My baby tamer can't be the leader

After suffocating for a moment, I sighed, ignored the guy's occasional violent words, jumped off the bed, opened his wardrobe, sighed at a closet of suits that were almost copied and pasted, and as expected Pulled out a sand-colored windbreaker from the corner.

In fact, it's not that Dazai didn't wear it that way, but after he stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror for a while, he went back to his room and changed back to his original attire, and folded the suit from the hanger and put it back in the closet.

When I asked him why, he was silent for a moment and answered me, "Because of the book, I was indeed lost in other worlds in my own experience... Whenever I woke up from the dream of memory, I I even hate the reality of having nothing."

"Even if I know that I can't be 'another self'...the reason why I keep this suit is maybe because I was still pursuing something almost illusory at that time?"

"But now I don't need it anymore—" Dazai smiled softly, and handed me the jewel on Poirot's bow tie, "Those obsessions, those pasts, have all come to an end."

"Now that I think about it, there's nothing I can envy about that guy." He rarely showed a complacent expression, his kite-colored eyes were as bright as Liuli facing the light, "I don't have a girlfriend, and I can't see him." The novel written by Oda Saku, wow, this kind of life is too miserable, I don’t want to empathize with this guy.”

But now Osamu Dazai looked at that set of clothes with hesitant and shrinking eyes, as if he was looking at a fragile bubble. Although he was fascinated, he dared not reach out and touch it with his own hands anyway.

"Change this?" I deliberately ignored the resistance on his face and raised my eyebrows.

"I can not……"

"You can't go shopping with me in a high-end suit, do you want to scare everyone away?"

In this kind of place where all black is basically equivalent to the port Mafia, being seen by passers-by might cause a lot of panic.

"Do you want to go out?" He seemed to be taken aback for a moment.

"Ah, didn't you say yesterday that it's safe now...?" I said uncertainly, "If it's still dangerous, forget it."

"It's nothing..." Osamu Dazai answered me in a voice almost whispering, he put his hand on the sand-colored coat I put in front of him, and his knuckles were slightly hard, "I'm just worried, I might It's just going to take some unnecessary chances, sorry - I can't do that."

Describing the derivative emotions brought about by the desire to survive as a fluke mentality...

I stared at him for a moment, and for the first time I felt so bewildered by the near-powerless sadness that I didn't even know what to say—I've understood a truth since a long time ago, trying to persuade others to give up on themselves Having a firm mind is a very, very thankless thing, especially with a type like Osamu Dazai, obviously even more so.

What's more, since I know that the final ending will be a perfect ending and everyone is happy, then I shouldn't bother to do this kind of thing. I just need to wait quietly for the story to go all the way according to the original logic, then I don't have to face it. In such an embarrassing situation, there is no need to deliberately take risks to do something.

Even though Osamu Dazai did not intend to ask me about my origins, this kind of tacit understanding is actually a very fragile thing, like a thin piece of paper, which can be torn if you poke it, it's just deception... and once you say it , things will never go back to the way they were.

In this era when the rate of return and cost-effectiveness of everything must be considered, I am taking such huge risks and doing the most meaningless things.

The moment this thought came to me, I took a step forward with some disinterest, intending to put the suit back into the closet, and continue to do the same as before, no longer stepping into the road drawn between him and the world. that line.

The temptation to cross the line is still too dangerous. Whether it was the previous "I want you" or this time, Osamu Dazai has shown a clear rejection, and he will only show it when I say what he wants It's easier to approach. Shouldn't it be said that it was the time when I was the leader for four years?This kind of one-sided attitude is really a bit irritating.

According to normal social etiquette, I should advance and retreat in a certain way, open this chapter with a smile on my face, and then continue with the previous attitude, tacitly maintaining the harmony on the surface...

But I don't want to do that... I want him to have an easier life after all.

Just when I suppressed the expression on my face, lowered my head and touched the hanger of the suit with my fingertips, and was about to put it back in place, Osamu Dazai suddenly grabbed my wrist in a panic, "Are you angry?" ...?"

"No." I shrugged, feeling a relief of finally finding the right rhythm, "I just think you're right."

Just when he looked over blankly, I explained thoughtfully, "I haven't told you before, you and my boyfriend look very similar...so, that 'unnecessary fluke mentality' I do understand."

After saying this, I gently put my other hand on the back of his hand, pulled his fingers away, and made excuses for him in turn, "And your identity is indeed very dangerous, I didn't think about it." Not thoughtful enough."

……

Osamu Dazai clearly felt the change in the other party's attitude - it wasn't a deliberate indifference, on the contrary, Xia Qi even seemed a little more considerate than before, and she always held "I think this is definitely more suitable" Compared with your' attitude, she obviously gave him more choices.

"Why don't you have lunch?" She looked away from the computer screen and landed on the only cup of coffee in front of him, and suggested with some embarrassment, "If you really can't eat, at least add some sugar? You will feel dizzy of."

No longer being irresistible and arbitrary like last night, she just sat there and looked at him with worried eyes.

After he said "It's okay" with difficulty, he muttered helplessly, "Don't be brave."

But she never came forward again.

But her attitude did not appear indifferent. After seeing Osamu Dazai getting a little depressed, Xia Qi put the computer back on, and started to tell him some of her experiences and different customs when she was in a foreign country.

She even thoughtfully avoided the "suggestion" link that the general public should have when talking about these travel experiences, but simply talked about some interesting experiences, and occasionally talked about her school experience, despising the leader of the forest It is a pity that cadres are not allowed to go to further studies.

"Are you still angry?" Osamu Dazai interrupted the other party in the middle of Xia Qi's speech. He pursed his lips when he looked over suspiciously, "Sorry...please continue."

"I'm not angry." She was silent for a moment, and answered him very seriously, "Although I really hope that I can have the self-restraint to be funny when I am angry, but unfortunately, at least for now, it seems that it is not good for me. It's still a little difficult."

It's so heavy that I can hardly breathe... What is this painful feeling?

It was precisely because he could see that she was telling the truth that he felt so much pain.

Obviously, he was the one who repeatedly blocked the opponent's approach, but in the end, it was himself who caused the sadness because of this.

This kind of self-loathing lasted until the next night. After she washed up happily, she poked her head out of the room to look forward to him. Just when Osamu Dazai was subconsciously expecting him, the other party smiled briskly, "Early!" Rest, anyway, you also said that it doesn't matter if those official duties are handed over to the next generation of leaders, right?"

After she finished speaking, she shrank back, not even leaving him room to say something.

He stopped writing.

……

That should be the right size, right?I huddled under the quilt and thought uncertainly, anyway, what this dog lacks is a friend, so there is nothing wrong with me treating him like a friend?After all, he is indeed the type who can easily empathize with himself, this should make him a little more comfortable, right?Even if it's just a dream, it's better than never having it at all...at least I think so.

Since he doesn't want me to get involved in his bottom line, but if I keep that state, I will inevitably transfer my attitude towards Dazai to him sometimes, even though they are the same person, but in different periods, Of course, the attitude towards them can't be exactly the same...

The main thing is, just, Dazai has always been indifferent to other things, asking him, he is also "Xiao Qi decides", and then I am used to directly making decisions for him!But Osamu Dazai has been the leader for four years, so maybe he is actually very uncomfortable if he has been handing over the leadership to me?

Then I will take a step back and try to see if this method can make him more acceptable?

If he can accept it, try again in a few days to see if it's possible... In other words, he doesn't need to travel through such a tragic way!I really just want to persuade him to change to a softer way!But I can't just say, shit, if he still refuses me with regret and jumps off the building, I'll see how Dazai will face me then!

Although I have always adhered to the principle that things should only be done three times, and I will not mention it after being rejected twice, but sometimes breaking the principle for important people is also...

Just when I was thinking about things, the mattress beside me suddenly sagged, and I subconsciously turned my head and looked at Osamu Dazai who was leaning over in confusion, "Are you going to rest?"

He didn't answer me immediately, but propped one hand on the pillow next to my cheek, his eyes behind the light seemed bottomless, making it hard to fathom.

After a long while, he didn't speak until I moved my neck uncomfortably, with a moving and elegant voice, "Do you want to tame me?"

"...Huh?" I was so shocked that I thought I had learned Japanese wrong for a moment, "What?"

He leaned down slowly and repeated in my ear, "Do you want to tame me?"