winter suicide plan

===================

What do you mean?

What does the look mean?

Co-author, I invited her children to eat, and it was a charity. She felt that she hurt her self-esteem, didn't she?

Then get up and cook for the children. The man is in front of my house. I kindly let him have a hot meal in winter. Am I wrong?

Why stand at the door and look at me, as if to say that my dog ​​is meddling with mice, give me an orange and quickly close the door.

An orange, where do you send a beggar?

Thank you and thank you for being extremely perfunctory, don't say it if you don't want to say it, just put the child at home, and don't let him lie on my door.

Isn't it just thinking about being new here, Tang Fengxing said that the neighbors should get along well, I listened, I get along well, who the hell took it seriously?

The food was still prepared for her without us eating a bite, what a fucking kindness as a donkey liver and lungs.

I kicked all the quilts in front of me to the ground, a wave of destructive momentum poured into my hands and feet, and I wanted to smash, break, and change everything beyond recognition in my mind.

The sound of knocking on the door was mixed with Tang Fengxing's voice, and I was annoyed when I heard it. Before eating, I thought his voice was life-saving, but now I just want to cover his mouth and tell him to shut up. get out.

The quilt and pillows were all on the floor.

I haven't calmed down yet, I started scraping, scratching, and beating against the wall.

Fucking people don't want anything, so why should Tang Fengxing want it.

While cursing in my heart, I hammered the wall with my fist again and again, and my knuckles hit the wall to suppress my emotions.His chest rose and fell, and there was a humming in his ears that began to block out the annoying knocking on the door. All the blood rushed to his head with anger and congested.

I don't know where Tang Fengxing found the key, he opened the door, I don't know, he held my arms and pinned me on the bed.

I tried my best to break free, and pushed him away with the hands I could move, my brain buzzing with bursts of pain.

"Calm down, Chen Shuning."

"Go to your mother and calm down, don't worry about me here! Get out of here, I don't want to see you!"

His expression showed hurt, I know I hurt him, but I can't say I'm sorry.I just want him to leave and stop looking at me here.He didn't speak, and increased the strength to restrain me, binding me like a rope, I wanted to pull out my arm, but there was really no way.

My strength was not as strong as his, and I struggled for a few minutes, swearing at people, him, that woman, I don’t remember what I said, my mouth was moving, but my ears were stuffed with cotton.

In the end, I was exhausted, all the energy in my body was pumped away, and I had no strength at all. The anger was still burning in my chest, burning my heart, and my heart beat faster than ever.

I leaned on his shoulder and gasped, "Let go, Tang Fengxing. Let go of me, let go of me, do you hear..."

As I spoke, my whole body began to soften, and I couldn't spare any strength to speak, leaning on his shoulder to swallow the sadness in my throat.

"What the hell is this, what did I do wrong?"

"Is my behavior... like giving alms?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry, I was wrong, I was wrong..."

The language was broken into my sobs, and I spit out word by word, with a trembling tone that was completely out of shape.Tang Fengxing stroked my back without saying a word.

I grabbed his back and thought, this time is over.

I lost consciousness while crying, and he asked me to take medicine in a daze, and I was manipulated by him to take the medicine.When I woke up, I was woken up by a stomachache, dizzy and dizzy, and there was darkness in front of my eyes. Tang Fengxing was sleeping next to me.I saw his face clearly through the light of the street lamp outside the window. In fact, he was quite tired, and the dark circles under his eyes were a lot heavier.

I didn't want to wake him up, I turned my back and curled up, thinking that I would be fine if I curled up and squeezed for a while, but the pain gradually intensified, tearing my internal organs, and the dull pain pressed against my stomach, turning mountains Falling into the sea, nausea kept coming.

I have been in contact with the new drug for a month, and it seems that I have not adjusted to it yet, and I feel uncomfortable all over.I curled up tighter and tighter, cold sweat broke out on my forehead, the pain started to become numb, and I started to shake, which probably wasn't because of the medicine.

I covered my mouth and thought about leaving the bed, but I was afraid of waking him up if I moved, and I don't know what time it is now.I couldn't bear it anymore, I turned over and went to the toilet.

I threw up all I ate for the day, and a dizziness hit me, and he took off my coat without him.There was a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach, and I grabbed my knees, shaking all over, and I was about to lose my balance.I scratched the bare wall, spit out a little, and it was better.But the shaking was severe, and the circles of black scenes in front of me, with thorns, stabbed my brain.

Tang Fengxing was still woken up by me, he held my shoulder, and I said you should go to sleep, it will be fine if you spit it out.

He put on my coat and went outside to pour water. I drank the water and spit it out after a while.I stayed in the toilet for half an hour, covered in cold sweat, and he asked me to hold his hand in case I fell.

I told him to go out and said how disgusting it was.

He said that he turned his head away and couldn't see these, so he just supported them.

I grabbed his hand resignedly, the snail noodles I ate today were too spicy, I ate ice cream again, I ate it when it was close to dinner, I ate it again when I came back, it was too much and too complicated.

My stomach was burning hot, and my throat was also burning.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, let go of his hand, he supported me, and I went to wash my face.The face is pale, the eyes are swollen like walnuts, the dark circles under the eyes are more prominent because of the whiteness of the face, and the messy hair is so ugly.

I bowed my head, it was really ugly.

I lowered my head, propped my hands on the sink, pushed him at the door, and managed to speak with some strength. I said go to sleep, I'm fine.

He grabbed my hand and expressed his opinion that my hand was cold.

I just replied to him, your hands are hot, I just washed my hands and of course I feel my hands are cold.

He put his arms around my waist and asked me if I still wanted to vomit.I shook my head, panicked from exhaustion, and my legs shook from exhaustion.He hugged me back, and the heat had gone out of the bed.

My stomach still hurts and I tremble with pain. I let my fingernails pinch the palm of my hand. He put his own hand in. I clasped his hand and covered my stomach.

"Go to the hospital."

"what time is it."

"00:45."

"How do I go in the middle of the night? I don't want to go. I'm so tired."

"Call 120 to take you there."

"It's a waste of resources, it won't hurt later, just touch it for me."

He warmed his hands and put them into my clothes. He rubbed my belly with one hand and occasionally smoothed my hair. I knew he was looking at me, but I couldn't open my eyes. I stretched out my hands go in his face.

I asked him in a low voice, do you regret it?

"No regrets." The voice was magnetic, and it was whispered softly, whispering comfortably in the ear.

"You still have a chance to regret it, you can leave whenever you want."

His voice was a little low and he said that he would not leave without giving him a chance.

I knew in my heart that not everyone could accept this thing, and one day he couldn't stand it and left.

I said in a low voice, don't you think the product is not the right version? You didn't think that I had this problem when you were secretly in love. Return the product.

He rubbed my hair and said, you have posted a video to come out, the two of us have already stamped the relationship, and he is not willing to return the product.

He said that this kind of Chen Shuning was unique and could only be seen by him. Whether it was cute, irritable, duplicity, or scolding Chen Shuning, all of them were owned by him, and no one else could see them. He was reluctant to leave.

I was coaxed by him to be a little happier. I said he was stupid, and he accepted it happily.It's not bad to rub his stomach with his palms, there are really signs of relief, so I said his palms are magical.

He said that he was the 1000th generation magician, who was hidden in the world and was discovered by me.

I couldn't help laughing, my eyelids were fighting, I grabbed his hand, kissed the back of his hand, and let him put his hand on my face.

"It still hurts?"

"A bit."

"Go to the hospital."

"I still have a little Huoxiang Zhengqi in my schoolbag. Take out the box you bought last time and drink it."

He got out of bed and got it for me. After drinking, I dragged him into the bed quickly. After he went out for a while, his hands and feet became cold. I wrapped him around him like an octopus, held his hand, and touched his feet. , keep him warm.

He asked me how many times this happened.

I said that this new drug may not be suitable for me, and I will try it for a few more days. In today's situation, I may have taken too much today.

He touched my head and asked me, "Why are you so angry today?"

"I don't know, that look keeps recurring in my mind, I just can't bear it, I just want to fucking curse."

I added: "The oranges are so pitiful."

He smiled and asked me: "What orange?"

"Now the orange should be lying in the grass, and the hole I poked out with my fingers, the orange is so pitiful."

Obviously it's not easy to bear fruit, but my bad-tempered seed has been ruined.

"Throw it on the grass outside, are you throwing it high in the air?"

"Brother, the second floor of our place is so high in the sky. There is a yellow grass outside, full of rubbish. I throw an orange to accumulate some fertility for this land. It's a good thing."

"No, you can't just throw things down from the corridor window."

"Understood, I won't do it in the future. Lawyer Tang, you won't sue me for parabolic throwing."

"Did you hurt someone on purpose?"

"I saw that I smashed the grass."

"Is that a person?"

"No."

"That's not a crime, but you can't throw things out of the window in the future."

I nodded, rubbed my nose against his nose, kissed him, a little too tired to speak.

In the drowsiness, something popped out of the box in the brain.Suddenly remembered that it has been January, and my mother's birthday is coming.

But I don't want to give it to her at all.

--------------------

Chen Shuning's perspective