God said I would meet you

Zhang Xinhe felt a little strange about the fact that his brother had never been in a relationship.

Now that the Internet is so developed, the information that children can receive is far from what it used to be, and they are getting more and more mature. Zhang Xinli’s family’s local conditions are relatively good. With the development of poverty alleviation work in these years, his family has been improving. Although It can't be compared with well-off families in big cities, but living standards are improving after all.

Therefore, when Zhang Xinli was studying outside, his parents only afforded him an old-age phone, and by Zhang Xinhe's time, it had been replaced with a smart phone capable of connecting to the Internet.How wonderful the outside world is, and how beautiful the girls outside are. When Zhang Xinli was studying in college, Zhang Xinhe was just in high school. At the age when he was in love, he had a vague sense of shyness and enthusiasm for love and gossip, just like the attached middle school class that included Lin Jinyu. Same as my classmates.

When he was in college, Zhang's father never encouraged puppy love to turn into insinuation, and asked if his eldest son was in a different situation, but he never got any response to this topic.Zhang Xinhe thought that it was the young people's inherent tradition of keeping silent to their elders that prompted his brother to keep his secrets. As a result, in the first two years of Chinese New Year, he asked Zhang Xinli secretly to gossip, and the response he got was the same as Zhang's father got.

It's boring, it's normal to hide it from your parents, he, his peers, Zhang Xinli's brother, comrades in the same trench, it's too uninteresting if he doesn't know the bottom line.

Zhang Xinhe really couldn't understand it. As one of the few people in the village who had the resources to go out to study, he understood how beautiful and vast the outside world was, and there were so many interesting things. It was far from here, music, painting, literature, mathematics, etc. Neither art nor science can be found. Generations and generations have faced a few trees and a pile of grass, and guarded a field from birth to death.

The girls outside are also much more interesting than most of the girls here. They can dress up, have a temperament, and may also have various specialties. They pretend to be what university they will go to, what job they will find, what pets they will raise, and what kind of life they will live. Unlike the girl here who may not even be able to go to junior high school, she works with an empty head until she is sixteen or so, sincerely adhering to the concept passed on to her by the family, thinking wholeheartedly of "marry a rich man who can afford the bride price" Men, raise me, and then give birth to two, three, four or five children."

He is just a professional boy with half a foot out of a poor village. He is fascinated by the former type of girl. His brother has gone further than him, going to Shanghai, a super-first-tier big city, and then fell in love with a real girl. Zhang Xinhe didn't understand why his brother never fell in love.

Since childhood, Zhang Xinhe has always admired his brother. As two only children, they are weak in such a tough environment and are easily bullied. It is his brother who takes care of him and protects him. His brother is alone. He doesn't have any real brothers, but other children dare not bully him.

He didn't believe that his brother couldn't fall in love because he didn't like girls.

Could it be because of the money... It shouldn't be possible. Zhang Xinhe remembered that after his brother went to college, except for the living expenses in the first semester, he never took it again, and even sent it home. Daddy also said However, the family situation is fine. If he wants to fall in love, he can use it to buy things for his girlfriend, or he doesn’t need to send them back.

Zhang Xinli No, he still doesn't fall in love, he just sends money as usual.

Zhang Xinhe briefly suspected that his brother had either talked but kept it secret, or that he was frigid.But now, in the heavy snow in the north, his brother was standing at the door of a shopping mall where people were coming and going, holding hands with someone.

A man, a man Zhang Xinhe also knew.

Some fragmentary images suddenly flashed into his mind. On the day of Chen Hui's marriage, that morning when the sun first opened, when he opened the door to ask them to have breakfast, his brother was also lying on the bed with this person in front of him. Facing the door, the back of the quilt was exposed, and there seemed to be dots of red marks on it.

It's been a long time ago, those pictures are like flashes of lightning, and like white horses in the gap, appearing for a moment and then disappearing quickly, but Zhang Xinhe inexplicably recalls every detail clearly.In his half-opened mind, he vaguely felt that he had glimpsed something, something that was inconvenient to say, but at the same time it was self-evident.

"Brother..." He looked at Zhang Xinli's hand that suddenly retracted as if being splashed with sparks, and said, "Why do you..."

Zhang Xinli retracting his hand was a completely thoughtless instinct. It will take time for the almost ingrained habit of the past to disappear. In the foreseeable n years, neither his parents will know that he is gay, but whether to let other family members know this secret He needs to think carefully before making a decision.

"I..." Unusual, Zhang Xinli was so flustered that he didn't know what to say.

Lin Jinyu stood on the side with a calm expression, neither speaking nor moving.When Zhang Xinli let go, he calmly put his hands back into his warm pockets. As the saying goes, when someone comes out, there will be a thunderbolt. He is not interested in helping Zhang Xinli disclose anything on his own, even though he wants to hold hands with him in the sun more than anyone else. .And help him cover it up, Lin Jinyu is not motivated, so he can't get involved in this matter, Zhang Xinli can do whatever he wants.

"Why are you like this..." Zhang Xinhe was confused and thoughtful, and he asked the third time, as if he wanted to find an answer to many years of questions today.

Zhang Xinli subconsciously glanced at Lin Jinyu, trying to find a little bit of emotional feedback from his face, and use it as a basis to measure what to do next, but Lin Jinyu didn't give any response, and even looked away, without even looking at him.

In other words, he had already made all his worries, concerns, and dissatisfaction clear, and he didn't want to care about Zhang Xinli's concern, and he couldn't care about it.

"Are you kidding around?" Seeing that his brother hadn't answered for a long time, Zhang Xinhe speculated uncertainly, "Although I don't know... what's the point of playing, haha, haha."

In fact, he looked behind for a while, and his brother and Lin Jinyu didn't seem to have any fun, but they were holding each other seriously and solemnly.

Zhang Xinli looked at Lin Jinyu again, Lin Jinyu still didn't even give him a glance, Zhang Xinli didn't dare to answer easily, so he kept looking at him reluctantly.

People are tired of being watched for a long time, Lin Jinyu doesn't know what he is looking at, your own business is of course up to you, can I still point fingers?He said, "Look what I'm doing, your brother asked you, what do you expect me to say?"

Zhang Xinli hoped that he would give him some hints, even if he didn't help him figure out the wording of the answer, it would be good to give a little hint. Should he think of an excuse to evade it?What excuse do you want?But if the prevarication is over, will Lin Jinyu be happy?

Half an hour ago, Lin Jinyu seemed to have complained to him. He felt that the invisible love between one party in the other party's social circle was unfair. Half an hour later, when he was seen by his relatives, Zhang Xinli lost his hand and let go of his hand.

Zhang Xinli's straight man's head restarted, and he came back a bit. This... should be quite annoying.

So……

Zhang Xinli thought that he could follow Zhang Xinhe's words. Although there are many things that can't be explained after careful study, such as why he let go like a guilty conscience, but his brother may not go into it carefully. What is gay in society? It is difficult for Zhang Xinhe, a straight man who grew up in an isolated mountain village, to think about that aspect of subculture.

If you really want to evade it with vague words, Zhang Xinli will be able to evade it, no matter whether it is clumsy or not, it will be able to pass it anyway.

But in that case, Lin Jinyu will be disappointed in him again.

A man who doesn't agree with his heart, a man who just swore it as if the whole world knew it and was not afraid, but then threw his hand away in the blink of an eye.Zhang Xinli asked himself, if it was him, he would not love such a person.

Compared with those ordinary friends who grew up together or did not grow up together, Zhang Xinhe has a closer relationship with him, and he has obeyed Zhang Xinli since he was a child.

What's more, Zhang Xinhe came from another village. He didn't grow up there, he didn't grow up there, and he didn't have any close aunts or aunts. His only relatives in that village were Dad Zhang's family. They all belong to the distant house that can only be played with eight poles, and they have had little contact since childhood.

If it was him, it would no longer be a fantasy that Zhang Xinli likes men.

It’s the deepest winter, and after the coldest period, spring will come, the ice and snow will melt, everything will recover, withered grass will sprout new buds, flowers will bloom, and cats will call spring. It’s the most lingering season of the year, and Zhang Xinli doesn’t want to be alone. people spend.

Lin Jinyu stood aside as if she had nothing to do with herself and flicked her phone with her head down, but from the corner of her eye she was always paying attention to the pair of cousins ​​beside her.He wasn't sure what Zhang Xinli would do, and he couldn't even imagine how he felt after hearing Zhang Xinli's answer.

People seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, he thought, if Zhang Xinli lied and perfunctory passed, he would not be surprised, nor would he feel angry, because the circumstances were justifiable and understandable.

It's just that there will still be a little, a little bit of disappointment, because the emotions never fully obey the dictates of reason.

Lin Jinyu began to feel cold. The scarf, hat, and down jacket on his body seemed to have suddenly become fake and shoddy. Even the earrings on his ears became icy cold, and the feeling of irritability and entanglement surged into his heart again.

Half an hour ago he was so shaken, he thought that two people shopping in the mall is really much happier than one person, and two people living together is much more interesting than one person, he wants to love again, hug again, wants to love again I feel that the sky is blue and the water is clear.

But now he suddenly doesn’t feel that way anymore. There seems to be a lot of worries between loving again and hugging again. Worry breeds instability. He hates instability, which makes him feel that the future is unpredictable, and he doesn’t want to live in uncertainty. inside.

Just when Lin Jinyu was upright and at the same time secretly chewing on the unknown emotions in his heart, Zhang Xinli's voice suddenly sounded beside him. The voice was familiar and expected, but the content was his own. Unfamiliar, unexpected.

"Actually...not really." After a long silence, he heard Zhang Xinli say to his cousin, "We...are not joking, just holding hands."

Under Zhang Xinhe's surprised gaze, Zhang Xinli said, "It's the same as your secret...this is my little secret."