you restrain yourself

Ji Shuyan took Duan Zhi's hand and walked out, this seemed to be the first time he held Duan Zhi's hand.

His hands are used to holding a scalpel. His fingertips have thin calluses. His fingers are slender and distinct. The temperature in his palms is not high, but they are slowly warming up as Duan Zhi holds them tightly. .

The two men are holding hands like this, and their stature is not too low. They are still a bit conspicuous when walking on the road. Occasionally, someone will glance at them when passing by, but they quickly leave with a look of haste.

In the past, Ji Shuyan must have felt uncomfortable. He has always disliked attracting attention, and even more hated the prying eyes of others.

But this time he didn't feel anything, Duan Zhi was walking beside him, a head taller than him, he could see Duan Zhi's chiseled profile when he raised his head, and the people around him became insignificant background.

"Are you tired after coming back?" he asked Duan Zhi, "Did you spend a few days in Yundu by the way?"

"Fortunately, I'm not very tired," Duan Zhi replied, "There's not much time left after the game. I went to the Genting Tower over there at night, and didn't go anywhere else."

Ji Shuyan nodded, "Then let's take you to dinner first. Today is your birthday, so I've booked a restaurant."

Duan Zhi had no objection, and followed him to the underground parking lot.

Today is Tuesday, and it’s not too busy to go back from the high-speed rail station, but Ji Shuyan’s restaurant is in the business district in the city center. It’s a sky restaurant on the top floor. The home was not far away, so he simply parked the car at his home and walked there with Duan Zhi.

When walking towards the restaurant, Duan Zhi asked, "Is Ji Yuan waiting for us at the restaurant?"

He subconsciously thought that Ji Shuyan would never forget to call Ji Yuan. Today is his birthday. Although he really wanted to spend it with Ji Shuyan, but according to Ji Shuyan's personality, in order to avoid embarrassment, he would definitely drag Ji Yuan to him.

But Ji Shuyan raised his face from the scarf and said blankly, "Huh? I didn't call him."

Duan Zhi was stunned, with a delicate expression, "Why?"

Ji Shuyan looked at him strangely, "Didn't you say you wanted to live with me? He ran over, blah, me and you too..."

Here he stopped again.

Because the second half of the sentence is - I can't get along with you alone.

Since receiving Duan Zhi at the high-speed rail station, he has been in a state of disarray, as if he was holding back words that would burst out of his heart all the time.

But if you really ask him what he wants to say, he can't say it.

He didn't finish what he said, but Duan Zhi understood the meaning. He lowered his head and saw Ji Shuyan buried half of his face in the scarf. It was late autumn and the temperature at night was low, so it was easy to feel cold. Ji Shuyan's words The tip of the ear was covered with a thin layer of red, but it was unknown whether it was from the cold or for other reasons.

Uncharacteristically, Duan Zhi didn't say anything to provoke Ji Shuyan, but just stared at him for a while, then took Ji Shuyan's hand again, "Then let's go."

Twenty minutes later, Ji Shuyan and Duan Zhi arrived at the restaurant he reserved.

This restaurant only entertains a limited number of guests every day, and each seat is cleverly blocked, and it is covered by flowers and trees, so the privacy is very good.

The thing Ji Shuyan ordered was by the window, and the lights outside the window were bright. Looking down from here, one can overlook the magnificent night view of the city.

Therefore, this place is also a popular place for couples to often date. Ji Shuyan saw this review from the Internet, but after hesitating, he still decided.

He was sitting on the seat, holding the water glass, not knowing why he didn't dare to look up at Duan Zhi.

His scarf and coat had been taken away by the waiter, leaving only the white shirt inside. The light above his head and the dim atmosphere made his complexion pale, but made the two spots of pink on his face more obvious.

Duan Zhi was amused and couldn't help asking him softly, "Are you planning to keep your head up all night?"

Ji Shuyan froze for a moment, and reluctantly raised his head, but just as he met Duan Zhi's gaze, he felt as if he had been burned.

Duan Zhi stared at him without blinking, his eyes were obviously gentle, but concealed a deep aggressiveness, like a lion patrolling its territory.

Duan Zhi's eyes fell on his face, and then went all the way down, and finally returned to his gaze.

"Uncle Ji, I'm not here these days, do you miss me?" Duan Zhi asked in a low voice.

Have you thought about it?

Ji Shuyan didn't know how to answer this question.

He is a person who is ashamed to express his feelings, no matter how much he loves Ji Yuan, he will only show it in actions, and rarely express it honestly.

What's more, the opposite is Duan Zhi.

But he didn't say anything, but he seemed to have said everything, he looked up at Duan Zhi, like the deer that Duan Zhi held in his arms when he was on vacation, his eyes were ignorant and clean, and there was a bit of uncontrollable dependence.

Duan Zhi's heart warmed up when he saw it.

It's really annoying, Duan Zhi thought, how could he fall in love with such a man who looks cold and restrained, but is actually seductive everywhere.

Ji Shuyan obviously didn't do anything, just sat quietly in his seat, but his uneasily curled fingers, clear eyes, and soft crimson lips all showed temptation.

Duan Zhi sighed silently, suppressing his restless heart and the words rolling on the tip of his tongue, almost pouring out of his mouth.

Before it was too late, he restrained himself. Ji Shuyan was originally a cautious and timid clam shell, and finally pried him open a crack, revealing a little pink soft flesh inside. He was too impatient, scaring people away instead. not good.

He took a sip of the ice water in the glass, and the icy liquid fell into his stomach, which calmed him down a little.

During the meal time that followed, Duan Zhi was very well behaved. He had good dining etiquette and hardly made any noise. He didn't say anything frivolous when talking to Ji Shuyan, but just chatted about his competition.

Ji Shuyan gradually relaxed, but he was thinking about the "answer" he would give Duan Zhi later, so he was a little absent-minded.

It wasn't until the last dessert was served, which was the birthday cake he ordered for Duan Zhi in advance, that he came to his senses.

He ordered a blue mirror cake with two candles on it, "21", which was Duan Zhi's 21st birthday and also his first birthday with Duan Zhi.

He had known this young man for less than a year, but when he looked at the candle, he had the illusion that they had known each other for half their lives.

A small candle was lit and danced in the haze.

"Make a wish." Ji Shuyan looked at Duan Zhi and smiled, "Happy birthday."

He knew that Duan Zhi's previous birthdays were spent with his family.

If it wasn't for coming out, perhaps Duan Zhi's family would find ways to spend this birthday with him this year.

But now, only he and Duan Zhi are sitting here.

Duan Zhi hasn't made a birthday wish for many years.

This is something to deceive children. Since he was eight years old and did not wait for his parents to come back to celebrate his birthday with him, he lost interest in this so-called ceremony.

But Ji Shuyan looked at him so tenderly that he couldn't help but feel that he seemed to be cherished.

He closed his eyes and made the only wish in his heart.

When he opened his eyes again, he blew out the candle and looked at Ji Shuyan who was opposite him.

Ji Shuyan looked at him calmly, his eyes were as dark as a mist, and for some reason, this tranquility made him a little uneasy.

Ji Shuyan pushed a delicate blue box to Duan Zhi, and said softly, "This is a gift for you when you turn 21."

Duan Zhi frowned slightly when he saw the blue box and the silver ribbon on it.

He was vaguely aware of the expensiveness of this gift, and slowly opened the box full of thoughts.

I saw a watch with a rose gold dial lying on the blue velvet cloth inside, Blancpain's Villeret series, which is expensive, and there is a greeting card next to it. Wishing you all the best in the future.”

This is a very beautiful birthday present.

It is so luxurious that people can't fault it, but it's so heavy that people can't hold it.

Duan Zhi only took one look, then slammed the box shut, and handed it back to Ji Shuyan.

"This gift is too expensive, and I don't seem to have the position to accept it." He whispered, stopped smiling, and his eyes gradually cooled down.

His own collection of watches is far more expensive than this one, but what is the relationship between him and Ji Shuyan now, and what is Ji Shuyan's identity in order to give him such an expensive watch, especially the phrase "May the future be smooth sailing" on the card, which is clearly tied his eyes.

These few words are so gentle that they are a bit ironic.

He came to confess his love to Ji Shuyan, he wanted to get Ji Shuyan's favor and love, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ji Shuyan, but Ji Shuyan congratulated him on the smooth sailing in the future.

Ji Shuyan turned back into that gentle and considerate elder, solemnly and politely wishing him a bright future in life, but Ji Shuyan himself has no intention of participating in his life at all.

Once again they drew the line.

Those ambiguous feelings that were still surging just now, Ji Shuyan's eyes looking at him, all froze along with this card.

To Ji Shuyan, he was just a junior who was a bit special but not enough to express his affection.

Duan Zhi clenched his hands tightly, the veins on the back of his hands were exposed.

He let out a breath before raising his head to look at Ji Shuyan. His heart felt like it was bleeding, but he forced a smile, "Take this meal as a gift from you. I won't buy the watch." Received."

Ji Shuyan looked at him without saying a word, the shyness and softness of just a moment ago seemed to disappear from him again.

He looked at Duan Zhi, as if looking at a piece of mind that he didn't know whether he should cut it off or not.

But he didn't bother with Duan Zhi about the whereabouts of the watch. After a few seconds of silence, he picked it up by himself, "You don't want to take it, and I won't force it. Go home first."

After leaving the restaurant, Ji Shuyan put on the scarf again. His plain face was shrunk behind the gray cashmere scarf, revealing only a pair of eyes like clear water, his short black hair was soft, and his cheeks were powdered in the cold wind. Next to Zhi, there is almost no age gap.

On the way to Ji Shuyan's house, Duan Zhi was unusually silent.

He is not a dull person, he can even be said to be slick, so as soon as Ji Shuyan took out the watch and saw the greeting card, he guessed what Ji Shuyan meant.

Ji Shuyan was about to reject him.

This fact took his breath away.

Duan Zhi looked down at the moonlight all over the ground, the moonlight fell on the road like pieces of silver, it should be as beautiful and peaceful as a movie scene, but he felt like a knife falling all over the ground, so white and cold, it made his heart bleed .

He didn't understand what went wrong, Ji Shuyan still held his hand when he was at the station, and looked at him tenderly and shyly when he went to the restaurant.

Why in the blink of an eye, he just made a birthday wish, and when he opened his eyes, everything changed.

Duan Zhi clenched his teeth, he almost tasted blood.

He stood still, refusing to take a step forward.

They had already reached the vicinity of Ji Shuyan's villa, and they would reach their destination in 2 minutes. Ji Shuyan returned home, but he was turned away. From then on, he and Ji Shuyan had no relationship.

"Ji Shuyan," he raised his head and stopped the person in front, "Do you still owe me an answer?"

It's agreed, Ji Shuyan wants to give him a response, whether he refuses or accepts, it's a pleasure.

Ji Shuyan also stopped, but did not turn around for a long time.

They stood one after another on this alley, and a few steps forward, you can see the gate of Ji's villa, and on both sides of the road, there are several clusters of osmanthus branches protruding from behind the wall, and the flowering period of osmanthus is about to fall Yes, the golden fine flowers the size of rice grains only have a little lingering fragrance, mixed in the autumn night wind, it is no longer cloyingly sweet, but a bit cool.

Ji Shuyan took a deep breath and stared at the sweet-scented osmanthus for a long time.

The first time Duan Zhi kissed him was under the osmanthus tree.

Going around now, it's another similar night.

He turned around and looked at Duan Zhi.

He saw that Duan Zhi's eyes, which always aroused his heart, were filled with thin mist, as if he would shed tears when he touched them.

But Duan Zhi's expression was not the same, he looked at him fiercely, as if he wanted to devour him in his stomach.

This person, since he appeared in his life, has turned his peaceful life upside down.

When he bought the watch from the window, he really wanted to reject Duan Zhi.

He is far older and more mature than Duan Zhi. Duan Zhi can't think calmly, can't make a clean break, so let him be the cruel one.

He knew how proud Duan Zhi was, even if he looked casual and stalked him, as long as he said cruel things on his birthday, Duan Zhi would not pester him anymore.

So he wrote that greeting card.

But when he finished writing, he looked at the phrase "May the future be smooth sailing" on the card, but he didn't take back the pen for a long time, and his heart was full of emotions. He couldn't tell what it was like, as if his heart was empty.

But now, with Duan Zhi standing in front of him, the missing piece in his heart seemed to have finally returned.

Even he himself finds it ridiculous.

He looked at Duan Zhi and said, "When I went to buy you a birthday present, I wanted to reject you. No matter how you look at it, you and I should not be lovers. You are 13 years younger than me, and you are Ji Yuan's friend." , is my junior, and still a man. You are frivolous, young, and you have plenty of time. It is normal for you to love to death today, but to break up tomorrow. No one will blame you, because you have willful capital."

"But I'm not. I can't bear such pain. At my age, it's ridiculous to talk about falling in love with anyone." Ji Shuyan's eyes also became foggy, the tip of his nose turned red, and his lips It is also red, and he has bitten a deep mark on him, "Adults are always selfish, they look forward and backward, and care about gains and losses. I am with you, no matter how you look at it, it is a wrong choice."

What he said was his sincere words, every word was sincere, and there was no half a lie.

They are not suitable, age, gender, family, nothing is a good match.

The two of them together are like a road full of thorns, with no end in sight.

But it is really too difficult to push Duan Zhi away.

As if resigned to his fate, Ji Shuyan leaned his head lightly on Duan Zhi's shoulder, the moisture in his eyes condensed on his eyelashes tremblingly.

"I should reject you," he whispered. "Maybe one day I will regret it, and I will be so painful that I don't think I should make this choice. But if I separate from you now, I will regret it the next second."

He paused, and then said, "I don't want to."

This is the most sincere sentence he hides in his heart.