I don't know whether it was because of the little sun's photo or because of this sentence, Zhang Xun felt his face was a little hot, he really convinced the person next to him how hard he was.

"Oh," Zhang Xun cleared his throat, and carelessly touched his face, "Really."

"Hmm." Chen Linhu thought he was asking himself, and answered seriously, "Then you wanted to take the train, and you were looking for your grandma?"

Zhang Xun pulled up the quilt to cover his chin, and tried not to focus on the "um": "Yes. I was really out of tune with the environment at the time, and wanted to go back to the countryside to find my grandma, so I did it." He ran away from home, but you also knew that he didn’t succeed, so he was caught and taught a lesson.”

It was very different from the mood when he heard this last time, Chen Linhu only felt his heart twitch a few times when he heard it again now.

"Not long after that, my grandma passed away, and I knew there was no place to run anymore, so I stopped running and started to learn how to change from square to round," Zhang Xun said, feeling a little funny, " He became more and more disciplined, gradually conforming to my dad's definition of a 'good son'."

Speaking of this, Zhang Xun moved his body: "Being beaten is very uncomfortable, but I have indeed changed. I have become integrated into the environment. It seems to have improved. The more beatings and scars on my body, the more smooth I will be." Only in this way can we live in friendly coexistence with the world. So at that time, I couldn’t figure out what was right and what was wrong.”

His voice was very soft, and it dispersed like mist in the quiet environment. Chen Linhu could almost feel the confusion and bewilderment that Zhang Xun had been lingering in the depths of his mind since he was young.

Chen Linhu also asked in a very small voice: "Do you hate your father, Zhang Xun?"

"I don't know, I don't want to think deeply, maybe I can't figure it out," Zhang Xun was silent for a while, and said frankly, "Maybe just like you, it's disappointment."

Those who desire to be loved but cannot be satisfied, and blood relatives who should be the most free to give emotions will cause more serious harm than others, and the impact will be more profound.

Chen Linhu originally thought that if someone could feel the same disappointment with his family as he did, maybe he would be delighted to find the same kind.

But at this moment, his heart was bitter and astringent.

Chen Linhu didn't want to continue this topic that caused Zhang Xun to fall into unpleasant memories: "It's really stupid, I thought I could figure out these crap things when I was your age."

"There is no time for a person to really 'grow up'," Zhang Xun amused him, and he laughed, "Growing up is a process, and it is a lifetime, so many things may not be understood until you are old."

Chen Linhu gave a "tsk" sound: "It's quite discouraging."

"I remembered this. When I was young, I couldn't figure out these crap things, so I found an acceptable reason for myself," Zhang Xun remembered another incident, and said jokingly, "I gave my dad a violent beating. The name is 'Education of Love'."

Chen Linhu really didn't want to see Zhang Xun talking about these things with a smile, as if someone was twisting his nerves, he raised his hand to cover Zhang Xun's pouty mouth, paused, and suppressed it: "Your chest and shoulders are Is the scar on your face from when you were a child?"

"Where?" Zhang Xun didn't respond.

"Here." Chen Linhu pressed the upper part of Zhang Xun's heart with his hand.

This press seemed to press on the soul through the flesh. Zhang Xun was relaxing and recalling his childhood. When he came to this suddenly, he was so frightened that his scalp "brushed" and he flopped on the bed like a dehydrated fish: "Damn, can you make gestures on your chest?!"

Chen Linhu also surprised him: "I touched your switch again, didn't I?"

"Don't switch on and off with me," Zhang Xun was overwhelmed with fright and became angry. He sat up and patted Chen Linhu's chest, "Aren't you panicked when I suddenly hit you? Huh?"

Chen Linhu wanted to laugh a little, he had never seen Zhang Xun like this before, he was a little strange, he also sat up and patted Zhang Xun on the shoulder provocatively: "Is this considered a 'fight'? You only fight with this strength?"

"Don't be aggressive with me." Zhang Xun said "tsk", "Do you want to make gestures with me?"

"It's not like you haven't fought before." Chen Linhu raised his brows, and his ruffian energy came up again, "Why do you fight, Brother Xun?"

Chen Linhu's right hand was about to pat Zhang Xun's shoulder again, but before he touched Zhang Xun's pajamas, Zhang Xun quickly grabbed his wrist.

With great strength, Chen Linhu was taken aback for a moment, and his left hand immediately went up to pinch Zhang Xun's five fingers. Unexpectedly, Zhang Xun predicted his movement first, and the other hand directly grabbed Chen Linhu's left hand, and squeezed the wrists of both hands together. At the same time, he turned around and used skillful strength to directly push Chen Linhu, who had lost his balance, back onto the pillow.

The orange cat lying on the bed screamed "Meow" and jumped out of the bed, squatting on the ground to watch the two fight like fools.

The back of his head hit the pillow, and Zhang Xun clenched his wrists to one side. Chen Linhu had to twist his upper body. Before he could react, his neck was pressed by Zhang Xun's small arms.

Zhang Xun's movements were too fast, Chen Linhu was deflated before attacking for the first time, a body temperature with the scent of shampoo suppressed him, and Zhang Xun's face appeared in sight.

It was different from the usual expression of smiling like a fox, but now that face was a little proud and flamboyant, the warm orange light in the bedroom shone on Zhang Xun's face, and his eyes seemed to sparkle Light.

Chen Linhu was dazed by the light, his nostrils were filled with the smell of Zhang Xun, and he could feel Zhang Xun pressing the outline of his body.

He seemed to hear a loud "boom" in his head, and the warmth in the room suddenly heated up, wrapping him in an unprecedented fire and scorching him. He couldn't say a word, and his body under the quilt was involuntarily hot.

"Are you still fighting with me?" Zhang Xun proved his extraordinary skills with his strength, and he was in a good mood. He looked down at Chen Linhu, "Huh?"

Chen Linhu didn't say anything.

"I'm asking you something," Zhang Xun felt Chen Linhu's hand clenched into a fist, and then he paid attention to Chen Linhu's expression, "Don't feel ashamed, you still..."

He was at a loss for words, and the rest of the words were stuck in his throat.

Chen Linhu was pressed down, but his eyes kept staring at him.I don't know if it's the light effect or something else, but his eyes seemed to be on fire, and he almost saw Zhang Xun's soul and set him on fire.

The two of them were silent, Zhang Xun's body froze, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses. He let go of his hand and gave Chen Linhu a brainstorm: "You will learn a lot from a fall, and next time you will know that you don't have anything to do with me." Nothing small."

The weight on his body suddenly faded away, and he returned to the original place as if he had been burned, but Chen Linhu didn't dare to move.

It was as if electric current was running through his body, he was uncomfortably hot, his exhaled breath was so hot, his mind was in chaos, and there was only one thought that was particularly clear: Zhang Xun's lips are so beautiful, what is he doing when he kisses someone? Kind of.

Will you squint your eyes or close them.

Will it fight back or submit when sucked.

What does it feel like to bite your teeth.

Chen Linhu's brain collided with electric light, and there were bursts of dizzy light. He suddenly covered his head with the quilt, and retracted his whole body into the bed. He was surprised by his own thoughts and shuddered, as if he had been injected with something for the first time in 18 years of his life. Things, minds and bodies are out of control.

Zhang Xun, who had just laid down, was startled by this movement. His silent recitation of "Sleep politely, and spend the night peacefully" was interrupted. Seeing a bulge next to him, he was stunned: "What's going on? You What are you doing?"

Chen Linhu panted heavily under the quilt, and after a while he said indiscriminately, "No, I have a headache."

"Have a headache?" Zhang Xun frowned, "Did you hit the back of your head just now?"

Chen Linhu gave a muffled "hmm" under the quilt: "Not all of them, I always have migraines."

After speaking, he felt the person next to him move. One hand reached under the quilt and touched the back of his head: "Come out and let me have a look. I'm so stuffy and hypoxic in the quilt."

The feeling of fingertips running through the hair was more obvious in the darkness, the hairs on Chen Linhu's back stood up, and a thin layer of sweat broke out all over his body.

An inexplicable emotion urged him, and encouraged him to press Zhang Xun's hand.

"Just here," Chen Linhu said, "Knead it, I'll take it easy."

Zhang Xun's hands froze for a few seconds, but he still pressed and rubbed gently with his fingertips along the place indicated by Chen Linhu.

The migraine that dissipated a long time ago and the bump that never existed at all were all fabricated reasons, Chen Linhu had no time to blame himself for his dishonesty, he just felt that the place touched by the other party seemed to gather all his perceptions.

In the chaos, Chen Linhu thought of Zhang Xun's phrase "human instinct is to desire to be loved". In his young life, he had no clear definition of "desire" and "love", but at this moment he seemed to be able to draw these two words suddenly. context of words.

The craving is overwhelming.

Love needs touch to prove its existence.

It's human nature to have an uncontrollable need to be touched.

Chen Linhu came to an unprecedented conclusion in the darkness and warmth, and calmly accepted another fact - he got this conclusion from Zhang Xun.

The snow outside the window is getting bigger and bigger, pure white covers the dirt and scarred world, and someone is boiling in the silence.

Zhang Xun pressed his eyes with one arm, and touched Chen Linhu's hair with the other hand. His heart seemed to be full of wall-climbing tigers, and his beating heart was getting tighter and tighter, but he couldn't bear it because of love. remove.

It's terrible.He had never had such a fatal feeling.

The head buried under the blanket next to him finally came out, and Chen Linhu, with his disheveled hair and caveman's head coming out to breathe fresh air, gasped twice with his mouth open.

"Is it better?" Zhang Xun quickly withdrew his hand, "Go to the hospital when you have time, migraine is not a trivial matter."

Chen Linhu said "Oh", and wrapped himself in the quilt rustlingly, he lay on his side facing Zhang Xun.

The little sun didn't know when it would automatically turn off, and the reflected snow light from the window allowed him to distinguish the outline of the other party in the dark, and he said in a hoarse voice: "Zhang Xun."

"Huh?" Zhang Xun responded.

"Will you bother me in the future?" Chen Linhu asked in a very calm voice.

"You really..." Zhang Xun clicked his tongue, but his tone softened, "No, no, no. Remember?"

Chen Linhu grinned silently, unable to tell whether it was sour or sweet: "I'll just ask."

"You have a lot of questions," Zhang Xun rolled over tightly wrapped in the quilt, and said with his back to him, "Go to sleep, a hundred thousand why, can I answer your questions in my dream? I'm sleepy, cat It scared you out of bed."

Zhang Xun talked nonsense in order to cover up his nervousness and confusion, but he didn't expect to get any response.

In the darkness, Chen Linhu's steady voice sounded: "OK."

It's not "um" or "oh", it's a clear answer.

Chen Linhu was answering Zhang Xun's question.

-Is it okay if I answer your question again in my dream?

-OK.

You come to my dream.

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