Heartbeat misses Nick Charlie

I was actually kind of expecting Nick to understand how I felt.He can usually do this, and he can even say that he understands me strangely.And I more or less expressed the hope that he would stop talking about college.But in the third period, after I texted Nick to ask if he was awake (he dropped me off at school and went back to sleep), he started bombarding me with messages.

尼克·纳尔逊（11：34）我们过阵子去采购大学物资吧！！！我对买厨房用具感到兴奋会不会很奇怪？尼克·纳尔逊（12：02）你说我要不要发邮件问问有没有双人床？？不然我该买多大的床单呢？（12：05）最好是有双人床，你那种小床可太难受了，哈哈。

Nick Nelson (12:46) Shall I bring my Xbox over there?Will it seem too unsocial?I hope my classmates will like me.

(12:54) Is Kalim at school?Can you ask him if he knows about dorm beds? Nick Nelson (13:15) I've found that I love decorating houses more than I thought.When I click into the IKEA website, I don't want to log out.

I responded to every one of his messages and tried to appear interested.Nick didn't seem to notice, even though I knew my replies seemed perfunctory.He just kept posting university-related content there, what to configure for the room, which courses he wanted to take, and all kinds of things that made me feel uncomfortable after reading it.

We've talked about this before, but it's been a while.Nick started picking colleges last summer and started applying in the fall.I confessed to him that I was terrified that he was leaving me, terrified of living without him.It's kind of embarrassing to say that, really.Fear of being alone sounds like something a three-year-old would do.

Nick talked to me for a long time, reassuring me and assuring me that nothing would happen.We haven't talked much about it since then, but only because there's nothing left to say.

everything will get better.

I played the Muse album Symmetry Origins on loop in the common room, trying to focus on my classics review.In order to memorize these Latin words, I asked Aled to help me memorize the words every time I memorized them. Among my friends, he was the only one who was also in school.I have to stop thinking about it, it's going to be okay, I'm just worrying.

After lunch, I got "latrocinium" wrong (scam/robbery) for the third time, so Aled put down my cue card.Aled doesn't have many friends, he is a very shy person, so not many people want to talk to him, but I can say that he and Tao are my two best friends.

"Uh, sorry," I said right away. "It seems that I have to keep remembering." Aled blinked, and then looked out the window.Another hot day and I was supposed to be in bed with Nick this morning.

"Why don't we review it for now," he whispered.Looking down at his review materials, he smiled lightly—there were more colorful reminder cards. "I didn't review anything anyway."

"Haha, me too."

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I feel that you are in a bad mood today." I paused, a little surprised. "No, I'm fine."

"Really?" He glanced at me and started twiddling his fingers.

"Really. I don't know for sure. Nick just talks about college a lot, which makes me a little uncomfortable. Maybe." I complained and scratched my hair. "It doesn't feel good to say that."

"No, of course you can have emotions," he said with a smile. "I can understand."

"It's not really fair to him, which is to say, he's perfectly fine to be excited about it."

"Maybe you can tell him what you think. You should have talked about long-distance relationships?"

"Well, talked about it before. But I'm not sure how well he understands me." I didn't know how to explain it to him. "It'll make him sad." I shook my head. "I don't want to stop him from looking forward to college."

"Okay." Aled wanted to say something.He looked down at the table and fiddled with his cue cards. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. I mean, you're Nick and Charlie. You're not going to break up. I don't think, uh, even Ellie and Tao are going to break up because of the distance, and you know that What's going on with them." Around the time Nick and I got together, Tao was dating Ellie Argent, who was in Nick's class.The two often quarreled, but only because their personalities were almost identical.

"Yeah." Aled didn't say any more, so I got up and said to go to the bathroom.But I actually went to the locker room so I could lean against the locker and pull out my phone and try to talk to Nick and tell him what I was thinking.But I can't think of how to say it without making him sad, and that's the last thing I want to see.

Then I opened Tombola's mailbox to see if there was any interesting information, but they all asked me if I had thought about how to deal with long-distance relationships, whether it was worth the pain, and Nick really wouldn't be in college. Are you cheating on me?I don't want to let these things control my emotions, but I can't, I even feel like crying a little bit.So I quit Tumblr and uninstalled it.

We'll be fine, why worry?