God said I would meet you

In such a large northern city, you can't see the head and the tail. If Xu Zhao were to find it by himself, he would turn into a headless chicken in a few minutes and find Lin Jinyu's heel even if he couldn't find it tomorrow morning.

Zhang Xinli led him through the streets and alleys, all the way back to school from the braised chicken restaurant, went back to the place where he lived to look around, went around the playground, and finally found the person he was looking for in the study room.

It gets dark early at the end of the year, and the sun has disappeared by five or six o'clock. Although the first exam has just ended this year, the classrooms are still full of students who are reviewing for the final period. The study room with lights is like a row of fireflies in the dark night.

Lin Jinyu frowned slightly, held a pen in his hand, and looked at the notes in front of him with a serious expression. The lights were dimmed, the allblues geometric triangle earrings were dazzling, and the light-colored V-neck sweater made him look very bookish.

He looked solemn, and when he saw a certain page, he took a pen to write something from time to time. He looked very focused, and he had the aura of a high-cold ascetic student, but in fact, his inner activity at this moment was—fuck, what is this, What is that?How to read this sentence?The artistic features of a certain masterpiece... what kind of play is that?It's over, I didn't know this bibliography was mentioned before class, I haven't read it.

When people are in an angry state, it seems that they are unexpectedly suitable for studying. Lin Jinyu is unhappy, has no thoughts of swiping his phone, and has nowhere to vent his breath. The breath that is stuffy in his chest seems to be transformed into motivation by him. He didn't eat all the way and came to the classroom to study, thinking: Brothers are all farting, as expected, only by studying can you not betray you.

It is definitely too late to read the book now, so let's memorize some knowledge by rote for the end of the semester, Lin Jinyu thought so, just as he settled down to solve this "artistic feature of a certain famous book", he suddenly felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

Who, didn't you see that you were studying? I really don't have the eyesight to see... Lin Jinyu turned around and saw Zhang Xinli appearing out of nowhere, standing behind him.

"..." The study room was full of seats, but it was quiet, not even the sound of flipping a book could be heard. Lin Jinyu squeezed her eyebrows into a horoscope, as if signing a sign language with her eyebrows, and asked him what he was doing .

Without saying anything, Zhang Xinli took his hand and motioned him to go out to the corridor with him.

What plane are you doing?It was difficult to talk in the study room, Lin Jinyu kept her mouth shut, stood up out of trust, pushed open the door and went out with him.

There are still people who are endorsing books in the closed corridor. They better not disturb their studies here. There is a cement terrace on the fourth floor of the teaching building that extends out of the window. Zhang Xinli just stood there and waved to him without saying a word. .

"What's the matter?" The unheated outdoors and the indoors are like the arctic and the tropical. Lin Jinyu slipped out through the big window and was almost thrown by the wild and icy night wind.

With the vast night sky above his head, Zhang Xinli supported the window sill with his hands, signaling him to go further inside.Lin Jinyu did as he said. He subconsciously thought that Zhang Xinli was following him, but he turned around after walking a few meters away. Lin Jinyu found that Zhang Xinli was standing by the big window that sent him in without moving a step.

And in the dark night in the distance, there was an extremely familiar figure. Although the visibility was not high, Lin Jinyu recognized who it was almost immediately... There is no way, the old friends are old friends, and they know each other so well that they know what to do when their tails are raised. What kind of shit is it.

As soon as his face turned cold, he was about to turn around and leave immediately. It was too late to say it, and at the moment when Lin Jinyu realized something was wrong and wanted to turn back, Zhang Xinli had quick eyesight and quick hands—the transparent glass door was closed cleanly with a "click".

???

"Are you sick?" Lin Jinyu rushed back, pulled the doorknob and knocked on the glass: "Hurry up and open!"

The sound insulation effect of this door is not bad, and the sound of reading in the corridor can no longer be heard. Zhang Xinli grabbed the doorknob and stuck it to the crack of the door, and said as if nothing happened: "Someone is looking for you."

"Come on, I'm blind, can I not see? If anyone comes to me, I have to answer. Who do you think you are, which star?" Lin Jinyu pulled the door with all her strength, and Zhang Xinli grabbed the handle tightly with both hands, swearing not Let him do what he wants.

"Believe it or not, I will beat you?" Lin Jinyu warned, "Don't force me."

"Isn't this a classic trick you've used before?" Zhang Xinli said, "Even."

It's really a turn of wind and water, come to my house today, where are the feelings waiting for me?Lin Jinyu vaguely remembered being in Liangshan during the winter vacation, in the dim utility room, asking and talking, and even now thinking about it, it was very exciting... Stop it.

Zhang Xinli said: "Go, have a good talk," he said, "You are not strangers, you have to talk if you will never break up with us, you can't just leave without knowing it... and Xu Zhao is here to apologize."

Apologize?Just him?Lin Jinyu knew that Xu Zhao was skinnier than him, the demon king of the world. When he was a child, he would pull girls' hair all over the classroom, scribble on other people's books, and he was the one who acted as the big brother in the middle school. This person still has the ability to admit love?

Not far away, Xu Zhao stood there looking at him with a complicated expression on his face.

Lin Jinyu swayed for a long time, but still did not open a gap for her to squeeze out, so she gave Zhang Xinli a look, and finally compromised.

He also couldn't tell what mood he was in. Actually, he wasn't angry, but just... irritable and speechless. On the one hand, those words were really hurtful and made him feel uncomfortable, but on the other hand, he thought, maybe they really didn't Obligation must understand you?

This question is a good social philosophy. Do people disrespect the freedom of others?

Lin Jinyu slammed his fist on the glass, turned around, and without looking at Xu Zhao, went to the terrace by himself, regardless of whether the ground was dirty or not, and sat with his legs bent facing the railing.

After about a few seconds, there was a sound of footsteps from far to near, and with a soft "click", Xu Zhao put a can of beer by his hand.

Lin Jinyu didn't speak, and put on an unusually cold posture, waiting for Xu Zhao's hot face to stick up.

He thought to himself: Since Zhang Xinli said that this girl is here to apologize, I would like to hear what he is going to say, what can he say?Isn't it just that I can't accept this thing, and I didn't break the law, so I apologize.

Xu Zhao didn't speak at first, and the two sat half a meter away from each other, blowing the wind like a fool.

After some time, the instigator finally spoke first, and Xu Zhao himself mumbled with a can of beer, "Damn it, why are you leaving? Is there anything you can't say with your mouth? Just tell me not to quarrel." It’s gone, and you rushed out to leave, why are you acting like a girl.”

?

Don't you claim to be here to apologize, huh?

Lin Jinyu's expression of coldness like a dead fish was broken in an instant, and he said angrily: "Fuck, what do you mean, I thought you were here to apologize, didn't you come here to find a place to criticize for a long time? Get out!"

Xu Zhao was indeed trying to make peace, but... hiss... it was Zhang Xinli's mistake not to change his mouth before he came.

"I didn't! How would I know!" Xu Zhao roared, "You didn't tell me! Who knows, I scolded you too!"

"What's the difference?" Lin Jinyu said, "You just feel disgusted anyway, am I wrong?"

The corner of Xu Zhao's mouth twitched: "No... I still feel dreamy, how could you..."

Lin Jinyu said: "Ah, yes, I am gay, homosexual, gay, I like men, and I also fall in love with men, kiss and hug them, just those **, ** and **, okay? What do you call love?" What do you call it?"

"..." Xu Zhao didn't know what to say.

"Really," Lin Jinyu said, "I've been thinking about a question just now, that is, do people disrespect the freedom of others? If the law is the bottom line of social behavior, then you haven't broken the law, so I don't have the right to press it 100% The head wants you to do whatever you want, at most it is like in a restaurant, or you will quarrel with you like Lao Luo, or you will leave without seeing anything, that's all."

"...I'm here to apologize to you as a brother," Xu Zhao finally said, "I didn't break the law, but you didn't break the law either, it's just... out of personal emotion and morality, but I don't think it's all my fault , You didn't tell me, I just apologize for those harsh words."

"I dare to tell you?" Lin Jinyu said: "You used to be yin and yang to Wang Xiu, including now, you are still very disgusted in your heart, but because I am your friend, you reluctantly come here and say what you mean."

Xu Zhao didn't deny this: "I just treated you as a friend and said everything in front of you. At that time, I was only expressing my true inner feelings. Like you said, it's not breaking the law. I don't know if it made you uncomfortable. "

Not only uncomfortable, but also extremely depressed, Lin Jinyu said: "But there is morality above the law. You haven't broken the law, but you can say people are immoral behind your back."

Xu Zhao said, "Yes, but it's not against the law."

No one is a 100% holy gentleman. It is hard to say whether it is worth criticizing or understandable to express those occasional dissatisfaction and bad views on others in front of people who think they are close.

"I know that's your true feeling," Lin Jinyu said, blowing the wind, "So I said forget it, it's better for us to stay away from each other."

Lin Jinyu understands that it is not necessary to force everyone to think the same as him, but he also has a strong sense of self. He has his own opinions and is rarely influenced, so he chooses not to interfere with Xu Zhao, nor to wrong himself.

In the past few years after graduation, one of them is in China and the other is abroad. The intersection in life has gradually decreased. Sometimes they only see each other once a year, and they don’t have many common topics like in the past. After many years of friendship, they really went to the road. Sometimes it's impossible.

"What do you mean?" Xu Zhao smacked the flavor in his words: "The meaning is gone? Don't you mean me? Fuck, you are decisive, a real man, a heartless plaything."

"You're so fucking heartless." Lin Jinyu pulled the beer ring with a "squeak" and said, "You're a wolf."

Xu Zhao followed him to open the beer, took a sip, and said: "... To be honest, I admit that it is wrong for me to swear, and I don't respect others. After knowing who you are, I still feel disgusting. I don't mean you are disgusting, but this word. But it's not the simple disgusting feeling before... I don't know how to say it."

As a 24K pure straight man, he rejects same-sex sexual behavior out of physical instinct. Whenever he hears the word gay, he will feel physically uncomfortable. A single symbol without thickness and vitality only represents "discomfort".

But the three words Lin Jinyu represent positive emotions such as "intimacy", "friendliness", "love", "comfort" and so on in his heart, which are completely opposite to the emotional color brought to him by gay. Opposite words were suddenly integrated into one, he felt very uncomfortable and didn't know what to do.

"I understand," Lin Jinyu said, "Actually, it's the first time I've come out to a friend...To be honest, my family and I had a falling out because of this. My parents already knew about it. I...guess this might affect you too. .”

The impact of coming out of the closet is actually two-way. Not only does it allow Lin Jinyu to stop hiding anything and express himself freely, but when he chooses to reveal his gay identity and stop being a dead person in terms of social identity, he also reveals to his surroundings. Some people silently reveal what a "gay" is like as a real person, telling people that there are real sexual minorities in the world, and it will invisibly affect the people who are related to him. A few become more receptive...or less.

Just like the momentary confusion he brought to Xu Zhao at this moment.

"You have always given me the impression that you are a nice person." Xu Zhao heard him say that his parents were a little silent, and it took a few seconds before he said: "...not sissy or anything like that, you are completely gay in my impression. It's different."

"That's how it is," Lin Jinyu said: "Some people are indeed like Wang Xiu, a bit like what you said... mothers or mothers, but not all, and femininity itself should not be synonymous with shame, Nothing to be ashamed of or disgusting...just in theory."

It was the first time for Xu Zhao to hear this kind of knowledge. He took a sip of beer and said, "I have learned a lot."

He thought for a while, and then asked: "When you date a man, do you feel that you are a woman? It's just... the feeling of wanting to be a woman."

"Of course not," Lin Jinyu said, "It's about the conceptual difference between sexual orientation and gender identity..."

Xu Zhao didn't like to study at first, so he got a headache when he heard it, but he still listened for a while... He was trying to understand these things because of Lin Jinyu.

Lin Jinyu originally talked to Xu Zhao with a mood similar to "the last conversation", but after he said a few words, he found that this guy listened quite seriously, and he didn't have the "stubborn stubbornness" that he had when he was fighting with Lao Luo just now. "It doesn't work", so he couldn't help but said: "...Why are you asking this, don't you feel disgusted?"

"I think," Xu Zhao looked at him with a wrinkled face, and said, "I'm trying my best to understand you, but I might not be able to understand you at once...Why, do you charge for consultation?"

The expression on his face that didn't match the words he said had a strange and funny sense of incongruity. Lin Jinyu smiled and said, "No, it's your friendship price, a can of beer." Qingdao.

"Get out," Xu Zhao clinked glasses with him, and said, "If I don't ask you for a subsidy, I will be showing mercy."

"Oh." Lin Jinyu squinted at the firefly-like lights in the dark night in the distance, and took a big sip of wine.

Xu Zhao said, "So... when did you and Zhang Xinli start dating behind my back?"

Lin Jinyu almost sprayed out a jet of super invincible beer, he turned his face suddenly and said, "What kind of play?"

"I don't understand Chinese," Xu Zhao said, "Whendidyoustarttohideyourrelationshipfromme? Nongsa Chenguang..."

"Stop, stop! Shut up," Lin Jinyu wiped the sweat from his forehead, and said, "How do you know that he..."

"He told me himself," Xu Zhao said, "He said he was your boyfriend."

What—what's wrong!

is it possible?Really not made up?Is this real?Lin Jinyu couldn't believe it, Zhang Xinli?He is obviously very close, he doesn't want to give himself an identity, and he doesn't mind the strange looks from others... He said that he is my boyfriend in front of a homophobic person like Xu Zhao?Lin Jinyu thought to herself: Is it fake?Who is the Zhang Xinli you mentioned?

Xu Zhao said: "Be honest, if you don't know how to go to high school, you can get it. I'll go. I'm like an idiot in the dark."

He seemed to recall something from the past: "No wonder, when I was at my house during the New Year last time, I felt something was wrong, and I couldn't tell where it was." The image of Lin Jinyu drinking his own milk tea for Zhang Xinli came to Xu Zhao's mind very clearly, no wonder it was so How about intimacy: "For a long time, it's not friendship but basic affection. Fuck, I'll give you dog food, I'm sorry."

Lin Jinyu corrected, "It's love."

Xu Zhao: "..." After waiting for a long time, he asked, "What about your parents? They really did nothing and have no contact at all, or should they just give me the cold war money?"

"Let's do it like this," Lin Jinyu finished the beer in his hand, and without answering the last question, he casually squeezed the empty can, squinted his eyes and gave a three-pointer to the trash can not far away—the can was in the air He spun around and perfectly fit into the center of the barrel. He clapped his hands and stood up, saying to Xu Zhao: "Let's go, let's talk about the future slowly... There must be a way for the car to reach the mountain, and the boat will naturally go straight when it reaches the bridge. "