My baby tamer can't be the leader

This is indeed a very oppressive posture, but when I realized that Osamu Dazai was asking this question quite seriously, I couldn't help but "..." for a while.

"I didn't think so." I raised my hand and tentatively groped behind his head. After finding the knot of the bandage, I confirmed that there was no resistance in his expression, and then untied it That knot reveals the pair of iris-colored eyes that are now heavy like opaque rough stones.

"But you're doing this?" He turned his eyes slightly, as if he was a little puzzled by this, and his tone was always a little confused, as if shrouded in mist, "What the hell are you... What do you want from me?"

"If I didn't know that the devil would not choose such a method, I would even suspect that you were sent by him to 'persuade' me."

"why?"

Osamu Dazai replied unceremoniously, "He won't have such naive thoughts."

What he said was a bit out of date, but I was surprised to understand what he wanted to express.

From the perspective of Osamu Dazai who is still struggling in this world, there is a reason for everyone to approach him and stay by his side...

Not to mention Chuya Nakahara, who is dedicated to the port of Mafia, even Nakajima Atsushi and Akutagawa Ginhui followed him because of his deliberate actions.

Although ordinary people may not care much about where a relationship originated, as long as the process and result are good, Dazai Osamu is indeed more sensitive than anyone else in this regard.

He has been in such a distorted and suffocating situation, it doesn't matter if he is really a heartless person, but he can't do the pure immersion in his ideal sea like Fyodor , he is... sober and crazy.

"I don't have anything to rely on other people to get." I sighed, and instead of trying to push him away to keep him at a distance, I raised my hand and touched his cheek in this posture.

……

"I used to always feel that since human beings have evolved each individual's unique intelligence and personality, we should get used to living alone in a group." Those bright eyes looked at him calmly. He said, "Like a galaxy, each star is dense when viewed from a distance, but it is separated by countless light-years when viewed close up."

"It's enough to just take care of yourself... I've always thought so, but from a certain moment, my thoughts seem to have changed a little bit." Even just facing those eyes, Osamu Dazai subconsciously wanted to look away, his light-colored lips trembled slightly, and his breathing became a little disordered.

"...don't talk about it." He said, "I... can't do it... please, don't force me."

But Xia Qi didn't show the sadness or annoyance of being rejected again, she just smiled helplessly, "I'm not telling you the future I imagined, Mr. Dazai, I don't think I'm so narcissistic yet ?”

Rather than saying it was consolation, it was better to say that it was just pulling him out of one hell, letting go of his hand lightly again, watching him fall into another endless abyss again.

"...It's you who obviously rejected me." She seemed to be a little surprised and gently wiped his lower eyelid with the pulp of her thumb, "Why do you show such an expression?"

Because people who reject others are [-] times more painful than those who are rejected, miss.

……

After feeling a little bit of wetness from my fingertips, I stopped talking, and after a moment of silence, I exhaled softly again, wrapping my arms around Dazai Osamu's back when he wanted to retreat subconsciously neck, and lightly placed a kiss on his lips.

He froze on the spot, looking over with unbelievable eyes, "Why...?"

"There is no reason." I let go of my hand, "I just want to do this, although I think it would be nice if things can always change according to my plan, but if everything really requires me to think carefully about the consequences, plan If I stay still and then move, then I will be too tired to live."

"But, you obviously have a boyfriend..." Osamu Dazai held back for a long time, and finally squeezed out this sentence for me.

I felt a stomach ache all over the place, and threw this guy off of me, and saw him lying on the edge of the bed looking at me with a dazed and aggrieved face, "I have a boyfriend who has rejected me three times. What's the matter sir?"

"However, I have no way to turn back." He said, "I..."

"It's okay, you don't need to explain to me." I reached out and rubbed the top of his hair, and said lazily, "No matter what choice you make, I will accept it."

"If you want me to give you a reason." I said, "You should be a raccoon to repay your favor, that's all."

Osamu Dazai was speechless for a moment, then muttered in a low voice, "How can there be such a bad-tempered fairy lady?"

Seeing that I was too lazy to pay attention to him, he just turned over and continued to play with his mobile phone. He became more courageous, and once again Mao Maoxiong straightened up and approached me, and continued to babble, "You are not polite at all to eat my meat and live in mine. Will throw me off the bed! How fierce!"

I became impatient at being teased by him, turned my head and gave him a look, "Don't rub me, don't you mind that I have a boyfriend."

"Isn't the boyfriend who has been missing for so long the same as dead!" As a result, this guy changed his rhetoric now, and said naturally, "I don't mind, I'm just afraid that you will feel uncomfortable thinking about it, Xiaoqi."

"..." The expression on my face was distorted for a moment. I wanted to laugh but felt that I shouldn't laugh at this moment. After all, if Osamu Dazai continued to refuse, it would be the truth... Isn't this very black humor? ?The hell jokes belong to yes.

It may be that I have been thinking for too long, Osamu Dazai obviously became anxious. He held my wrist, lowered his eyes slightly, and lay down on the side of the bed. appear more harmless.

"Sorry, actually I rejected you just because I thought Yokohama wasn't safe enough, I specially...checked it again today, if you still want to, I'll go out with you tomorrow, okay?"

This guy is actually willing to take the initiative to retreat...

For Osamu Dazai, this was an extremely unbelievable thing. There was a kind of stubbornness in his bones. Once a decision was made, it was difficult to change it, especially since it was impossible for him not to know what such a regression meant.

从0到1永远要比从1到99要难，哪怕之后或许还会有从99到100的天堑，但是既然已经开了头……就代表着他愿意放开心中的阻隔，在对我近乎一无所知的情况下努力尝试着相信我。

Can a guy like him who is so rational that he seems indifferent to himself still be able to do this after losing his memory?

For a while, I didn't know how to express my feelings at the moment.

Reason told me that it was the most convenient and quickest way for him to keep refusing. I did my best, but my sensibility made me subconsciously ask, "...Why did you do this?"

Osamu Dazai laughed, with tender eyes, "Xiaoqi, you don't seem to believe what I said."

"Which one?"

"I fell in love with you at first sight." He bit the words softly, but there was an imperceptible tremor in his voice, "From that moment on, my sensibility has been telling me that if I push you away, I will definitely It will be a thousand times and ten thousand times more painful than it is now, but... I am already in enough pain now."

"Once, twice, three times, I can see that you are not a very patient person, maybe you are still willing to try now, but if..." He stopped speaking suddenly, and took a deep breath for a moment as if out of breath, "If you suddenly feel that such behavior is meaningless, so you decide to give up on me completely, then I... I don't know, I can't even imagine such a situation."

"Then stop?"

"I can't stop." The young leader said, a little bewilderment suddenly appeared on his expression, "This is something that must be done."

Perhaps seeing my doubts, Osamu Dazai frowned, and explained carefully, "This is a [psychological hint] I gave myself, I usually don't leave messages to myself in this way, let alone I have no memory of this matter at all, I can only confirm that this is indeed a hint I left for myself, but...if I don’t do that, I will definitely regret it, the only thing I am sure of.”

My only thought at the moment is Osamu Dazai, you are a f*cking ruthless person, you obviously don’t believe it but at the last moment of amnesia... No, maybe you even kept this hand earlier, as long as you kill yourself You can pass through, right? You are so ruthless!Could it be that he wasn't afraid that I'd find the wrong person when he was arranging the second mover?

Or...if I find the wrong person, why not just die?

Because I was so shocked for a moment that I couldn't control my expression well, Osamu Dazai looked at me for a while and said softly, "This kind of suggestion can only be effective for yourself, not for others."

You are farting.

This guy obviously wanted to give me hints before I crossed over, let me meet and kill him, okay, but in the end, he in the past left a place for himself in the future to finish everything and die It's your hint, it's really you!